nuthin but garbage...

the storms here came and went, blew outta here just as fast as it blew in. minor damage. a large branch from the black oak tree fell on our roof and now it leaks... we lost our tomatoe plants and my sixteen foot tall beanstalk is flat... the road is in good shape and the highway didnt wash into the ocean as lots of residents had hoped... now its rising up to 78 degrees and looks like its going to be a beautiful weekend!!


*makes not to file this under lamest blog post ever in history***

winter is coming

it is that time of year again. the mad scramble to get all the chickens in the coop, the gardens harvested, the trees cut, the wood split and stacked, the road fixed, the keys in lock boxes and the neighbors dog ahem, uh, well, dealt with...
its happened again. their fucking dog shredding mine to pieces... except this time they paid. but not quite in full...
work is oddly slow for me. the company is jamming ahead full speed by squeezing in as many jobs as possible before the winter rains. which could be bad for me. almost every piece of equipment we own is out on jobs and at the moment and (well for the last two weeks) nothing has really broken down. so I've been catching up on my books and screwing around on the Internet a bunch. its hard to charge for that shit... but a mans gotta got to make some money...
that's all i got for today... I'll be back sooner than later...

thirty six,.....

getting old and have contracted some form of laryngitis.... but tomorrow I'll be the ripe old age of thirty six!!! have a memorable September eleventh!!!

with what time and money???

so, I'm taking "west coast swing" dancing classes with cheese every Monday night for the next six weeks... my birthday is in two weeks, the following day I'm flying to l.a. to watch a friend graduate from a five year architecture program...flying back the day after that and going to dance class.. work for three days and i am renting a thirty foot r.v to drive six hours to Reno so three buddies of mine and i can watch four days of air races!!! cheese will show up on Friday night with another bud for two nights and then drive back and go to dance class, then I'm working for ten days. jumping in a car with a buddy and his two brothers and going on a four to five day backpacking trip into Yosemite... hopefully some where in there i can squeeze in a trip to Canada to visit family, if not it will be when i get back from Yosemite in early Oct, but before harvest moon.

donations please...

if more people carried guns legally (like this guy at a recent obama protest) than there world be less illegal gun violence happening to bystanders....
for one reason there would be less bystanders, they would be armed citizens.

that's all i feel like posting today....

BURGALRY FOR THE BETTER GOOD

NOT ME... BUT IVE BEEN THERE....

today we had a truck break down in front of someones gate to their house... no way past it, in or out. the drive line sheared off into two pieces... couldn't explain how that happened other than 279,199 miles of fatigue and abuse... anyways... i bang on the front door of the house and no one is home... I've been to this house before and know that in their barn is a welder and supplies... we break into the barn and after some muddling about we find all the shit we need to do the job and two hours later, we are pulling out of the driveway and on to the job....
breaking and entering for the better good of the community!!! how is that for a Tuesday special!!!

RANT

i fucked up my dirt bike on the fourth of July and just ordered some new parts to put it back into action. i think when these parts come in I'll be taking off to the south coast somewhere and set up camp. i need me some camping... Ive done a little bit this year. a real little bit, not enough to suck out and blast away the stresses of the average day... i need to over-libate, and blow the dust off the brain... yeah... and bring some guns. my buddy is going to the gun show and i think I'm going to put in another order... see if he wants to sell my sub-compact and bring me back something a little more useful. I've been looking at "the judge" but we will see...
its almost Friday...
I'm looking forward to that...
then inevitably there will be a Monday shortly there after...
meh...

THIS WAS AN EMAIL I SENT OFF TO MY STEP MOM, BUT IN BLOGGER FORM.

hey, hey... yeah i took cheese and my cousin Tasha down to baja for a whirlwind road trip. we left Saturday morning and headed down the coastal hwy 1 to l.a. where we stayed with a friend for the evening in el Segundo. got up the next day and drove down to estero beach, south of ensenada and found a piece of shit room right next to a four star hotel where we spent the evening. we would have stayed at the hotel as prices there are ridiculously cheap, but most of the peninsula goes to the west coast for cooler weather right now. the hotel was pretty slick and we watched the sunset over the ocean while eating and drinking Cadillac margaritas... we danced to some live music and put cheese to bed early. Tasha and i stayed up late drinking on the back of the pick up truck. got up early and crossed the desert over to San Felipe the next day. the check points were fairly casual and only had to get out of the truck a couple of times in the hundred plus degree weather... stopped for lunch at one of the side of the highway cement boxed building touting lunch and cold beverages. two short heavy set women created a breakfast for us three and their two children showed the ladies where the toilet seat less loo was located and waited for each of them just out side the bathroom "door".

once in San Felipe we got some food and did some preliminary shopping, in short bursts left the air conditioned hotel room and explored the near vacant tourist destination... the hotel was sweet as it was right on the beach and had two bars and a restaurant on site.... spent the night drinking more local beverages and wasted some brain cells watching t.v.got up the following day and searched out some swim goggles and entered the sea of cortez for the first time. the water was near hut tub temperature and was exhausting to swim in for more than ten minutes at a time!! I'll bet it was around ninety five degree water. the beaches were long and flat and to get to water over your head we had to swim out four hundred yards or so. i opted to stay closer to the beach where i could keep an eye out on the beer we had stashed there. we had some phenomenal tacos at one of the restaurants built to hold sixty people or more and we were again one of the only people there... we took cheese out for her birthday and went to a club that could hold a thousand people but once again were the only people there. (save for a few of the bartenders friends.) got cheese to sing some Mexican karaoke and did some dancing to house music before we stumbled back to the truck to head back to the hotel... we went out for another swim about midnight, when surprisingly there were fifty or so people who were doing the same thing!
the tide was out so we could get deeper faster, but the water was only nominally cooler. we spent the rest of that evening doing somersaults and back flops onto the sandy spit we were laying out on under the sliver of moon.
the next day we had planned to spend shopping for touristy shit to bring back to the states, but by ten a.m. in the morning the temp had risen to a balmy 109 degrees, coupled with the 80 percent or so humidity we were rendered useless. it was so hot some stores power was not functioning and had no lights or fans... we decided unanimously to pack our shit and head for cooler beaches on the pacific side of baja.



