This really wont make any sense to most of those who read here, it has nothing to do with you.... Its something im going through here in the real world. quite frankly im begining to get a little pissed off. even more so, ive lost respect for most of you. Fuck you accually. Go to hell. ive been through more shit in this town then you will ever even know of, you think you know me? try again...
So losing your friendship will ultimately mean nothing to me. Ive been here so long Ive forgotten half the shit you have talked about me over the years... not even to my face, but behind my back as you do now... very easy to be bold when im not there to hear it... (much as im doing now.i stoop to your level for the sake of tact and respect of the evening.) So I will not dwell here more then i have to... You will only be worth these last few moments of my time...
The good friends I have now, lie to me... Good friends I have now are gone to me... Good bye, I care less. Ill still be nice to you and see you all in the sur, but im tired of trying to be a part of your lives, yet again, go to hell. I feel (and I may be wrong) that i have done more for you all, than you could ever repay me for... Yeah im an asshole and standing on a box but i dont have any problems saying it out loud in a crowd either. im not fucking pretending to be anybody Im not...
I am not beyond reproach mind you. i have done some things that i know were not right in the past. so be it. i am who i am today because i have done the things i have done, and i stand here proud and strong and i say fuck you! i wasted my time. im sorry it took me so long to figure it out... its only affecting me now because im letting it... When this post is finished, these emotions will be complete.
So knowing that most of you who this is directed to will never be the wiser of these rants i will write no further and i will conclude with this.... keep being who you are, you are all wonderfull in your own ways... what you dont know about me is that you really never knew me.
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2 comments:
First I have to say- I usually worry who reads this-too much to write anything. But so far, I only know one girl who does, who would matter, and I gained a Ton of respect for her this weekend, so I don't mind if she reads this. Also, if she does I would like to say to her: never say never...(at least not in this case) :)
Mr. Blogger:I'm Glad you wrote this. It makes me feel a little better. People can be so self-righteous it makes me ill. If people want to bitch, they should bitch about their own lives, or write in a journal, or a blog-but keep it to yourself if it's about another person who supposedly you Love!!! It makes me soooo mad.
Why are people always so concerned with having big opinions about your life? I think you live it just fine. It makes you who you are, who is a gem of a person, and so much fun, that no one, even the shit talkers are really that happy without you around-says me. And how can people be so disloyal!? And you are right. You have done more for them than often anyone else, you always do, and you still do. You are a better friend, and have a bigger heart than most everyone. And this weekend I noticed that I feel like no one knows you either. That is truly what struck me most about the situation. It made me sad. I wanted to tell them, but it's sort of not my place. I tried to say a little. This is why I have so much respect for you, because you don't act the way that people like those you refer to-do. I just want to shake people and say- you're all acting like a bunch of Lemmings! Loyalty is so important; If you love and respect someone-treat them that way. And if you don't, well then don't try to act and say that you do! It drives me crazy. I don't know why you are so confusing for people to understand. You are actually very simple. You have a simple true heart. And you treat people with honesty and love. I hope the wondeful girl that you are with comes to know that, and treats you the same. Maybe explain to her though, that although you talk big, you don't always mean it literally. :) I hope she doesn't believe the crap that people may be telling her. I have to say, I was dissapointed a little in my own friends. Honestly, I think they just get upset in the beginning when you don't have as much attention to give, because you are focused on a new love. Everyone does that! Most people just aren't so lucky to always find someone to love so quickly, and consistanly-but that doesn't mean it means any less. It does sadden me when someone gets hurt, especailly someone who is my friend too, and who I care a great deal about, but you did nothing wrong. You could have been more sensitive yes, but so could everyone, and you did try to say you were sorry and take responsibility for that. And this in-sensitivity only refers to about a span of one week! Why is it so life and death for everyone about who you date! This is not a T.V show people! Stop acting like one! We can all be a good friend to the one who feels sad, without acting like judgemental, highschool-drama asses!
Ok, I just had to vent, because it was making me mad too. I love you, I think you are wonderful, and you do screw up like everyone sometimes, but you have never done so in a manner that made me loose respect.
..and if you ever do, I have faith that you would try to repair it in an honorable way. Like a true friend.
I hope you had a good new years. we missed you :)
I'm so glad to see that you have friends like the one who made this comment. I'm crasy about you and the more I know you the less tolerance I have for anyone who doesn't show you the loyalty, respect and friendship that you deserve. Know at least that you have that in me. To Anonymous, never is begining to lose favor in my vocabulary.
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