Friday, April 11, 2008

the ridiculousness of the situation...

now these people have it right!!! (are they shooting his ex or hers?)

here's the situation. last weekend we had some friends come up and help us cut some more trees down. me and one buddy bucked them up into log splitting size pieces. everyone else helped carry these "bucked up" rounds of wood up the steep hill and into the yard and made a huge pile! (we had woman in skirts carrying stuff, kids helping and a series of unspoken strong man championships going on.)

afterwards we made a massive dinner of pork ribs smothered with a homemade spicy, BBQ, salsa sauce. some top sirloins that i bbqed up with a mixed spice rub and jammed a bunch of garlic cloves into the meat before cooking over the fire. cheese made some artichokes with the inner fuzzies cut out and stuffed them full of this chipotle Bearnaise sauce, i think we had candied carrots and mixed greens salad and garlic bread with homemade garlic butter. yeah we love to eat good. lots of different kinds of shooters and played a game of Yahtzee..

i got off track there, i digress...

the next day i spent all damn day splitting this massive pile of wood. which means move from one pile onto the splitter and form another pile. which ends up being even larger than the first pile by double.

then last night i started the arduous process of loading it into my pick up truck and moving it about fifty feet and backing up a steep little hill so i can unload it, truck by truck and then stack it. well i took me almost two hours to load and unload two trucks worth, then stack it. so lets recap...

step one: cut down the trees

step two: buck the trees up into splittable, burnable, carriable sizes

step three: carry the wood up the hill and pile it

step four: feed everyone and send them home as drunk as possible

step five: split the wood

step six: make another pile of split wood

step seven: load into truck

step eight: unload from truck and repeat

step nine: stack in wood shed

step seven through nine will need to repeated about twelve more times this week. so, does anyone see where I'm going with this? wood chucks ain't got nothin on me...

in the future there will be,
step nine: carry wood from wood shed and stack it in the house.

step ten: burn the wood.

step eleven: empty wood burning stove and dump outside somewhere.

all for the sake of heat and warmth... what do you do to stay warm in the winter? turn up the dial? flick the switch? want to know what our power and heating bills are?!?! $0.00.... yeah, acting like an asshole here, I'll wrap it up... have a great weekend folks! I'll be handling my wood!


Leah said...

You fabulous foodie you. Thanks again.

Now, although we flip a switch here in Brooklyn (YES we do and I like it thank you very much) my mom and her guy in upstate NY (we're talkin' woods here) heat through the freezing Adirondack winter entirely by woodstove. During the summer, my mom's guy finds nice dried out deadfall, or does some felling himself, then goes through all that you described. Hedgehog loves to play in the wood before it all gets stacked neatly near the house--when she was four and five, she would always make her own little houses by stacking the wood around her. Now I think it might have been a wee bit dangerous buy the Adirondacks, if you don't fell and stack in summer, you're dead by winter. Okay, that's totally overstated as my mom could just come to Brooklyn. But the principle of the thing is still there...and yes their heating bills are pretty much zero (unless you count the cost of powering the chainsaw...) and ours are ten gazillion dollars.

So, I offer props to you, Cheese, my mom and her guy. And everyone else with a woodstove.


THATS RIGHT!!! and i forgot to give you props on the no tv thing a month or so back!!! and thats absolutely right about the collecting the wood during summer, it needs to cure by winter! and without it, you were right on the money! thanks for the comment!

thanks for the food props. we do chef it up at times... i need to get my hands on some more game meats. i love describing the stuff we make with that!!!

Suzanne said...

That is so FUNNY!!! I was just about to inform Leah (and sound brilliant) that wood has to cure, otherwise Mom and her guy would surely die in the Adirondacks trying to burn wet wood. But you so rudely bumped me off the dance floor. Keep that hip to yourself mister. I'm wearing heels and could have been severely injured tripping over Gig's and then Cecile's big foot (do you think that was accidental?). In any event, be sure to use well cured (dry) wood Leah.

Wood heat. I grew up with it. I hate it! Why? Because I hate freezing my ass off in a NY winter. I hate wearing 50 layers of clothes just to function, indoors. I hate trying to cough myself through smoke when the wind blows the wrong way, and I hate, hate, hate being told when I ask, "Mom, why can't we just turn on the heat?" told, "When you start paying the bills you can turn on the heat." However, I loved splitting wood. My older sister was pretty good, but hated it. My younger sisters and I all loved it and could wield one mean ax. We could all take on a cord of wood single-handedly, no problem. And we didn't use a wood splitter like you, we had to really use and ax and bust our asses! I still miss doing that. But I don't miss having to carry wood in in a snow storm.