drove back across the desert and meandered our way back through ensanada and up the coast to Porto nueavo. i had done some preliminary Internet searches of possible places to stay before we had left big sur and we drove up to the manned gate at one of the hotels there... checked into a two story condo directly on the ocean front and were quite happy with the accommodations... fully furnished and accoutremented with two bathrooms, coffee machine, microwave, fridge, two t.v.s, and a complete kitchen set, fold out couches, etc... it was a beautiful place. spent the evening shopping in the lobster village district located a block from the hotel where we sampled some local tequila and bartered for better prices with street vendors... watched a late night movie and finished off a case of beer and drank some over priced/fancy bottled tequila we had purchased to bring back...
after sitting through a couple of hours of border traffic and passing the border patrols silly questions we embarked on our ten hour drive home...
not too bad, we drove almost fifteen hundred miles in five days and were no worse for wear... a few lost brain cells left here and there, some money spent and good times were had....

well now...

i fucking hate it when blogs fade to black. you check and check and check and there is never a new post. some good goddamn blogs have faded into the abyss in the short time I've been exposed to this world.
and here i sit at the forefront of that exact scenario. with nary a post in almost a month, never commenting and rarely commenting back, i have become one of the blogs i detest most... i have no excuses. other than the normal, "I'm busy, I'm tired, I'm too lazy...". so what gives eh?
other than planning cheeses 30th birthday, partying for it, a weeks clean up, planning a Mexican road trip, doing the road trip, recovering from the road trip, catching up with all my missed work, marinating an exploding garden(x2) and all my other house work, i have not been doing anything other than stare off into space for minutes at a time before i pass out exhausted for the night...
work is work and life is going along at its usual pace of way too fucking fast. i turn thirty six next month and the weight of "what the fuck have you done?" is bearing down on me more and more... i feel like i have enough toys, although more guns and a new dirt bike or two are on the horizon... I'd like a newer boat and a bigger garden but who can be too choosy with these things...
not much of a post or update, but I'm zonked and needing to get to Salinas for parts... thanks all for your continued comments and for checking in!!!

MEXICO...

DRINK
DRANK
BIRTHDAY
DRINK
DRIVE
DDRUNK...
BE BACK SOON...

one of those mornings...

fucking people sometimes!!!! rarararargrgrgrgrgrgrggrgrgrhhhghghgg....

for weeks now, closer to three months, management has been trying to get one of our guys to go down to the health center and paint some handi-capped parking strips and a stencil. in the beginning his excuse was "i don't have the paint.". so i ordered him some caution blue highway grade paint. both in a one gallon container and two cases of spray paint. then his excuse was "these cans wont fit in my custom strip painting machine.". i didn't even know we had a custom strip painting fucking machine. so he orders two cases of paint for his machine. and there the paint sat on the table in front of the office for weeks.
i show up to work the other morning and caught wind of an end to a management meeting where the big boss was asking if someone could please go and paint the fucking lines at the health center... i said id do it, i was sick of fucking hearing about this shit and tired of office personnel asking what these boxes of paint were doing on the table...
i grab a guy and we head down to the location. we clean up the area, and go into the office to let the ladies know we are there and planning on painting the handi-fucking-capped area. i showed them a ADA approved painting scheme and asked if there was any questions...
we returned after lunch when the asphalt was dry, knocked on the door to let them know we were back and we would be beginning work and cornering off the area.
we are mostly through the job when their "lunch hour" ends, they unlock the door and come out to see the progress.

"this isn't how Sharron wanted it..."
"it looks nice but its wrong..."
"i think Sharron wanted it differently..."
"i wish we would have known you were here, we got an email during lunch..."

said the ladies of the health center.

"uh, i knocked on the door. i showed you the plans. you said to go ahead with it and begin earlier." i replied.

you all must understand, we are doing this for free. as a contribution to our community, to our health center. i didn't charge for my hours and wasn't planning on writing down the value of the paint and such...

this morning we get a phone call for the chief person there. (a long time family like friend) who is not pleased with new handi-capped parking area. i took my boss down there and showed him what i had done and explained how/why i did it that way... there were four cars parked there in the same way i had painted the lines. the old handi-parking was painted the same way. the handi-parking sign was facing directly forward and the ramp for hand-access is positioned for ambulance parking in that manner as well.

sounds good right.

take into account this is highway grade paint. like the lines you see in the center of the road on every fucking freeway in America. now i have to bring down our large air compressor, my industrial sandblaster, several hundred pounds of bagged kiln dried cement and spend the rest of my day truing to remove this shit. then remeasure it all (if that is successful) and repaint it all diagonal..

i think i will be bringing some beer down for this and blasting some Micheal Jackson during their lunch hour, so they know that im there....

MY LIVER HURTS...

well then... after flipping off my motorcycle twice i decided i was too drunk to be driving that machine. i figured i better try to make it back to the house and park it. once home i saw the quad and said to myself, "hey man, that thing is way more stable!!!" and proceeded to make it about forty feet up my driveway before somehow rolling it on top of my self... uh... is there a lesson i should have been learning there?

with only a ounce or two of flesh missing and a softball sized welt on my right elbow i made it out pretty much unscathed... I'll take a look at the bikes when i get home...

other than that i managed to get into the pool with all my clothes on (including shoes) and be in bed and asleep by ten thirty pm. so not too bad...

have a great week all and hoped you all fared better than me this weekend!!!

PAID DAY OFF

I generally don't do shit when I'm home alone... take this morning for example... cheese is off to work and I'm still sitting around in my birthday suit smokin cigarettes checking out the latest news and bullshit in the intrawebworldorama... its a beautiful day out, i could be golfing, shooting, going on a motorcycle ride, working in the garden, etc... but no... im sitting here doing fuck all.

oh, i got a raise at work. i almost declined it, but i found out several other people got an equally shitty raise. I'm calling it a cost of living increase (if i was a bum on the streets of Sudan). I'm not sure where management lives but where i live a cost of living increase in my pay would have been a whole lot more...

and, I'm having a paid day off... so sitting around naked in my house shirking my chores is actually not such a bad thing after all now is it??? care to join?

years ago i took this bucket of nails and turned it into the piece below.... it took eight hours, almost thirty beers and a pack of smokes... it was a fun project and i still have it on the wood burning stove today!!

i wish i had a better picture of the back...

have a great weekend kids!!!!

two celebs in one day... who is gonna be number three?!?!?!

first farrah fawcett and now dang... micheal jackson just had a heart attack?

