Tuesday, August 12, 2008

not one of my paybacks, but close enough


don't fuck with me... ever. if we are friends and you fuck with me i might just fill your car with dog shit and roll the windows up on a hot summer day. or super glue your keys into your ignition. cover your car windows with surf wax. paint your cat neon green. shit in the back of your toilet. unplug your fridge while you are away for the weekend. that's just if we are friends....

its been rumoured that I've set shit on fire. expensive shit. but i cant tell you if that's true or not. you don't want to know anyway...
my father believes and has told me in the past that revenge is served sweetest cold. i am a firm believer of "ice cold". you don't even remember my name, what happened or why your new truck has dog food going through the engine and out the tailpipe... or why you suddenly seemed to be signed up for every magazine subscription on the planet.(wink, wink) wow your work email address is maxed out daily with gay black porn video links.
wow, your phone wont stop ringing with people calling you about the cheaps room you have for rent or the motorcycle you have for sale? whats that, you have neither? i wonder how they all found you on Craig's list....
interesting that the police showed up at the bar just when you were leaving totally wasted last month... they weren't looking for you, but good thing they showed when they did eh? hows that DUI working out for you asshole...
i understand that your propane tank mysteriously drained its entire five hundred gallon contents three times last year, boy that must have been expensive...
so you, new jackass, when you come to my work and you mad dog me, talk shit to the gals in my office(who I've worked with for eleven years, cried with and buried loved ones with...) and expect me not to hear about it in less then the two seconds it takes you to get back in your truck? you bet you have another thing coming... not today, tomorrow or next month... there will be a time and a place for unpleasant awakening...
enjoy your day shitlip, I'll be sure not to even notice you from now on....

30 comments:

Walker said...

I am a firm believer in revenge, it's sweeter than wine but better served after a couple of bottles have been drank HA HA HA

Thank you for stopping by

INNER VOICES said...

walker! came by your place by way of suz... she was over here pimping you out not too long ago... welcome to the voices!

everyone! here is walker! funny bachelor guy who drinks beers and blogs... make him feel at home shall we....






dang that reminds me... there are several other new/newish readers here i'll have to do a formal introduction post later today... for my new readers catscratch and queen goob. and daisy! didnt forget about you...


*thinks to self that he should have a new reader initiation sort of ritual like mj... doesnt want to require peoples bum photos though.... loses train of thought and orders lunch from bar across the street*

That Guy said...

Just came across your blog last week. Who knew...you're a man of many sides. And the way that gut's swelling, you'll be a man of many more.

just bob said...

shit in the back of your toilet...

I've always called those "upper deckers." Good to hear I'm not the only one to have ever done that to a flaming asshole.

CSI Seattle said...

So your the one!?!?! I didn't even know that there was such a thing as gay midget porn...

Hang on the phone is ringing.

"No, I don't have a room for rent. And stop calling me."

The next time I see you, I gonna smack you with my new issue of Vanity Fair.

Hey, but thanks for being a good friend.

INNER VOICES said...

that guy.... hmmm... only one cherry popping post over there... better get to work!!! an indeed the belly tends to swell by monday... by friday its usually ready to overfill with beer again... wait i think i know you....

INNER VOICES said...

that guy.... i do know you, speaking of swollen bellys... so youve found the voices have you... I see that you have also found pics of me and cheese on here... well, well... lots to see here AND far more interesting than the lamespaceplace. although this isnt the kind of place all the little biggie sur kiddies need to be hanging around if your catching the same wave as me... anyways... welcome to the voices... if you need a list of blogs to visit, i keep the good ones over there on the left. lemme know what you think duder.

just bob... appears that you might not be the only one with that name on the planet... small world... i love the upper deck connotation! you with sports and all that... we used to do that as kids with all kinds of stuff. not just shit... works so well as a party prank... thanks for the comment!


csi, no worries man... i just hope that one day it wont be you digging through my remains in a far off place in the desert trying to determine cause of death.. other than that you should expect the new issue of the jonas brothers mag soon. complete with bonus jonas cd! enjoy...

Random Chick said...

That's how Cheerios got into my car's exhaust system! Here I thought it was my ingenious two year-old. Have I ever told you that I'm glad were friends?
Please don't call me "shitlip" it brings back bad childhood memories.

INNER VOICES said...

ouch... sorry to hear about the ill shit lip memories... i dont think i want to make you relive those enough to ask... or maybe...

but i wasnt calling YOU OR ANYONE ELSE who reads here shitlip... was that not clear?

*grumbles and rereads post in case he needs to ammend*

and yeah, no worries form a line to the left and let the ass-smooching commence!! hahahahaa, just fucking with you guys.... i'll try to fix the post so no one else gets confused!!!

INNER VOICES said...

hey one more thing for THAT GUY... howd you get in here?

Random Chick said...

Dude, it's true that I'm easily confused. But I was trying to make a joke about the shitlip thing. Sorry I sucked at it. But I laughed out loud when I read that word. It cracks me up!!!

We love you!!!
Muwahhhh!!!

Random Chick said...

BTW, HI to Walker! You have to really like to cuss to participate in this blog. Fuck ya!

INNER VOICES said...

*shakes head and laughs to self*
fucking random chick... always busting my balls...
thanks for helping to welcome walker!!! now there is THAT GUY to welcome... we will see if he behaves himself... i fear that he will enjoy mjs brand of humor as much of the rest of us!! ah well... must get on the work tip!!!

That Guy said...

You know how. Think I just got caught over there, too. I was trying to get caught here though! Ha!

INNER VOICES said...

HAHAHAHAAAAA.... i thought so... busted eh? ouch... hope it goes well for you... i generally dont take anything too seriously. blog, life, etc... that being said...welcome again to the blog world!

That Guy said...

