DAMN

time change... now when we get up its dark... okay so when i get home i have a chance to walk to to the end of the road and watch the sun set. so what. longer days means i feel more guilt about not getting more things done. yesterday we did yard work. all four of us outside raking and moving leaves. hauling lumber around the yard to make a planter box. sounds nice. now that i think of it, it was. jumping into piles of leaves and grabbing big armloads and throwing them into the air. all of us outside hanging out until dark. it was fun. but it was work...
i want the girls to move in. so we have more of this time. so the girls feel more at home. so we all can get more time together and possibly save a little more money. landlord has not been returning my calls. now i need him to. so we are sprucing up the yard and making things look really nice so i can pitch the idea to him. the house is for sale and i hope he doesn't think having some kids there will make things look worse. i hope he will think that it will make things look more homey. more buyable for a family. like people actually live there. seven miles from the highway, twenty eight hundred feet above sea level, two miles up a dirt road that turns to snot when it gets wet. snow on the ground in winter and hot as the back door to hell in the summer. bugs and poison oak, mountain lions and neighbors who carry guns to walk their water lines, wind that would rip your skin off at night and rain that goes sideways instead of falling. all this and more for just one point two million dollars. yep. yet again i live in a million dollar house. and i don't want to leave.
i don't want it to sell, i want to fix it up and live there for a long time. with no one coming by to look at it, with no landlord coming up to "check" on things... but i like him and i want it to sell, he has two babies and a wife,who by the looks of the catalogs i get at his old mail box, likes to spend money on fine things. i want to help out his young family....
i want to create something stable for my own as well.....
with her taking classes so she can apply to nursing school(A student by the way, she is always in the top four in her class.) and me working only full time we still don't have all the money we want, do you ever. i don't want to be rich... well, i have started playing the lotto, but if we work more, we will have less together and isn't that whats more important? isn't that why people work their asses off so that later in life they can spend more time with one another? i feel like i want to do it now... and have the money! hmmm....
time...money...life...
what also doesn't help things at all is that I'm terrible with money. spend, spend, spend... I'm not an addict or anything, but i like nice things... i like to go to nice restaurants and upscale bars and shit... have a good time... somehow at the end of each pay period I'm fucking broke... i hate living hand to mouth. but when i do have savings i spend it! ass...
well the original thought of this post was to bitch about how tired i am and how i cant seem to get my body to adjust to the time change, but i guess i had something else on my mind... hope all is well with everyone...
did anyone notice i updated my template? i hope its okay that i linked some of blogs i liked on here... lemme know if that's not all right.