Friday, November 30, 2007

where does the time go?

as i have been complaining about all week, its been a tough one. and as chubby little yipster pointed out, i should just "buck up". i know, i get it and as i said thank you.
well i haven't posted shit of any substance for awhile. I'll give it a whack, (not on myself, I'm at work. although thats been done on the clock before...) anyways, here we go.
after Wednesdays feast we had some guys come up and shoot skeet, five hundred rounds, four hundred clay pigeons, seventy some odd Coors lites later, we roll back up to the house and eat some pork sausage stuffed mushrooms that cheese whipped up. enjoy some snacks and head out on a bitchin moto-ride.
fire up a neighboring road that I've never been on to quite an amazing view. wow! on the way up i put my foot down to "help myself" around a corner. smart if i was on a dirt bike, stupid since i was on a quad. a quad with no plastic covers on it. (it looked quite like a mad max mobile!) so i drove up and onto my leg, which peeled me off the quad and pulled off some skin and left me with a nasty bruise! woe is me right? shut the fuck up! quit yer whining!
on our way down we see this dude walking with his herd of goats!
he says, "you know this is private property?"
i say, "yeah, there is lots of that around here.... is it yours?"
"well no, wait.. how did you get up here, through green ridge?"
at this point bells are going off in my head! i can get up here through green ridge?!?! that adds like eight more miles to this ride!! hell the fuck yeah!!
"well, i thought i heard you guys down there." he points towards the bottom of the canyon.
"we were down there, now we are up here. nice view what?"
"yeah, well, wait. who are you?"
"I'm Zack, who are you?"
"I'm charlie, what are you doing up here? this is private property."
"i thought what we were doing up here is obvious, and this isn't your property either, so whats your problem? hows your holiday?"
"my holiday is fine."
at this point i can tell this guy is going to start being a dick, i run him through the who the hell am i spiel again and give him some vague directions of where, how and who... his goats start trailing away and we wait for him to shepperd them up again before we fire up the machines and rocket down the hill. goat shepperds are assholes in my opinion now.
i get home and I'm in trouble. my "I'll be right back. no, no.. its only a twenty five minute ride." speech before i left hours ago, didn't help to smooth things over for when i got back. i'm an asshole.
after that, we busted out "thanks for letting us steal your country day" dinner. complete with deer steaks, garnet yams, potatoes, carrots, salads, a twenty four pound turkey, pies, chocolate cheese cakes, home made cream puffs, home buns and breads.... lots more alcohol and beer.
i think our final tally for that two days of partying was: eight bottles of wine, three bottles of champagne, six thirty six packs of Coors lite, a bottle of vodka, a bottle of Cointreau, half a hefty size bottle of Yeager...umm.. probably some of this and that smoked and toked but who can remember?
the weekend went by nice and slow, i built an eight foot by five foot coop for our new turkeys, bucked up several trees and split the wood for a friend, yanked out some old black oak stumps and split that wood. tried not to drink too much and sat by the fire alot and watched plenty of movies!
since then the week has been full of shit. had to drive up to Stockton to get parts, bout a four hour drive each way. drive here and there to fix equipment and be the delivery bitch, broke an "easy out" off in an axle bolt. that sucks major ass, actually id rather suck on some majors ass than break an "easy out" off in a drilled bolt.
fighting with the cheese is hopefully coming to an end. we seemed to make nice a little this morning... we will see how it goes, everything is kind of up to her at this point. i think we both just want to get along. I've got to get some food in my belly, and some more coffee, i didn't sleep for shit the last three nights and have been drained out as a result. so i hope all is well and thank you for checking in, I'll be "bucking up" this weekend and have an old friend coming to town, hopefully will get to meet up with her an introduce her to the cheese company.. (heh heh, i just made that up, cheese and her two little daughters... the cheese company.)
note: just as i wrote, get some food in my belly, a buddy rolled into my office and hooked me up with a burrito! sweet!
note #2: im going to try and provide links to the photos i use from now on. not sure how to do that but iguess thats a nice thing to do.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

this week is fucked.

sorry people, no posts so far, no news on how much fun it was shooting off almost five hundred rounds of shot gun shells, or how bitchin my motorcycling rides were, or that i met a real life goat herder, no cool stories about our new royal palm turkeys, no funny anything about drunkin driving or stoned walks in the dark.
I'm beat. work is kicking my ass and fighting with the cheese this week makes me not so happy to post fun things on the blog. so thanks yet again for checking in and perhaps tomorrow will be an easier day!

