a list of things...

1.we had a birthday party for cheese on Friday, it was fucking great!
2.she got a small pool for her birthday, also fucking great!
3.our dogs killed one of our chickens last night. not so fucking great.
4.I'm swamped at work and don't have time to be writing all this so that's why I'm making it a list.
5.the woman at my work has her husband in the hospital. she just found out that they are going to crack his rib cage open and cut part of his lung out, staple it up and sew him back together. also not so fucking great at all!
6.number 5 is really bumming me out. she is such a nice lady... always giving me the motherly advice.
7.i need a vacation, i can feel it, i will burn out soon at this pace... i just had a three day weekend and didn't leave the mountain for a minute, i unwound just enough to let some work issues go...
8.our garden is ff-ing huge right now, I'll find some pics to take.
9.this is lame I'll stop.

not much has been happening...

lots of driving around chasing engines, parts, shit i need at the shop. hardly a moment to enjoy my self and life... this weekend we are throwing a small party up at the house! special cheese has a birthday. who knows how it will go but we will try to feed some people and get them drunk... hopefully no one will drive off the side of the cliff and ideally everyone will get along! if not, fuck it!

kinda tired here in the office today, i don't think i slept very well. worked late last night and fell asleep to a movie. anyone seen apocalipto?(sp?) great movie, don't watch the special features... Mel Gibson ruins everything.. i had forgotten that he did it all...

i really want to take a nap... bitch, bitch, bitch...

i think we are going to the circus tonight at the Henry miller library. should be fun, the last one that came through was a riot to watch.. looking at their page makes me think these guys have their shit together a little more... get off work, blast home, let dogs out, sex?, fire back to big sur, watch show, get drunk, drive home, sex?, rest of movie, sleep... put it that way and sounds like a shit load of fun!!!

i need a vacation.. this will be the first year i don't leave the country at least once! i need to get to the lake! i need more motorcycle, camping, fun, out of big sur weekends! how do i squeeze four of us, two dogs, my boat, all our shit into my little truck and take off for a couple of weeks before the summer ends? anyone with any ideas, let me know!!!

its funny... something else. i was just at lunch at the river inn and overheard the entire bar ripping on the people i used to hang out with. we had this gang name... well they still do... I'd type it, but they (I'm sure of it.) probably google themselves constantly.. but it was interesting to listen to ten people breaking them down. made me wonder what the bar said when i left... my ears didn't burn and my ass didn't get warm so it couldn't have been all that bad...

what else, i dunno.. lunch is over and i got to get to work! have a great Wednesday folks!

allright already....

I've been dealing with this particular company for over two months now... the one in San leandro has kept our engine almost hostage. never calling me back, changing their stories and they have lied to me several times. last week i had had enough. i drove to the location and found hundreds of people striking... WTF? i knew what i might be in for but wasn't ready for the hate machine of near peaceful violence... if that makes sense.

i park a block away and cross the line by foot for the first time. i explain to them that i just want to take my business elsewhere and i need my fucking engine.

"where the fuck do i find my engine?"

i haggle with the fucking service manager there for a couple of hours, who promises me that they have people coming down from another branch. i make about forty calls or so and find out that he is outright lying to me. there was no one coming... he asked me to call him back on Friday for an update. i over heard him say this to several people on the phone. i also overheard him say to his co-worker that he had Friday off and felt bad for him due to all the calls he was going to have to deal with...

"I'm going to kill somebody!"

it was at this point i walked into the shop where i thought my engine might be.. looked around and found it in over a hundred pieces... started to box things up when i was kicked out. first by some security guard then by a sheriff with a video camera...

"I'll be back tomorrow!! have my engine ready to go!!!"

now its not like this place is next door to my work or anything... its a three hour plus drive, more with traffic. i return the next day to find the company even more empty than the day before. i bypass having to talk to anyone and head straight to the back door of the shop... four pallets of parts and my engine sitting on a stand strapped to a pallet. i find the fork lift and get started... meanwhile i am getting taunted and jeered from the protesters who have seen me "working" there... just as i get this motor up and over about an inch of the flat bed it stalls and dies... i spent half an hour asking my self; if i was a full bottle of propane where would i be? swap tanks and get two more pallets of parts and the engine loaded. out comes a really apologetic dude and he tries to help for a minute or two..

"no really dude, thanks anyway, I'll get it."

i strap the living shit out of this top heavy load and off i go. i drive another three hours east and drop it off at one of their other branches. (i know you are asking yourself, why on earth is this idiot bringing it to the same company? yeah, i know. but if i would have brought it elsewhere i would have lost the two year warranty i get with it... very handy if you are dealing with Detroit engines. )

"hi I'm Mike, we are expecting you. please pull up around back and I'll get that unloaded for you personally."

i haven't even shut the truck off yet and these guys are already working on my problem. nice. the branch manager already can pronounce my last name correctly. (its not an easy one. think German last names.)

