Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
went to the bar after my busy but "boring" day yesterday with some friends. one of the usual suspects was there with his post hockey game buzz on. he was chatting up some tourist couple and was very interested in the wife. he confided in me that he'd probably be having sex with her later... he was sure of it.
anyways as the evening wore on i smacked him in the back of the head for some reason... i don't recall why, it was one of those stop acting like an idiot smacks to the back of the head. you know what I'm talking about. a short time later he was interested in a ring i was wearing. he put it on and tried to return the favor from earlier, by trying to whack me in the head. missed, fell part way off his stool and flung my ring across the bar.
i hadn't even known what was happening until he was picking himself up and begging the manager and bar tender to let him back there. he had the bar tender on his knees looking under the sinks and counters. this is not a small man, our tender is pushing two sixty i bet and doesn't need to be bending over looking for my shit. all the while the married couple is trying to get the ring flinging buddy to head over to fernwood to help them hook up with some, well... stuff that you would find on the back deck for sale at fernwood.
anyway, after an hour or so of this mayhem, my friend that originally came in with said, "i saw it fly into the wall and drop into the sink full of ice. sure enough it was in there. he hands it over and the stone is not only missing but is obviously shattered off. there were bits of it left and bits of it in the ice, on the floor, in the condiments, everywhere. he spent the next half an hour apologizing and promising to get it fixed and a new stone set.
problem is, i bought it in Mexico. it was Mexican malachite. and even though it wasn't a terribly expensive piece of jewelery, it was irreplaceable. so whatever... the scene was over and the dude left with the married couple. i paid our tab and got a to go beer....err, a beer for the lawn. got home around nine and helped the girls brush their teeth and went to bed.
some time in the evening cheese came to bed and woke me up looking for the alarm clock, (my cell phone). fuzzy memory and clouded eyes doesn't lend well to explain exactly what happened but I'm sure i didn't respond well to whatever it was she was asking me. i remember saying something like "its in the car" and "you go fucking get it then". funny that i was getting the icy stare of death and doom this morning while brushing my teeth. huh, i wonder what went down.
moral of the story here? don't let the drunk guy touch your rocks and don't wake the sleeping beauty and expect him to be nice. I'm sorry I'm an asshole when I'm asleep and partly drunk. i think i went right to bed to avoid any assholish remarks that might have come out.... my bad...
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
note: i know nothing of religion and its practices, this is a biased rant from someone with no understanding of faith and god... so you'll have to excuse me for my ignorance....
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
so we douched it...
Saturday, mini cheese has ballet in the morning. then the cheese girls went to a baby shower. i guess there was a bunch of dudes all there with their wives wondering "where is Zack?".
ummm... do i seem like a dude who goes to baby showers? how long do you think i would last at one of those...
"wow you look great in that stretchy outfit, man those pants sure stretch out huge!"
"are you sure its his? yeah? hope it doesn't have as small a penis as its dad, i know you've seen it! but when he was flashing us from the hot tub last year we were wondering if it was a fat chic with a big muff, but it was your man!"
"do you think you are going to lose ALL THAT WEIGHT you've gained?"
"you know people just have these things for all the free shit! this couple really doesn't like all of us here! where is my free shit for coming?"
"would have been a lot easier if you guys would have used a condom."
"where the hell is all the fucking beer!?!?"
"i hope you guys have a girl, there is a shortage of men in big sur, well i guess that would work out for us older men there."
"do you wanna a hit of this? cough, cough... oh right yer pregnant."
"how much do you think you could get for it? on the black market i mean?"
"do you know what i saw your man/woman doing last weekend at the club?"
"dude are you sure its yours? i mean what if it comes out all Chinese with red hair and shit? I'm just saying..."
"dude i spiked the punch with acid an hour ago, it should be kicking in any minute..."
"hey everybody! check out these home videos i found in the back of the closet!!"
"do you know how much shit and vomit those little things produce?"
could you really see it? me at a baby shower... i thought so.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
here's the situation. last weekend we had some friends come up and help us cut some more trees down. me and one buddy bucked them up into log splitting size pieces. everyone else helped carry these "bucked up" rounds of wood up the steep hill and into the yard and made a huge pile! (we had woman in skirts carrying stuff, kids helping and a series of unspoken strong man championships going on.)
afterwards we made a massive dinner of pork ribs smothered with a homemade spicy, BBQ, salsa sauce. some top sirloins that i bbqed up with a mixed spice rub and jammed a bunch of garlic cloves into the meat before cooking over the fire. cheese made some artichokes with the inner fuzzies cut out and stuffed them full of this chipotle Bearnaise sauce, i think we had candied carrots and mixed greens salad and garlic bread with homemade garlic butter. yeah we love to eat good. lots of different kinds of shooters and played a game of Yahtzee..
i got off track there, i digress...
the next day i spent all damn day splitting this massive pile of wood. which means move from one pile onto the splitter and form another pile. which ends up being even larger than the first pile by double.
then last night i started the arduous process of loading it into my pick up truck and moving it about fifty feet and backing up a steep little hill so i can unload it, truck by truck and then stack it. well i took me almost two hours to load and unload two trucks worth, then stack it. so lets recap...
