so after a killer weekend meeting new/old people, drinking a lot, spending over twenty four hours in Disneyland, driving a cumulative total of thirteen hours and eating enough junk food to kill a vegatarian i finally made it home. the new house sitters did an amazing job and just like he said "the house would be cleaner than when i left it"... awesome. the dogs must have got some serious attention cause they barely stirred from their beds when we walked in the door. sweet.
i show up to work today and all the stress and bullshit i left behind smacked me in the face with a flat nosed shovel. one of the projects i fixed almost caught on fire. (i rehabed a fourteen year old electric jackhammer, this was something that was on its way out and i thought i could squeeze a few more days of operation out of it before we spent the 1600 hundred bucks on a new one.) alas, the boys got it to a job and the windings melted. damn.
i was really hoping for a success at the end of last week. i needed it. i had gotten into it with the boss before i left and was feeling quite defeated already. so when i came back to the jack hammer i fixed and it didn't last very long it wasn't a good way to start the day.
what i seem to be forgetting lately is im too invested in this company, i care too much and at times i feel like the only one. i watch bad decision after bad decision being made and have no voice to do anything about it. ive pushed my way into management meetings and have tried to share with people here that some of the things they are doing are an absolute waste of time and money, but it falls on deaf ears. then i bring it all home with me. grind my teeth at night and drink too much to forget about it. fuck it. i need to stop doing that shit.
so i think starting from now, I'm going to separate myself from it all. i won't give a shit, once again. my attitude will change, people will notice, my work ethics will suffer and i'll be reprimanded AGAIN.
after being with this company for the last thirteen years i can identify the cycles pretty well. what i really need to be doing is taking this week off. i have so much shit to do at home and with my other projects that coming to this job should be taking the back burner. i just cant seem to tear myself away from it. what i need to do is to tell this company to blow it out their collective asses and trust me on a few things...
but no, that's not going to happen either.