Thursday, April 24, 2008

BIG SUR BABY.....


so as an engineering company we have a lot of heavy equipment to do the jobs we do... most of it is all run on diesel fuel. so we have a four thousand gallon storage tank here in the yard. one years regulations stated that it had to be in a containment vault. so we built a concrete vault around it and put an a-frame building on top to store some plumbing supplies. another year the regulatory committees said it had to be underground. so we built up the dirt around it and then we had more parking for trucks closer to it. it all worked out.
then the smart people at the fuel regulatory board decided that anything under four thousand five hundred gallons needed to be in a vault above ground. so we dug around the building and built a rock wall so that you had a space just big enough to fall into and get hurt... makes sense right?
well because we have this tank of fuel on premises, we do a service for our community and sell folks fuel in certain situations... locals who "just need to get to town", tourists who "thought that there would be diesel for sale in big sur", and contractors who "just need enough to get the job finished".
people are astounded at what we charged... imagine... after all the permit buying, building, hauling of fuel, back filling, digging out of said back filled dirt and wall building what OUR costs became... granted everything in big sur is more expensive but here we were providing a service to the community by sharing our good fortune and abilities with folks. then they have the gall to complain....
well our fuel costs have risen and so have our prices... while the rest of the state is bitching about how fuel prices have risen to four bucks we proudly will sell you some fuel for $6.50 a gallon. that's right, six fifty!
I'll come out and hurry you up and make you fell like an idiot for not getting it in town or reading your AAA travel book closely enough, whatever your "emergency" is I'll be there making you feel like a fucking idiot.... all for six fifty, come on down, I'll even do it with a smoke teetering from my lip.

15 comments:

shelaghayan said...

oh, I don't think you could say I'm on TOP of anything, per se (though I frequently space off and think about being on top of someone... sigh).

Did you hear about the dude in Seattle (I think?) who stole something like 20,000 gallons of gas -- I think I'm wildly over-exaggerating. I will check -- over the period of a week and sold in on the street for something like $1/gal. That's the entreprenuerial spirit!

shelaghayan said...

Nope, it WAS 20K gallons. What a pimp!

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/355804_gas21.html

INNER VOICES said...

nice, i checked your link.. very cool, why does it always have to be some fucking criminal doing though... they busted some old codger a few months back doing something similar. he was pulling up in a truck towing a trailer and removed the lids where they fill the tanks and pumped em dry from there... labeld a criminal as well.... we were just born a hundred years too late!

Random Chick said...

Geez, I would have thought you guys would charge more, what with all that concrete, building an A-frame, digging, and shit...stupid regulators can't decide what the hell their doing. Idiots!!!

Random Chick said...

Hey, thanks for pimping my contest! :-)

Is Cheese still pissed at you?? Hope things are okay at the homestead.

Cecile said...

Well, I guess I should have kept my opinion to myself the other day. Actually, that was the only day I found myself bored here. And I was in a foul mood, so I guess I was spreading the joy. Will you accept my apology? Today, and yesterday were the normal KAZ (Kick Ass Zack). Oh and thanks for pimping The Onion.

So I hope we are still friends, and I promise not to publicly diss on ya again.

INNER VOICES said...

RANDOMONIUM!! i dont think it was ever that big of a deal, although it was quiet at our house last night... and the inspector guy that comes here uses us as an example when talking about "following the law to the letter"... funny shit...

ceceopian, there was never a moment when it was an issue!! the best part of the boring post was your comment! it stirred up all kinds of fun! and im gonna make the best with it as well... no worries... now if you pull that shit again its on....


hahahahahahahaaaa....

Suzanne said...

I'll be back to comment on your post, but I'm in the middle of doing something. I just want to alert you that Kylie needs you over on my blog. It is too damn funny. Something about a gear rod ~ I think she has a Volvo. All I know is I can't stop laughing. God I wish I could fix it and get me that "slab of beer," and hell, I don't even drink beer! Australians. Ya gotta love um!

XO

kylie said...

ha, thats funny, i'm here after suze is talkin about me :)
i was just gonna tell ya that one of the road service guys i had out this week did a good job of makin me feel like an idiot, so that makes you even better positioned to become my "car guy"
i have a peugeot 505 wagon, actually and i think it's an 89 model but i cant be sure, after about 15 cars i kind of get them all mixed up
cheers

kylie said...

and if we're laughing about australianisms (the slab) i should tell you that to talk about it properly i shouldnt say the part was modified...i would normally say they bodgied it up to fit.
all this blather will make sense when you read my comment at suze's, it'll still be blather tho :)

Suzanne said...

Oh my God, I'm laughing too hard. Hey, where the hell are you? Kylie, you're the best!

BEAST said...

&6.50 a gallon is soooooooooooo cheap compared to fuel prices in the UK .
Can you decant me 5 gallons into envlopes and send by mail ????

Leah said...

"...I'll even do it with a smoke teetering from my lip." Now THAT, IV, is some brilliant fucking writing.

(Excuse my language; I come here to get some cursing done)

Suzanne said...

I just stopped by to tell you something and realize my last comment didn't even post. Shit. I wrote right after Leah. I read your post and left a BRILLIANT comment and it isn't here. That is so freakin' frustrating. I'll have to come back later and try to write it again.

Just want to alert you that Gig's enduring a stressful situation and could probably use a bit of laughter and/or support. Also, poor Cecile is dealing with what looks like the last stage of her father's life. You know how much she loves you. Anything you say will be a comfort. I know you're overwhelmed with your own life, but if you can find a wee bit of time, please visit our dear friends.

Love you.

Suzanne said...

Oh, and I think Kylie's still waiting for the damn car to be fixed!