YESTERDAY MARKED THE ONE YEAR MEMORIAL OF HIS PASSING...ALL DAY SEEMED A LITTLE OFF...WEIRD EVENTS HAPPENED...FRANK HATHAWAY BACKED HIS SKID LOADER FIFTY FEET OFF A NEAR VERTICAL CLIFF AND NOT A SCRATCH...SOMEONE WAS WATCHING...PEOPLE IN THE YARD WERE WORKING LATE, AGAIN IT FELT LIKE SOME THING WAS THERE...THEN WE WENT TO WATCH THE SUNSET WITH KENDRA AND SHE WAS CRYING...I SPOKE UP AND SAID THAT WE SHOULD BE SAYING A FEW MORE THINGS ABOUT HELMUTH... I RAMBLED ON ABOUT HOW HE WAS A NATURAL AT THINGS AND HOW IF HE WERE STANDING THERE WITH US HE WOULD LOOKING OUT OVER THE AREA AND TAKING MENTAL NOTE OF HIS SURROUNDINGS AND WHAT WORK NEEDED TO BE DONE...(WITHOUT EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT ON PURPOSE) NOBODY ELSE WANTED TO SAY ANYTHING...EVERY CHANCE WAS TAKEN TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT AND MOVE ON...WE WERE THERE TO...TO FUCKING... DOESNT MATTER... I THINK THAT DEATH MAKES PEOPLE REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE...I GUESS I UNDERSTAND...I WANTED TO TALK...I WANTED TO HEAR STORIES...I WANTED TO CRY WITH KENDRA BUT THEY STARTED TALKING ABOUT FUCKING SURF!!! WHAT EVER... I TALK TO HELMUTH WHEN EVER THE HELL I FEEL LIKE IT...A COUPLE OF PEOPLE DID COME UP AND SAY TO ME THAT WAS NICE..SO IT WASNT TOO DISRESPECTFUL...I DUNNO TALKING ABOUT DEATH AND DIEING ISNT TOO HARD FOR ME...I THINK IVE HAD A BIT TOO MUCH IT IN MY LIFE BUT...I...FUCK...AM I DESENSITISED TO IT? AM I COLD HEARTED? AM I NOT AWARE THAT IT HURTS OTHERS? I JUST WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THINGS...THREE CHEERS TO HELMUTH!!!HOORAH, HOORAH, HOORAH!!!! FUCK YA...I MISS HIM...HE IS THE REASON THAT IVE BEEN ABLE TO STAY HERE FOR SO LONG...WELL ONE OF THE REASONS...I THINK IT WAS A COMBINATION OF OUR STUBBORNNESS AND ABILITIES TO MAKE SHIT SIMPLY HAPPEN THAT KEPT ME HERE AT BLAZE AND IN BIG SUR...(AND IN HIS HEART) WHERE IS HE NOW??? SHIT... HES KEEPING FRIENDS FROM DRIVING OFF CLIFFS AND PUSHING PEOPLE TO DO BETTER...ALWAYS WATCHING...I LOVE YOU HELMUTH..
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