Monday, November 26, 2007


SORRY NO TIME TODAY FOLKS!!! Monday is fucking crazy here right now! just waiting for a fax to come in... hope everyone is well and fat. I'll be back tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


whats on the menu?

I've got some friends who love killing shit. only if they can harvest the meat, that is important to them. the other day i did some work on a buddy's truck and when he broke out his wallet to pay, i said...

"bring me some good meat."

so yesterday he comes in with an eight pound antelope roast.

"soak it in milk overnight and it'll be ready to eat!"

"oh, hell yeah!"

cheeses family is coming over for the first time for most of them... and I'll be cooking some dinner. she doesn't get out of class until seven, then a forty minute drive home.. so when i get home its going to be hectic... ready? here we go...

pull into yard, let out dogs, crack open beer, stoke fire, water chickens, collect eggs, water and feed turkeys, (if you haven't been paying attention we now have two live turkeys in a new pen, royal palms, anyways...) bring eggs into house, have a smoke, pull some carrots from the garden, and some early potatoes?, collect a few of the last good tomatoes, get some garden herbs, bring into house, open new beer, brown roast, cut veggies and throw in with roast, take a shot of Yeager, put roast and shit into oven, make salad, clean table and kitchen, let dogs in, feed and water dogs, do the "wipe and clean house" for awhile, get another beer, answer phone messages, set table and make cheese plate for snacks, welcome the first guests, mix drinks/pour wine, drink rest of beer and get another one, bring some more wood into the house, have a smoke, take quickie shower, put on nice shirt, check meat, slice up some zucchini, prep veggies for frying, shell garlic, slice and sear, add butter and salt and perhaps some honey, slice some bread and prep garlic bread for later, drink a beer, chat with guests and kick the fucking dogs out again. pull meat out of freezer for tomorrow, give "the tour" to all the new guests that have never been there before, suggest a round of shots, "no?", take a shot my self and have a beer, welcome cheese home and pass it all on to her, go out side to have a smoke and help people park.

by then it'll eight pm and i can relax... so most of these folks will hopefully spend the night. its a damn far drive to anywhere from our house and its a drinking and driving nightmare holiday! which means breakfast! i picked up two great bottles of champagne to have with orange juice with breakfast. homegrown eggs and bacon. bagels, English muffins or toast. i might be inspired to do some of my famous omelets instead, we will see. and some coffee!! oh hell yeah. then the clean up will happen and the cooking will start all over again! I've invited some folks up to do some skeet shooting round noon, so that should be fun! for lunch i still have some Alaskan crab legs in the freezer and got some wild smoked salmon as well, could be good? no? with some crunchy bread?

then for dinner the neighbors are bringing a turkey, some baked brie, and a pie i believe. cheese got some killer apples at work yesterday and will be baking pie as well. she mentioned something about cream puffs and i liked her sausage stuffed mushrooms idea as well. ill throw down and make smoked wild boar sausage orderves(sp?) and whats left of the salmon with ye another cheese and fruit plate.

i think I'm making deer steaks to sit alongside of the turkey and buddy is bringing some homemade rolls. another monster salad and some purple potatoes. finally some Costco cheese cake and ice cream and pie and fruit.

Costco makes "the best" fucking cheese cake. think we are topping with some wild black berries.

well i smell like shit and can barely sit next to myself at this point. (i spilt several gallons of gear oil in my truck and managed to get it all over my sweat shirt as well... if cancer had a smell, this would be it.) so I'm going to go outside and pretend to do some work! have a happy one and I'll be checking in on everybody this weekend. so don't be fucking lazy and post something!!! I'll try to get some pics together if you do!!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

i feel better

yeah, temper tantrum there... my bad! i guess i was hungry. had some killer sushi last night and was having some gas too... so i guess the moral of the story is; if I'm hungry and gassy, don't fucking piss me off. now i have to find those tools that i chucked into the shop... enjoy your Tuesday!

id kill you if i knew you were one of them...

I'm so fucking pissed at the news right now.... what the fuck is with people that kill their own kids? i fucking hate you people!!!!!!!!! aaaargggggggggg... i just read this article and its not the only one CNN has published recently... what the fuck is wrong with you? why is our court system not taking you out back and double tapping you in the head. why don't we have a box at the jail where we throw these shitbags into with fifty crackheads in the bottom and say...