"we will have this done for you next week for sure."

"really?" i almost fall over. "those fucking knuckle heads have had it for two months!"

"i know, I'm very sorry about that. I'll take care of it from here."

"uh, okay, I'll just uh, i guess I'll, well, see you next week."

i was ready to rip into these guys as well but he was nice and i could tell i wasn't getting the run around. that was Thursday last week. i got a call yesterday and the engine is done!

"where is the clutch? we can bolt that on for you, not a problem."

"shit, no clutch in those boxes i brought? fuckers. I'll call you back."

i spend all of Friday threatening to drive up to the first shop and shove this clutch that they swore was not there and i didn't bring to them up their asses.(in so many polite ways) and sure as shit at about four o'clock in the evening i get a phone call..

"we found it, I'll get you a new one coming for next week."

"the fuck you will! get some one there to give me the numbers on it by four thirty."

click.

needless to say i get my numbers and call a truck clutch warehouse in Sacramento, explain my situation, and have a clutch (delivered for free) to the shop where my engine is....

short story long, i pick up my engine Monday morning!!! it took less that a week for them to do what the others spent two months not doing...

i hope you all have a great weekend and if you are in west Sacramento on Monday and happen to see a gold ford one ton driving down the highway with someone with a fat smile on his face that would indeed be me!!

have a beer and a smile and shut the fuck up!

this is how i spent most of my weekend. this is how i spend most of my weekends. minus the eighty dollar shirt, forty dollars cuff links, the four hundred dollar suit, hundred dollar shoes, etc. etc. yes, that is cheap beer in a wine glass thank you very much... why not, white trash in a suit and cheap beer from a wine glass... sums it up doesn't it...

just kidding, I'm more working class than white trash, but sometimes...

the weekend was great and i let go of all the stress from the week before... I'll write about that next. well it seem it will come before this one as i am writing back wards but, you get the idea.

other things we did was; play tennis almost naked! went for a nice walk and taunted horses with the only green grass for miles, got to sleep in, sex in a teeny tiny little shower, people watched, special cheese managed to get herself kicked out of the kitchen in a restaurant(silly management, tips are for chefs!), didn't drive too drunk too far, got hassled for smoking out side! (fucking restaurant people, "oh excuse me, we are serving food over there..") for some reason i was nice and we moved even further away from the building another couple hundred feet or so. normally i would not acquiesce...

"fuck you. go back inside, thats why i'm smoking outside. cause we can't smoke inside. don't like the smell of smoke? don't breath while you are out here bitching at me." thats more along the lines of something i would say...

I'm sick of posting photos and I'm sure most of you are tired of looking at them, (except you perverts who are now downloading the "nipple pics") so we will see you later...

YOUR NIPPLES ARE NOW ON THE INTERNET...

this pic was supposed to be second to the picture in the post before this but, i. got. tired. of. waiting. for. blogger. to upload. shit.




funny thing the Internet, shit pops up about you in the weirdest places... or in this case pops out....


while i wait for this other foto to upload, I'll just say, that these are my friends... good people and good times... i don't really hang out with these people any more, ever really, but when we do cross paths things seem to be like nothing ever happened. like nobody ever talked shit or did anything wrong... i am reminded though, that i don't really give a shit about what happens in their lives or what there new fucking drama is..




I'm quite happy being left out of it all...

BUSTED, CAUGHT ON FILM, WELL IT WAS A DIGITAL CAMERA

this pic is the the first of three in a series... I'll leave you with this one until tomorrow. kind of a cliff hanger and for those who like boobs...

friends we partied with.

hey whats really happening here... sorry readers no orgy, just drunk girls in bed. hahahahahaa. could have been worse... imagine four drunk guys getting cozy in bed. would anybody like that? i didn't think so. (i don't think i have many gay readers, i guess if i did i'd be wrong) any way, enjoy!


this guy ended up going home with some "older" woman from the local bar the night before the wedding. our breakfast chef recognised her from the stories they were telling... "oh, her... i know her.. heh, heh." we heckled him until the last minutes before we left... "dude, i asked her about the car seat in the back of the Audi and she said it was her grand sons..." need i say more!!! go cougar... hahahaha...




This is our room and we ended up almost polishing off that bottle. he ended up with his face up her skirt taking pictures later that night. she didn't seem to mind. go D!



yes more drunk pics.


drunk girls! getting bored yet? actually this is a really good friend of mine. she knocked over a beer in her room and claimed i was guilty by default! "it was a Coors lite, so its your fault!" thanks.

beer and a nice smile

just before the ceremony, goofing around trying to stay cool and trying to keep my beer out of all the damn pictures!




i am definitly not drunk in this picture!!

yes another pic of special cheese, fuck it i will put them all in this post.... arrrgg.. blogger is taking for ever
to upload these... any way here are some pics of us at the wedding. and these arent in any order! bad blogger.

