Happy Halloween!!

I just noticed I passed my 100th post! Damn... I was going to do something fun on here, post some pictures(if blogger would let me) and write a story about my little blogging life... To bad...

Anyway... Happy Halloween!!!! I'm going as satans mechanic.. Yes yes lame I know, but I didn't really want to spend any money on a costume this year..Ill wear my coveralls, paint a pentagram on the back, bloody my face up.(satans car runs on blood) and let my horns grow out... Yes I know... Its the same shit I do every year... Last year was satans butcher, year before I was the king from hell. Before that, hmmm (smoke coming out from my ears as I think hard)... Ah yes I was a preacher with horns... And a special bible... I know, lame costume ideas, I seem to make a spectacle of my self as well... Oops, who would I be if I wasn't me right?

I hope all of you drink responsibly and don't drive! No need to be the one getting caught on a rookie holiday...(or worse) and you have some good, clean, debaucherous(sp?) fun... Today's word of the day is legs... Lets spread the word!

hahahahahahahahahahahaha!(evil laugh)

Bad news...

I've been thinking of an old friend of mine for a few dayz and and on my to town this evening I gave her a quick text. You know one of those texts where your just fishing to see what people are up to...

"Whats up, how's life?"

The phone rings before I can get it back into my pocket. Oh shit.. I think to myself... An instant return is never good... I answer the phone cautiously...

"Hey, what's up?" I ask
"Hi, its me. Its good to hear from you." she replies
"How's things?, you don't sound right." my teeth are clenching
"My dad died last week, we just left the..." She paused. Then, "I'm at the wake now."
"Shit, was it expected." My heart skips a beat.
"No, he committed suicide... That's why I called you back, I know you went through this with your mom."

I pulled the truck over. It wacked me right in the chest... I'm all choked up and tears streaming.. All those feelings I had when I got the news about my mom slammed me. I know how she feels for sure... I posted about it a lot here, this year... Anyway, we both can't breath and finally I say,

"Its going to get worse before it gets better trust me..."

Not "I'm sorry" or "He was a great man". None of that shit... That's what everyone else is telling her...All that crap that comes with losing a loved one... I told her I'd always be honest with her and she should call me when ever she wants... We tried to have a bit of a normal conversation after that... We talked about her husband and how they are waiting to have kids and how I'm in San Francisco on occasion. So ill be calling her soon when I'm up there next...

Whew...

It knocked me back a few steps... I continued on to town and wished my angels to be with her and her family... Her parents were still married... I don't know what he did for work or whatever (doctor, lawyer, financial guy?) or if that had anything to do with it but I hope they had a note or something.. Its going to be hard for her... And I am sorry for them, no one should have to deal with that... But she knows that, I don't even have to say it...

ROCKIN WEEKEND!

Yeah fun! Woke up late on Saturday morning and drove into Big Sur... Of course I had a road soda along the way... I love beer in the morning! Went to buddies house and pounded a few more... We headed up coast ridge road for our weekend of drinking and gun shooting... Its a dirt road with four locked gates that goes for forty miles or so... I don't really know, I've never been to the end... I had to borrow the key that magically opens all the gates... A very coveted item, this key, so only you all know about it okay?

Yeah we stopped along the way and hung out for a while in front of a great view of the ocean and the mountains dropping off into it... Drank a few more beers! Seeing a trend yet? Anyway we drive up to our friends house and I get the tour. Wow doesn't even begin to describe things... Huge house, epic views, solar heated swimming pool and hot tub! Etc. Etc. Nice!

We hang there for a while and show homie how to start his motorcycle... Its new to him and with the elevation change the carburetor settings are a little screwed up... Drink a few more bevs and saunter over to "cedars"... (blogger is not letting me upload any photos right now, so use your imagination!)

Check in with the birthday girl (she is turning sixty) and cruise around this other piece of property for a while... Its getting dark by this time and I'm fuckin hungry! And a little buzzed... They were all playing cards and we didn't want to intrude so we split back to buddies house...

Made a fat dinner, with skewered shrimp in a honey, wasabi sauce.. Juicy steaks, two different types of potatoes, foccacia bread and picked green beans... There were a few other items but you get the idea! Stuffed like a rat I was.... Smoked some hash through a bong that I gave a friend of mine years ago! So cool he still had it! Nothing like a bit of hash after dinner...

Sat around shooting the shit and took a hot tub, it right out on the cliffs and was just the right temperature! A small meteor shower gave us something to watch and we pounded the rest of the beer I brought! Okay I brought a twenty four pack, E had brought the same... Three people drinking out of the cooler and the beer was gone... hmmm... Luckily buddy had reserves...