Now, about all nine steps. That's what you deserve for killing a tree! ;)


P.S. The meal was wonderful. I'm so virtually full I can barely get off my real chair.

P.P.S. Wood ash is so beneficial to your garden. Don't just dump it "somewhere!" What a waste that would be.

Cecile said...

Man, I need to come to your house for a weekend party some time. It sounds like you guys eat very well. We are making stone soup right now. (Actually, we are making beef stew, but I am putting two rocks in it and calling it stone soup.) Nathan had the story read to him a couple of months ago and he has been asking for it ever since. He even found two rocks to put in it. I of course, had to send them through the dishwasher a few times before I felt they were clean enough, but alas, we are now making stone soup. I hope you are not too sore to move tomorrow after playing with your wood so much. I've been hauling bags of Cedar chips this evening and putting it around my front flower beds. So I might be sore from playing with wood tomorrow too.

Suzanne said...

Mine appeared at the exact same time as Cecile's. I clicked and it went from 3-4 instantly.

MJ said...

Mind you don't get a splinter.

BEAST said...

Voices , firstly I picked the wrong day to come read.I have a shocking hangover and the luscious food descriptions made me wanta yak.
Itoo have a wood burner, which I love , all the benfits of a real fire , without the spitting fire all over the room(which can be painful if your cavortin nekkid on the faux bearskin)

Suzanne said...


BBC said...

My place is small and I heat it with a 220 volt electric heater. This winter my highest electric bill was just over 70 bucks in the coldest month so its a no brainer to heat this way.

Helen heats her place with wood and I sure wish I had a splitter.

Mr. Shife said...

I had two reactions to your post. First I want to be invited over to your next BBQ because your grub sounded awesome. Second I was reminded of a David Spade joke or line from one of his shows, "Somebody just got a fresh delivery of wood." I am still a juvenile sometimes when it comes to what amuses me. Anyway good luck with the wood, enjoy your weekend, and thank you for reminding me how much I pay for heating my house in the winter.


i was sent here by the mj infomaniac to visit your blog.... hey, this blog looks super fucking cool man, nice work!!

MJ said...

Could you please send one of your selves over to visit ANOTHER blog?

I knew I should have been more explicit in my instructions.

CyberPete said...

I'd like to participate in Step 4 next time.

I'd even stay and watch you handling your wood

MJ said...

What is Beast doing here? He has rug burns, you know.

And as for CyberPete, he forgot to say "I was sent here by MJ from Infomaniac."

Do I have to supervise everything?

Voices: Watch out for CyberPete who'll want to help you "unload".

FirstNations said...

i wasn't invited.
i shall now sulk.

ok done.

Suzanne said...

When you get back, come over to the Cafe for some libations and dancin'!


Robyn said...

Inner Voices!
Man have I missed you bud! Yep...the cooking up in them hills sounds damn good. I am with Mr.Shife on the invite to a BBQ soon my friend. When me and my man are rolling in your neck of the woods...we would love an INVITE! LOL!
So, here's to you my friend *raising beer glass in honor* I have missed you and your rants *wicked grin*
Hugs and more to make up!


suz! sounding brilliant eh? sounds like leah knows what to do with her wood anyways... heh heh...

cecile, cmon over anytime! id even try your rock soup recipe!

mj, its all about how you handle the wood, this wood was still green and wet...

beast!! fucking welcome man, come on in! round of drinks for everyone, beast is here(although his hang over is gone by now we can start giving him a new one!!)and wood is the only way to go. i dont know if i could ever live in a city again!? thanks for commenting!

bbc... a no brainer? we knew that all ready!

mr.shife! you enjoy those heating and electric bills man... and you are always welcome in the sur! ive been wanting to trap some of the fat little mountain quail we have running up and down the hills here... hmmm...

IV... dude! no, you are the fucking man!! i mean it... so fucking cool!

mj, i dont think your posts could get any more explicit! and thanks for the warning about cyberpete...

cyberpete, your welcome to hang out around my neck of the "wood"s anytime!

firsty! where have you been yo!!! welcome back! thanks for that awesome long winded comment!

suz! i snuck in while no one was looking!

robyn, when you guys decide to take a trip south we will hide all the contraband and bodies!! just for you!!