a question for the masses....

THIS IS A PHOTO MY FRIEND TOOK....

she can be seen here and here... I've pimped her before...

i saw the photo and instantly sent her a message asking for guess what....

I'll wait while you come up with the answer...




yeah, so i asked her if there were any more of these shots from the photo shoot. perhaps it was a warm day and they decided to do an artistic nude shot with film... i dunno, i think its an amazing photo. not just cause of the pretty girl but you will all have to agree with me, its a good picture... anyways, asides from being evasive and not answering me about it, another issue has come up...

i recently was at a large big sur party. (the whole town was there kind) and up walks my photographer friend of mine with one of her female friends... it took a few seconds after the introductions where made and i realized something...

"hey, you are the cowgirl hat in the lupines." i exclaimed.
"yes, that's me." she says with perhaps a tingle of red in her cheeks.

so here is my issue... now that i know the "model" in the photo, is it still acceptable for me to desire the image? I'm torn. its not like i necessarily want to see the girl naked. not unless cheese was there to supervise i suppose, but i think the image might be worthy of purchasing... great photographer, well on her way of making a big name for herself in the industry and now would be the time to buy a limited edition print and archive it....

my question is, is it ethical? would the model in question feel weird? i dunno... makes me not want it anymore, but it also makes me want it more... i could get both of them to sign it.... how do you all feel?

when they say....

if you haven't got anything good to say, then don't say anything at all...

that's where the fuck I've been lately... i could be telling you all about my fabulous life and all the fun things I've been doing and how funny things seem to me but no. when i finally get a chance to sit in front of a fucking computer, that's not how I'm feeling.

so yeah.... there is that then.

life has been good. I've been working hard at trying to keep everyone happy, but all i succeed in doing (as of late) is making everyone quite the opposite. i try to do one thing and fuck that up. i do nothing, and that fucks things up. what ever happened to doing things for me and people wanted to be around me, hang out, have fun...

is this what getting old is about. the ability to forget how to be ones self. to have spent so much time doing things for ones self then forget it all? i don't want to be that person...

I'm not sure who i want to be....

HAVEN'T BEEN HERE...

what else is new.

i wonder how many fucking posts I've started with that one. why haven't you been posting? is a popular question these days... well a lot of things i can not post about... well i could but that wouldn't be very prudent.

some good things, some work things, some bad things... what can you do, one can only hope that the scale tips more towards the good than the bad eh.

other news, i just this second bought some steaks cut fresh off the cow yesterday from the meat guy who supplies the restaurant i lunch at. one of those "just fell off the truck" deals. rib eye baby! 11 steaks for twenty five bucks... nice... all organic beef.

anyway, i had one of those solo drives home the other day and wondered exactly what it is I'm good at. you know one of those what the fuck am i gonna do with my life thoughts... well I'm good at surviving. pretty much excel at anything that has to do with that. perhaps that's why I've always fucked up my life time and time again, to give me something to survive...
camping fuck yeah, lost in the woods? fuck it build a house, yer home... (George Carlin) yeah, i dig it. i hope the world explodes with nukes and world war three! I'll be standing on my mountain top with a tomato plant in one hand and my ultra mag in the other....

that's all folks...

must get back to work.

NO WORRIES KIDS...

I'm justa blowin off some steam. i sure as shit wouldn't be talkin bout my business here in to the not so anonymous abyss if i had any real intentions in mind. sometimes a dude has to think about things out loud eh??? i'll bee back on Saturday to get to all yer supportive and worrying comments!! thanks so much!!!

the after math begins...

now, I'm just pissed. silently plotting and getting ready for the hunt. I'm beyond angry now. the anger has seemingly sharpened my vision as to what needs to be done. I'm fully aware that this isn't the best option, but neither is doing nothing. if someone else was in my shoes there would be a different response. a different outcome. but where i live and what happens on our ridge is isn't like what happens in the rest of the country... well state anyway...there are folks like me who would respond in this same manner else where... I'm not that special, shit...
I'm up at night about it. even when i do sleep I'm not getting that restful, peaceful REM style recovery. I'm livid and my blood is boiling...
fuck you for telling me its something else. don't you see what you've done you ignorant little prick. you think your a fucking bad ass cause you carry a fucking fire arm around in your truck when you are on your property now... meh. guns scare me about as much as vicious dogs do... and we will see about that shit too. test me big guy...
test me and you will not be happy with the answers i give... i may not be right, but I'm not wrong either... and you will never even know whats happened, not even think it was me. your restitution will indeed be paid in full...
fuck you, you think your friendship is worth two fucking cents in my register? i've blown off best friends I've had for years and you think cause we have a few yucks around a campfire that i give a rats ass...
burn baby, burn....

*walks away smiling*