NO SUCH THING

i was happily shocked the other night to hear one of cheeses daughters reiterate some thing that i say daily and that i live my life by...

"there is no such thing as can't..."

it was amazing. i tried to tell cheese how important of a thing this was to me, but sometimes words escape me... at our house i say things like this a lot. also i tend to repeat myself quite often. also i tend to repeat myself quite often...

perhaps I've talked about this before... meh, i don't remember..

at my work we had/have a mantra that my boss came up with before he died...

"the difficult we do immediately, the impossible will take a bit longer."

when i was hired at my present job, i was a punk kid with righteous chip on my shoulder. i could do anything. i didn't have a doubt about myself or my abilities... i was "the man"... i had been through everything a twenty four year old could possibly through... use your imagination here...

(i had amassed quite a list here a minute ago then deleted it, i got tired of putting my past in print. it would be easier to write what i haven't done than to list the things i have...)

....any way. she said it. "there is no such thing as can't."

i beamed!!! it is a really hard fact to realize and some of you may argue the point. bring it... tell me there is something i cant do... try it... ooooh i cant run for president... wanna bet?!?! 

more realistic... with ability there is consequence... sure you can do anything you want, but you pay for it... rob a bank, no problem! but you will get caught. hack a government computer, also been done, again you will get caught... but to say "i cant do that." doesn't really exist. you can, you can do anything you set you mind to. only you can tell your self you cant do something and believe it... no one can make you believe in something. you choose to do it or not. you set your limitations in life, not some one else...

I've taken a huge amount of flack in my life for having this belief... many people have given valid examples to the contrary. 

"people in a coma CAN'T drive a car..."

"deaf people CAN'T hear you..."

"you CAN'T tell the future..."

blah blah blah...

i can prove you wrong... every time... 

I'm not boasting, i don't care if you think I'm right or wrong. everything is possible, i can do it. i can do anything... when i complain that my life sucks, its my fault, i choose to be in this portion of my life, i can do something about it. etc. 

tell me there is something that you think you CAN'T DO and i will show you a way to accomplish it...

i dare you...

if a ten year old girl can believe that she can do anything she chooses to do and accept the fact that she will have to answer to those choices she makes in life than you can do it too...

have a great weekend all, do something you would have thought is not possible.

MAN, THE FUCKING TIME WHIPS BY...

WHAT HAVE YOU MISSED? 

all my vacation stories...

i bought a new gun... yes another one.

i was singing the blues at our local pub the other night and people did indeed clap... how many beers did that take, you ask? all of them!!

we got a wii video system from a friend as a belated christmas gift, the kids want to be on this thing like an addict wants methadone...

weve had rain, snow, below freezing day time temperatures,  sixty mile an hour winds, seventy degree weather, hail, lightning all in the span of about ten days...

i haven't had a minute to myself since my return.

we spent the entire last weekend on the sauce, i haven't been on a nice bender like that in a while... its wednesday and i'm still paying for it... a migraine is setting in.

cheese had a nasty three day stomach bug that she thought was food poisoning. she even called her work to tell them she thought she had been poisoned by one of the cooks... come to find out that one by one our town has been coming down with the liquid outs from both ends for the last week now... stay away from big sur people...

i dont know how this blogging from home thing will work out for everyone. you will all have to be patient while i build up some funny picture archives and schedule proper time... as it is now, im so fucking wiped from the day, then chores, then eating to peruse and comment properly on everyones blogs..

i'll have to work out a system.

it usually takes me about two hours to to go through and hang with ya'll...

anyway, nuff said...

be good to yourselves and make sure no one catches you doing in front of a mirror!!

I'M BACK!!!!

after careful consideration and many days of mulling about, I've decided not to amened, deleted, edit or change a single post.. my life has never been about "looking back to what could have been", "what might have happened if", or "if i just would have changed something..."  I've talked a lot of hard truth here on "the voices"... some of it might be hard to swallow, a lot of it will be hard to handle, even more of it is a virtual undressing of myself in front of a crowd of people from the abyss....

that said.....

first and foremost, I'm here for me, i know all of you are here with me, this blog wouldn't be the same without you.. admittedly this blog has changed since you all have been here... my oldest readers now lurk, my newest readers have commented and i have not properly responded and people from my most distant and unspoken past have talked to me on the phone and wondered why i went to "invite only"....

i have nothing to hide... i simply had to find out how much my work knew of my writings..

i just don't have anything that they want to read... you don't have to like me to be a part of my life....so,  i have not said anything that i wont stand behind...

i digress, i will say that its not going to be easy to uphold that... to stand here and back up my shit. to say to people that have found this blog and say "yes, that was you.... i do think you are a fucking bitch" or "yeah man, i really said i think you are a fucking douche bag and need to better yourself and find another job!"

life isn't easy, if you think it is, i think you are delusional, i think that if life is easy for you perhaps you should be viewing "you tubes" instead of reading my blog...

