Thursday, December 27, 2007


havent touched a computer since last week, until last night. but here i am on my day off up early, drinking coffee, posting for you and me! lurked over at a few of my favorite places and found out im not the only one not posting. so not feeling to bad! here we go!
the skeet shoot went great, loads of people showed up, went through over twelve hundred rounds! damn clay pidgeons never knew what hit them. finally managed to piss off some neighbors! i was so excited about that!
"fuck you too, merry chistmas!!!"
what else do you yell from across the canyon as guns blast behind you?!? we had dads showing kids how to shoot and boys showing girls, so fun! bbqed up a ton of food and passed around a bottle of sailor jerry. quad rides and motorcycles, beer never ending and then dinner. buddy brought up a huge vat of venison stew, buns and homegrown veggies. people spent the night and lost memory capibilities about 10pm.
christmas was sweet, mountains of gifts and games and puzzles. the dirt bike went over great. i left it outside and when all was said and done, i exclaimed!
"holy shit, i think santa left something outside!"
i rolled it in the house and all the other "gear" gifts made a little more sense. suited her up (she was very nervous) and off she went! right over the handle bars! got back on, a few cautious laps up and down the road, then dump in to side hill.
"i need a break." she says.
"get back on that thing and drive it back over here!" i replied.
she did and off we were to the neighbors. where they were burying people in a mountain of spent wrapping paper.
down the coast we drove to cheeses grandmas, she "wasnt feeling well" and we took over cooking and cleaning for her. her grouchy uncle and his girlfriend thing and son came up. they bitched and complained the whole afternoon. (i hate that shit, fuckers, go home if youre not happy.) when they left, her grandma came out feeling "much better" and we partied and drank the night away. made "one for the road" and stopped at a friends house. he was on his way to work(night shift at the hospital) and we had a couple beers with his wife.(also a good friend) cheese was looking a little green around the gills so we split.
pulled over imediately and cheese left some christmas cheer on the side of the highway. and her car. and her sweater... o harm, no foul. got her home and to bed before she woke again. dont remember what i did. but i did find a few more empty cans strewn about the house in the morning.
spent yesterday, doing shit. slept in,(oh, btw, i got one of those eye pillows you strap to your head, get one!!! they are awesome for sleeping in!!!) played about seven hours of a video game i beat ten years ago, and spent the evening snuggled up on the couch with cheese watching movies on her new t.v. (grandma hooked her up!!)
gifts went over well, food went over well, days are going by great. got an email from an ex, lame.
no picture today, im on the mac. no speel check either, same problem as the lack of picture. i'll try to sqweeze some more time in to post more in detail, between scratching my.... and watching movies....
sushi! congrats on the whole edumacation thing!
kay! its me! i can see through the fog of hangover land. i think that will hit tomorrow, as i have been drunk for almost a week!
chubby! congrats on getting marred, er married! your pics are great! love yer hair!
manuel! thanks for checkking in! hope yours were great as well.
b.egg! nice to see a new post! thanks for the kudos and hpe youre doing as well as it sounds!

i know ive forgotten some of you but my back hurts and the coffee has worked its magic! be weel to you all!!!!!

Friday, December 21, 2007



ALL RIGHT I'M HERE, i should be working AND i have cheeses daughters in the office... i skipped out for a long lunch and watched cheeses daughters do the holiday sing song, her older one plays clarinet and is in the class chorus as well and even the preschool kids got to sing and dance... fun to watch and listen to.
today we are having a little Christmas end of week thing at work as well. all the guys are to come back early and hang out and drink beer/soda and have some snacks. everyone is wondering where the burgers/hot dogs/tri-tip steaks are... to tell you the truth most of these guys would rather work then get off two hours early for chips and dip. hmm... make an extra fifty or eat stale chips.... guess whats going to happen.
i haven't put any of cheeses gifts under the tree yet, she is better than a blind man when it comes to figuring out whats in the boxes... last year as she opened things, she told me exactly what everything was before she even opened it... punk... so i think this year she thinks she is not getting much... as i said before there will be some finery for her but i was going to take her shopping. not a gift card, but actually be that boyfriend in the store, helping her try stuff on. that is until she gets tooo frustrated with me and gives me the boot, at that time I'll just give her the card and be off on my merry way!! JUST KIDDING, I WILL BE THERE UNTIL WE HAVE DEPLETED ALL THE RESERVES...
other news??? we are going through with the Christmas skeet shooting plans, bout six or seven people and do a mild BBQ. ill have the fire pit set up and spend the early afternoon shooting at anything that resembles a flying clay disc....
dropped the minibike up at the neighbors house until Christmas morning to hide it. i think cheeses girls are equally as good at finding shit and figuring out what they have as cheese is. as soon as i unload it, some of the neighbors friends come out and looky lou.