SOME PICS...

oh, yeah... went to sonoma this weekend to watch two friends of mine get married... well i was in the wedding too! i started out as number five and got bumped into the number two position... why i dunno. but it was fucking nice. and after all was said and done, all the people who had turned their noses up at my Coors lite, were drinking my shit for two damn days... take that bitches!! hahahaha oh and in this pic i had my beer behind my back! it was a real nice place and can be seen here.

I'LL BE BACK I PROMISE~!!!!

its been fucking crazy, I've had to cross picket lines... WANT TO FEEL PRESSURE? try driving into a business where the employees are shutting down the place!

I've driven over a thousand miles in five days.

been in a wedding. a big wedding, in not to.

and argued with neighbors endlessly about MY FUCKING WATER!!!!

drove a car that intermittently would shut off?!?!

anyway, i have good stories to tell and loads of pics so please be patient!

before the first off, sorry about the mistakes! its a fucking mac.

YEAH, FIRST OFF... i hate mac blogging. don't want things to work right? use a mac on Dial up... yeah i should dub that line first bitch....
okay then...

second bitch: what won't eat poison, doesn't like prunes or peanut butter and keeps bugging the living fuck out of me? answer me that and I'll give you something you have never seen before!

third bitch: the company that has our engine. their entire service and parts department has gone on strike!!!! WTF?!?!? I'm going to explode! they have not answered one call or email in two weeks... today i finally finagle my way into a cell phone number and blammo i get service manager, at home on strike.

aaaaarrrrrggggghhhh..... conversation as follows.

"this is Zack at blaze... hows it going? whats happening with my engine?"
"ohhhh... ummmm...welllll... we are on strike. it's more of a walk out really, we are hoping its resolved in the next three days.. things really need to change there." Rene Rodriguez tells me.
"what?"
"yeah, we are hoping they come to some sort of agreement." his reply.
"so.... whats happening with my engine?"
"i can't really tell you. at this time."
"ahhh... is it your entire company or just your branch? this is bullshit."
"yeah..."
"can we transfer this to one of your other branches? are you even doing anything about this?" I'm bright fucking red!
"i have to go..."
i can not tell you how amazingly pissed off i am at this point. i will leave it at that...

third bitch: i hate mechanics. yes, we are all underpaid, overworked and exposed to gnarly chemicals that haven't been fully researched as to how much they are fucking killing us. but, get to work. if you understood how the American money machine worked, you would realize, its not about you... its about the job you do and the customers you service!!! you fucks!!! ( yes, yes... i would like everything they want too... but i need my engine back pronto!!!)

fourth bitch: i am out of beer... and i just went to make myself a rum and coke... no coke... so i pour myself a gin and tonic, another big WTF? "THIS TASTES LIKE SHIT!" read the label on the tonic.... diet... need i say any more....

fifth bitch: I'm getting tired of bitching. try something else...

I've been trying to fix special cheese's Subaru for three days now.. its adding undue stress to things here at the house... its having a fuel relay problem... i wont bitch about that.... but i got to take it home today, with no one else in the car... hahahahahahaha.... i have been dogging on this car since the day i saw it. but when i fired it up to well over a hundred this evening and still had quite a bit to go i was quite impressed. up the coast i followed a PT Cruiser, who was hitting every illegal passing spot and still wasn't doing a very good job at gaining on the snake... (the snake is the line of cars that accumulates in summer going up and down the coast..aka: tourists in a long line.) but it was fun and i fucking hammered it! nice ride! thank you cheese!!!

I'm watching a movie while i do this and am needing to use the phone, enjoy the evening and hope to hear from you all tomorrow!!!

INTERESTING

radio: paging big sur volunteer fire brigade... we have a small vegetation fire at 47271 highway one...

phone rings, Debbie answers... "what? where? okay thank you..."

"whats up deb?" i ask.

"theres a fire at my house!" she says as the color leaves her face.

we mill around the office for a moment, day hoe and i decide to grab a fire extinguisher and follow her down... we drive down her road with the windows open and smell nothing. cruise up to debs and casually kick it for a min.

"well deb, i don't even smell any smoke. got any beer?" i ask

"sure, thanks for coming down!" already she is looking better. "day hoe, would you like one?"

"no thanks."

i pound my beverage and suggest to day hoe that we do some four wheeling and find out some more of whats really happening. we drive on this old access road that parallels the river and out of nowhere pops this hippy looking dude.

"did you see the fire brigade?" he stammers.

"nope, wheres the fire?" we ask.

"over here, c'mon I'll show ya!"

after he leads us down a wrong turn and we back up and head back down the road we were driving on we spot it. a good sized red wood tree has fallen over and is smoldering pretty good.

