Sunday, July 20, 2008

I FUCKING HATE THIS NEW GENERATION OF HIPPIES


I just got off the phone with a buddy who has been having an interesting problem. ground squirrels. they live in the state park here in town. its been closed for weeks now from the fire to the tourists.... hundreds of campsites sit empty void of life....


sort of....



during normal operation hours and year long filled to capacity occupancy this park is filled with people and ground squirrels. all whom have lost the instinct and ability to find a natural food source. with the massive amount of overcrowding and unchecked breeding these little fuckers have bred themselves into a dilemma. with no campers there is no food. no oreos, chips, hot dogs and hamburgers, no marsh mellows, no cheesypoofs..... whatever... they are starving to death...


sort of....


they are now moving into the small residential neighborhoods that exist in the park. tearing into trash cans and moving into/underneath the permanent homes there.... buddy is not allowed to shoot them, as discharging a fire arm in the state park is a felony. so after several meetings with the supervisors there he is allowed to and encouraged to trap and kill as many as possible at their residence. they have a professional exterminator consulting with the park and will be doing a park wide program as well...

whats the big fucking deal you ask?!?! a few cute and furry ground squirrels?!?!? ha, I've witnessed some of their carnage first hand. but to that later. first, they destroy everything in their paths. the undermine trees and dwellings with their burrowing. they dig holes in trails and leave debris in the wake. personal property is lost and foundations are compromised...etc... fuck em.



but wait! did you know that they are also cannibalistic?!?!?! i would not have thought so either, but as i said a moment ago, I've witnessed this myself.
buddy has set out various styles of traps for these vermin. from buckets of water lined with peanut butter, to live traps, rat traps, poison, etc..... with amazing success. twenty five in an hour i believe was last weeks record. wtf? and they keep on coming, wave after wave. they have lost their entire years garden, every flower, pepper, tomato, mint, all of it to these buggers. so its war over there...

yesterday we were hanging out at their house with them and watched him snap one in a trap minutes after it was set. dead, neck broke and skull crushed... he said "watch this shit, the other ones will eat it!". he threw it over towards the wood pile at the neighbors (fifty feet away) and seconds later this mid sized squirrel started to drag it away into the wood pile. another came out and stole it from him and then tried to drag it off itself. so we walked over there and wire tied its foot to a cement post meant to keep residents from backing into one of the many propane tanks stored there. we watched in horrific glee as one after another came and filled its belly with brains and eye balls, neck meat and innards. crows and blue jays were swarming in minutes and were actually chased off by these voracious fuckers... they yanked and pulled and fought each other for half an hour for what was left of this little bit of meat.
we broke out the binoculars to get a closer look. remember we were only fifty feet away to begin with, so with high powered scopes we could really see it all.... nothing looks more out of place than a furry little ground squirrel covered in the blood of its potential mate.... covered in it!!!

WICKED... EVIL WICKED....


anyway, why the title to this post you might ask?!?!? well on the other side of their triplex resides a sweet and innocent gal from the south. who happen to have some transient guests spending several nights on the couch. fucking rich hippies. brand new car with a "TREE HUGGER" bumper sticker on the back. along with several other typical save the fucking planet type stickers... i think it was an 940 Volvo or something....a flat of wheat grass on the back dash... anyway, we could feel their disgust and disdain for our sick enjoyment of the squirrel disembowelment.... after the three showers they took, one at more than an hour... (someone noted how long they had been in there, due to the fact that the shower window sits right above where we were sitting....)they still looked dirty in the store bought "handmade" clothing from abercrombie and bitch... yeah by children in Bangladesh asswipes.....
so yesterday, buddy gets home from a birthday party we all attended to find out someone has thrown away ALL his traps. the ones behind the garage, the tanks, in his own back yard, etc.... he digs through the neighbors dumpster (some of the live traps are not cheap mind you) and retrieves a couple of them. some seemingly purposely smeared in cat shit from the house next door. and some smeared in the fire retardant gel that remains all over the place through out the park....

I've got to say what he did next wasn't enough to me.... i would have bagged up a bunch of carcases and deposited them under the seats of these planet saving gold diggers car, but he did what he did and it was still funny.... i understand that its a tough issue. but the fact of the matter is... if people wouldn't be there in the first place these animals wouldn't have had the sustainability to overpopulate in the first place... nature and natural selection would have taken care of its self... but since there are tens of thousands of these creatures now, they need to be dealt with.... happy Sunday folks.

13 comments:

Random Chick said...

They sound like a bunch of frickin' hypocrites! Damn Hippies!!! Save the planet, go green, but drive a Volvo and tak 3 hour showers?? WTF?!

I would have done what you suggested and taken a bunch of squirrel guts and thrown them on the Volvo windshield. LOL!!

MJ said...

Cheesy poofs.

Sounds like most of my visitors.

Manuel said...

this generation? all generations of hippies more like....

Leah said...

Ech to the rich hippies. Can't stand 'em. I'm not surprised about the squirrels though; hamsters cannibalize each other as well when they get the chance.

INNER VOICES said...

RANDOM!!! yeah... man, yeah... guts on the windows!!!

mj, i thought of you when i was typing that!!! hahahahaaa...

manny, no shit huh... scum of the earth...

leah, domesticated my ass eh?!?! thanks for the comments...

shelaghayan said...

They were playing with cat shit?!? That's just gross. Stupid trustafarians...

BEAST said...

****designing a hippy trap****
The hippies and squirrels deserve each other.
You could stake a hippy out by the propane tanks and let the squirells eat them :-)

I changed my mind , hippies could be FUN

Cecile said...

Well, the are in the Rodent family, the squirrels, not the hippies. Well, On second thought, maybe they are both in the rodent family? I just ask that you be carefull, because they carry terrible diseases. You do know that rats and rodents were the carriers of the Bubonic Plaque, right?

Robyn said...

You know those little suckers swarmed around me when we stopped at a vista point in Big Sur! Scared the shit out of me...I had to save myself with throwing bread out away from me...it could have been really messy! Like the movie 'Birds'! Crap!!!!
Hugs,
Robyn

hnter1018 said...

*hnter also designing a trap*

Figure I'll lay out a petruli (sp?) scent. Need to design an end for the trap. Maybe a slap in the head and a hair cut. CUT YOUR HAIR HIPPIE!!!

Remember when L.E. brought Jeff to the apartment and he brought all his little friends that wouldn't leave for six months!!!!

INNER VOICES said...

sheshe, yeah and who knows with what else!!!

beast... *rubbing hands together* yeah if we could somehow trap the squirrels in one end of it and the hippies in another and snap their necks all at once! hmmm.....


cecile! we did think of spit roasting several of them for the sick enjoyment of watching the smoke and fumes permiate the housing complex....

robyn, how fun is that! you got to experiance the buggers first hand!!! sorry i missed you when you were on yer way through!

hntr, oooo... ive never forgotten the friends that l.e. brought to us. im phobic about itchy people now and refuse to scratch even my own self in public... thanks for the comments!!!

just bob said...

I like Old Style, it's better than Budweiser.

INNER VOICES said...

yeah, fucking squirrels have no taste...