"hey first one to rip his heart out gets a twenty sack!!!"

they lock these fuckers in solitary confinement because they know they wouldn't last a week in general pop. even hardened criminals don't like pedos and baby killers...

i don't have kids, my girlfriend does. but you look like a pedo or a fucking baby killer around me and I'm going push face into the back of your head. we've got enough sick people in our jail system already, we don't need to be spending two million dollars to house these people for a life time! that's if the derelict judge manages to get his head out of his ass and give them life without parole. most don't even serve their whole sentences... good behavior? you fucking killed your own kids you wacksack, and now you are a better person because you spent ten years doing hard time?!?! WTF?!?!? fuck you!!!

I'm so fucking pissed right now, I'm gonna go throw some shit around my shop.

Monday, November 19, 2007


i fucking love canada!!!!

yeah, end all ready. its been a long day. the higher ups are in a meeting, where they are finally going to discuss buying some new trucks for the fleet. but it isn't really as good as that sounds. because instead of buying some basic, entry level, rubber floored work trucks, they have asked me to price out some brand new trucks for management. now i really don't give two flying fucks what they do, but does management need any more perks? three weeks paid vacation, one week holiday pay, spring bonus, Christmas bonus...aaarrrgggghhhh...
"hey lets buy ourselves some new trucks."
out of the trucks i priced out with the options specified, only one came in under fifty thousand dollars.
"mines got to have satellite radio."
its a supposed to be a work truck, not an image mobile.
"the company i work for makes tons of money! so don't feel bad when i bend you over and don't use any lube, cause daddy need some leather seats! hah!"
but they have their ways and do work alot, with out them this company would have disappeared and poof!!! gone.
in other news....
I'm so sick of being hung over. felt like assapoopoo all damn day. hey! perhaps i shouldn't drink so fucking much everyday. but tomorrow is oaklandgirls sisters 21st birthday. Wednesday we are having lots of cheeses family over, Thursday is eat too much food, and drink too much wine day, then there is... well, Friday.we all know what happens on Friday right, oh and Saturday. probably have to drink on Sunday just so i don't have any withdrawals... so in theory, i have to drink continuously for the next week before i can get a break. uugghhh.. my stomach just turned over and a small Yeager burp worked its lovely way out. enjoy that little bit of imagery.

when i am asleep

sometimes when I'm asleep, I'm an ass. i can be rude and a jerk. especially when i passed out on the couch with a beer in my hand earlier in the evening and spilt it in my lap. oops. last night i guess i was particularly jackasshole-ish. sorry cheese. when i woke up on my side of the bed and nobody was there curled up next to me, i figured id fucked up somehow... jerk. I've been grouchy more often in my sleep. perhaps I'm going through my m.m.s. cycle. maybe i shouldn't drink so much before bedtime... hmmm...

Friday, November 16, 2007

can you tell im bored at work today?

oh yeah, when i die....
i think this is awesome... the only thing i found anywhere was that the mans wife had this commissioned for him when he died.. his wife did it! so cool.
there has been so much death lately, that this is a nice way to see how things might be done. have a great weekend people! and give the ones you love a call and tell them something sweet!
such as:
"i cant wait to get you in the sack, all tied up and ball gagged!" or
"can you bring home some more of that nacho cheese and relish, so i can smear it all over you?" or perhaps this gem...
"i fucking love you woman!" <---- my personal favorite!
seriously have a safe and happy weekend.


so after a week of sitting around with sick people everywhere, not doing chores or cleaning up after ourselves much, i get a phone call when i get home from work.
"there will realtor's at our house in the morning." yeah i bitch about it all the time, but it really was the last thing i wanted to do when i got home last night... clean up the house. douche it. so we did and now it looks like this...

not bad, cheese cleans like a mad woman. on, under, next to, below, she gets it all, throw down the usual "sweep, mop, counter top, vvrroom, vvrroom, vacuum and we were done. watched a movie, took a late night shower, got into bed, ahem, ahem, and passed out. cheese studied into the wee hours of the morning... so today there are people wandering through my house, looking in my closets and peeking into my pantry. opening all my kitchen drawers and cabinets and judging me. yeah, you know they are... so i try and leave them a few misleading articles for them to say "WTF?" to themselves... you can't see in the picture but we have a coat rack by the front door. i have an LAPD hat that i stole from some kwik-mart in Santa Barbara years ago. i hung that hat on top of a holstered .45 with extra clips. (the kind that tucks ever so neatly under your armpits when worn. in the shop i have an air soft machine gun.(i bought it to scare off the neighbor dogs.) and i leave that out in plain site. hahahahhaaaa (i hide the orange tip on it of course.) but i can imagine what people might think after driving twenty minutes up a private road, then two more miles strait up a dirt road, only to end up at some ex-cops glory days ranch house.... hahahahhaaaa.. welcome to hicksville USA rich fuckers...what does one think when they drive to the middle of bumsmack, California? is this your shangrala? 1.2 million dollars of what? any ideas? what would you think if you rolled up to this house and saw it was loaded with guns and dogs and a whiskey still?