step one: cut down the trees
step two: buck the trees up into splittable, burnable, carriable sizes
step three: carry the wood up the hill and pile it
step four: feed everyone and send them home as drunk as possible
step five: split the wood
step six: make another pile of split wood
step seven: load into truck
step eight: unload from truck and repeat
step nine: stack in wood shed
step seven through nine will need to repeated about twelve more times this week. so, does anyone see where I'm going with this? wood chucks ain't got nothin on me...
in the future there will be,
step nine: carry wood from wood shed and stack it in the house.
step ten: burn the wood.
step eleven: empty wood burning stove and dump outside somewhere.
all for the sake of heat and warmth... what do you do to stay warm in the winter? turn up the dial? flick the switch? want to know what our power and heating bills are?!?! $0.00.... yeah, acting like an asshole here, I'll wrap it up... have a great weekend folks! I'll be handling my wood!
edit: blogger stopped sucking my ass and decided to reach around instead. here is the seal of coolness.
so random hooked me up with this seal of coolness this morning! yeah bitches you need to be singing the tainted love song endlessly on her blog to be getting one of these... I've been so lucky with all the cool shit people have bestowed on me these last couple of weeks! how do i ever repay the love. my seal of approval didn't seem to go over as well as i had hoped. was it the middle finger? the porn remarks? or the "must be crazy" part. if ya knew me on the "outside world" and i told you to fuck off or called you a cock or something you know that means we are friends. its all in the delivery of the remark, right?!?! so fuck all yawl and I'll be back later with some more shit to bitch about!
so blogger is riding my ass right now and wont let me post the picture of the coolness award so go here and you can be jealous!!!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
this one reminded me of first nations, cause she is always sitting around getting kids drunk and giving them drugs and shit out on her ranch in Santa Barbabra. no just kidding... the title of her blog is Paul. i think she feels Paul is a nice name and apparently he can chug too!
this one reminds me of MJ? why you ask? cause she is generally posting old ass pics of woman with funny captions. so i thought a picture of old ass woman with funny captions was a pretty close second. you all should check her out, not on Fridays and definitely not at work!!! she has an excellent clan of witty commenter's. "its better than porn, its mj!"
this one is made me chuckle, I've seen it a few times and I'm sure he has as well! all though he hardly ever fucking posts,(and even less now that turkey season is going) he still a good pal and his blog needs some pimping!
ah, bbc has a special place here. i have no idea how he found me and his comments are sometimes a little of the beaten track, buts its the Internet and for all we know he is really a twelve year old Asian boy stuck in a factory somewhere assembling rabbits.
this pic just looks like the profile pic for random chick! i have no idea how i lurked onto her blog, but she is one of the ones i check first and is fucking funny as hell! the pic is one of the ones my dad emailed me and i have several others that look like her by chance but I'll have to save some of them for later!!!
Monday, April 07, 2008
Thursday, April 03, 2008
i was trying to get into town to pick up my new motorcycle tires on the same trip but they were not ready! shit...
did anyone play an April fools joke on blogger beside Knudsen's lame attempt?
okay, while the Internet was down the tech here went around fucking with every ones computer. says to me...
"you need to get rid of all that porn on Marty's computer."
"all the pictures of cocks and vaginas." he says it loud enough for everyone in the office to hear.
"i don't have any porn on this computer, i have it all on mine at home."
"yes you do." he is turning red and getting bent that he didn't embarrass me.
"show me then."
he fuddles around with a *.jpeg search and comes up with a number of lewd photographs, some with cock. some with vaginas and some with both. since i had never seen this kind of hard drive search before i sat down and looked at all the options. there was organize by date, size, last modified, users, type of file etc, etc...
so i clicked on the user feature and all was rearranged. looked for the techs name in the user lists and what did i find?!?! that in the years 2001 and 2002 in the administrator/Tim files was all the cock and balls photo links. saved in triplicate to each hard drive in this computer. hmmm...
"hey Tim! why does all the porn on this computer have your name on it!" i call out from the back office.
"what!?!" he comes running back. "NO IT DOES NOT!"
"well, i don't know what I'm doing but here it says a 8:15 a.m. on Feb 6th 2001 that the administrator/Tim saved this 238 MB file to the three hard drives. it says that name on all the fucking porn on this computer. look."
"well someone must have had my password and used it." he says in a huff.
"i don't think so, and everything I've ever saved here says guest/Zack. i never would have been allowed within spitting distance of this computer in those days. and all my porn on this computer is bad jokes at worst."
"you must have done this..." he storms out and goes to his truck and drives off.
so i spent most of yesterday teaching my self how to delete files and clean up this computer. see the owner is coming back from her three month trip to Tibet and china. she has spent the last several weeks in "his Holinesses" good company. (the Dali lama, perhaps you have seen him on the news.) and i need to make it look like i never even sat at her desk. it all looks like normal except for the large grease stain on the leather chair and the funny red stain on the desk that wont go away!!! i got to go kids and will try to get back here this afternoon!!!