PARTY!!!!

on the eighteenth of July we are having a nice size party... would anybody like to come down and hang with us... cheese is turning 30 the next week. one of cheeses bff's is also turning 30, so is one of her friends and perhaps a few more people who are having birthdays that week will be attending the event...
it will be rather small compared to some of the parties we have had in the past, with only sixty or so people showing up. I've had over two hundred people at events in the past, but those months to prepare for and ended being quite costly, monetarily, emotionally and physically. (we all cant party like its nineteen ninety nine any more can we?)
but i think this will be an epic. hopefully lots of people will be spending the night as (at least i have) been billing it as "summer slumber" fest. you know, bring your tents, kids, coolers, food and loads of bug spray!!! we are looking at buying two kegs, another BBQ, tons of champagne (for breakfast) loads of steaks and shit. we've got the badminton net up, the pool filled, a disc golf course in the works, etc. etc...
if any of you have two cents worth of ideas of other things i could do/provide/cater, lemme know!!
but most of all we will be celebrating the thirtieth years of some phenomenal women... should be a fun time... no need to RSVP, just show up sometime Saturday afternoon and get your groove on... happy Tuesday all and enjoy yourselves...

muh....

you know you want to be reading a new post here... its on the way... im taking lunch now so i'll be back...

really old fuckers...

but being dirty is so much more fun...

six months ago this dude brings in this ancient rusty BBQ and want us to do something to it... its been sitting in our metal pile since then. every now and then this dude calls and asks if its done yet. for six months hes been inquiring on its status and who ever answers the phone and talks to this guy writes down a message not addressed to anyone, asking about this fucking BBQ. no one knows exactly what he wants done and/or who to bill for it... we have even pulled it out of the bin every now and then, looked at it, scratched our heads and put it back.

this afternoon this old guy rolls up to my shop inquiring again about this BBQ.

"hey boy, so its not finished yet?" he says with notable irritation.
"what? whats not done yet?" i reply from under a welding mask.
"the BBQ for campground." he growls.

i stop what I'm doing and walk over to the metal bin, yank out this forty year old BBQ, and ask...

"why is this here again?"
"well, i talked with someone here a while back about getting this fixed..."
"who?" i interrupted.
"um, someone here said they could..."
"who?" i interrupted again. "what did they say we would do?"
"listen here sunny, i brought this in so it could be repaired and spoke with someone about it." he stammers.

at this point i am ignoring my guy who is standing around waiting for me to finish welding the brackets on the plate of steel so he can begin welding them into place inside the truck...

"no offence, but I'm really busy. what I'll do is get you a pad of paper and you can perhaps draw a diagram of what you want done to it, or write it down..."

i walk into the office and get him a fresh legal pad and a new pen. walk back out to the barn and give it to him.

"well i need a wire welded to it and some pipe extensions and any cra--"
"I'm sorry, if you could write a description of what you need done, then who ever it is you talked to about doing this can get it done---"

he interrupts me this time...

"hey kiddo, i need some wires welded here, " (he points to something on the tray) "and some pipe welded here---"
"yeah, like i said, I'm sorry but I'm really busy right now and my guy here is waiting for me to finish these brackets so he can do his job---"

fucker cuts me off again...

"HEY NOW BOY, WHAT I NEED IS SOME WIRES WELDED HERE--" he raises his voice like im fucking deaf or speak Spanish and don't understand what he is saying.

"here is the paper---"
"my handwriting isn't that good, that's why I'm telling you about---"
"you need to talk to who ever it is you left this with in the first place---"
"IT NEED SOME WIRES WELDED HERE AND A PIECE OF PIPE ADDED TO THE---"
"so please come back at eight in the morning tomorrow and see who it was that you left this with here and speak with them about what EXACTLY IT IS YOU WANT THEM TO DO..."
"well if i could just tell you--"
"no, I'm not going to weld your BBQ. it will be someone else, this someone you spoke with will be more than happy to do it for you, but right now you've got a dime waiting on a penny and i need to get back to work."
"well I've got another one i need welded to a pipe and sunk in concrete, I'd like to do them both at the same time---"
I'll see you at eight in the morning sir and help you find your someone and they will help you with all of that."

i turn, walk back to my welding table and start blasting away. i feel this man burning holes into my head and damning me to hell. he must have spent another five minutes there telling the back of my head what it is that he wants someone to do for him. i hear his truck start and he drives off.
don't get me wrong, I'm down with old people. but I'm not your "sunny", your "boy", your "hey you" and I'm definitely not your "someone"... so have a little more respect for the people who you asking to do you a favor next time cause i could have done all that welding in about four minutes...

alas....

i seem to have less and less time to do the things i really want to be doing and more and more hobbies to fill the time i don't have... whoa is me right?!?! but i do indeed have too many hobbies...
i golf...
i have a need to shoot guns and plenty to shoot....
i love camping...
i enjoy backpacking, (figured out I've been doing that for twenty three/four years now)...
i like to ride my motorcycle/quad when ever possible...
i garden...
i really,really garden...
i enjoy reading, (although i am too ff-ing tired at the end of the day to even finish the book i started months ago, "the kite runner")...
tattoos? fuck I've got a huge piece on my back needs finishing...
i own a ski boat that hasn't seen water in years...
I've been to the mountains to snowboard and never even got around to it.
i enjoy traveling to other countries, meeting new people and killing them... err... that's not me, that's the army! whoops...

what ever shall i do?!?!


so, this weekend backpacking went really well. we didn't get to do any of the trails we initially planned on due to the fact that there was either a wall of water (due to rain) coming down the trail or the trail was simply not there (due to last years fire and this years rain, coupled with no trail maintenance, means NO TRAIL). but we had a wicked good time for four days and three nights out in the back country of Carmel valley by the river.... the best part? the hardest part of planning the trip? the food!!!

we ate so fucking good. so good...

bagels and cream cheese with lox in the mornings... hard boiled eggs, oatmeal and fresh coffee with whiskey... lunch? first day was sandwiches with cold deli meats, lettuce, tomato etc... all the fixins... every other day was rye triskuts, salami, wicked good cheeses, cliff bars, Gatorade, plenty of ganja, dried mangoes, salted almonds, apricots, etc...
dinners!!! oh fuck....
first night was apple sausage stuffed portobellas, steamed zucchinis, rice, garlic bread and several whiskeys... second night was tritip skewers with sweet onions and three different peppers, steamed veggies and more garlic bread. third night we had chicken breast slices mixed with rice pilaf, steamed broccoli, carrots etc.. another yummy loaf of garlic bread (all with home made garlic butter) we baked an elephant garlic but were all too stuffed to eat any of it save for a few bites and tequila with coffee for dessert....

oh yeah you wanna go camping?!?!?! hahahahahaa....

must go, work calleth me...

