Thursday, June 29, 2006

IM SICK OF FIGHTING


IM SO TIRED OF FIGHTING WITH HER..AS SOON AS I THINK THINGS ARE GETTING BETTER, THEY FALL APART...YESTERDAY AFTER MY GOOD NEWS THINGS WERE GREAT ON THE PHONE AND I STILL HAD TO IGNORE SOME SHITTY LITTLE HURTFUL COMMENTS BUT IT WAS A GOOD CONVERSATION... I CALL HER THIS MORNING TO SAY IM COMING TO TOWN AND MAYBE WE COULD SPEND SOME TIME TOGETHER TONIGHT BEFORE SHE GOES UP NORTH TO HER FRIENDS HOUSE.. SOUNDS GOOD TO HER TOO... I LET HER KNOW IF SHE IS INTO IT THERE IS A GOOD BAND AT OCEAN THUNDER...SOME FRIENDS WILL BE THERE WHATEVER...I GO BACK TO WORK AND A COUPLE HOURS LATER SHE CALLS BACK AND LACES INTO ME ABOUT WHAT A RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE LIKE, HOW SHE WANTS IT TO BE TONIGHT AND ALL THIS "HATE SPEAK"... REALLY MAKES ME WANT TO STAY AT HOME AND PACK...GET READY TO MOVE INTO MY NEW PLACE...ONE "NORMAL" DAY...I LOVE THIS WOMAN BUT I AM FINDING IT HARD TO LOCATE HER IN ALL THAT HATRED...SHE IS NOT THERE ANYMORE...SO ANGRY AT ME...ALL THE TIME...EVERYTHING ABOUT ME SHE HATES... I SMOKE, I DRINK, IM VERY OUTGOING, I DO WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT TO...I DONT KNOW...SHE HAD A LONGER LIST WRITTEN OUT FOR ME LAST MONTH OF ALL THE THINGS SHE HATES ABOUT ME...

ANYWAY...THAT JUST KIND OF BUMMED ME OUT TODAY... BUT LIFE GOES ON...IT JUST BLEW OUT THE WIND I HAD IN MY SAILS...SO WHETHER I LIKE IT OR NOT, THAT IS JUST THE WAY IT GOES...TODAY IS NOT ONE OF THOSE DAYS WHERE ID RATHER BE DEAD, ITS CLOSE...AND EVERYTIME WE FIGHT I GET CLOSER... I CAN NOT FIGHT WITH THIS WOMAN ANYMORE... IT OPENS ALL THOSE OLD DOORS OF SUICIDE AND DEPRESSION... IM NOT THAT GUY ANY MORE!!! I AM A HAPPY PERSON THAT PEOPLE LIKE TO BE AROUND...DAMNIT...SHIT... BUT HERE I GO TONIGHT FOR ANOTHER ROUND OF PUNISHMENT...IF IT GOES BADLY THIS EVENING...THATS IT...IM SICK OF IT...THATS IT...MAKE ME FEEL BAD NO MORE...GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND AND BE GONE YOU EVIL WITCH...

2 comments:

LadyBirdSing said...

Congrats on ya new place!..
sounds like ya just holding on over there ya self partner...So r u thinking about quitting?..i got a script from the doc, thank goodness for healthcare right!havent puffed in 2006 and dont plan to.That stuff was great boost energy, surpressed my apetite..the only problem i had was finding an outlet and actually dealing with the anger ...so i cleaned everywhere i went, and that was alot of cleaning since i couldnt stand still longer that 10 mins...just to let u know I am severly sarcastic and full of rage that I'm learning to make work for me instead of against me..ei: blogging

oakland heidi said...

I'm always here for you.

ALWAYS.