BREAK....

this weekend i had the a positive thing happen... (i've had several but....) i talked on the phone with people who i have not connected with in over half a life time. this struck me hard. i left them, i had not been back to my home town even once since i came to California. i have not felt this shitty about that in a long time... these were/are the people who made me the person i am today, ah fuck...

rob, my blogging buddy over at hunter and the hunted in my blog roll called me from a festivity not far from our home town... he was back visiting friends and family that i walked away from more than a life time ago...

the phone was passed around from voice to voice and after i cut the call short i secretly wept... 

i hadn't talked to my friends in years, i was scared to hear another voice. 

I've never looked back...

i left...

I'm such a shit for it...

i talked with friends whom i didn't recognise there voices at first but i remember them, their friendships, their trust, their faces, stories, everything...

I AM ASHAMED....

i could have been there, rob offered to fly me "home" and to be a part of it... i would vow to go "next time" but will it ever happen again??? will these good people ever get together again and will/would i be welcome?

I'm such an outsider... i didn't even know what i was missing until last night... until i had a phone call from rob... i was near tears with every different person who got on the phone... every story rehashed,  every moment forgotten, remembered...

i do remember hanging out with your sister and borrowing her car... i don't know how i could have forgotten about it... I'm such a shit, I'm sorry!!! i remember so may more stories as well! i remember your folks coming home with a house full of beers, the round bed in your room, my stereo falling out of you window... dude...

all the voices i got to hear that night, gretch, everette, rob, dave... i feel so guilty... i left, i got on a bus, i never looked back... i was leaving something painful, my family, the drugs, the thievery, everything that wasn't working... 

i was just a kid...

i still am...

i cant take it back, I'm sure if i would have stayed i would have self destructed... i would have continued being in trouble with the law... i would not have the relationship with my father that i have today... i would have killed somebody... probably me...

at sixteen years old, i grabbed life by the balls and took a shot at life. I've been running with it ever since... sometimes I've been selfish with my accomplishments, sometimes I've been blind with what I've have in front of me... but there hasn't been a moment since i got on that bus that i could blame anything on anyone else but me.... 

i am whom i am because who I've met, where I've been and what I've done... i don't have any regrets and don't wish my life on anyone the road less traveled is not always the recommended path through life.......

what if....

what if five out of twenty seven people were right... and what if the other twenty two who werent right all came up with the exact same wrong answer... they all studied the same material, they all went to the same classes, had the same teachers, used the same method of studying and followed the same directions... 

how could the majority be wrong and the minority be correct....

answer me this and we will have a solution for my question....

NO TITLE...

so I'm back... and its been really busy... blah blah... Ive kicked the computer screen off my desk at work and haven't had much interest in using it anyway as things at my work are changing!!

man, leave for two weeks, come back to shit storm o rama...

inevitably it will be much like led zepplin's efforts with "the song remains the same"....

anyhoo, I've started some posts about my trip(which i don't often do, i usually write from off the cuff. i just wanna get a few time lines straight so i sound half way sensible.) and will be posting them soon! otherwise yeah, that's it in an uncharacteristically short and evasive post!

VACATION IS UMMM... OVER!!!!

YEAH, I'M ANGSTY!!! 

fresh back from what we strive to be our ultimate reality and I'm smacked with the unfortunates of life...

we not only have to go to work to sustain our lives but we have to fucking enjoy what it is we choose to do for a living in order not to get bored or go postal...

today was a pivotal for voices' employment. not his own but for his employer to retain his services.... 

EDIT: I WROTE THIS LAST NIGHT AFTER A LONG AND ARDUOUS DAY... I FEEL MUCH THE SAME WAY TODAY.... SOME OF IT WAS TO BE EXPECTED FLACK FOR TAKING A MONTH LONG VACATION, THE REST OF IT IS HEAT I'LL BE ABSORBING FOR SAKEOF BEING A SCAPE-GOAT...

YEAHMUHFUCK!!!

SO.... I've been checkin in on everyone, not commenting but I've been around... my vacation? still going, i mean its only Thursday night right? cheese has been home for a few days now and contracted a deadly case of "wheres my boyfriend". she is suffering from nausea, dizziness, diarrhea, delusions and dehydration... whew, i didn't know i had that effect on women...

love you cheese..

you may not know, cheese got on a bus and then a plane on Sunday, went back to work and resumed her life... i however did not.

oh what a life we lead eh?