Next morning was spent with the birthday girl, eating eggs benedicts, potatoes grilled, bacon and bomb ass coffee... Well, baileys and coffee... A small amount of coffee in my baileys is more like it...

Spent the next few hours shooting skeet... (you throw a clay disc with a "slinger" and shoot at it with a shotgun) cool old people and everything... One woman was sixty seven and was showing her girlfriend how to do it! Well its her partner, but I guess at that age you can say what ever the fuck you want! I even won the small competition we had, hahaha...Yeah I'm awesome...(dork) oh I did forget to mention that we drank a mini keg of beer and thirty pack of bud light that afternoon? Oh well...

Drove back to big sur, went to nepenthe and had a few Crown and Cokes, went over to River Inn and met up with some peeps... Over to D's house for some Tecates and shrimp quesadillas... Some point in there I blacked out... Remember driving up to L-trains house, surprised him and his lady... Blathered on about something and then pretty much woke up in my bed at home with my sweatshirt over my head...

So... Sorry I didn't have much to post today, but I need to get some work done this morning!

Oh and yeah...

I'll be gone this weekend, I'm going up to a friends 60th birthday party! Two and a half hours up a dirt road, through four locked gates! Its going to be great! Bar-b-q on Saturday night, sleeping out under the stars, and drinking cheap beer until my ass falls flat on the ground... In the morning will be some bomb breakfast, followed by a couple hours of skeet shooting!

ah yes, you are thinking "what a red neck!"

well I like target practice, I don't hunt... (I don't think I could kill anything that flys or anything with four legs.) and I do own guns... But I'm not a red neck... Well we had a red neck theme party a few months ago and I just wore the clothes I wear to work, so hmmm.. Maybe... But I don't fit the classic profile... You can trust me...

Anyway, its her birthday this weekend, I'm going... Three years ago she was diagnosed with some kind of lung cancer, battled it with chemo and beat it! Two years ago they found some in her breast, they removed it and nuked her again... All better right? Nope.. Couple weeks ago she found another lump, different breast. She is awaiting the results.. This could be one of those birthday... So there is no way I'm going to miss it!

Just letting you all know I might be gone a few days and also wanted to ask you all a question... When my boss and close friend died a few years ago from cancer, I never went to see him... There were many reasons but mostly I wanted to remember him the way he was to me... A fucking rock, the smartest dude I know... He went really fast and I didn't want to be another person in line to stand over him and make him cry... Take his energy...

I don't want this woman to get the same treatment from me... I don't want her to feel abandoned... What should I do IF she has cancer again? Lemme know what you think...

another hangover?

So I'm here at work... A little bit hung over and a lot ready to drink after work... I'm supposed to be building a fireplace mantle after work, for a friend... All out of iron and copper... Nice project, ill post a picture when it is complete... I've talked about it before...

I spent some time yesterday getting familier with the cutting tool ill need to start the project... Ah yes, the magical plasma cutter, electricity and high pressure air combined somehow cuts though one inch steel! I'm a metal dork sorry...

Anyway... I don't feel like posting much today, so I'm just going to take it easy... So much shit is going on and I want to post about it, (I haven't even written about Hawaii yet!) I just seem to be getting backed up... But I do want to let you all know a few things...

I think it sucks when people read your blog and get all bent out of shape... This has happened to me and its a drag... don't like it? don't read it.. Some else here had a bitchin blog and people read it and very much enjoyed themselves... An evil zealot read it, printed it and sent it to her family, now nothing bad in there, but parents just don't seem to understand things when they are out of context... She deleted it...The whole thing! Another case of don't like it? don't read it...

I have a friend who writes here and was told to not write things down if you don't want everyone to know... I get the concept but am still resistant to censorship... I have a few readers that have asked me not to write about them... I get it... I write how I feel and sometimes its fairly brutal... No worries... I've always said once you write it down its there for ever.. And can understand people wanting anonymity.. Or even not to exist at all...

So for those of you who read peoples diaries and talk about it, a big fuck you! To people who snoop through friends things and use that information to hurt them, burn in hell.. But to the folks that can keep a secret, share a lives hard learned lesson and read a blog with out blowing a gasket, kudos to you!!! I'll buy you a beer...

Too many times in this small town do you get screwed over cause you opened your mouth, drunk at a bar and someone misunderstands you... Lies about what you have said, twists it around and uses it out of context!!! Its hard on some people... Unfortunately I don't really give a shit what people say about me, well that's an almost truth... I let it get to me... But I generally speak my mind and answer for everything I say, good and bad...