JUST IN TIME TO LEAVE AGAIN...

back from a five day motorcycle trip and on to a four day back packing adventure.... tell you all about it soon!

have a great weekend all!!!!

yup, leaving all the dramanators behind and heading up out of the fog and into the sunny, buggy, heat of the south coast!!! hahahahahahaaa..... have a great weekend all!!!!

a week has passed!!

A BACK DOOR VIEW?...

with friends dropping like flies around me I've spent some inner time wondering to myself why... it couldn't be my complete understanding and forgiving nature of all that is green and golden. nor could it be the fact that i hold friendship above all else and am loyal to the bone... perhaps its my "walk all over me, I'm a piece of trash" persona... or may be its that i don't fit into any group or silly little click...
i dunno... i look around and see who is still involved in my life after eleven years and change here in big sur and see who i just say "hey" to. people come and go and the friends i thought would still be here are not. I'm guilty of burning bridges for sure. starting the fire though? not my style. but I'll burn the bridge and stand on the side to watch it burn while flipping off the person on the other side. thats how i've always been, nothing new there.

so... whats it take to be my friend? you might ask? if you've been reading here long enough you might also wonder how i even have any friends at all. well that's my life. i generally surround myself with people just like me. brutally honest, to a fault. someone who can take a joke. people who know how to keep their mouths shut and help others shut theirs when necessary... some one who doesn't mind drinking alot or people who do. i most like people that help them selves. you know the ones, where they work for what they have, sometimes might need help, but will be there working with you to help fix the problem, not just throw their hands up and say what bad luck they have, or they cant do any better... everyone needs help sometimes... especially me!

i have been putting some thought into all this. how do i define my friends... some of my closest friends i hardly ever see or talk to. (hmmm, perhaps there is something to that.) but the ones i do see and hang out with know that for the most part, i have time for those who have time for me. I'm not bending over for anyone. I'm not making plans to see someone cause their ass hurts about something I've done or said.

hey, have a problem with me? did i do something you don't like? hurt your feelings?

call me.
text me.
stop by my work.
leave me a message.

when i hear that your are talking shit, i will do all of the above listed items and if i still don't hear from you i will find you. (I'm good at that.) and i will make effort to figure out what it is that you have stuffed up your ass that involves me. i would expect the same courtesy from you please...

i piss people off from time to time. i cant imagine it, but i hear through the grapevine that i do so... there is another thing that just pisses me right the fuck off!!!

"oh, (so and so) said you were doing this..." or that, or what ever the fuck it is that people say I'm doing/done, why don't they ask me about it. fuckers. lead your own lives, deal with your own drama, go fuck yerselves...

now I'm getting irritable...

i guess what i was trying to get across is, I'll burn that friendship bridge, continue pushing me, I'll burn your house down, still want to play games?, I'll set you on fire. yer not worth the piss it would take to put out the flames.

have a nice day.

that time of year...

I've been busting my ass these weeks... and am currently trying to abort my beer baby. how long should it take to about a twenty pounder?
i haven't had time for much fucking off at work or at home. but i have time for a quick story...

last week there was a tailgate party we were uninvited to, due to the fact that my ex girlfriend lives in proximity of the parking area of the party and she is still acting like a sixteen year old fucking twat. at some point during the evening i was sitting with a group of ten friends or so, all of whom had not been invited to this party either, so i said fuck it! I'll go!!!
i decided since it was early and it was indeed a tailgate party, outside in a parking lot that i could take a little heat for showing up "verbally un-invited".
after a few more drinks and another stop later i thought of how much of a good idea it would be to "surf" a tailgate up the two mile road behind my truck. chain it to the bumper and tie a rope to the front and yahoo my way up the mountain. IT WAS A TAIL GATE PARTY AFTER ALL!!!
cheese didn't think this was such a good idea... i would have to steal a tail gate from somewhere and ride it behind my truck... and show up to a party where i was more than unwelcome! (can you imagine me not welcome somewhere!?!?!? the nerve!!! hahahaha...)
we pulled into my work and looked around for something that would qualify as a tailgate i could ride....
no love, but there was an old truck box... the kind folks put in their truck beds and put tools into and supplies... i axed two holes into the top and side of this tool box, fed a chain through and attached it to my truck... somewhere in this process i thought what a great idea it would be to fill it with ice and spray paint "happy beerthday" onto it....
how cool would that be to ride a tool box up two miles of dirt road filled with ice, a hootin and a hoolerin like i was riding a bucking bronco!!! yeah it woulda been funny.
instead i didn't remember the ice. or the spray paint... and i just dragged this fucking rattle box up the road to the designated parking lot/party area and no one was there...
they were all in the lawn directly in front of the house having a little love in thing. apparently when i arrived it turned into more of a pity party for my ex, understandably upsetting the birthday girl...

side note:funny when i where my "real forest" camo, its cause i don't want to be seen in the woods. not cause i want to pretend to be a red neck on a camp out, i digress....

we parked and some folks came over to see what all the ruckus was about. one of the land owners was there making sure i hadn't rolled my truck or some shit. the care taker popped up and was trying to figure out how to get the truck box in the back of her Subaru.. i assured them both that i would most definitely be dragging it back down the road and not to worry about the noise. it was just me...
we were asked to leave by several people and left with out much of a scene... dropped the truck box at my work and cheese and i went out to dinner afterwards... no harm no foul...

unless you don't have a sense of humor... meh.

I'm a little tied up at work today, so you'll have to get along with just this awesome picture and a funny joke! happy Monday all!!!

