what is it with holidays and my "who gives a fuck" attitude... i know I'm a bit of a hum bugger at Christmas, (cheese might argue that I'm more of a bum hugger.) but every holiday is losing its luster for me... Halloween is Friday, and id rather be going door to door with her kids than running up a hundred dollar bar tab at the local happening spot. there is no more surprise in it, "oooo... look at (some silly bint) in that scandalous outfit..." or, "wow (some dude) is wearing nothing but a sock!" its just not fun anymore...
for one thing it is indeed hard to out do the things we have done in the past, on prior Halloweens ive done some pretty crazy shit... one year i went as the devils priest.. "so what!" you say. well i cut out all the inner pages from a real bible to hide my flask and a couple of "pre-rolleds". when i was done my roommate started to burn the pages.. that's where i drew the line and we stopped burning them. that year i fell on my ass off a couple of steps into someones lap. whoops.
another year i got so fucked up before the big ball masque i only managed to hang out for about five minutes. a friend of mine and his wife had dressed up as cops and were handing out joints at the front door. i smoked a couple of puffs and was puking in my truck for the rest of the night. yes, in my truck, not next to it...
another year i got so fucked up i thought it might be a good idea to ask a buddy for a little bump. once inside the bathroom and said bump had been done, i didn't feel like it was having the desired result, (the sobering effect that cocaine has when one has been drinking to much) so i grabbed the bag (about three hundred dollars worth) and shoved my nose in it and just about finished the entire contents... i got about fifteen steps before i started to O.D. made my way to where the band was playing and told everyone i was backstage at a concert. eyes rolling into my head, sweating profusely, etc... it didn't help matters much that i went as Satan's butcher that year. had painted blood all over my self and fake blood all over my skin. i had also made a crown of barbwire on my head. after falling down several times i had managed to work the barbwire around my neck and it cut into me pretty deeply. it was hard for people to tell what was real and what was fake... anyway, by the end of that party i was back on the dance floor and ready to drive home by two a.m.
there are many stories of my complete fuck-up-a-tude but I'll stop there...
so this year i believe cheese and i aren't going to where every one else is going and are going to a small house party instead. paying for taxis and a hotel room. i plan on having more fun with less retardation on this Halloween.
"where was i going with all this?" you ask. i dunno...
i think I'm hoping to not let cheese down and her expectations for the best times in her life. she likes birthdays, Easter, Christmas... holidays are very important for her. so i do my best to make them special to her. to give her lasting memories to have and to share with others.
its the best i can do....
does anybody have any embarrassing stories they want to share from holidayz past?!?!?! the confessional is open.
edit: i no longer do and have not done any "hard core" drugs in years...so yeah, thats that then...
20 comments:
I once dressed up in a bunch of my old goth clothes and went to a party with my sister, not knowing that it was being given by...a bunch of goths.
Half of them didn't realize I was wearing a costume and the other half thought I was mocking their style...
doh!!!!!!
Two years ago I went as the devil. With a skirt waaaay to short to keep anything really embarrassing from happening if I drank too much.
And then I drank too much.
This year me & the kiddie will stay home, eat popcorn, carve pumpkins and watch horror flicks til we pass out.
Just saw the edit. You crack me up.
Me too, (*nearly falls off her chair laughing*), hey, no need to explain, ok? We all love you just the same, hahaha.
We don't have Halloween in Spain -well, we do now, but just because people love to go out and have a good excuse to give a party, so it's becoming quite popular since the last 5 years-.
Anyway, I'll think of a funny story to share -from local holidayz past!-
Seeya!
scratch, so lemme get this straight then..."With a skirt waaaay to short to keep anything really embarrassing from happening if I drank too much."
ummm....
you wore the short skirt... *breaks off into an old nair commercial, "if you dare wear short shorts, nair for short shorts"*...ah yeah, so you wore a short skirt so nothing embarrassing would happen or in case it happened?
megan, yes i thought it good to write in that edit... those were easy days to walk away from, i always look back, never regret them, for those days are the reason i am the way i am, but i dont want people thinking im still that way! i do have friends in law enforcement, both here in the blogging world and in the "real" world...
leni! thanks for the love, and understanding... *wonders why edit was so funny to everybody* and wish we had the fabulous celebrations here that you have there instead of our lame ones...
thanks all for the comments!
When I used to dress up for Halloween my main goal was to look as freaky as possible - no cute/sexy outfits for me. Just a freak/ghoul etc. usually disguised to the point where it would be hard recognize me. This year I'll be taking my boyfriend's kiddo out to do a little trick or treating, then prolly just watch a zombie flick or something (not with the kiddo).
Also: no, not blogging anywhere. Tried to start another one, never seem to have the time or leftover energy to write from home. I'm not ruling it out in the future. Yes, I will invite you, of course.
Also, kind of random point: stay away from candy made in China. The FDA has not tested most of it for the presence of melamine.