"dude, uh huh huh, can i ride it?"

"no, its for kids and i don't want you to break it."

"what ever dude, I'll just wait till your gone."

"it has a key, and see that house down the hill there?"

"uh, huh, yeah man."

"that's me, I'll break every finger that touches this thing."

"uh, what? whatever dude, is it a gift or something?"

"yeah for a girl."
"girls don't like that sort of shit."

just as i was getting excited about finger breaking and face pushing in, out comes the ever so cool neighbor. and homie decides to retreat to his dark shadow....
everything else seems to being going well. so i really fucking need to get these last projects done.... happy fucking weekend!!!

funny things that come in a mcdonalds happy meal....


For those of you who check in here in the mornings, not to worry! didnt drink too much last night and got some decent sleep! this morning is slammed here and ill be back soon to post!!! have a great morning... until then, here is a comic that i thought would get some chuckles for you!!!

Thursday, December 20, 2007



Tuesday, December 18, 2007


yeah, asides from being soaked to the bone, nothing else to do at work today... we have some guys installing tires on the crane now and they are not happy. the "helper" he brought is now grouchy and bent out of shape. they too are soaked to the bone and are having major trouble getting the tires off. the one that they do have on, they cant seem to get any air into... hee hee, i knew those were going to be quite the uber pain in the ass. i told them to bring some tubes to throw in there and inflate to spread the tire open enough to take some air, did they listen to me? what do you think?
enjoy your evening!!!


i don't know if all of you read my comments. but i recently had a commenter do something completely unexpected. fucking awesome to boot. he has written a poetic version of a post that i wrote this week. and since i love posting stuff about my self I'll post what he wrote as well....

twas the night before the morn
and i was asleep in my bed
yotes in the chicken coop
is what the inner voices said
fumbling for clothes awaken from where I slept
grabbed the trusty shotgun
from the corner where its kept
running out the door to the chicken pen
i went screaming
you fucking yotes better not eat my egg laying hen
dying light in one hand
shotgun ready to report
where are the yotes?
I bellowed and snort
I listened in the night oh what do i hear?
2 dogs talking
one far and one near
I went back to the house
to the awaiting slumber I drift
cheese is giggling
while wrapping the last gift.

Merry Xmas IV. Holler when you can

right the fuck on hntr1018!!! that is so fucking sweet. I'll start writing a post on who you are and how "we" came about!!! it wont be up right away, as i will have to get yer permission to write about you... of course no names... but it will be there soon enough!!! fucking rad man... damn...

just for chaucer's bitch!!!

i was commenting over at chubbys and ran into chaucer's bitch and we were talking about some home made products and cursing. well first nations proved herself to have the largest fucking potty mouth, (and some porn of men on today's post, if anyone is interested...) anyways, Chaucer's was talking about some home made gin and i wanted to know about it! then i tried to post a link in a comment. i suck, it didn't work so i thought id come over here and do it... here ya go! the moment you were waiting for....

Monday, December 17, 2007


WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? the weekend blasted by with a fierce quickness, if we weren't in a hurry to do anything this weekend, we weren't doing it. i cant even remember what we did on Friday.... lets see, i went to work... cheeses daughter rolled up after school.... drove home, blank....

so i guess I'll start with Saturday... woke up grouchy as fuck, toilet started leaking from the base... all ways a pleasant surprise. fixed the turkey pen, again. i swear I'm gonna kill something! clean house a little, and blasted off to the white elephant party. arrived and was instantly greeted with cold beer, baked brie, shrimp and oyster stuffed mushrooms, homemade pate and bread crisps, a slew of other home made appies and the smell of smoked BBQ chicken and tri-tip! kids running around everywhere and a house filled with gifts and surprises for all! ate a huge meal, and settled into a round of elephant madness!