A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, 'Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag.'
'Oh, really? Darn!' says the little old lady. 'I'd better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me..'
'Well, now, not so fast,' says the cop. 'How did you get all that money?' 'You didn't steal it, did you?'
'Oh, no', says the little old lady. 'You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his weenie through the fence, I say, '$20 or off it comes.'
'Well, that seems only fair.' laughs the cop. OK? Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?'

'Well, you know', says the little old lady, 'not everybody pays.'

hahahahahaha.....

i shaved my moustache today.... its all gone... yep this is the most recent picture of me. looking pretty good eh???

yeah right.... its what id look like with no wrinkles and no moustache... tom seleck would frown at the thought...

nothing good today, other than i have just returned from the festival of speed!!!

dude, denim. i called a bunch this morning. sometimes yer phone rings twice and leaves you hanging... other times it kicks straight over to buzy.... i know yer just hitting the ignore button for half an hour.... muwahahahaa....

anyway, my ears are ringing and i need to hike up the mountain, so cheers...

what is all the fuss about? i mean really people....

big sur bullshit

asked a friend today for a quiz on "which big sur bartender do i mostly resemble" and here was his reply.... most of you wont know any of these people but perhaps for the ones who don't you could tell me which one you think i resemble most...

enjoy!!!

here is some help for getting started on a "which big sure bartender are you?"

-you feel the need to assert your "authority" by 86ing people on a daily basis, but you also want to be liked and are personable highly intelligent and have a jerry curl, you also get down to business when deemed necessary.....you are Mark Marron

-you are a blatant ass hole, you rarely hook up drinks on your shift out of sense of loyalty to being a dick rather than a sense of loyalty to your employers. you are more personable out of work than at it. You can handle the pressure with ease, but you let it eat you up at the same time.....you are Jeremiah

-you know it all, or think you do. although you aren't experienced enough to deal with liquor so you are limited to beer and wine. you are a hardass when necessary and many people think your hostility is borne out of a hidden homosexual side that shows more than you know...you are josh V

-Everyone likes you, you get shit done. you are the proverbial man for your time and place, unfortunately you have been embracing this for too long and physician issues begin to take their toll. you are still about the best there is though, even injured....you are Normy

-you are extremely proud of your self and your job. you do it for honor, respect, dignity and because you think it makes you cool. You fail sometimes to realize that you are a bartender albeit a very good one. you can hang with the best of them and aren't afraid to let them know it...you are Sander

-You are sick of your job and deal with it for the money begrudgingly. You do your job half assed at times, but kill it when it counts. You are sarcastic and one of the best there is, but feel it is beneath you, at the same you do not seek new challenges or responsibilities at work...you are hickey

-you are lazy, sloppy and burly. Often times people drive away when they see working. You love to assert your authority on those weaker than you, but feel you are used to entertainment by those stronger than you. you are hooked on meth and refuse to shave....you are Boo

-you cannot do your job efficiently to save your life. you are to caught up in the world around you to focus on the task at hand. you are well liked, until you get to work. personable and knowledgeable, to a fault sometimes....you are Tristan

-You are quiet and reserved even at your drunkest. You are on point with your job and customers. you get shit done fueled by whiskey....you are Joel

-you are paranoid behind the bar for reasons that escape even you. You are intimidating and use that to your benefit when applicable. You have never hooked up a drink for anyone in your life on your watch behind the bar and have no plans to, you prefer the weekday mellow shifts but can handle the heat too....you are Arvin

hope you enjoyed it, please don't forward or I will be forced to deny until I die....:-)

i get home last night with a pretty good amount of angst and border line anger built up... I'm almost pissed off to the point that I'm gonna start doing something fucking retarded. being like the person who has been giving me this angst...

then a weird thing happened....

cheese and i were sitting outside shooting the shit about another person in our lives who has caused us some pain recently and she said.." we just have to let this be water under the bridge. it has to be done."

in that moment i had a wave of enlightenment... she was right and when i applied it to my other buddy something else came to mind...

he is not our equal... we had been treating him that manner and with all that he has said and done it was really starting to hurt. words do hurt as much as sticks and stones... so i decided that since this person is beneath us and doesn't really measure up, then all he says and does are beneath us as well.

so maybe not water under the bridge, but water rolling off my back...

fuck it, he is acting like a child, might as well treat him like one eh?

"here you buddy, a fresh diaper and how bout a nice big "eat shit" flavored lolli-pop?"

i love drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes in bed...

the town i live in should have a factory that makes this product... and locals should be supplied with it for life... what is it about the inherent nature of humans to gossip? to stand around in packs and murmur to one another the things of "its not my business but...". i know back in the days it was a way of retaining ones cultural history, by passing down to the younger generations the stories of ones family or tribes history. um... we evolved and learned to read and write, well some of us did...

others did not.

so for all you gossiping fools out there, read the sign...

and if your one of the unlucky few still learning how to act socially in society by watching television, "have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up"!!!

i just bought myself a new pair of dirt bike boots... been wearing the same pair that i bought for ten bucks at a yard sale seven years ago. they sucked ass then and hurt my feet so bad after forty minutes of riding... so i bought some ones... totally useless purchase really. but i wanted them and so there they are... new boots....

anybody else buy something totally useless recently???

a question for the masses....

THIS IS A PHOTO MY FRIEND TOOK....

she can be seen here and here... I've pimped her before...

i saw the photo and instantly sent her a message asking for guess what....

I'll wait while you come up with the answer...




yeah, so i asked her if there were any more of these shots from the photo shoot. perhaps it was a warm day and they decided to do an artistic nude shot with film... i dunno, i think its an amazing photo. not just cause of the pretty girl but you will all have to agree with me, its a good picture... anyways, asides from being evasive and not answering me about it, another issue has come up...

i recently was at a large big sur party. (the whole town was there kind) and up walks my photographer friend of mine with one of her female friends... it took a few seconds after the introductions where made and i realized something...

