Friday, February 26, 2010

why do they all live in my town?


Who is happier here?


i just want to live in a derelict free town. is that too much to ask? are there no towns in this world where the Darryls are not allowed? why do they have to travel in packs as well? like feral dogs... can we not at least have a bar where they are banned? a square mile of peace where no jackassed behavior is to be tolerated? no, it can not be this way...

last night I'm sitting at the bar waiting for cheese to get off work in a near empty place. it's late, I'm trying to watch some Olympic highlights...

TO BE CONTINUED....


...CONTINUED


the bar finally clears out enough for me to enjoy some odd Olympic sports, most of which i could care less about the other three hundred and sixty four days of the year, and in tumbles the motliest of crews. one louder than the next, drunk already, looking for another drink before they head home, drive north, crawl back into their respective holes... ten or so seats at the bar and these fucks have to set up shop right next to me... car bombs, double shots of Jameson, beers and the loudest dumb fucker get a beer and a sprite?!?!
i know every single one of them so no amount of ignoring or "wussuppage" is going to get me out of having to exchange fives, bump knuckles and listen to the "how much I've had to drink tonight" bullshit.
i manage to get zoned back into the mens downhill or some skiing thing and they are all about how "they could do that", how "they had a friend time them going down some giant mountain and beat all the records", those pussies in the half pipe don't know shit!", "blah, blah, blah." all looking for confirmation from one another, each story better than the last and obviously better than me or any of the "pussy" Olympians on the flat screen.
the one dude next to me smelled as if he'd been sleeping in that jacket for a week under the bridge burning moldy fish and wet socks for warmth and light and he is the one i can stand the most! he is friendly never asks for rides, beers, smokes, whatever... but the other ahem, gentlemens, all have tried their very bestest at being my "bro, bud, holmes, dog" etc.. following me outside when i smoke and so on.
several months ago the one dude and i got into it at the very bar about how "i thought he was full of shit and a straight faced liar. "i had confronted him about his recent D.U.I. and his reasons on crashing his fathers suburban. on how much he had to drink that night and got his ass thrown the fuck out of the bar. he later came into the bar with a chain saw and threatened to" cut my fucking head off"... oh yeah, winner with a big "L"...
the other two boys are just the normal pub scum from across the parking lot. nothing special or otherwise notable about them. they are in every town and pub from here to Ireland.
the pubbers clear out and smelly jacket guy pays his tab and tried to get out as well but super loud guy and his meek little girlthing were "going up to his pad to do some shit." and were trying to get him to join them. after another ten minutes of "later bro, see you man, alrighty then" dude left.
super loud guy got up to leave as well and the bartender says "HEY, five bucks."
"uhhh, what? no those guys paid for it." still putting his coat on.
"no they didn't. they paid for their own drinks." she says after having heard this story from this guy before.
"they were supposed to."
"well, they didn't..." long pause while they both look at each other. "so, that'll be five bucks."
"you were supposed to put my beer on someone elses tab." his girlfriend pulling on his coat sleeve wanting to get out of the slightly tense situation.
"nobody bought you your drink."
"uhh, maybe i have it in the car, I'll be back." he says while looking in my direction, willing me to pay.
"get the fuck out of here, never mind..." the bartender says. by this time the bar is closed, all the chairs are up and the night cleaning crew has started their routine... cheese, the bartender/manager and i were hoping to catch the last of the skating... but no, we all but missed it by the time Team Darryl split we were getting gassed out by the noxious kitchen cleaning chemicals and had to make a hasty exit... unfortunately that was the most of the Olympics i got to watch in two weeks...

7 comments:

T said...

My first reaction is, let me guess... Then I realized, Jesus Christ, there's like fifty idiots this story might be about.

Megan said...

This better be good.

Toy Couture said...

"why do they have to travel in packs as well? like feral dogs"

LMAO

Mildred Ratched said...

waiting in breathless anticipation....

kylie said...

so glad youre back, z :)

Leni Qinan said...

Hey, you got me curious now, what happened then?

INNER VOICES said...

t, it was our local crowd of "i thought he was buying"....

megan, it was as to be expected with these boys and one chic.

toy, welcome to the voices, i think they feel safer/meaner when lurking for victims that way.

mildred, i'm trying to finish the post but work was kicking my ass today.

kylie thanks!!

leni!!! im tryin im tryin!!