at first it seemed to be going bad, gifts no one wanted to steal and one really annoying/ungrateful person. (i was sitting behind her and wanted to whack her upside the head, if i wouldn't have thought she could kick my ass i would of!) then things started heating up! one of the gifts i brought stated to become very popular! and every time some one stole it, it was thinned out a little. (fucking people kept pinching out of the bag!) and the other gift i brought (which was initially thought as lame, a can of fix a flat.) started being traded/stolen regularly! someone brought a "i love my penis!" car air freshener. (cheese ended up with that!) but the most unexpected popular gift was an oldish fire hydrant from San Francisco. it kept going round and round. i wanted it bad! cheese was helping to steal back and forth with two other couples who wanted it bad! half an hour of back and forth with the hydrant, people claiming final victory, only to be stolen once again by another unbelievable player in the game.

the man who ended up with it, is moving to Wyoming to build a western saloon. it will be a fixture there he claims. unfortunately in my half-drunken, food coma stage; i bartered with the man who brought it to give me one as well. it sounded like a good idea at the time, but now I've shook hands for an identical hydrant at way above its playful value...

*banging self in forehead*
"stupid, stupid, stupid.....

drove home, close to midnight and passed the fuck out!

next morning was all about pancakes and home grown eggs, cups of coffee and another day spent grouchy. what a jack ass. picked up cheeses older daughter, who spent the night at the party with friends, and drove up to Santa Cruz.

tried to be very subversive while picking out motor-cycling stuff for me and get sizes for helmet and boots for her young one.

"here try this helmet on."


"well, you need to wear one when you are on the back of my quad..."

"oh, okay..."

she was blitzed, too many Hansen's sodas and cookies the night before. so, we might have pulled off the ruse. we will see. I'm nervous about it all.

drove back to town and bought a Christmas's tree. its perfect, not big, not tiny, but just right. did i mention i fucking hate holidayz? all this stress and fuss, before you know it, its over, your broke and the dog has pissed on the tree for the tenth time and is chewing on your new slippers...

bah fucking hum bug to you too!!!

put the girls down early and passed the fuck out. cheese stayed awake and wrapped Christmas gifts, just before she hits the sack i spring from my coma and leapt from our bed and freaked the fuck out. our dogs are barking like mad and i think i hear coyotes barking up at our chicken coops! throw on some shorts and a jacket, sneakers with no socks, grab the shot gun and run out into the beginning of the rainstorm. up to the chicken coops and look around with a dying flashlight...


its the neighbors dog barking at another neighbor dog from across the canyon, half a fucking mile away!!! from a dead sleep, i sprang from my bed and into the sprinkling night for this shit?!?!? i wanted to shoot those dogs anyway....

sorry kids must cut this short... got to get to work! back in a while!

Friday, December 14, 2007



"hello, this is Zack."
"um, yes I'm expecting a package delivered there from ups."
*silence...* i didn't reply.
"yes, hello."
"i heard you. what do you want me to do about it."
"well, i am supposed to have a package delivered there."
"you said that."
"well is it there?"
"did anybody call you?"
"ah, no."
"well, what does that tell you?"


"yeah this is Zack."

"I'm looking for Debbie."

"she is on the other line, would you like to hold or leave a message?"


"what do you want me to do about it?" one of my favorite lines.

"how long is she going to be."



"yes. would you like to hold or leave a message?"

"i would like to talk to Debbie."

*puts angry bitch on hold* forgets to tell Debbie she has a call. ten minutes later:

"this is Zack, how can i help you?"

"i was wanting to talk to Debbie!!!"

"oh, well, she just left to go to town."


"hello, this is Zack."

"I'm looking for, hal-muutht." in very broken English.

"okay, please hold, it may take awhile." helmuth is our beloved, deceased boss. this was a fucking telemarketer. this guy holds for ten fucking minutes before i pick it up and say...

"oh, hi still there?"

"e-yes.. looking for... halmucks."

"hes dead. would you like to continue holding?"

"yes." dumb fucker holds for a few more minutes then gives up.

and today's favorite, another telemarketer...

"this is Zack."