"hey, you are the cowgirl hat in the lupines." i exclaimed.
"yes, that's me." she says with perhaps a tingle of red in her cheeks.

so here is my issue... now that i know the "model" in the photo, is it still acceptable for me to desire the image? I'm torn. its not like i necessarily want to see the girl naked. not unless cheese was there to supervise i suppose, but i think the image might be worthy of purchasing... great photographer, well on her way of making a big name for herself in the industry and now would be the time to buy a limited edition print and archive it....

my question is, is it ethical? would the model in question feel weird? i dunno... makes me not want it anymore, but it also makes me want it more... i could get both of them to sign it.... how do you all feel?

when they say....

if you haven't got anything good to say, then don't say anything at all...

that's where the fuck I've been lately... i could be telling you all about my fabulous life and all the fun things I've been doing and how funny things seem to me but no. when i finally get a chance to sit in front of a fucking computer, that's not how I'm feeling.

so yeah.... there is that then.

life has been good. I've been working hard at trying to keep everyone happy, but all i succeed in doing (as of late) is making everyone quite the opposite. i try to do one thing and fuck that up. i do nothing, and that fucks things up. what ever happened to doing things for me and people wanted to be around me, hang out, have fun...

is this what getting old is about. the ability to forget how to be ones self. to have spent so much time doing things for ones self then forget it all? i don't want to be that person...

I'm not sure who i want to be....

HAVEN'T BEEN HERE...

what else is new.

i wonder how many fucking posts I've started with that one. why haven't you been posting? is a popular question these days... well a lot of things i can not post about... well i could but that wouldn't be very prudent.

some good things, some work things, some bad things... what can you do, one can only hope that the scale tips more towards the good than the bad eh.

other news, i just this second bought some steaks cut fresh off the cow yesterday from the meat guy who supplies the restaurant i lunch at. one of those "just fell off the truck" deals. rib eye baby! 11 steaks for twenty five bucks... nice... all organic beef.

anyway, i had one of those solo drives home the other day and wondered exactly what it is I'm good at. you know one of those what the fuck am i gonna do with my life thoughts... well I'm good at surviving. pretty much excel at anything that has to do with that. perhaps that's why I've always fucked up my life time and time again, to give me something to survive...
camping fuck yeah, lost in the woods? fuck it build a house, yer home... (George Carlin) yeah, i dig it. i hope the world explodes with nukes and world war three! I'll be standing on my mountain top with a tomato plant in one hand and my ultra mag in the other....

that's all folks...

must get back to work.

NO WORRIES KIDS...

I'm justa blowin off some steam. i sure as shit wouldn't be talkin bout my business here in to the not so anonymous abyss if i had any real intentions in mind. sometimes a dude has to think about things out loud eh??? i'll bee back on Saturday to get to all yer supportive and worrying comments!! thanks so much!!!

the after math begins...

now, I'm just pissed. silently plotting and getting ready for the hunt. I'm beyond angry now. the anger has seemingly sharpened my vision as to what needs to be done. I'm fully aware that this isn't the best option, but neither is doing nothing. if someone else was in my shoes there would be a different response. a different outcome. but where i live and what happens on our ridge is isn't like what happens in the rest of the country... well state anyway...there are folks like me who would respond in this same manner else where... I'm not that special, shit...
I'm up at night about it. even when i do sleep I'm not getting that restful, peaceful REM style recovery. I'm livid and my blood is boiling...
fuck you for telling me its something else. don't you see what you've done you ignorant little prick. you think your a fucking bad ass cause you carry a fucking fire arm around in your truck when you are on your property now... meh. guns scare me about as much as vicious dogs do... and we will see about that shit too. test me big guy...
test me and you will not be happy with the answers i give... i may not be right, but I'm not wrong either... and you will never even know whats happened, not even think it was me. your restitution will indeed be paid in full...
fuck you, you think your friendship is worth two fucking cents in my register? i've blown off best friends I've had for years and you think cause we have a few yucks around a campfire that i give a rats ass...
burn baby, burn....

*walks away smiling*

I AM VOLATILE!!!!

AM I EVIL.... YES I FUCKING AM....

these are the voices that used to speak here...

sadness...


depression...


anger....


HATRED...

I STARTED THIS BLOG TO VENT THE THINGS I COULD NO LONGER HOLD IN!!!! FUCK WHAT EVERYONE ELSE THINKS ABOUT MY ACTIONS.... I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF ITS WRONG OR RIGHT... THIS IS WHERE I DEAL WITH THE DEMONS AND THE ANGELS WHO SIT ON MY SHOULDERS!!!! GRRRRR.....


wickedness...

i used to say fuck the world!!!! what happened? when did i stop listening to the voices?



FUCK....


i used to vent here, get it all out.... what happened?

i am so fucking hostile... something will be done about this. served sweetest cold? i know. i know... all good things come to those who wait... yes, yes... i know the rules, i know how all things are done smartly and with caution... i am a participant.

so long its been, since proper retribution has come in a timely manner....

i am so fucking angry!!!!!!!!


we will see what we will see...


so there is that then.




if you CANT vent to the abyss then where do YOU let it all out... i used to have a journal. most of you might carry the same weight around. something you write in yours , hide it from others, keep it a secrete, forever you have this thing that you worry about. your spouse CANT read it. your roommates would die if they found out about the things you've said.

i have a book that id rather burn than someone stumble upon... fuck it, ill start transcribing here.... wanna know about me? ill start from the beginning of where i left off and work back wards....


...to be continued....

the ways things are....

I'M HERE... really i am.

going to the funeral threw me for a loop. actually the night before did... we read the obit at the bar Friday night and i had complete meltdown. you all know my mom committed suicide and reading this obit brought it all back and more... i was an attendee at my moms memorial. i didn't get any choices in the matters. my grandfather had successfully sold and stored all of my moms things, save for what i could get back from the pawn shops. my uncle called me 11 days after my mom went into a coma and the day after he pulled the plug. the death certificate (filled out by my grandfather) said there was no next of kin. almost all the meager benefits went to him... all the paperwork and journals had been sifted through and edited by the time i got what was left...

to read something so beautiful as what my friend wrote about her mom was devastating... to hear what she said during the funeral was equally painful...


when i spoke at my mother memorial i was angry. intensely angry. i screamed at the few attendees and let their god know i was coming for the people who had hurt my mother. that i couldn't believe in a god who wouldn't let her into heaven because she had taken her own life... that i would kill for her memory...


so many feelings happened between Friday night and Sunday morning....


i feel better having been there... not complete, but better....

random fucking thoughts

funny things happen when one spends lots of time sober... well some funny shit happens when one drinks alot as well, but most times is not remembered until some one else reminds them of it...

life changes so fast.

people come and people go... its a lot of hard work to keep people in your life for ever. (knowing there is no such thing) but fighting for friendships is taxing.. allowing them to be what they are is far more profitable...

sometimes i think too much..

i find that i touch my face alot...

i have a california king size bed and sleep on one side of it only...

im blogging about bullshit so i dont complain that my dog is back in the hospital with drainage tubes sticking out of him and in wicked pain from all the muscle tissue and skin they had to cut off cause it had died from lack of blood flow due to the mauling...

yeah, *quoting cher from his blog roll* i'm pissed right off...

i love making surprises happen for other people but hate receiving them for myself...

ive lost patience with this blog this evening...





you guys are great. im in a shit mood... no need to take it out on all of you.

