ANOTHER DAY!!!

I NEED SOME FUCKING COFFEE!!!! May be ill make another cup?!?!? Its too early to be up on a day off.. I'm supposed to have lunch with a friend, we will see if she calls. My buddy g is in town, hopefully ill get to see his ass today as well! If not, who cares, I have so much shit I should be doing anyway.... Need to go up to my house, figure what's wrong with my generator! Do some ffing laundry and clean up! I've been such a slacker when I've been there lately, just wanting to enjoy my company and such...

Need to go to town so I can deposit some money and write some checks. Do some shopping and get a few items on my own wish list.... I'm still getting the tattoo I want, its just going to have to be at the right time... Cant rush things just because I want them to happen. Make sense? Good...

I still have not fixed my truck! WTF? I don't know why when people sell their vehicles they sometimes list them as a mechanics special.... I never work on my shit, in fact asides from the steering rack and tie rod ends I have yet to install, I'm like 2000 miles over due for an oil change! I need new tires badly! Can you say metal bands are breaking through what's left of the tread! Ugh...

Other then those mornings grumblings I'm doing great! The dogs took an hour long walkabout by themselves... Beau came back first and I heard Charlie trying to get in a minute ago.... Not okay! Having a large pit bull running around loose in these parts is only a recipe for death.... Either someone's cats or his own by a ranchers 30/30.... So beau has lost his freedom once again, he was doing so well here... Its when the two boys (Charlie is a huge yellow lab) get together, their I.Q. goes down even more then the score of three that they have now... They don't think and just run wild, like they should be able too, but its just not okay when one has a record of killing small things...

Anyway have a great day all and enjoy what's left of your holidays!!!

IN OTHER NEWS...

SPELL CHECK IS NOT WORKING.... im useing a mac and im completly confused by it.... mac book... lap top.. i want to free stlye some writing here but its so slow... (my typing..) im reading the fountainhead by ayn rand right now... fucking insane book.... copywrite 1943!!! has anyone ever read this book?!?!? oh and i like to read alot. in case you didnt know. i may have not ever said that, but i do.... (is there a way to make these keys more sensitive? n's and t's dont like to show up when i type them.) im also watching a movie right now for the second time... da vinchi code? some shit... could they have fucked up on the casting a little worse? decent movie but i bet it was a much better book! anyway... only a few more days of holiday cheer left, trees come down lights go off and work begins for the new year. im afraid of quitting smoking, i dont want to be a grouch... its so soothing. calming, killing, deadly.... err... im so torn. i hate my self for it more and more... well im tired, so long, ill be back soon!!

just so you all know....

This really wont make any sense to most of those who read here, it has nothing to do with you.... Its something im going through here in the real world. quite frankly im begining to get a little pissed off. even more so, ive lost respect for most of you. Fuck you accually. Go to hell. ive been through more shit in this town then you will ever even know of, you think you know me? try again...

So losing your friendship will ultimately mean nothing to me. Ive been here so long Ive forgotten half the shit you have talked about me over the years... not even to my face, but behind my back as you do now... very easy to be bold when im not there to hear it... (much as im doing now.i stoop to your level for the sake of tact and respect of the evening.) So I will not dwell here more then i have to... You will only be worth these last few moments of my time...

The good friends I have now, lie to me... Good friends I have now are gone to me... Good bye, I care less. Ill still be nice to you and see you all in the sur, but im tired of trying to be a part of your lives, yet again, go to hell. I feel (and I may be wrong) that i have done more for you all, than you could ever repay me for... Yeah im an asshole and standing on a box but i dont have any problems saying it out loud in a crowd either. im not fucking pretending to be anybody Im not...

I am not beyond reproach mind you. i have done some things that i know were not right in the past. so be it. i am who i am today because i have done the things i have done, and i stand here proud and strong and i say fuck you! i wasted my time. im sorry it took me so long to figure it out... its only affecting me now because im letting it... When this post is finished, these emotions will be complete.

So knowing that most of you who this is directed to will never be the wiser of these rants i will write no further and i will conclude with this.... keep being who you are, you are all wonderfull in your own ways... what you dont know about me is that you really never knew me.

