Thursday, December 27, 2007
the skeet shoot went great, loads of people showed up, went through over twelve hundred rounds! damn clay pidgeons never knew what hit them. finally managed to piss off some neighbors! i was so excited about that!
"fuck you too, merry chistmas!!!"
what else do you yell from across the canyon as guns blast behind you?!? we had dads showing kids how to shoot and boys showing girls, so fun! bbqed up a ton of food and passed around a bottle of sailor jerry. quad rides and motorcycles, beer never ending and then dinner. buddy brought up a huge vat of venison stew, buns and homegrown veggies. people spent the night and lost memory capibilities about 10pm.
christmas was sweet, mountains of gifts and games and puzzles. the dirt bike went over great. i left it outside and when all was said and done, i exclaimed!
"holy shit, i think santa left something outside!"
i rolled it in the house and all the other "gear" gifts made a little more sense. suited her up (she was very nervous) and off she went! right over the handle bars! got back on, a few cautious laps up and down the road, then dump in to side hill.
"i need a break." she says.
"get back on that thing and drive it back over here!" i replied.
she did and off we were to the neighbors. where they were burying people in a mountain of spent wrapping paper.
down the coast we drove to cheeses grandmas, she "wasnt feeling well" and we took over cooking and cleaning for her. her grouchy uncle and his girlfriend thing and son came up. they bitched and complained the whole afternoon. (i hate that shit, fuckers, go home if youre not happy.) when they left, her grandma came out feeling "much better" and we partied and drank the night away. made "one for the road" and stopped at a friends house. he was on his way to work(night shift at the hospital) and we had a couple beers with his wife.(also a good friend) cheese was looking a little green around the gills so we split.
pulled over imediately and cheese left some christmas cheer on the side of the highway. and her car. and her sweater... o harm, no foul. got her home and to bed before she woke again. dont remember what i did. but i did find a few more empty cans strewn about the house in the morning.
spent yesterday, doing shit. slept in,(oh, btw, i got one of those eye pillows you strap to your head, get one!!! they are awesome for sleeping in!!!) played about seven hours of a video game i beat ten years ago, and spent the evening snuggled up on the couch with cheese watching movies on her new t.v. (grandma hooked her up!!)
gifts went over well, food went over well, days are going by great. got an email from an ex, lame.
no picture today, im on the mac. no speel check either, same problem as the lack of picture. i'll try to sqweeze some more time in to post more in detail, between scratching my.... and watching movies....
sushi! congrats on the whole edumacation thing!
kay! its me! i can see through the fog of hangover land. i think that will hit tomorrow, as i have been drunk for almost a week!
chubby! congrats on getting marred, er married! your pics are great! love yer hair!
manuel! thanks for checkking in! hope yours were great as well.
b.egg! nice to see a new post! thanks for the kudos and hpe youre doing as well as it sounds!
i know ive forgotten some of you but my back hurts and the coffee has worked its magic! be weel to you all!!!!!
Friday, December 21, 2007
"dude, uh huh huh, can i ride it?"
"no, its for kids and i don't want you to break it."
"what ever dude, I'll just wait till your gone."
"it has a key, and see that house down the hill there?"
"uh, huh, yeah man."
"that's me, I'll break every finger that touches this thing."
"uh, what? whatever dude, is it a gift or something?"
"yeah for a girl."
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
twas the night before the morn
and i was asleep in my bed
yotes in the chicken coop
is what the inner voices said
fumbling for clothes awaken from where I slept
grabbed the trusty shotgun
from the corner where its kept
running out the door to the chicken pen
i went screaming
you fucking yotes better not eat my egg laying hen
dying light in one hand
shotgun ready to report
where are the yotes?
I bellowed and snort
I listened in the night oh what do i hear?
2 dogs talking
one far and one near
I went back to the house
to the awaiting slumber I drift
cheese is giggling
while wrapping the last gift.
Merry Xmas IV. Holler when you can
right the fuck on hntr1018!!! that is so fucking sweet. I'll start writing a post on who you are and how "we" came about!!! it wont be up right away, as i will have to get yer permission to write about you... of course no names... but it will be there soon enough!!! fucking rad man... damn...
Monday, December 17, 2007
Friday, December 14, 2007
"hello, this is Zack."
"um, yes I'm expecting a package delivered there from ups."
*silence...* i didn't reply.
"i heard you. what do you want me to do about it."
"well, i am supposed to have a package delivered there."
"you said that."
"well is it there?"
"did anybody call you?"
"well, what does that tell you?"
"yeah this is Zack."
"I'm looking for Debbie."
"she is on the other line, would you like to hold or leave a message?"
"I NEED TO TALK TO DEBBIE."
"what do you want me to do about it?" one of my favorite lines.
"how long is she going to be."
"yes. would you like to hold or leave a message?"
"i would like to talk to Debbie."
*puts angry bitch on hold* forgets to tell Debbie she has a call. ten minutes later:
"this is Zack, how can i help you?"
"i was wanting to talk to Debbie!!!"
"oh, well, she just left to go to town."
"hello, this is Zack."
"I'm looking for, hal-muutht." in very broken English.
"okay, please hold, it may take awhile." helmuth is our beloved, deceased boss. this was a fucking telemarketer. this guy holds for ten fucking minutes before i pick it up and say...