"yes hello there! I'm looking for the person in charge of book keeping or perhaps who ever is in charge of the phone bills." another fucking telemarketer.

"sure, please hold." they stayed on for a good ten minutes...


fowarded this link from my dad.

is this shit real? hard to tell, looks like genuine article from but its hard to tell. anybody care to comment?

Thursday, December 13, 2007


checks printed, bonuses included and i feel better. need to get some work done now. yeah right. hoping to leave work a little early today. well don't need to, but want to. feels like it should be Friday.
this Saturday we have a white elephant party to go to. last years was fun, and this year i think they are having more people show up. almost ended up with the "flavored lube" gift set last year, we were looking at each other with squished faces. praying that someone would steal it.
We don't really ever use lube, perhaps I'm not old enough yet. and flavored? i guess if you have a partner that tastes like shit it would be handy. "how about some strawberry flavor with your fishing expedition?" ugh. did i gross you out? not yet.
well how about this, the couple that ended up with the lube was so excited! they couldn't wait to steal it from me! older, married, young kids.... just thinking about them later on that night made me gag.

"hey babe, why don't break into that chocolate musk flavored lube tonight?"

"oohh, honey, that's sounds great! i wanna smear that all over your hot, throbbing... hey where did you put it?"

only to find out little Tommy found it in his moms drawer earlier in the evening and woofed it all down!!!

aaaahahahhhahahahahahaa, i knew i could gross you all out! eeewwhhh...
that was just hypothetical. but you know the odds are that's happened somewhere in the world. well i do have to get some "work" done today! hope you all are well.

Cheese, please, oh, please!!!

say cheese!

as much as i bitch and whine about how fucking stressful and hard my life always is, how much time i never have to do the things i want and the fact that I'm always so busy, there is is someone in my life that does so much more.
cheese, you are the fucking bomb!!! not only do you mother two wonderful children, you manage to go to school to further your education. where you maintain a more then perfect g.p.a. (WTF? how the hell do you have a 105 in anything, where the maximum allowable is 100!)
you also go to a job where they don't pay you enough or appreciate you as much as you should be.
then you come home to me. fat, old, half-drunk boring me. top it off you keep that incredible M.I.L.F. body in shape and ready to um, err, well let me have my way with you when ever the hell i want!
i don't know how you do it, but id suck your blood if i thought it would give me the power and energy you have. well id suck your blood anyway! you rock!

more funny shit!

i must have read this book as a child

thank you Cher for the Christmas gift ideas! i was a little Leary of passing out some personal information, but i do remember i posted my email address on here a few months back. so no harm, no foul. and whatever, its fucking email right. and i do appreciate good jokes! this particular book strikes me a familiar! i swear i paralleled my life with this fine childhood example of "what not to do" Paddington. thanks again!


as i sit here and type this, they are printing out our bonuses. well she is entering them into the computer. I'm nervous. I'm pissed. and we will see whats going to happen. don't get me wrong. its a bonus, not a right, not something i should expect. and i get a heap of bonuses through this job. things at work here have been quite iffy and weird as of late. I've been kicking and kissing some major ass recently. I'm about over it. ooooooh. I'm not giving you all alot of information am i? well, too bad. I'm not actually sure how i feel about all that is going down right now and don't know what to say about it. "that's all i have to say about that!"

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

brain drain.

I've checked everything i can online and made all my phone calls that are work related and now i must go out side to work. rather i think I'm going to go out for breakfast instead. we didn't get back to our house until almost two this morning. the show was great! loudest one one yet! cheese did her best to hang tough, but had to break during the show. her ears were pounding. we got to San Fransisco and found a parking spot, argued with a security guard who was in charge of watching the bathroom in a burger-king. this little fucking man took his job way too seriously.

"this bathroom is for paying customers only."

"yeah, my friends are in line getting me something."

*i wave to my imaginary friend in line and give him the whats up nod*

"well, you must stand behind the cone,"

"oh, i didn't see any sign. my bad."

"well I'm telling you about it now, stand behind the cone."

*standing behind the cone with about four other people*

"now, i don't want you people trashing this bathroom. no toilet paper all over the place and trash. YOU GOT IT?"

"what no spray paint? i was planning to write shit all over the walls. damn."


this funny little black man walks over and gets another cone for me to stand behind. i kick his present cone up a few inches as i bounce from one foot to the other.