I HAVE JUST BECOME ONE OF THOSE ANNOYING PEOPLE!!!

Here I sit for one more minute. I just have to tell you this... I'm sitting in a restaurant with friends, who are eating... I wanted to be at the bar, but its full... I borrowed this computer to check a few things and now I'm here, not in the conversation with my head stuck into my internet ass... hahahaha... Bye.

WELL THEN...

What a whirlwind of magic and wonderment... These days of Christmas have been the best I've had since I was able to be excited for a holiday since I was a kid. I'm sitting here in front of a Christmas tree with gifts for children strewn about everywhere! How fucking awesome was that?!?! Watching kids get giddy with excitement and barely even contain themselves... Yet they thanked their mom for nearly every gift opened. Damn... How much of a treat to be a part of that... I'm just beside my self, sorry..

Sorry to all, I have not been writing back and have not been posting much. I haven't been next to a computer in a while and the modem on the dial up on my computer at home has taken a huge shit... Locks up my whole system... I was using the internet last week and my generator started to pulse and I think it jacked my p.c. such as life...

Things are changing fast, I like it! I have someone new in my life and seem to have less time to sit around and sulk and bitch about my life... I like the direction I'm going in... I'm making an appointment this week to get some quitting smoking aids... Need to quit, want to quit, have to quit...

Okay, lame post... Ill be back... I'm watching a movie and not really paying attention...

By the way...

Video below is not me or anyone I know... I'm a drinker, not a complete fucking moron! Enjoy!

HARD MORNING...

I cant seem to get started this morning... I want to motivate. Everyone here is cranky, (I'm at work). And its bringing me down. I had a bit of an off morning. I woke up earlier than my alarm clock required and its been a step off ever since. I dunno.

It seems I'm quite affected by my surroundings as of late. I feel like I might be bringing someone down. As much as I try to do the right thing, I cant seem to get it exactly right. Like this morning I somehow feel like I already fucked up. I don't know how many times I said I was sorry for things, but it wasn't necessary. I didn't do any thing wrong... I just wasn't paying attention like I should have been... I'm sorry.

Holidays are coming and this is the first year I'm excited! I really am... I will get to be around kids and watch their eyes light up and hear little squeals of joy. That's what Christmas should be about. That's what I want it to be about! I'm so humbled by her children. They are amazing.

Hopefully things will be a little more straightened out by lunch, at lunch, after lunch??? I hope.

This is just where my head is today. Right now. I need to figure out where my head is at, I seem to be in space somewhere. I'm not quite sure why...

ILL BE BACK SOON I PROMISE!!!!

WOW!!!

I SAW THE MOST AMAZING THINGS LAST NIGHT... In no particular order: I watched sixty people shut the fuck up at the pub and jaws drop as my beautiful date slid into a chair, picked up the microphone and sang the most sexy song I've heard ever... ever!!! Something about take me to extacy... Oh god, my knees are weak talking about it now... Then she dedicates a song to her girlfriend and sings something in Spanish, jaws hit the floor and people erupted when she finished...

I am the luckiest man in the world...

We watched a couple fight like you wouldn't believe... Screaming at each other in the parking lot. Fucking drunks, go home and battle it out... (I remember all too well how its like to fight like that...) The female portion of the argument had a friend there backing her up... Who does that? Stands there and gets into a couples argument and says, "yeah" and "you are such an asshole?" or "you go girl.." Why?

I watched a several girls go into the ladies room and heard them laugh and giggle for a while and come out all wearing each others lipstick.... hmmm... What's really happening there?

anyway... I had a great night, I think I'm still drunk, so I'll come back later and post something that has a timeline and makes more sense... Have a great morning!!

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ....

Was it the four cups of coffee at blaze this morning or the one before that on the ridge? Was it the six cokes at river inn on my two hour lunch or the iced tea I just drank? What is making me so jittery? So buzzing... I'm trying to give up afternoon caffeine. Cant you tell..

I used to be wicked into coca-colas... All day. So much so, the guys here at work noticed enough to show me how much... On a Friday, a couple of years ago they brought me an entire garbage can full of cans, bottles and two liters of empty soda...

