a week has passed!!

A BACK DOOR VIEW?...

with friends dropping like flies around me I've spent some inner time wondering to myself why... it couldn't be my complete understanding and forgiving nature of all that is green and golden. nor could it be the fact that i hold friendship above all else and am loyal to the bone... perhaps its my "walk all over me, I'm a piece of trash" persona... or may be its that i don't fit into any group or silly little click...
i dunno... i look around and see who is still involved in my life after eleven years and change here in big sur and see who i just say "hey" to. people come and go and the friends i thought would still be here are not. I'm guilty of burning bridges for sure. starting the fire though? not my style. but I'll burn the bridge and stand on the side to watch it burn while flipping off the person on the other side. thats how i've always been, nothing new there.

so... whats it take to be my friend? you might ask? if you've been reading here long enough you might also wonder how i even have any friends at all. well that's my life. i generally surround myself with people just like me. brutally honest, to a fault. someone who can take a joke. people who know how to keep their mouths shut and help others shut theirs when necessary... some one who doesn't mind drinking alot or people who do. i most like people that help them selves. you know the ones, where they work for what they have, sometimes might need help, but will be there working with you to help fix the problem, not just throw their hands up and say what bad luck they have, or they cant do any better... everyone needs help sometimes... especially me!

i have been putting some thought into all this. how do i define my friends... some of my closest friends i hardly ever see or talk to. (hmmm, perhaps there is something to that.) but the ones i do see and hang out with know that for the most part, i have time for those who have time for me. I'm not bending over for anyone. I'm not making plans to see someone cause their ass hurts about something I've done or said.

hey, have a problem with me? did i do something you don't like? hurt your feelings?

call me.
text me.
stop by my work.
leave me a message.

when i hear that your are talking shit, i will do all of the above listed items and if i still don't hear from you i will find you. (I'm good at that.) and i will make effort to figure out what it is that you have stuffed up your ass that involves me. i would expect the same courtesy from you please...

i piss people off from time to time. i cant imagine it, but i hear through the grapevine that i do so... there is another thing that just pisses me right the fuck off!!!

"oh, (so and so) said you were doing this..." or that, or what ever the fuck it is that people say I'm doing/done, why don't they ask me about it. fuckers. lead your own lives, deal with your own drama, go fuck yerselves...

now I'm getting irritable...

i guess what i was trying to get across is, I'll burn that friendship bridge, continue pushing me, I'll burn your house down, still want to play games?, I'll set you on fire. yer not worth the piss it would take to put out the flames.

have a nice day.