Oh, well. Have a blog, expect people to read it, right? No big. You're funny man...this is good shit, your blog. Gathered it was you from a comment. Read something about running a boat up a launch ramp at 50 mph. I was like, I KNOW who THAT was!!!

INNER VOICES said...

wicked man... and yes you are right about expecting people to read it! its unavoidable what people do with the information... ive had a couple of instances where its been used against me. but, not for a long time. i stopped telling people in "town" about it. i found they had no interest in my personal life other than to make it public. thats not really what this is for...

i remember when the cops were snooping around looking for this biggie sur gang the " c h u m p s " and found them on "the space". i made a few phone calls after overhearing a conversation. now i see most of those silly boys are in private mode... hahahahahaaa... which is also available here on blog spot. i choose to remain public. it seems to go against everything i write here to be "invite only"... im sure there will be i day i will regret that... (work, people i talk shit about etc...) thats why i choose not to use real names for folks who are close to me and people who dont know i blog. meh, what ever. if you stick around long enough you might recognize some commenters from time to time...

you will also enjoy my speeling and punkuation. not to mention that i havent fully mastered the aRt oF capitaliZation yet...



and i do miss boating!!!!

MJ said...

I don't have a car for you to fuck with so HA.

BEAST said...

***Sneaks in and puts dogshit in MJ's Uggs***

Robyn said...

Well...there is everything from CSI's gay midget porn *scratchs head...interesting it had to be IV* to shitlips to dogshit in Uggs to revenge being dealt! Folks I think we have the makings of a great fucking movie...what'cha think! IV and MJ take care of the porn...and Beast and RC handle the shitty stuff...That guy and walker handle the booze! CSI just be the security at the hanger where the movie is being filmed! And me...well just like with porn I like to sit and watch! Let the watching commence...hey Walker or IV throw me a cold one and Beast don't throw that shit over here man!

catscratch said...

I promise on all things good and evil, that I will never, ever under any circustances, fuck with you or piss you off. Ever.

Now, I'm all about a group expedition to light shit up on fire though.

BEAST said...

Coool burning stuff sounds great

That Guy said...

Robyn, you gots it. And by "handle the booze" you mean "buys handles of booze," right?

INNER VOICES said...

mj... well good then... and i dont think you are on the piss me off list anyway... *checks list twice, scribbles something down at bottom, laughs to self and looks north*

beast... *blocks view of mj while beast is depositing "the mail"*

robyn... hmmm... porn eh? can we set some shit on fire?

catscratch! hahahahaaaa, i dont think you all have anything to worry about! got any matches? my lighter just ran out...

beast.. have you got the diesel fuel? i brought the tire...

that guy! *takes a long morning pull off liquor bottle that guy brought and hands it back* thanks man i needed that!!!

Mr. Shife said...

Well I definitely know not to piss you off. I think that is why I blogged a little bit because of your email. Intuitively I knew you might hunt me down and shit in the back of my toilet or paint the fat basset neon green. But the gay black porn video links might be something nice to help pass the time. Hope all is well with you and yours.

That Guy said...

speaking of an upper decker...

The Dog, Halloween, 2002, No big deal...

Yeah, that was me.

And regarding revenge, or even NOT revenge with this guy, I got one word:

ZIP TIES

INNER VOICES said...

mrs. hife!!! welcome back man..., glad you are here... what can i do for you? black midget porn links? i'll ask mj.

hey mj!!! any black midget porn links for mr.shife???

that guy, i still keep some zip ties under the seat in my truck, yah know, just in case....

Suzanne said...

I may need therapy after this post and every single commment. I just heard today that anyone who has anything important or intelligent to say doesn't need to use profanity. JEASUS FUCKING CHRIST, IS THAT TRUE????!!! Okay. I feel better and still think I'm important and smart. I am, right?

Wow, almost everyone I know is here and in there holiday finest. Real Christmas is going to be a bitch. Wow! Where do I start?

- Well, I knew you and Walker would be good together. How could you not? Canadians. You're both kinda wackie! Thanks for introducing him so beautifully. I don't recall anyone being introduced except Walker. Why is that? I would like an introduction. I'm sure everyone would. Let the introductions commence. No really. I'm not kiding.

- You know me. I'm not into all the revenge and shit flying around. I'm sorta mellow except when I'm pissed. So let's just all gather around and relax. Inhale. Exhale. No really Brian, get your damn ass over here and participate before I kick it in to 200. If Robyn and I have to tell your wife about the midget porn...trust me we will, because we aren't bringing this baggage to the Blogger Family Picnic in 2012 and have the shit hit the fan!

- Shitlips. How'd you get the name Random Chic? I'm already laughing. I'm sorry honey. I just can't help myself.

-MJ no longer talks to me. I miss her.

- Mr. Shife ~ Just put your book in the $2 envelope yesterday. No,that doesn't mean I mailed it, it just means it's in the envelope. I know honey, it's late, but I'm always trying! Nice to see you in white face agan. Miss the crap outa ya.

- All the rest. I love you. You know that, but just have to go to bed. Long, long day as usual. I'm about to konk out.

XO

Queen Goob said...

One of my classes I was required to take in the attempt to finish my degree instructed the students how to build a bomb with three household items.

I love school.

And have I told you lately that I love you, too? I got some GREAT ideas floating around me head now.

INNER VOICES said...

suz... howz things eh? smart people have a way of fucking up the world worse than the stupid people who vote for them do... if stupid people ran the world i bet things would run a lot smoother... (think wild west)meh...


*attaches zip tie to suzs rear drive axle for fun*

goob, we make concussion bombs at work to scare the tourists every now and then... we get phone calls from people miles away asking if that was us again... heh heh...
lemme know what you have going on and i'd be happy to suggest a proper revenge...