"oh, hi still there?"
"e-yes.. looking for... halmucks."
"hes dead. would you like to continue holding?"
"yes." dumb fucker holds for a few more minutes then gives up.
and today's favorite, another telemarketer...
"this is Zack."
"yes hello there! I'm looking for the person in charge of book keeping or perhaps who ever is in charge of the phone bills." another fucking telemarketer.
"sure, please hold." they stayed on for a good ten minutes...
HAPPY HOLIDAYS FUCKERS!
Thursday, December 13, 2007
thank you Cher for the Christmas gift ideas! i was a little Leary of passing out some personal information, but i do remember i posted my email address on here a few months back. so no harm, no foul. and whatever, its fucking email right. and i do appreciate good jokes! this particular book strikes me a familiar! i swear i paralleled my life with this fine childhood example of "what not to do" Paddington. thanks again!
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
my buddy and i started looking around for bodies and saw the bleeding tom (that's turkey for the male.) on my back deck. it saw us and took the fuck off up the hill to the neighbors house. by the time i got up there, their wolf/husky was taking its angst out on it and was in even worse shape. the neighbor quickly caught it and through it into the pen with her Bunny's and pig. feathers, blood and shit everywhere. two freaked out adults and a dog with that special look in its eyes.
back down at the shredded pens, we found white and grey hair, saliva still lingering on pinched portions of wire and tracks leading in every direction. loaded the shotgun and set out...
this is the portion of the story where you are hoping i found the culprit and splayed him open right?!?!?! i wish!
next day was our Christmas party for work. we attended and had some mediocre food and followed up by going to one of our privately sponsored community events. candle dipping, yes we all get together as a town and dip our wicks!!! bring food and drinks and walk in endless circles around boiling hot vats of wax. dip, drink, eat, drink some more, then dip again. kids like it alot its fun to poke fun of ex girlfriends and their new men of the year... one in particular got a little testy. fucking punks eh?
Sunday we got up and fixed the chicken pen back to bullet proof status and retrieved out beaten tom. looking like shit and scared to death. we put him in with the chickens. then the chickens started beating the shit out of him, fucking guy cant get a break right?
buddy came up and we fixed the turkey pen, rigged up a spring loaded door and booby trapped the pen. what was now meant to keep him out will be used to hopefully keep him in. its been reinforced and baited. he seems to come when we are not at home. hoping to catch that fucker when i get home.
I'm a nice guy, if this animal has a collar, I'm going to take his picture of him in the pen. unload 1000 rounds out of my paintball gun on it. (that's 325 feet per second, at five feet! five rounds a second! yeah fuck with me! )i hope this fucking thing gets the picture. then ill let it go, follow him home and politely ask for some restitution and let them know if i catch it back in my pen I'll be wearing it as a hat and enjoying some doggy stew.
if i catch this fucking thing in my pen again i will kill it, slowly.... its got a taste for chicken/turkey and its been back three days in a row. if hes a digger and not in the pen, I'll get him next time.
part of my problem is that cheeses girls enjoy going up to the coops, we don't let them take our dogs for obvious reasons and don't want them being scared to go out into our yard alone... so, wanna get in my pens do yeah, click, click, boom!!!!
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Friday, November 30, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
Friday, November 16, 2007
"there will realtor's at our house in the morning." yeah i bitch about it all the time, but it really was the last thing i wanted to do when i got home last night... clean up the house. douche it. so we did and now it looks like this...
not bad, cheese cleans like a mad woman. on, under, next to, below, she gets it all, throw down the usual "sweep, mop, counter top, vvrroom, vvrroom, vacuum and we were done. watched a movie, took a late night shower, got into bed, ahem, ahem, and passed out. cheese studied into the wee hours of the morning... so today there are people wandering through my house, looking in my closets and peeking into my pantry. opening all my kitchen drawers and cabinets and judging me. yeah, you know they are... so i try and leave them a few misleading articles for them to say "WTF?" to themselves... you can't see in the picture but we have a coat rack by the front door. i have an LAPD hat that i stole from some kwik-mart in Santa Barbara years ago. i hung that hat on top of a holstered .45 with extra clips. (the kind that tucks ever so neatly under your armpits when worn. in the shop i have an air soft machine gun.(i bought it to scare off the neighbor dogs.) and i leave that out in plain site. hahahahhaaaa (i hide the orange tip on it of course.) but i can imagine what people might think after driving twenty minutes up a private road, then two more miles strait up a dirt road, only to end up at some ex-cops glory days ranch house.... hahahahhaaaa.. welcome to hicksville USA rich fuckers...what does one think when they drive to the middle of bumsmack, California? is this your shangrala? 1.2 million dollars of what? any ideas? what would you think if you rolled up to this house and saw it was loaded with guns and dogs and a whiskey still?
UPDATED PIC:thought i should put put one of the bedroom up as well... you know "to inspire the men..." hahahha no, not really. figured i'd put it up anyway.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Friday, November 09, 2007
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
p.s. blogger doesn't recognize the word, hippy. but it does know redneck. hmmm...
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Monday, November 05, 2007
either way i look like a complete jerk... but how much fun would that be to roll up in some ridiculous hummer? wet dreamy I'm sure you feel the same way!