I've been snowboarding! drunk in the snow! on long walks in near white out conditions. my two weeks in sub freezing temperature were spent wearing shorts... (yeah you know me!!) i watched the best fight I've seen in years happen within feet of me! (GO DRUNK AUSTRALIAN SHIT LIPS!!!) I've been overdosed with family, responsibility, love and guilt all in several minutes! driven twelve hundred miles up the western coast, damn near frisked at the border, tried to make a naked snow angel...etc.. you all can ask me about etc. late...

i watched an episode of "MTV cribs" where the kid sitting next to me on the couch was the star.... that was quite a thing... little ski/sponsored buddy sitting there was guiding MTV watchers through his house and showing us where "the magic happens"! oddly, most of the kids i was introduced to this week are sponsored by mega corporations like red bull, Burton, etnies, Kawasaki, Honda, Helly Hanson, etc...
why did i waste my youth on rebelling from authority? i should have been riding a snow board/skiing/wake boarding/kite surfing/etc..

wtf???

anyway, i have a lot to post! a few great pics!!! i got a good whiff at mjs back door, (she didn't answer, but i swear it was hers!!!) met some loggers and i will meet CSI SEATTLE tomorrow! i tried to meet up with him this evening but he had some usual suspects lined up at his place and couldn't be torn away.. one must move along when they can, I'm not the only one buying pizza and beer this evening...

I've become addicted to television once again and will spend the next four years forgetting what I've seen...

*runs away from self to shout something out to his readers*

"find/buy/rent every season of trailer park boys you can get your hands on!! the most ridiculous humour one could possibly forget!!!"

*tackles self into pile of piss buckets*

well i must find some place to sleep as I'm here at sheshes, aka "get her a beer" in my blog roll.

i miss you all so much! and sorry to those i have not met up with yet and to those i will meet soon!!! the voices will be back in your heads soon!!!!! and I'll be back to uber commentsie backsies as well, give a man a break, i only take one month long vacations every three years!!!

OH CANADA

so after leaving seattle we trudged our way northward through flooded county after county.. washington is seriously fucked... they need a government bailout.. heh heh... we arrived at casa first nations and had a very warm and welcoming reception. their house is full of history and color... they were superfuckingawesome folks and very down homie... thanks nations and enjoy all the greenery!!! 

after leaving there we got to spend an hour in the immigration office while they asked stupid fucking repetitive questions and searched my truck for something sharp to hurt themselves on... on up the coast to whistler...

the road is so fucked up between vancouver and squamish that navigation is painful. add on some serious fog and pounding rain, rush hour traffic and i was ready to pound twenty kokanee stat.

whistler is as beautiful as remember and as much building going on as ever...

i'll be back to post some more soon and try to get to some comments.. just wanted to give you all some updates and let you know nations lived up to all i had expected... oddly enough i still dont know her name... spent a couple hours hanging in her home and meeting her biker but never said, "hey so whats your name?" i do know the identity of her daughter, SSA though... hahahahaaaa.... her town is about to float away and will soon be ocean front property if these rains continue in the wet north...

blah, blah, blah...

NO PHUNNY PICS....

whats with you fucking north westernerners... move the fuck over when im in the fast lane flashing my bright lights at you!?!?!? to get the fuck out of the way!!!

*sighs deeply with restraint, lips pursed*

seattle is the same in july as it is in January... wonderfully wet and windy...


sorry to those i havent gotten back to with in weeks, with your addictive comments, its hard to vacation for a month and be responsible... yeah....

WHILE YOUR WAITING FOR VOICES TO RETURN

MY DAD SENT ME SOME JOKES... ENJOY, RIGHT NOW WE ARE IN ROSEBURG OR...

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'  I said, 'Dust.'  And then the fight started...  ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming  anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'  I bought her a scale.  And then the fight started...  ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started...  ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."  He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""  Nah, she can order for herself."  And then the fight started...  ------------ --------- --------- ---  A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,  'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.  I really need you to pay me a compliment.'  The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'  And then the fight started.....  ------------ --------- --------- ------  I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.  Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.  I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.  And then the fight started....  ------------ --------- --------- --------- -----  My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday  and then the fight started.....  ------------ --------- --------- --------- ------  I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? "  It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.  "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.  So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"  And that's when the fight started....  ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"  "No," she answered.  I then said, "Is that your final answer?"  She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."  So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."  And that's when the fight started....