UPDATED PIC:thought i should put put one of the bedroom up as well... you know "to inspire the men..." hahahha no, not really. figured i'd put it up anyway.

Thursday, November 15, 2007


i accidentaly fucked you bro. i pissed off your girlfriend on myspace. oops. i was just kidding around and got her all fired up. didnt know it was so serious.... aaahhhhahahhahahahahahaha... fucking myspace.

more to come.... i'm leaving work right now.

this is how my head ache feels right now.

leaving work now. have a great day all!!!


YEAH, and what of it? i feel like shit. but you hear that alot from me, so whats new and/or different about this time? nothing. except my stomach is running out the back side of me and i have a nasty cough. so imagine a runny stomach coupled with a nasty cough.... ha ha on me.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

todays post is here!

well today's post is over here at pink dramas comment box, so id give you a direct link but she doesn't have her blog set up that way. so go there and click on her comment box and I've left a decent size post over there... (I'm so wacky) it was a response to a comment i left.... that and I'm wicked busy today so i thought id at least find a way for you all to read something!

Friday, November 09, 2007

sorry kids not feeling it today

kind of bored, tired, lazy today. got up went to town, drove over to Salinas to pick up some parts. i fucking hate parts people sometimes...
"yeah, that ain't gonna work." he says.
"but, its what i want. so can i have it?" i reply.
"sure but it ain't gonna work."
"you said that already. how much?"
"i dunno why you want it, you need to have a Parker crimping machine for these fittings."
"no i don't, i have the collets for these fittings that work on my machine, i can do it just fine. i need six of these one here."
i show him a sample of a busted fitting.
"uh, yeah. i said i need six.....please."
"well, they ain't gonna work. but, I'll sell them to you. you need the Parker crimping machine."
"yes, you said that as well. now i need some of this hose here."
i show him a piece of hose that i brought in off our broken excavator.
"we don't sell that hose, that's Aeroquip, we sell Parker."
"no shit?"
"yea- wait what?"
"yes i need some of this hose here, i understand you sell a different brand, i need something with the same P.S.I. rating, i don't care what the bend values are, i just need fifty feet of it. I'll retrofit it all in the field."
"yeah but, we sell Parker, i cant look up Aeroquip numbers."
"you can't cross reference the numbers?"
"why not?"
"that's in a different book, it's a pain in the ass. why don't you go to delta rubber, they sell Aeroquip."
"because I'm here, not at delta rubber."
"well i suppose i could just guess."
"what? no, i don't need you to guess, i need you to get me something comparable to this hose here and that will fit with your Parker fittings... please."
wanders out back for a while... comes back to the front counter.
"yeah, i dunno why you want me to look for this stuff, it ain't gonna work."
"are you kidding?"
i call delta rubber, give him the numbers and they say they have 45 feet.
"okay, so delta has the hose, can i get a tag for these fittings please?"
"why don't you just get them over there?" he replies.
"i work for blaze, B.L.A.Z.E E.N.G.I.N.E.E.R.I.N.G. in Big Sur. thanks."
i didn't wait for a tag, i took the shit off the counter, stuck it in my sweatshirt front pocket and walked out. WTF?
i roll over to delta rubber, and buddy at the counter says,
"hey Zack, wassup? you really pissed off those guys at CSC. what happened?"
"idiots, they don't want to make any money."
"they are pissed, they called. they want you to go back over there and sign the tag."
"never mind that, do you have these fittings?"
"how about that hose i called you for?"
"ready to go."
"sweet, can you call those fuckers over there and tell them they can come and pick up their fittings. I'll leave them here on your counter. is that cool?"
"sure man, whatever. I've never even been in their store."
so i finish my town run and get back to the office and i have a note from George at CSC.
"sorry about the confusion. we would love the opportunity to serve you better in the future. George CSC vice president."
gal in my office, "what did you do?" looks at me with those questioning eyes that only a mother could have. felt like i stepped on her flower garden or something.
"i fucking hate Salinas..."
p.s. thanks to my dad for todays picture.

Thursday, November 08, 2007


"I'll take two ass poundings a day with my jail sentence please!"

YEAH BURN BITCH. ya just couldn't stop being a retard, could you. just fade away into obscurity... yah had to go and do some other stupid shit, while being recorded, with a bunch of shit lips who aren't gonna take the fall for you... yep, dumb as you look. you deserve it!