"nice one... " i say and get on the radio with mike...

short story long we went and found the fire brigade, brought them down to the scene and smoked a cigarette. looks like they had it all under control... that hippy looked pretty damn scared though... well have a good Monday!

SORRY KIDS! WICKED FUCKING BUSY TODAY!!!

MY OFFICE.

uh, yeah... that's my office. you can tell I'm very organized huh? seems to be a lot going on there... but anyways, i hope everyones holiday was a good one and people have some good stories to tell! lets hear some and I'll share mine...

more crainial rectal invertions

we are having a work party today, so that means Ive been looking at a cooler full of beer all day long... all day long... other than that its just a short post today, nothing to bitch about, no one really broke anything today and i am ready for a little midweek weekend. so i hope you all don't think of driving too far tonight and getting too fucked up, it is a rookie drinking holiday after all...

oh, i do have a short news tid bit... some jackass went hiking up into the mountains last week with his pit bull to fast. you know what i mean, to not eat or clean his colon or whatever... WTF? anyway he is at one of the popular camping places here in the mountains. there are hot springs to use and at about this time of year its a huge toilet. (too many people shitting behind too few trees!)

i digress, this cluster fuck is now too tired to hike his ass the twelve miles out and has collapsed. we had choppers flying around here all day. thing is, these fucking twig pigs (park rangers) love to dispatch the choppers. and there isn't anywhere to land one of these things in the wilderness... "so what?" you say, "they could basket him out." you might think. i tell you what, if i were to pass out from not eating for a week and my dog(also a pit bull) had been by my side, (who probably also hasn't eaten for a week) and you were try to rescue me, i don't think there would be a chance in hell some body would be able to get within ten feet of me.

hungry dog? man descending from the sky with lots of scary fucking noise? yeah my dog would freak out...

so what did they do? hiked his hippy ass out of the woods, gave his foul smelling ass something to eat and drink. maybe even something to his dog! they scrambled two choppers and tried to get a third down here for some fruit loop who wanted to cleanse his colon! if i was the first man on scene I'd pop that guy square in the nose and march him strait to jail! tax payer money just thrown out the window. lots of it. do you think this dope is going to have to pay for any of that? even if they did charge him i doubt he cough it up...

quote of the day: "why do these people come to Big Sur and do this shit?"

something else funny? my spell check thinks fuck is a word but not hippy. hahahaha

did i mention i'm half Canadian?

here in California we have a saying... "sure feels like earth quake weather.." that means its hot as hell and dry. like something is in the air... well today is earthquake weather... and we had one.

i jumped out of my seat and was on my feet before it was over...

"no, shit! are you feeling that? i said to the gal in the office.

see we have alot of heavy shit here in the yard, and sometimes guys who don't really know what they are doing smack into stuff. if someone were to smack into my office i wouldn't have time to do much...

earthquakes are one of those things i haven't quite gotten over yet. (yeah, you folks from California are saying, "what a pussy." but i am not quite sure of the proper reaction when the earth moves from left to right beneath you...)

"that was a small one, i bet not even 4.7." was the response i got from the outer office.

that still doesn't make me feel any better about. we have stuff here simply stacked on top of things. like shipping containers. two at a time, they are NOT bolted together....

anyway, that was all i had to say about that.

body rant: after a weekend of torturing myself with some serious boozing, heavy duty motorcycling and six or more jumps from an insane rope swing into the lake, my body is giving me the big middle finger. the right side of my back is swollen, left shoulder wont lift above my head, my hands hurt, (is any one playing the violin for me yet?)my knees hurt, i swear my liver is twice the size it should be, (someone calling the wambulance?) and my eyes are still seeing double at long distances... i followed a little too close to the bike in front of me wearing only glasses! (idiot!!!). i need a weekend where i can just sit around and do nothing... yeah, right. i wouldn't even if i could!

work rant:i spent two hours pouring over your parts catalogs looking for this "single spool valve". i know it wasn't easy. i'm loud and quite persistant, but when i said i wanted "the exact same ones" i didn't mean the ones you get a bigger kick from selling to me, from your suppliers. i meant "the exact same ones"! so now while you scramble to find me the right shit, i called your competitor down the street. who has them in stock. tomorrow when you call me and say you had them shipped UPS next day to you, I'll be in my truck to pick up the ones i needed from you last week! oh, by the way, i shipped these heavy ass things back to you UPS collect. i deal with you all the fucking time! you know when i waste my time sitting in your office i mean business, it means i don't trust your staff well enough to give you the order over the phone, it means i will give my business to those retards down the street from you for a while, perhaps until you notice i haven't spent any money with you in weeks and you call me to say hello. maybe even a little while after that. you just lost money. how do you like me now?

oh, and i stole that pic from one of the blogs i read. i hope she doesn't mind!