LEAVING ON A TOYOTA PLANE

so kids tomorrow we are a outta here... my work has no idea yet that im taking an additional two weeks off. my life will wait until i return and i have fixed the girls car who will caretake for us while we are gone sufficiently enough to make it up and down our road for a week. the chickens are out of normal food but have a weeks worth of "chicken crack" to tide them over. (thats the candy you give them when theve been good little chickens). the dogs will hopefully not run off and kill anything. the house will hopefully not burn down. there wont be too many parties to miss out on whilst we are MIA. 

we will however be having massive amounts of fun. we have no itinerary... no real plans other than this and that. a wallet stuffed with cash and hopefully will get along after three days in the cab of my minitruck... (fucking toyota single cab). i will try to post and check in while im gone and zack willing pop up a couple of pics...

we are still working out some details and i have yet to pack, (we leave in twelve hours). i do however know where my passport is and what ever i dont have when i need it, i'll fucking buy that shit... you guys keep your heads up at work and i'll continue my month of vacation! yeah bitches, after almost three years of bitching about no vacation im two weeks into one and have two more weeks to go...

ah, what is it like to be me...

you dont really want to know..

csi.. i will email you...

nations i will show up... i will email you too and you have my cell number...

kay, sup punk, does the i5 run by your house?

random chic... sanfran? two weeks from now? lemme know?

mj, you bitch. i'll be on your back door wondering where you actually live next saturday...

just bob... golf soon? seems you know my territory well...

anybody else?

hahahahahhahahaaa.......

after weeks of stressing the fuck out im finally getting the fuck out of here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! uh yeah..

EDIT: YES FOLKS FOLKS THOSE ARE ACTUAL SCARS AND SCABS FROM WORKING ON THOSE HANDS... NO GIRLIE MAN HANDS HERE. ALTHOUGH IF YOU HAVE GIRLIE MAN HANDS THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT... ERR... UM.. YEAH...

SAUSAGE MECHANIC IS GONE

his daughter explains here...

my best guess as to why people stop blogging suddenly is that someone finds out and uses it against you..

some one gets upset that you have written something about them.

work finds out you are wasting time...

personal illness.

finished college..

shit like that.. but you all can leave him a note here... he might receive it, and who knows you may like his daughters writing!

CAME AND WENT

SO MEGAN HAD HER CHANCE AT VOICES AND WILL NOW HAVE TO EMAIL ME HER POST.... 

TSK... TSK...

where the fuck have i been? well, i helped cheeses dad yesterday for free. instead of getting paid less than what i would have charged to do the job for someone else i decided to do it for free. as a helping hand not a potential client... that's how i roll...

the day before i did indeed go golfing with a buddy and his son. buddy(who is sixty seven) and his son(who is in his forties) are excellent golfers. we went to the below this post mentioned course and played the east course. while i did do a lot better with actual golfers aiding me and giving me tips i didn't do nearly as well as they did. buddy came in two under par for the course and his son only shot par. meh.

my score of 119 was good for me seeing as how i hadn't golfed in years. i did however win two long distance drive competitions we had and for that i got to buy drinks at the nineteenth hole when we finished our round. i only lost two balls and never went into the water... heh...

cheese and i went out after my game and did some dancing at the local dive bar and on our way out i was yelling "Abba!!! play some fucking Abba!!!" at the reggae DJ they had hired for the evening... uh, yeah...

i have the girls today as cheese has to work and am starting to get ready for our trip north... we are to drop the girls off at school on Monday morning and will drive to Portland that day then on to seattle and finnaly Whistler, B.C... i love the drive to Canada and even if we take the coast its just not that far. we are hoping to stay with friends for our trip up and i hope to meet up with some bloggers on the way south. i was hoping to meet up with nations and have cheese with me on the way up but as life will have it, we need to go to Seattle on the way up and drop off some things before we cross the border... ummm....

on the following Sunday I'll be putting cheese on a plane to San Fransisco for her return trip as she has to work and take care of the girls. then i will be meandering my way around for a week... so, if any one else would like to try and meet up while I'm driving around the west coast lemme know and I'll see if i cant make it happen as well... I'm really looking forward to making an ass out of my self-errr.... meeting first nations an family. should be fun anyway... right?

i will be getting round to my fucking chores today as well seeing as how during the last week i either had been too fucked up to do anything or i haven't been home. luckily for our chickens the have a lot of food and water available to them... damn straight!

we also have had an issue with what the fuck to do with our dogs while we are gone... the one friend and his lady are going to be out of town and my other friend and his lady will be as well. fuckers... so we have this girlfriend of ours who lives in the canyon coming up to take care of our house and home. eeekk!!

*nervously bites fingernails* 

she was stoked to do it and was thankful we asked her. I'm a little worried cause the first thing she said was:

"oh this is great cause i can have my mom come down now! there isn't enough room at my house for all of us and this would be perfect!!!"

uh...mom? all of you? is mom short for my old mates? many older monkeys? marauding old men? oh boy....

hopefully all goes well... we would take the dogs as I'm visiting family, but its hard to invite ones self over EVERYWHERE one travels with mutt and jeff in the camper shell... hopefully she doesn't burn the house down and adheres to our strict "THERE ARE NO FUCKING PARTIES HERE WHILE WE ARE GONE!" 

*chewing on finger tips now*

that's all for today folks sorry for the no posts lately i was kind of waiting for someone to get their angst out on here... 

nations? you wanna give it a shot?!?!?