ALAWAYZ AT WORK

its tough to call someone up and give them bad news over the phone. some people are really good at it and others, well not so much... its never an easy thing to do especially when it involves death... its not an enviable job, being the bearer of bad news... i hate it myself.
i always get my bad news at work. it never fails, that's just the way it is. today was no exception...
i wasn't in the office when the call came but i was working, driving actually. in town.
i had to pull over. take a moment to myself and regroup. get back on the road and get my day going again. now here i am at lunch feeling like id rather see the bottom side of a pillow laying on my back. err....

i hate all the horseshit that goes along with death. "they are in a better place, she is with god now, " blah blah blah fucking blah....
i said "death is better than suffering. when ever hour of the day is spent in pain, its better to be dead." callous? i don't know... did i mean it, hell yes.

she was one of my favorite people on the planet.... when she started getting sick was the last time i saw her. she still beamed of youth and passion for life. this is how i will remember her, drink in hand, smiling and having the time of her life...

ENTER FUNNY TITLE HERE.

question: what do you do when your neighbors dog is now responsible for over a thousand dollars worth of vet bills to your animals and you can not prove it with out a shadow of a doubt...

I'm fucking sick of this shit...

I'm gonna wear this husky/wolf as a goddamn bathrobe!!!

if i catch this alpha dog on my property again I'm gonna stuff its balls in their mailbox...

ugh I'm armed and I'm fucking pissed right the fuck off...

REWIND AND REPLAY AGAIN PLEASE...

yeah, yeah, yeah... I've posted this picture before, i just cant get enough.... things are so fucking swirling crazy right now, sometimes i fell like I'm just holding on watching life fly by before my eyes...

hows that for vague and cryptic....

i took some pictures with a film camera last night and am dying to see how they turn out... black and white baby, yeah...

must go back to work before i fall asleep at my desk... only got about an hours sleep... ugh... have a great day all!!!

A REVIEW OF SORTS

do not buy a dell inspirion mini 12.1 if you want a"computer"...
buy a net book if you would a disposable toy to fuck around with and you have an extra six hundred bucks to throw away... i was warned, i was even told... alas, i bought one anyway...
am i enjoying it? yes. will it last as long as my ipod? i doubt it....
do i regret buying it? i regret nothing... i learn from everything...
what ever...
here i sit on my six hundred dollar toy fucking off about bullshit and not worrying about...
you, on the other hand should not spend/waste your money on a dell...
did everyone get that? good...
now send me all your money, tax returns, food stamps, drugs, extra beer (if there ever was such a thing) third or fourth child so i may pawn it all off for a mac...

fuck you denim... i know you know i know i should have bought a mac... when we hang out next (soon please) you are more than welcome to rub it the fuck in....

oh, by the way i treated this weeks sobriety to some beer and a shot of jeager to celebrate being sober... yeah you do the math on that one...

speaking of math... i watched one of my favorite people in the world melt the fuck down this evening doing her homework... she is ten and in her final year in elementary school. she has asked the teacher for more difficult homework... for the past few months has been kicking ass with endeavor... (take that! teacher! who do you think you are dealing with?!?!?) this evening on the other hand was overwhelmed with over two hours of homework... this week the homework has seriously increased though...um... shes ten bitch. not twenty seven fer fucks sake. give her a challenge, don't break her back...

cheese is responding to this new development tomorrow morning... man i was she would have been in my corner as a kid...

other than that, i don't have much else to bitch about...except today i was challenged at work with a "don't let the fact that you don't have all the tools you need be an excuse to not being able to get the job done." slam... here's the stats of that shit...

four transfer truck tires... over a hundred pounds of rubber a piece... only having one of three tools i normally need to get the job done in the shop.. (the other two were apparently missing) and only three hours to do them in.... four hours later,(forty five minutes after closing time) I'm done, in the office, asking if there was anything else i could do before i left for the day...

"nope." says the boss.

"cool, sorry those tires took a bit longer than i thought... see you in the morning with no excuses." i replied.

the other boss who made the "no excuses" comment looked up... sat down... smiled... and said nothing....

yeah bitch....

now you see it, now you dont, now you see it again...

After another whirlwind weekend of fun and excitement i am going to embark again on a work week of sobriety... yes folks i broke the wagon this weekend... on Friday i had my first beer in six days and to be quite honest it was not all i had built it up to be... it was just a nice cold beer. in reflection, that's a good thing... there were no "nectar of life" moments with it and after this weekends saturation i am looking forward to another break.

cheese is doing well, she got her first "C" on a test since I've known her and she is not happy about that. anything except an "A" is a failing grade for her... wow, i used to be astounded when i would receive a grade higher than a "D". it usually meant that a teacher was trying to give me a passing grade so she/he wouldn't have to see me in their class again... (smart teachers, heh heh..)

work this week should be good, have a couple of fun projects to look forward to...

going to go golfing here next Saturday... should be great! i wont be doing my normal beer a hole routine though, so may be I'll end up with a decent round... ah well...

in other news, I've been learning how to behave myself on other fronts... i think everyone is a little less tense about things when they are around me now... yeah...

I'll be back later this afternoon kids to get to my many cool comments from all of you great fucking people out there... have a wicked awesome Monday!!!

fucking work work work work work work work work .....

HOW CAN A PERSON ARGUE WITH THAT LOGIC?

