Tuesday, April 15, 2008

where did i leave off???

so, Friday we went home and busted some serious ass cleaning in the house. we had gotten a phone call from the land lord that they want to run a couple of "open houses" though this weekend and next. fuck. i fucking hate that our house is for sale and granted we only had a handful of people come through in the last two years(almost two) , I'm still not wicked pumped at the idea of folks trompsing through my shit when I'm "not allowed" to be there.....

so we douched it...

Saturday, mini cheese has ballet in the morning. then the cheese girls went to a baby shower. i guess there was a bunch of dudes all there with their wives wondering "where is Zack?".

ummm... do i seem like a dude who goes to baby showers? how long do you think i would last at one of those...


"wow you look great in that stretchy outfit, man those pants sure stretch out huge!"

"are you sure its his? yeah? hope it doesn't have as small a penis as its dad, i know you've seen it! but when he was flashing us from the hot tub last year we were wondering if it was a fat chic with a big muff, but it was your man!"
"do you think you are going to lose ALL THAT WEIGHT you've gained?"

"you know people just have these things for all the free shit! this couple really doesn't like all of us here! where is my free shit for coming?"

"would have been a lot easier if you guys would have used a condom."

"where the hell is all the fucking beer!?!?"

"i hope you guys have a girl, there is a shortage of men in big sur, well i guess that would work out for us older men there."

"do you wanna a hit of this? cough, cough... oh right yer pregnant."

"how much do you think you could get for it? on the black market i mean?"

"do you know what i saw your man/woman doing last weekend at the club?"

"dude are you sure its yours? i mean what if it comes out all Chinese with red hair and shit? I'm just saying..."

"dude i spiked the punch with acid an hour ago, it should be kicking in any minute..."

"hey everybody! check out these home videos i found in the back of the closet!!"

"do you know how much shit and vomit those little things produce?"

could you really see it? me at a baby shower... i thought so.

9 comments:

shelaghayan said...

Baby showers need you!

And seriously, how the hell do people manage to get knocked up so easily. This whole birth control concept isn't rocket science...

HA! I keeeed. Kinda.

INNER VOICES said...

"it puts the rubber on its skin..."

i understand the whole baby making thing and every now and then cheese gets the hankering... i guess at this one they busted out the bowl and corn meal for the big sur "blessing way" (are you familier with this?) and it was cheeses time to "exit stage left"... anyways thanks for the comment! i see you got your bloggroll figured out!!!

shelaghayan said...

Dude, I went to one where those freaky hippie mamas tied us together. I think we smoked a little too much pot in the blessing circle...

I guess it's probably a good thing IPA isn't very good for the developing fetus. But I promise to stay away from the corn meal. And when I have a bebe shower, I will supply beer for the men who are forced into attendance. Je te promete.

INNER VOICES said...

dude, they tied you together?!?!?! thats why they were wondering where i was... so i wouldnt get to out of control with all the woman in bondage... i get it now...

*waps self in head*

INNER VOICES said...

oh yeah and this is an english spanking website, plase refrain from abusing the language... thanx

shelaghayan said...

I want a spanking!

Yeah, they tied us together. I don't mind getting tied up in some situations but when I'm tied up to a bunch of pregnant women, I get worried about the hormone rushes, and... it just makes one very uncomfortable, that's all.

I would much rather drink beer.

INNER VOICES said...

mmmmm beeerrrr....

so, fucking off on the clock as well are ya? good, are you going to come down before the bay run? we need some more drinkers on the mountain!!

i just watched cold mountain again the other day, made me get all choked up.

shelaghayan said...

I wish I were drunk AND fucking on the clock. That was last week in Puerto Rico...

I fly in May 16 and leave May 19. I fully expect debauchery of the highest order to ensue. Partake!!! Beer!! MMMMMMM

INNER VOICES said...

drinking and fucking on the clock.... hmmm...