"This is how much you drank of this crap this week!!"

"Oh, I guess I have a problem."

"Yeah..."

Well, I tell you it was not as hard as giving up cigarettes will be, but it was tough...

I seem to be getting less sleep these days and am in need of a little spike in the afternoon. My hands are vibrating.... Anyway thought id let you all know what was on my mind at this second, seeing how I'm acting quite A.D.D. right now... Have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up! hahahaha... (that was a Eddy Murphy joke about Bill Cosby)

NEW TRUCK FEVER.

Its happened. I've seen the truck that I want. How do I get it? I'm two payments away from owning my present truck and now I've seen the one I really need. Four doors! What would life be like if I could put my seat back! Oh god how nice would that be?Ill be back....

WHERE HAVE I BEEN!

Sorry folks but I've been busy.. Yah yah, who isn't? I know I've let some people down by not being here as often as I could! Work has been nuggin futs, when I'm at home the last thing I feel like doing is sitting in front of a computer these days... I've had wonderful company and she make me forget that the world is around us... I look at my watch and blip its the next day and I'm late to work! Holidays are coming and time seems short for everyone!! So sorry to all and hopefully I can post something today of substance..

I had a great conversation with friends last night! More on that later!

It seems I need to reserve my seat at the fucking bar I normally live at now a days. There seems to be some sort of conflict as to when I'm "allowed" to be there. I'm trying to be nice about things and give people the space they need but I'm getting pretty sick of all this high school bullshit!

IF YOU ARE FUCKING MY EX, I THINK THAT IS GREAT! I DONT CARE. She needs some attention and someone to treat her nice. Be respectful and be a man. Show her love and shower her with affection. If your not, you should be. She has the capability to be a very nice woman. I don't mind, care, oppose, object or anything. She deserves someone who desires her.

Do not make me unwanted in the bar. Do not make her situation with me your situation, because I don't care! Thank you. If you are trying to hide something, don't. It will make you both feel like shit! I know, be honest and don't worry about the drama. Life is too short! That's all I have to say about that.

In other news! I think I screwed up my nice washing machine.(what the fuck is this guy typing you ask?) but the power in my solar system was kind of janky the other night and the generator was running like shit, and the washer now just fills up with water counts down the minutes and drains the water at the end... hmmm. Hopefully it fixes it self by the time I get home today!

The fucking crane I'm working on today is not being very helpful. I just put a $536.58 alternator on it and it is not charging! I called my parts guy at Cal crane and he is trying to figure it out.. Will be returning my calls shortly!

Anyway... I sat at my bar last night and put back a few cold ones... (they freeze the glasses and boast the coldest beer in town!) sat with D, Tim, lace and Ltrain! "nice to be back" was how I was feeling! I was trying to convince D that she needed to get some action. If she is not finding what she wants here she might find it else where! (lace needs some too. What's with the lame boys around here who don't see the hot chics? Weird I live in a town full of men who have forgotten how to treat women!!!)

But the conversations were light and fun, it was great to catch up with everyone! Ltrain is happy for me and likes to see me in such a good mood recently... He is also in the "I'm so fucking happy I don't know what to do with my self" stage of life. Normally we sit around and groan and bitch and smoke and smoke and smoke and drink, etc... You get the idea! He just got a five dollar raise which he deserved months ago, but its still nice when that happens!

From there I went over to the roadhouse where the lovely ladyfriend of mine works... They were just closing up and I managed to get in a quick order...

"Can I get the burger and fries"

"Ahh yes, well no.sorry man we are out of buns, but ill give you a steak for the same price.."

"No worries man, give me the burger with no bun, and a beer and ill be happy with the company" I said.

Somehow nothing seems to matter when I'm around her. We eat and share a few bites of her dinner and head out the next stop. Roll in to ferndog and order up a couple of gin and tonics... The bartender there seems to know exactly what we need and doubles them for us. Friends come in and join us and we go out for a smoke...

Now here is something funny. There are some crank heads out back. Smoking... They talk at us a million miles an hour and I make a few comments about how they should stop doing drugs! At first they were taken aback, but I said it to them in such a non confrontational way that it was like they were cool doing it...(I dunno what that means but it works..) they left.