I'll tell you a funny story. I've never dressed up for Halloween. Ever. Sad, but true. Why? Because my mother was so protective she would barely let 5 beautiful young ladies out of the house. True. When I owned my own or rented my first home I had a field day with Halloween. Lot's of decorations, tons of candy and adorable little kids coming to the door in their precious little outfits. The doorbell rang for probably the 50th time in Mar Vista (Southern CA) and I was still as chipper as the first ring. I opened it to a bunch of teenagers with a big wooden salad bowl (the expensive kind) and said "HI!" I was so out of candy I said "Let me check the freezer!" Yup, I returned with a bit to spare and said "Here you go, you can have it all." Then the really sexy 17+ year old had his hand planted on my door jam like a young James Dean and said "You have a lot of candles lite, expecting someone special?" I replied "No." He replied "Then I'm commin' back." I said, in front of all his friends "I'm almost 35 you know?" And he replied "All the better." I couldn't stop laughing and his friend with the salad bowl said "You want this bowl?" All his friends were saying "YOU'RE MOM's GOING TO KILL YOU!!!" I replied, "No honey, that's okay." He gave me the bowl. I still have it. It's gorgeous! I can not look at the salad bowl or Halloween without thinking of the amazing night in Mar Vista. It was meant for a reason. Why? Who knows, but it mattered. I adore all those young women and men for what they gave me that night and for all the kids who navigated my very dangerous luminaries along either side of the walkway!!! Hey, I'm not a fireperson!
Zack, you will probably be the only one who reads this and that is perfectly okay. Sometimes life is meant for an audience of one.
Love you darling.
XO
Thank you for always loving me. I know I'm difficult and I'm sorry about that.
I want to see the guy wearing a sock.
Suzanne....!!!!!!!! There is four more like you. OH MAMA!!!!!!!!!
My stories would be so lame compared to everyone else’s.
Suz, I read your story; do you use that salad bowl to hand out candy ever year now? I would!
This year? My son has a football game so I won't be home to hand out treats. But then again in my neighborhood there is not sidewalk and the houses are kinda far apart; last year I had four kids come to the door.
If I wear my Trinity outfit with the thigh-high stiletto boots and vinyl trench coat, do you think the Southern Baptists will be offended at the Christian School football game?
i came home one halloween and knew i was past the point of no return but felt i was a good enough actress to fool my mom...if i could just get to the banister prior to her getting out of her room, it would support me and i could make the conversation and pretend i was extremely tired...i made it to the banister and when leaning forward to be supported, i hit the floor with my face...missed that fucking wood (and i had practiced several times)...mom just looked at me...said "you're drunk, tomorrow you are mine"...fucking wood!
btw...i am in agreement...all holidays suck!
I tend to hate the big holidays, especially Thanksgiving, too much pressure. I don't do Christmas, obviously. But we're lucky as Jews, because the lesser holidays are so frequent and cool, and involve lots of metaphor and sometimes mysticism and tasty food.
But Halloween--well, Ella's excitement is really infectious, so I find it cheery. I've got no embarrassing story, but my sissy went one year in college as some sort of glammed up space alien, in five inch platforms, and got drunk and fell off her shoes and rolled all the way down a hill...she wouldn't thank me for telling that story....
Why yah... nothing good ever comes from wearing something too short.
Drunk, fell leaving the stage after singin some song, ass over apple cart, ass hangin out for the whole bar too see.
scratch, so i see you roll commando as well then... good on you!
I dropped a pie on my cat's head. The cat was not happy. Neither were my relatives. They really like cherry pie.
BLACK EGG... so are you with the same dude still, i remember it had the potential to be temporary... cool to be trick or treating too!!! glad things seem to be doing good for you!
suz, was the gift of the bowl an innuendo for the young man wanting to toss your salad? welcome back.
mj, come on down... other wise go to your local meatmarket club party...
hntr, dont encourage her, we dont feed the wild animals round here... hahahahhhahahaaa...
goob, i think you should wear your trinity outfit everywhere for the whole day!!! yes!!!
daisy, you are not alone with that feeling like you could have pulled it off in front of your mom... watch my cousin do a very similar thing a couple years ago... except she kept pouring water down her shirt everytime she tried to take a sip... so good to hear all these stories!!!
leah, hahahahaaaa, your sissy sounds like my kind of people!!! i love emabarrasing my self in public! i try to do that as much as possible!
scratch, and what song were you singing!
random, there is a great joke in your comment somewhere.... "popping your cats cherry, family decides whether or not to eat pie with pussy on it, pussy and cherry pie every mans delight..." i could go on and on!!!
This is not my blog. Right?
Okay. Good.
Hunter. HI HONEY!!! I know. Can you believe that?!
Okay, 4 more, where? I want to know because I didn't think anyone would even read my post! Yes sweetie, I'm kinda wacky and no, I can't change, so see you round here next year?!!!
Really though, explain. I love your comment, but need further explaination. Hey, I'm only half-smart. Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup....until I get in the woods to protect the animals!!! Yes, I know you're laughing. What?! No, I don't f*** around. You know me by now. Hey, I let you out of IV's tool box. You owe me one.
XO
I dressed up as a hooker once.
Boy did some guys get a surprise.
If you ever try that wear crotchless panies, it's much easier at the urnal.
suz, ummm... trick or treat?
walker... heh heh... great outfit idea!! *makes note to borrow some crotchless panties from local transie...
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