I cant seem to get started this morning... I want to motivate. Everyone here is cranky, (I'm at work). And its bringing me down. I had a bit of an off morning. I woke up earlier than my alarm clock required and its been a step off ever since. I dunno.
It seems I'm quite affected by my surroundings as of late. I feel like I might be bringing someone down. As much as I try to do the right thing, I cant seem to get it exactly right. Like this morning I somehow feel like I already fucked up. I don't know how many times I said I was sorry for things, but it wasn't necessary. I didn't do any thing wrong... I just wasn't paying attention like I should have been... I'm sorry.
Holidays are coming and this is the first year I'm excited! I really am... I will get to be around kids and watch their eyes light up and hear little squeals of joy. That's what Christmas should be about. That's what I want it to be about! I'm so humbled by her children. They are amazing.
Hopefully things will be a little more straightened out by lunch, at lunch, after lunch??? I hope.
This is just where my head is today. Right now. I need to figure out where my head is at, I seem to be in space somewhere. I'm not quite sure why...
2 comments:
The fact that you're being introspective about whatever it is you think you may have done wrong counts for pretty much everything, so don't sweat it too much! We all have our little fuck-ups, but being conscientious in the aftermath rather than stubborn or opinionated will make for a quick make-up, methinks! I'm glad some people out there are looking forward to Xmas... I'm a wee grinchy this year...
thanx for the thoughts... yeah i was just in a bit of a selfish mood this morning and wasnt really paying attention... i dont always do the right things. we seem to be learning how to be with each other still..
and yeah, normally i hate hallmark holidays but this year there will be kids around and it will be a nice relaxing day...
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