"don't move these cones..." he growls at me.

after we leave the comfortable piss/puke/shit smelling joys of that burger king we find a half full bar and try to get a drink. the bartender there was not in the mood to make any money. apparently they were beyond capacity. (remember i said it was half full?)

found another one with happy hour drinks and planted our asses. drank and waited for denims brothers to show up.

went to the show, drank some more, crazy fun people watching and drove home... yeah sorry. end of this post is a let down. i do have to go out and get some breakfast, err. i mean get some work done out in the yard.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

going to the tool show tonight!

in case you all don't quite know what or who that is... here ya go. been a few times before and this time I'm taking cheese!!! should be fun! leaving work early today to go home check the chickens, change, eat, whatever and then meeting up with some friends to hopefully carpool there and get either some good seats or prime standing space. its at the bill graham civic auditorium. its a fun venue... smallish, so the normally wicked loud band should at least make our ears bleed, if not blow them out. we saw tenacious d last time i was there. another fun ass show that i highly recommend! anyway, i hope yalls week is great and haven't offended too many people so far, and if i haven't I'll try better next time!!!

Monday, December 10, 2007


Imagine what this fucking tender vittle's mom looks like. how the fuck do goddamn pets get this big. and why is it popular news! want a happy animal? leave him a tad bit hungry. happy to see you when you get home from work! happy to see you in the morning! happy to get fed. do you think this slobbering excuse for a mouser get up to feed or do they feed it like a goose getting prepped for liver removal? I'd like to smack this cat owner up side his/her head!!!
i know a woman whose last dog died of obesity. i really like this woman, but her pet feeding skills suck. her two other dogs are suffering from the same shit.... makes me sick just to see these poor animals dieing from the inside out....
people, do not over feed your pets, if it doesn't like a particular food, it will learn to like it.
"fluffy only likes wild salmon..."
bull shit! it licks its own ass! it will eat what ever you put in front of it. just wait. it'll get hungry. cat doesn't like dry food, trust me. it will find something it likes to eat behind the house in the field... stop over feeding your pets because you feel guilty about leaving it home for 12 hours a day... aarrgghh...



SUPER QUICK... came home early on Friday, only to find some animal had breached the security of the new turkey pen! both turkeys were not in the cage and feathers were everywhere. the damage done to both the turkey pen and the chicken pen were violent! it ripped 1/8 inch galvanized wire apart like nothing! shredded the aviary wire that was doubled up and hammer stapled into two by fours like plastic wrap on a DVD! it was amazing, it tore into a doubled layered tarp that i had put up as a wind break and roof and left what was left of it in tattered pieces....

my buddy and i started looking around for bodies and saw the bleeding tom (that's turkey for the male.) on my back deck. it saw us and took the fuck off up the hill to the neighbors house. by the time i got up there, their wolf/husky was taking its angst out on it and was in even worse shape. the neighbor quickly caught it and through it into the pen with her Bunny's and pig. feathers, blood and shit everywhere. two freaked out adults and a dog with that special look in its eyes.

back down at the shredded pens, we found white and grey hair, saliva still lingering on pinched portions of wire and tracks leading in every direction. loaded the shotgun and set out...

this is the portion of the story where you are hoping i found the culprit and splayed him open right?!?!?! i wish!

next day was our Christmas party for work. we attended and had some mediocre food and followed up by going to one of our privately sponsored community events. candle dipping, yes we all get together as a town and dip our wicks!!! bring food and drinks and walk in endless circles around boiling hot vats of wax. dip, drink, eat, drink some more, then dip again. kids like it alot its fun to poke fun of ex girlfriends and their new men of the year... one in particular got a little testy. fucking punks eh?

Sunday we got up and fixed the chicken pen back to bullet proof status and retrieved out beaten tom. looking like shit and scared to death. we put him in with the chickens. then the chickens started beating the shit out of him, fucking guy cant get a break right?

buddy came up and we fixed the turkey pen, rigged up a spring loaded door and booby trapped the pen. what was now meant to keep him out will be used to hopefully keep him in. its been reinforced and baited. he seems to come when we are not at home. hoping to catch that fucker when i get home.

