"hello, this is Zack."
"um, yes I'm expecting a package delivered there from ups."
*silence...* i didn't reply.
"yes, hello."
"i heard you. what do you want me to do about it."
"well, i am supposed to have a package delivered there."
"you said that."
"well is it there?"
"did anybody call you?"
"ah, no."
"well, what does that tell you?"
*click*
"yeah this is Zack."
"I'm looking for Debbie."
"she is on the other line, would you like to hold or leave a message?"
"I NEED TO TALK TO DEBBIE."
"what do you want me to do about it?" one of my favorite lines.
"how long is she going to be."
*silence*
"HELLO?"
"yes. would you like to hold or leave a message?"
"i would like to talk to Debbie."
*puts angry bitch on hold* forgets to tell Debbie she has a call. ten minutes later:
"this is Zack, how can i help you?"
"i was wanting to talk to Debbie!!!"
"oh, well, she just left to go to town."
*click*
"hello, this is Zack."
"I'm looking for, hal-muutht." in very broken English.
"okay, please hold, it may take awhile." helmuth is our beloved, deceased boss. this was a fucking telemarketer. this guy holds for ten fucking minutes before i pick it up and say...
"oh, hi still there?"
"e-yes.. looking for... halmucks."
"hes dead. would you like to continue holding?"
"yes." dumb fucker holds for a few more minutes then gives up.
and today's favorite, another telemarketer...
"this is Zack."
"yes hello there! I'm looking for the person in charge of book keeping or perhaps who ever is in charge of the phone bills." another fucking telemarketer.
"sure, please hold." they stayed on for a good ten minutes...
HAPPY HOLIDAYS FUCKERS!
5 comments:
How I skipped commenting your first post I don't know...
I love having fun with telemarketers. The ones with accents can be a little harder to fuck with, but just as rewarding.
yes, as a former secretary i can attest to the fact that the 'hold' button is proof of a benevolent god.
you're almost as helpful as i was, too!
HEY! You can come to my wedding reception/ I got hitched Kegger if YOU wear the red dress and corseting, okay? I would love that. And bring food, you food whore. We've got the homemade beer and wine...founts of it!
Are we over? I'm not good enough for a reply email?
Or is Cheese at this very moment leaving you for me, and you're all upset and giving me the silent treatment?
I think I'm gonna go with the second one.
Call me from Roseville Cheese, I'll come get you and scrape up some more Kokanee.
kay! "e-yes, im looooking for de kay? would you like to buy e-some mage-zines?"
hahahahahhaaaaa....
first nations! the ever so helpful hold button... im right there with you. mst of the times when assholes call here, i try to get them to hang up on me...
cher! even if you had my number, i could still frustrate you enough to hang up on me, im that stupid/smart/mean/confusing...
kay! cher best be careful! cheese bites, and hard too1
stainless!!! im on my way! vermont is it... teeny-tiny little state! i could find you in a minute, keep an eye out for a mean looking dudue with a red dress! not sure how the corset going to look, but i'll wear it anyway!
Kay! sorry to burst yer bubble. but cheese is sticking around, we spent the weekend shopping for motorcycle gear for her young ones and buying a tree! but keep yer hopes up, we will be comeing your way soon enough. becareful what you wish for, and better start saving too! i can drink the hell out of kokanee!
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