so after a killer weekend meeting new/old people, drinking a lot, spending over twenty four hours in Disneyland, driving a cumulative total of thirteen hours and eating enough junk food to kill a vegatarian i finally made it home. the new house sitters did an amazing job and just like he said "the house would be cleaner than when i left it"... awesome. the dogs must have got some serious attention cause they barely stirred from their beds when we walked in the door. sweet.i show up to work today and all the stress and bullshit i left behind smacked me in the face with a flat nosed shovel. one of the projects i fixed almost caught on fire. (i rehabed a fourteen year old electric jackhammer, this was something that was on its way out and i thought i could squeeze a few more days of operation out of it before we spent the 1600 hundred bucks on a new one.) alas, the boys got it to a job and the windings melted. damn.
i was really hoping for a success at the end of last week. i needed it. i had gotten into it with the boss before i left and was feeling quite defeated already. so when i came back to the jack hammer i fixed and it didn't last very long it wasn't a good way to start the day.
what i seem to be forgetting lately is im too invested in this company, i care too much and at times i feel like the only one. i watch bad decision after bad decision being made and have no voice to do anything about it. ive pushed my way into management meetings and have tried to share with people here that some of the things they are doing are an absolute waste of time and money, but it falls on deaf ears. then i bring it all home with me. grind my teeth at night and drink too much to forget about it. fuck it. i need to stop doing that shit.
so i think starting from now, I'm going to separate myself from it all. i won't give a shit, once again. my attitude will change, people will notice, my work ethics will suffer and i'll be reprimanded AGAIN.
after being with this company for the last thirteen years i can identify the cycles pretty well. what i really need to be doing is taking this week off. i have so much shit to do at home and with my other projects that coming to this job should be taking the back burner. i just cant seem to tear myself away from it. what i need to do is to tell this company to blow it out their collective asses and trust me on a few things...
but no, that's not going to happen either.
8 comments:
i hear ya about taking the job home at the end of the day. i too have ground my teeth and wake most mornings with TMJ-like symptoms. it was worse before i got fired. [ my blog @ that HERE: http://gratuitousviolet.blogspot.com/2010/12/twas-week-before-claire-mas.html}
i was having f'n nightmares @ being @ my shitty job- as if i got paid enough to be there when i was there, now i was having dreams @ work ... getting canned was a blessing. now, i know i am struggling to find work, and life is harder, but we spend 1/3 of our hours @ work, 1/3 going to and from, cooking, eating, crapping, and whooping it up. and 1/3 sleeping. what we do when we're not do-ing anything speaks volumes.
perhaps a job search is in your future.
don't undo the good vacation vibes.
Thanks for taking the trip south... sorry we couldn't spend more time hanging out.
violet, working hard not to undo the vacation vibes! one of my problems is i have too many jobs... the one i always bitch about is my legit job. the one that keeps the tax man away. so it is always hard to let that one go. six months of the year i spend damn near twelve to sixteen hours a day at work. at one job or another... good luck on the job search! you will find one if one doesnt find you first!
bob, me too, it was tough enough getting a few hours squeezed in! i thought it best to bring my family down for the trip so i could use all my time wisely. Disney land is a huge time suck, if i were to have planned a little more time at the beach or touristing around i would have been able to see the good folks from the onion a little more. but the disney deal will hopefully set the tone for a fun summer for the kids and some needed relaxation time for cheese and i... it was really good to meet you in person and did truly have a fun time at megans and the tavern, an adventure I'll never forget!
Yeah I went back to the grind Monday and it was really tough.
I'm not one to push myself into meetings but when they ask for my opinion it's always "the voice of reason" that comes out. I wish they'd listen to it a bit more, dammit.
Anyways...it was fabulous to actually see your face and I too wish we'd had more time - but I'm glad y'all got to get your Disney on!
You've totally got a relationship with your job like every relationship in my late teens to early 20's. Way uncool, man. I do not abide. It seems like dudes get more enmeshed emotionally with their careers or work - it's good to take pride, but you've got to disentangle and disengage on a certain level. I keep telling Old Man River to find something supremely fulfilling outside of drawing airplanes and that bullshit, so when the mad dramas start he doesn't crash and burn and tell bitches off.
If you need another vaca, I hear WA is nice this time of year... ahemahemahem not that I'm biased ahem
best picture ever, btw. TALENT and beauty. A keeper fer sure, man!
you mean you werent just on cloud nine from meeting me?
thanks for making the effort, z and i hope things improve for ya
Hi Zach! Love the photo!
I love having an "I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!!" attitude. That's how I keep on keepin on.
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