I'm a nice guy, if this animal has a collar, I'm going to take his picture of him in the pen. unload 1000 rounds out of my paintball gun on it. (that's 325 feet per second, at five feet! five rounds a second! yeah fuck with me! )i hope this fucking thing gets the picture. then ill let it go, follow him home and politely ask for some restitution and let them know if i catch it back in my pen I'll be wearing it as a hat and enjoying some doggy stew.
if i catch this fucking thing in my pen again i will kill it, slowly.... its got a taste for chicken/turkey and its been back three days in a row. if hes a digger and not in the pen, I'll get him next time.

part of my problem is that cheeses girls enjoy going up to the coops, we don't let them take our dogs for obvious reasons and don't want them being scared to go out into our yard alone... so, wanna get in my pens do yeah, click, click, boom!!!!

Thursday, December 06, 2007


not much to say, shopping for shit on line. i think I'm going to go home early today. don't feel like writing much today either. so you guys are screwed. sorry. i wish lunch would hurry the fuck up. I'm outta here.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

nothing new today

i fucking hate plastic holidays! buy this, buy that... sale today! one day only!! if i had television id throw shit at it every time a commercial came on. what the fuck does a religious holiday have to do with buying a bunch of shit for people. when did that all start. who the fuck is Santa Claus anyway?

yah, bah humbug to me too right? its nice to have the week off, its nice to make all those phone calls and go to cool parties, but why do we feel the need to spend money we don't have? i dunno... its troubling.

I'm ranting here trying to get to a point and I'm not getting there. I'll try another avenue.

I'm trying to decide what gifts to get for the girls. i don't want to buy plastic crap, dolls, toys, bullshit. I'm getting her older daughter the minnie bike and all the gear you can imagine. one down. her younger daughter I'm having trouble with. open a catalog and she will point to everything on every page. her little eyes lite up at the possibility of getting even a few gifts. i want to get her a gift/gifts that motivate her, stimulate her. not a bunch of crap she sees other kids having on t.v. or sees in a spamming catalog....

question: what do you get an uber-smart 4 1/2 year old girl who shares a room with her sister? that doesn't have a million small parts for dogs to chew on and get lost.

now cheese... hi cheese! what do you want for plastic revolution day? I'm getting you something nice and refined, but is there anything else. something I've missed?

shit i have to cut this post short. people are breathing down my neck for my attention here. our office manager is out sick and I'm filling in till lunch.

what an asshole, huh, doesn't like buying gifts... its not that. i buy stuff for the girls all the time. trust me, you would want to be my girlfriend with your kids, anyways... we exchange things with each other all the time and i try really hard to keep/make the girls happy and comfortable. so that's my real dilemma, what to get that goes above and beyond all the other things we do. is it about how much we spend? how nice the gifts are? fuck we all know its never about that but wtf? I'm faltering at this post... I'll try again later.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

off to drink some beer!!!

going to get out of werk in like ten fucking minutes! going over to buddys house to work on the minnie bike, you know what? I'm leaving right now! i hope yalls day was bearable and evening will be filled with sex and salutations!!! (i hope mine will as well.)


YEAH SORRY, i know y'all are sick of hearing that shit, but its true... i can give you some fun quick news though. i got a mini dirt bike for cheeses girls, the older one can ride it now and the little one will be more than happy to learn! its a newer Honda 50, so sweet. going to put new chain and sprockets on it today, polish it up and blamo.. actually I'm buying it for me and buying the girls all the necessary gear for it. that way the bike stays at our house and doesn't disappear to their dads never to be seen again! so that's exciting.

in other news I'm shopping for tires. ever since the fucking gas and oil prices have gone up so has the price of everything petrol related. so I'm buying these ones here. I've got a good contact at a particular store and am getting them for $650.50. so fucking cheap for a 32 inch tire. i shopped around locally and was quoted as much as twelve hundred dollars!! assholes. but my Buddy's shop is almost two hours from here. time versus money versus gas.... hmmm... anyway, my stomach hurts, had the old bloody bowel problem again this week. damn portable alcohol processing plant is acting up again, heart burn, nausea, you know when the body says take a break its time to really punish it and show it whose boss!!! hahahahahaaaa. got to go to town and gets some parts, wish me luck!!