Wednesday, April 23, 2008


went to the bar after my busy but "boring" day yesterday with some friends. one of the usual suspects was there with his post hockey game buzz on. he was chatting up some tourist couple and was very interested in the wife. he confided in me that he'd probably be having sex with her later... he was sure of it.

anyways as the evening wore on i smacked him in the back of the head for some reason... i don't recall why, it was one of those stop acting like an idiot smacks to the back of the head. you know what I'm talking about. a short time later he was interested in a ring i was wearing. he put it on and tried to return the favor from earlier, by trying to whack me in the head. missed, fell part way off his stool and flung my ring across the bar.

i hadn't even known what was happening until he was picking himself up and begging the manager and bar tender to let him back there. he had the bar tender on his knees looking under the sinks and counters. this is not a small man, our tender is pushing two sixty i bet and doesn't need to be bending over looking for my shit. all the while the married couple is trying to get the ring flinging buddy to head over to fernwood to help them hook up with some, well... stuff that you would find on the back deck for sale at fernwood.

anyway, after an hour or so of this mayhem, my friend that originally came in with said, "i saw it fly into the wall and drop into the sink full of ice. sure enough it was in there. he hands it over and the stone is not only missing but is obviously shattered off. there were bits of it left and bits of it in the ice, on the floor, in the condiments, everywhere. he spent the next half an hour apologizing and promising to get it fixed and a new stone set.

problem is, i bought it in Mexico. it was Mexican malachite. and even though it wasn't a terribly expensive piece of jewelery, it was irreplaceable. so whatever... the scene was over and the dude left with the married couple. i paid our tab and got a to go beer....err, a beer for the lawn. got home around nine and helped the girls brush their teeth and went to bed.

some time in the evening cheese came to bed and woke me up looking for the alarm clock, (my cell phone). fuzzy memory and clouded eyes doesn't lend well to explain exactly what happened but I'm sure i didn't respond well to whatever it was she was asking me. i remember saying something like "its in the car" and "you go fucking get it then". funny that i was getting the icy stare of death and doom this morning while brushing my teeth. huh, i wonder what went down.

moral of the story here? don't let the drunk guy touch your rocks and don't wake the sleeping beauty and expect him to be nice. I'm sorry I'm an asshole when I'm asleep and partly drunk. i think i went right to bed to avoid any assholish remarks that might have come out.... my bad...

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jeeez babe, maybe you shouldn't have come home shit-faced and surly. Helped the girls brush their teeth?!? More like stumbled around the house all peevish and beligerent that you finally got home, only to be ignored while I finished working on a school paper due today. Sorry I wasn't so excited to see your glassy eyed face when you walked through the door (at 10).
Sorry I made you dinner and waited for you to get your ass home. Sorry I stuck around to listen to you saw logs all night.
Funny. I'm apologizing. Maybe you should give it a go.
See you at home.

And this shit was getting boring...
Hah!

oakland heidi said...

I'm sorry for the badness that happened, but I loved this post. Loved it. Because it was like a little movie about home.

Better "apologize" to cheese extra good tonight when the kids have finished brushing their teeth. She needs some post paper relaxation.

Random Chick said...

You need to do something nice for Cheese, she sounds pissed. Remember that little graphic you posted about me? "Never underestimate the power of an extremely pissed off woman?" Dude, think about it.

You also need to find that drunk dude who broke your ring and kick his ass...now, he's the REAL asshole.

Then finally, you need to swing by my blog. I'm having another Caption Conest...maybe you'll win again!!!

Hope your day is better today! Hang in there ;-)

INNER VOICES said...

right on!!! finally a comment from cheese!! and she didnt even claim firsties!!! dang, i seem to remember a series of phone calls, one with me saying i was at the bar and not to wait for me to have dinner, matter of fact i believe you said you already had dinner on the table and were eating. great comment though babe! you dont need to be sorry either im the drunkin asshole though...
whatever...

oakland! post paper relaxation? huh, how bout post twelve hour work day relaxation... we will see if she a talkin to me by this evening...

random... i forgot all abou the last one, damn ive got a gift certificate floating around in my inbox i need to buy doggie treats with!!!

MJ said...

Is head-whacking how Californian men show affection?

Is this some peculiar form of ritual?

denim said...

oh shit subtle smack talking abound. hijo-ley! how'd the presentation go cheese?

fuckin hockey guy, wtf? i thought that was the ring your gramps gave ya, guess not.

and here i was at the SP looking for ju guys.

"other than that before i go home tonight I'm putting the new tires on the dirt bike and helping a buddy re-adjust the valves on his early eighties Toyota pick up."

hmmmm, maybe it was someone else's...

yerk.

denim said...

oh ya, can't wait to hear how hockey guys scored with the wife.

pffffffffftttttt

Leah said...

I always like your posts--I was just teasing before--you've got a great slice of life thing and excellent narrative flow! Also, a little domestic dispute is always good for business...Sgt Pepper is super evil when he's asleep...not trying to sleep, but when he's actually asleep. Weird. Also he "saws logs" (I'd never heard that expression before). I hope you guys had a better night tonight...

Suzanne said...

Oh Cheese. How lovely to see you here. It always nice when you stop by. Even when you're pissed. I'd be pissed too. He sounds like a complete jackass! Don't let him get away with it honey. *Rubbing hands together, thinking to self...ahhhhhhhhhh, domestic bliss.*

Suzanne said...

I have something for you at my blog. I can barely wait to see it here. It'll brighten up this place. And don't forget to leave a damn comment. I already know what it is, but I'll try to pretend I don't.

Happy Thursday!

XO

INNER VOICES said...

mj, its an old an revered culture for men, kind of like the hair-club...

denim yeah, i was helping farmers next door neighbor(his other boyfriend besides me)just practicing for your ride man... and no my g-pas ring is gold with a star sapphire jem in it... dont wear that one much any more...

oh and more denim, i bet they got so fucked up they forgot about sex...

leah! thanks for the kudos! at least someone enjoys my dribble *smirks* the evening was mellow and watched a french film with the actress from amelie, good movie. "a very long engagement" worthy of the netflix...

suzzanne, remind me of what exactly was jackassyness about my evening... the fact that i came home late? or went to bed early? or was less than cordial when woken up? huh... anyway i agree i love when cheese gives me some comment love too!!!

more suzz! thank you for the flowery badge! ill post it up here soon!!!