Just as I hear, "I cant see" we order another round and fill the juke box up with change and dance for a while... I love it... Close to an empty bar with people watching Harry potter on the wide screen and here we go and ask the tender if she can turn it up!

Lets see, in other news.... I almost have all the parts to put a complete, new steering system on my truck! Hopefully to be finished soon! Okay, ill post later... This is really making no sense...

Flat backin it!

Yep, no lifts here... No mechanic pit, hole in the ground, or anything holding this shit up... Just lay flat on my back and watch everything spill, fall, seep into my eyes... Love it... Cant see shit and I'm usually pretty fucking dirty by the end of the day, but I just needed a break to wash some M.E.K. out. (I'ts very toxic shit, I use it all the time... Cleans grease off instanly! Also the stuff breaks down DNA.) And while the left eye returns to normal I had thought id come in here to write a quick little note.

Tonight I go out for drinks! Yah! And drinks I will have! Many, if all goes well... At several different bars, and with several different bartenders. (would be a little weird if it was the same bartender at every place!) I get to sleep in tomorrow, I told them I'd be too hung over in the morning for me to even bother... So well, wish me luck, I will have beautiful company and wont be driving very far at all... Enjoy your evenings and be safe, its a sober world out there!!!

WHAT IS WITH TIME THESE DAYS...

Where does it go? Today for instance... The alarm goes off at six thirty, wake up and enjoy the morning. Look at the clock again and I have less than two minutes to be to work by eight. WTF? Hour and a half, poof!

Skip coffee and fire down the mountain to work, four minutes late. Get set up in my office and head out into the yard, KW4 miraculously started! Batteries are on order, they have not been holding a charge. Help get the guys out of the yard and out of my way. Start to replace the fuel pump in the Chevy. A job I've been trying to get to for at least a week. It really should only take me a couple of hours; pump, new fuel lines to the selector valve and test. Well as soon as I'm spilling fuel on to myself and the ground I get a call from my tire guy reminding me about the new Michelin we ordered.( I guess its big enough to be in the way of there showroom.) then I get a call on the radio, "come fix it, we broke it." by the time I get back to the yard and order some parts, its lunch... Where the hell did the last four hours go?

I fire up the ridge for some of the best fucking lunch I've ever had. "record breaking" I was told. Her smile at this point is killing me. Look at the clock again and WTF?!?! I've been gone for an hour and a half! Jam down the mountain and run into some one grading the road. No pull outs, no nothing.. Back up and into a culvert head with company behind me and wait for him to go by. Ten more minutes... ( I get another chance to say goodbye.)

Back to work on the Chevy when I get another call from my auto parts guy who I've been trying to track down since mid morning. He still doesn't have my fucking parts!! He sold me some shit the week before that knocked out the power control module in one of our new Fords! Ass!! So its been down for three working days! One more hour gone!

Back out to the yard and I have to load some gravel for an old company friend, I never do this but he is old and one of his hands is fucked up so I don't have a problem trying to squeeze the time in for him. Then some fucking tourists roll in and want to buy some diesel... I make ten bucks off them... I'd like to smack the gas station attendants here for telling them we are the only diesel in thirty miles... Over a hundred if they are going south... Anyway... Another hour down...

Its three thirty almost and my guy still hasn't called me back! I call his supplier and find out that the part is still in fucking salinas. They missed the pick up and screwed me again... thanx. As I am walking out of the office, parts guy calls me and says it will be in his hands by ten o'clock in the morning. His supplier must have been pissed at the ration of shit i gave to him.

"Not good enough." I say.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked with out really meaning it.

"Get in your car and drive over there and I'll meet you halfway in between." I reply knowing full well he is not going to do shit.

"I cant, I'm the only one here." lieing again.

I hang up. Jump into my truck which of course has no gas, fill up and drive straight to this guys work, point to the fucking retard standing next to him behind the counter and yell something like; "who the fuck is that asshole? Does he not have a license? Could he have not driven over there and missed all the fucking traffic I am now going to have to sit in? WTF?"

