Monday, July 28, 2008


putafuck!!! look at this picture... "i think we should camp out here dear... wadda you think?!?!" what kind of folks gear up and get all pumped on spending the night sleeping out on the side of the mountain?! not outside on the mountain but OUT on the SIDE of the mountain....

anyways i showed up late to work today due to the fact we had another realtor coming today and we were trying to pimp the house out like we normally do... so i was late and the higher ups couldn't find their keys, tools, parts, head out of there ass, proper oil, etc... so they tried to pressure me into feeling like i was in trouble.

"you're late." one said.

"i called this morning, no one was here, so i left a detailed message. and besides i worked late on Friday, until seven."

"that was last week and it doesn't matter anyway. i made you a list and re-prioritized your week." he said

"okay, did you order me any parts for those jobs?"

"no you will have to do that! i cant do everything for you!" the other higher up responded.

"so until the parts i need to do those jobs arrive should i continue on the schedule i put forth last week? i have those parts and it seems more efficient to me do the jobs i have parts for."

"i want you to do the jobs i have laid out for you on the list."

i order the parts and check stock on the things he has listed. takes about twenty minutes...

"so I'm outta here, guess I'll be back Wednesday, those parts wont be here till then and i don't want to do anything that's not on your list of priorities..." i say as i put my sweat shirt on and leave the office. i had no intent of going home and was planning on starting my day as normal...

"get back here! what the fuck do you think-- oh, your not leaving, yeah... get to work!"

i reply in my best Donald duck voice(of which I'm not that bad at impersonating)..."dah, okay boss."

have a nice Monday kids!!!

BTW!!!! i took a late nineties 700 series dump truck that burned in half and not only started it, drove it to its new desitination, BUT left the keys (with fairly good feelings) with the owners....

the tally?

three new passenger side tires
one new rim
one bypassed auto-slack adjuster
four pairs of vise-grips
one broken specialty tool (am bummed about that one)
thirty feet of wire
one roll of duct tape
three knuckels with freshly removed skin
one roll of doublesided plumbers tape
eight cold coors lights (gotta love my fans!)
six brass air line fittings
two brass plugs
one busted up dash board (so i could see what left of the gauges)
hmmm... there more but who cares...

this truck was parked in front of an electrical building that had forty some odd cords of oak stacked next to it... needless to say, it burned fucking hot. HOT.... it took and brand new generator (still in the box, worth about twelve thousand bucks) and made a beautiful pool of metals swilling around one another.... the truck was burnt on the entire passenger side... to the ground... the interior of the cab look like a bad ren/stimpy movie on acid..... yeahbitch, i fix anything!!!!!

cant fucking spell, but i fix all, im am the man!!!


I AM A GOD!!!!!



wait, hello?

isnt anybody listening?!?!? hello???

*shuffles off to find another warm beer*


just bob said...

Excuse the bad pun, but your boss sounds like a tool.

Robyn said...

Yes you are freaking god in the gearhead department! *throws IV ice cold Coors light* buck up camper! Screw that...camping on the side of a mountain. There is no way in hell that is happening with me along for the trip. Hmmm...camping is soft cushy bed and at the very least a damn hot shower! Yep! That's my version of camping!


BOB... a mans has to know how to handle his tool!!!

robyn, *still wiping beer from smile on face* thanks for the cold one.... sorry i havent been out much and thanks for the comment!!!! i love camping and have done some very mild climbing before, but you wont catch me doing that either!!!

Anonymous said...

Mother fucker. I just got bent over by the internet... ergh.

Anyway, dude, that's ME up there on the side of the mountain, bare ass hanging out the tent, shooting shit on the tourists a thousand feet below!

Also, I now own a pair of leather chaps! And a corset. My birthday party worked out well... [smirk]

MJ said...

You should always check for your tools before you leave the house.

This saying will help you remember...

"Spectacles, Testicles, Wallet And Watch".

Leah said...

I've got vertigo from that picture...but then again, I've been known to get vertigo on a stepstool.

catscratch said...

I have a car over here you can torch in your free time.

Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha ha @ Bob's comment!

BTW: Be there or beware


SHESHE, so wait you already had yer party?!?!?! i thought today was yer fucking beerthday...
*scratches head*
what did you end up going as?

mj, i could remember that one, i think...

leah ive been known to get vertigo from barstools after sitting on them for hours at a time...

catscratch!!! we like setting shit on fire allright!!!

random, LQTS about bobs comment.

BEAST said...

You are the man !
Your boss is a todger
Dont let MJ near your testicles....she bites (alledgedly)
Dont let MJ near your baked goods....she farts


beast!!! thanks for the comment and the kudos! i'll keep an eye and an ear out for mj sneaking up behind me....

*smells something foul and turns around to see own ass*

wasnt mj this time....

BBC said...

I do a lot of camping and I'll be fucked if I would camp like that. Hell, after drinking ten beers I would step out the next morning having forgotten where I was and fall to my death.

Not that the fucking would miss me anymore than it will miss you.

just bob said...

random, LQTS about bobs comment

I'm lost... what's LQTS?


bbc... "not that the fucking would miss me anymore than it will mis you" ummmm.... fucking would for sure miss me, the WORLD might not, but fucking definitly would.... thanks for the comment! (oh and only ten beers, thats my nightly quota, wuss)

bob... Laughing Quietly To Self.... just like lol or hahhahah or heh... just fucking with you man, it was on a comedy dvdv the other night...

Suzanne said...

*Rides in quietly on PPT. Looks around...high tails it out like a MF*

Queen Goob said...

Your boss told me he wants to go camping, I say you hook him up.

What a dick cheese; can't believe you didn't just hoof it outta there, hit McD's for an egg McMuffin and returned a few minutes later. Crank his ass up a notch and maybe he'll have a brain aneurysm.

Suzanne said...

*Sneaks back in. Forgot to mention, woman know how to handle a tool*

oread the SSA said...

fuck that camping situation SO hard right there. Whaddya do if you get the shits in the middle of the night? Eh? Just hang ass out the tent flap and try not to topple out??? Crazy mofos.