YEP SNEAKING SOME MORE FUCKING TIME IN ON THE COMPUTER AT WORK... grr, fucking caps and I'm too lazy to go back and fix it... no new real news... lots of work and not enough money. the Hawaii trip we were hoping to go on we decided it was going to be too goddamn expensive. plus cheese would have had to miss a week of school where she has a mid term. the girls would have had to miss a week of school as well. me miss work work? i doubt it.

but thins here are better. people here are fucking up worse than me so Ive slipped back under the radar. I've also been trying out this whole ass kissing thing. in eleven years of employment Ive never browned my nose but this is a new year right? and its been working great! i tell you what things here at work would have been a lot easier for me throughout my term of employment if i would have started that a lot sooner...

home life is good, cheeses girls are kicking some fucking ass lately and scored wicked high on their report cards... so has cheese but what else is new...

everything is back to wholesome normal...

anyways enough of that noise... office chic has brought her first screaming whelp back into the office today and i must go...
that's truly enough of that now isn't it...

day five...

yeAH DAY 5 OF SOBER LIVING... some people count it by days, but i can tell you its been 108 hours and twelve minutes since alcohol has touched my lips... or six thousand four hundred ninety two minutes and ooohhhh say eleven seconds, err twelve, ahh thirteen.... what ever....

sneaking in at work

yeah, cheese left an explanatory comment in the post below.. for those of you who haven't had a chance to read it, here it is...

"The voices has taken a self-imposed hiatus from his blog, because I told him if he didn't quit his bitching about my computers lovely little quirks (read bugs and weirdness) then he could quit using it...Hence he doesn't have access to a computer till he gets his own...I did not kick him off! I just want you all to know: he did have a choice.and I think he's doing better since this post, especially since i asked him to take a break from the sauce for a couple days. Baby steps...
5:25 PM"


yeah... I'll give you a quick run down on the weekend events....ready set go....

Friday, get off work early, go down to the local bar... i dunno, I'd say fifteen beers and a healthy shot of jeager later we close the bar and head on over to the pub for some drinks and dancing... we enter the pub and have a few high octane beers and tell the DJ who had been playing all night to a full pub with only one dirty little hippy on the dance floor that:

"hey DJ!!! yer girlfriend isn't all that cute, can you play something the rest of us can dance too!?!!?"

several dirty looks and a few songs later, cheese and i are killing the dance floor in our normal rug cutting style... pound a few more beers and grab a couple for the road and make our way home. cheese drops off one of our fellow inebriated friends at her home and i hang out with a different friend at the bottom of her road for another few beers... make it home to cheese and drink ourselves in to slumber land by two thirty in the morning or so...
i wake up with the alarm clock several hours later to go golfing and drink a beer on the way to the course... now, when i play golf its a mandatory beer a hole...(oddly i get better as the day goes on, go figure.) at about the halfway mark we pop in for a sandwich and some snacks...

"OOOOooooohhhh they have WHISKEY HERE!!!!" i say and order up a double for the cart.

finish our last nine holes and buddy and i head on over to the Rio grill for a few nineteenth hole drinks...i have a couple of jack and cokes and say good bye to my golfing buddy, as he is tired from his late night out as well... cheese asked me to pick up some toilet paper and i some how find myself in the checkout isle of Safeway with a mega pack of super soft Charmin and a handle of Makers Mark whiskey... i do remember making fun of myself with the people in line and with the cashieress about "how this all must look..."

drive out of the parking lot with a cold roady in hand and pick up one of our local hitch hikers and pop open the whiskey, (much to his excitement) and we swig our way down the coast. drop his smelly drunken ass off and head up to my golfing Buddy's house to find him in bed. bastard wouldn't drink with me and neither would his sister... DAMN THEM EH???

head back up towards my house and meet up with a completely stunned cheese... who at that point is feigning amusement... I'm not sure how much later, time wise, but several more pulls off the bottle and and several more beers I'm not doing so hot...

enough so that I'm scaring cheese. not something i enjoy doing, ever... ever...

why was i on such a hatefull self destructive bender? no idea... i needed a release? some personal time to vent out the devils inside? i would normally be by myself in those circumstances, but as life would have it, i had a wittiness to that particular event...

so yes, a break from alcohol... how long, who knows, until i am in charge of it again... a week maybe, not likely, but perhaps...

otherwise I'm fine... people at the bar i hang out at wish i would start drinking again, "you're not so much of an asshole when you are drinking.."
people at my work say the same thing....


fuck... while typing this, my neighbor and good friend just called... her man just died of a heart attack this morning... fuck... why do people always call me at work to tell me this shit... fuck....

meh....





so normal posting will resume as soon as dell gets its fucking head out of its ass and sends me my fucking net book!!!

whats yours?

sometimes life finds you in a crying in a corner with your head between your knees, wishing that god would pull the trigger for you.... making it easier to end it all....

other times life finds you effortlessly floating on a cloud of euphoria, experiencing the world through rose tinted glasses with a glass of champagne in one hand and a cigarette in the other..

but most of the times we hope that life finds us somewhere in the middle... working for what we have and being able to appreciate it... but is this what we hope life is really about... a constant murmur of good fortune and luck? nothing bad ever to happen to us? no chaos, no heart break, confusion?

fuck all that noise...

I'm glad to know what a hand gun in my mouth feels like, I'm happy to report that i have stood on top of some of our countries tallest bridges and leaned over the edge thinking how easy it would be to go... i know what its like to poison myself to near death with drugs and alcohol within millimeters of letting my self go only to come back stronger...

i also know what is like to not have a care in the world, to be on top of everything, life, love, leadership... to be in control of ones own destiny, to know that even if tragedy happened my life that instant, it has been full filled and i am ready to go....

mostly i spend my time bouncing in between these worlds...

anybody who knows me, knows this...






the big question is always where is he now?!?!?!?

no sorries

just fucking busy, busy, busy.... i did buy a new computer and have been waiting for it... my home computer has no virus protection as of yet and dont like using it too much with out, you know what i mean?!?!?

work has been going along just fine. my back and shoulder are completely out... im going to get a massage here in about an hour... hoping that helps...

havent even been able to check anybody out in a while so donrt feel bad... things will be back to normal soon.

our road is so fucked up right now with all this fucking rain and shit... we have a rut so big it swallowed the passenger side of my truck last night... nothing like getting stuck in the mud in the rain and crawling around under you truck shoving rocks under the tires from the other side... blah blah blah...

big sur has finally been having some mud slides and wicked weather... yeah, awsome... while other people are complaining and whining im geared up to go drive around in the mayhem...

thats all i can do for today kids! hope life is fucking good for all!!!