I walk out. Race to the salinas auto mall, get there just as some some dumb ding dong is trying to close ten minutes early and damn near rip her arm off as I get to the door a milli-second before she turns the lock.

"We are closed." she says quite matter of factly and with a bit of annoyance.

"Look honey, the clock over there says five twenty. Which means you are open for ten more minutes. I have a life too, I just drove an hour and a half to get here to get a part your people forgot to deliver this morning. I don't care if your boss left early, but I'm here to collect my parts." you can guess how well that went over with her as I push past her huge purse and over to the parts counter.

Now every parts place has a "will call" box, I find it, locate my parts and sign the pick up tag.. I am now receiving some earfull of un-intelligible horse shit, half in Spanish and half in some English dialect I think is called raging bitch...

Back to the door which she locked in order to; I don't know keep me there until some one came to help her... Funny enough she left her keys sticking out of the lock... This one had her thinking cap on! "Ala... peanut butter.... sandwhiches...." Door opens, I smile at her.

Yeah, what you want is some angry white man talking to your supervisor about how rude you were to me and after explaining to him that his team of people dropped the ball on a company that spends... Oh, I guess several thousands dollars a month from them. ( not much, but every penny counts in the parts biz.) and how you were in such a hurry to get to your whatever event ten minutes early that you could not afford me the forty five seconds of time it took for me to get what I needed. Yes this one was thinking very clearly.

"Fuck you very much for the parts" I wave and leave. Blow off some steam by driving around the Toyota dealership looking for a four door Tacoma, used, the new ones look like shit and are over priced! How funny are sales men? Huge lot and they see me driving around it. Normally people get out and walk... I don't think I was supposed to be driving around in there...Oops... Avoided them and headed home...

Well due to all of the money that the "govenator" has granted our local highway repair people, we have a royal clusterfuck happening on my exit... Two hours later, I'm home...

Make some leftovers... (Alaskan venison my buddy just brought back from hunting, with a Chantrell and Boleet mushroom gravy, the last of my garlic mashed potatoes and some garlic bread.) which I burnt again!!! What is my problem with that? I cant make garlic bread with out fucking burning it to a nice aromatic dark black.... Err....

Fourteen and a half hours after waking up, I'm home, fed and cracking open my first beer. Ahoy.. Relax. Where the hell does the time go...

A LITTLE NORMAL FOR YOU

I THINK IM GOING TO GET ANOTHER TATTOO NEXT WEEK! Yeah, I know, how about finishing the three foot tall angel on my back first? Its getting there.. Well no its not but I'm happy where she is now, for now... I don't really know how I want to shade in the lower half of her wings yet so ill wait... But I think in the next couple of weeks ill go in and decide what I want right then and there... As usual I don't really spend too much time on having to know exactly what I want and where I want it be forehand. I have a few ideas, I know about where its going to go and around how much I want to spend...

I have a few shops I've been to, in the search for the right woman to do my angel project and met a couple of other good artists along the way. So ill go and check them out again and see who wants to make some money. I feel need the need to bleed.

Not quite sure how I get these desires, but I don't fight them... One of them was when my grampa died, another from when my mom died. Right shoulder was when I moved to California at sixteen and left shoulder was a timely cover-up for a tat I did myself when I was thirteen... I'm feeling another change in my life right now and feel its time to make it... Some good things are happening and am in a good space.

What do you all think? Yeah... "yer crazy!" or "what, another tattoo?"

Well, ill have you all know, if I wear a t-shit you can only see one of them on my forearm... I have a picture posted somewhere here...(SEPTEMBER 21ST) I'm not a walking poster or circus freak or anything... What ever, I give a flying fuck anyway... Have a great day all and see you on the darkside!!!

I WILL BE BACK!!!

I promise, I've been so fucking buzy and have so many things happening its insane!!! Good things too... I'm trying to leave the unmotivated items about this blog behind... I think I will just try to archive my archive and continue on this site... So many people read here.(it seems a lot of you want to remain anon.) I don't want to lose any of you! For the people who want to write me hate mail, send it to my hotmail box... Or stop fucking reading my blog!!! Sorry...

Anyway, ill try to have something fun posted here later this afternoon! Have a great say all...