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

funny review

reading some reviews of restaurants here in big sur i stumbled upon one for nepenthe that made me laugh... and fuck if i can find again to give you all the exact link but he called the staff there "hippy-redneck hybrids".

i have to tell you i love it! that's what the majority of the people that live here are. concerned about recycling, yet hunt for their own meat. like watching the sunset while shooting off guns and drinking shit beer. solar powered home, complete with underground bomb shelter... what more could you ask for, the combination of all that is good about America!

it took a fucking tourist from whothefuckknowswhere to coin the phrase, well at least that's the first time I've heard it. three cheers for the hippy-redneck hybrid in us all!!!

p.s. blogger doesn't recognize the word, hippy. but it does know redneck. hmmm...

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

a few more thoughts

just had a few moments before i head home for the evening and i thought id leave you all with a little something. we recently had a member of the community try and kill himself. its the anniversary of his fathers death and its been hard for him. not to mention that any time he drives to town he can see where his fathers last moments where, right there on that turn in the highway.
this friend, cheese's cousin took a gun to his head. the squeezing of the trigger must have changed the angle ever so slightly and the bullet went through the roof of his mouth and out his eye.
hes stable and in the critical care center in San Jose. where and what he does after this only he knows...
but here is my thought. I've been there, been suicidal and been around suicidal people before. its hard to tell and hard to know whats going on the minds of the uber depressed. but if there is ever anything you see or think you can see, let them know that's really not an option. yeah it sucks ass when you are wrong, but id rather be proven wrong than have thought about it, done nothing and then be proven right.
just let them know they are "not alone". that's where a lot of that anguish goes, they/we feel alone...
that's all i would ask for anyone to do for me, so i would ask that you take the chance of looking like a fool and reach out to those who might be at risk....

i'll be fixing the four wheel drive solenoid while you look for something new here to read.

ha, longest title to a post on here yet, see something new. yeah got to get to up the hill to 'fix' the jd310e. have a great morning!

Monday, November 05, 2007



Yeah, worthless, you can find it here. i know you want one!!! i can almost afford it! yeah, i know... its a first year model, and its got some high miles on it. those tires would be real expensive to replace, but wtf is the difference between this and a Yukon Denali or Suburban or Chevy Tahoe? it is a chevyfuckingtahoehummer2! yeah, fifteen miles a gallon when it was new.... where the fuck are the diesel ones... i would be so trashy in this truck. the first thing i would do is hit it with a hammer, hahahahaaaa "my hummer would be hammered"

i also think that would be a great t-shirt... "hummer, you know you want one..." (dual meaning sort of a joke you know? get it? get it?)

man! it even comes factory lifted! not like this asshole seen below.

either way i look like a complete jerk... but how much fun would that be to roll up in some ridiculous hummer? wet dreamy I'm sure you feel the same way!


BUSY DAY IN THE OFFICE! fun weekend and an odd scare this morning... until i can get back here's a little chuckle for you this morning.

Friday, November 02, 2007

the tally...

between four of us we drank:
six bud lites at my house before the pre-party. (just me on this one.)
some of an eighteen pack of Coors lite.
an entire bottle of Yeager. (the big one.)
the rest of the crown royal, no idea how much was in that one.
my flask that was filled with vodka. (just me again!)
two more bud lites in the car on the way to the party. (guess who?)
three kamikazes and a water. (go cheese for the water drinking!)
i had another kamikaze and a keg beer then a water to go! yeah me!
back at the pre-party pad, i kind of remember drinking something else but don't i cant quite recall what....

shhh... and a dubie.... shhh...

I'll post more about that evening later, but my deal yesterday? woke up two and a half hours late to work, went to work long enough to be told to go home. went home made a sandwich, went to sleep, woke up and had some pizza and salad, watched a movie and went back to sleep. woke up this morning with a hang-over... lucky me...

funniest thing that night? well there is two... finding out that the chic who was in the stall shitting and pissing and puking all over herself is someone who i really loath and would have paid to see that personally was a highlight. (the fucking ambulance carted her o.d. ass away.) second, was watching our friends argue a little bit, not have their keys and realize they had to sit on one anothers lap in the front seat of my tiny pick up truck. (sorry denim, i know you were bent and its probably still an issue but i was drunk and thought of the comedy of the situation. i remember having the all out battle blowout with my ex in that very same parking lot the year before... so the little annoyance you suffered is what made me chuckle...) nothing like two people arguing on each others lap while you open the window and close one eye and drive... at least that's what i think i remember!

i hope everyone had a safe one and is still living....