I have to stop posting about myself... I'm starting to come across as a whiner... My bad...

My drive home...

After sitting at the bar, talking to "Hickey" for a few hours it was time to go...

The crazy talkative girl is back in town and brought some crosseyed dude with her... She went on and on about some thing and finally I interrupted her ten minute blabber and asked her about her normal duct tape purse..

"Hey, what happened to your purse?"

"Oh, my grandmother saw it and gave me this one instead. She said I looked like a hobo..." Talkative girl with prescription problem replied.

"So does that mean you don't have any more duct tape?"

She left... Ok, bit of history...Sorry... A couple of months ago crazy script girl was blathering at the bar a million miles an hour about her homemade purse... I asked her if she had any more of the duct tape she used to make her purse and she immediately produced a half roll of silver tape... I pulled off about eight inches and sealed her mouth shut...We were both stunned.

Yes yes, instant asshole, I felt it and promptly peeled it off her face... I apologized and offered her a soda. (she wasn't allowed to drink in the bar for some reason..)

Her reply? "that's ok! That's not the first time that's happened!"

Wait, what? She kept up with her story and didn't miss a beat...

I don"t think she thought it was as funny this time. After she left, a few locos came in and filled out some football betting sheets, drank rum drinks, bitched about not getting tipped out enough, sold some coke at the bar and went to town to "go bowling".. Adios...

Random drunk guy left after eating a cold burger he forgot was his and the tourists split as well..

Denim rolled in for a beer and we all watched jeopardy... hes good, we all got a few answers right but it wasn't all that interesting... We talked about Halloween in the parking lot and smoked a bowl... Told him I invited his girlfriend to come down to get slurry speech drunk some time and he told me he already knew.. No worries, he wanted in on it. We split at the same time...

Finally my drive home... The purpose of the post... I was wanting to let you know what I go through everynight after work. I get on highway one... At night it is a drivers paradise! There are two cops on our road at any given time... I think they patrol eighty miles pavement in their jurisdiction... If there are no lights coming the highway is yours!

Anyway, I drive sixteen miles north on a cliffside, coastal road... Turning and winding the whole way. Almost... I pass a light house situated on a burst of land that sticks out into the ocean... Shines its light down and out to sea... I pass the south forty where I used to live and turn right up a crazy one lane road up a canyon... At night its not so bad... You can see the lights of cars coming and pretty much stay at a decent speed...

To get to my house you drive from sea level to about twenty eight hundred feet. Pass through a locked gate and throw it into fourwheel drive for almost two miles! Pretty fuckin cool drive.. Not too much traffic and some fourwheeling at the end... I cant wait for winter...

The whole drive home was star packed! No moon tonight and shooting stars were visible from the drivers seat.. Nothing new... I could have pulled over to watch the meteor shower, but there will be another soon..

Well here I am and might some day post some thing about this new house... (Its nicer then the drive home, trust me) I'm tired and have a book to read this evening... I've read it before, but it is a good one... Hope your evening was better then mine!

P.S.

I listen to the same song for hours on end... I guess it makes time last longer... Same with CD's in my truck, weeks will go by and it will be the same shit... Makes the time driving seem like I'm almost there... Too tired to even spell check... goodnight...

If you lived in a small town...

HEY, A BIG FUCK YOU TO ALL THE SHIT TALKERS IN THE TOWN I LIVE IN!!!!

How big a pussy do you have to be to send a "my space" message threatening to make some ones life miserable if they move into a house on their fathers property... Don't want me on you daddies property? Call me on the phone or stop by the bar I drink at and say it... it could possibly go something like this...

"Dude, I don't like you... So, I don't want you coming up to my dads property..."

"I know you feel like that... But, I have at least six friends living up there and I see them regularly... How about I don't come over to your house when your there and when we are both at a party on the property we don't talk, simply stay out each others way?"

"Fuck you, I just don't want you up there at all..."

"Sorry, I know you feel that way... I'd be just as happy not seeing you either, but until your dad tells me I'm not welcome, I'll continue doing as I do... See ya.."

Yeah right, I don't see it going down like that at all... In fact, here in Big Sur some people will just talk shit and bitch and complain... Tell lies... It would be closer to this...

"I fucking hate zack..."

"Yeah me too... He steals every ones girlfriends..."

"Yeah, remember those glasses I lost, well I bet he stole them..."

"Yeah I heard he got everyone on coke!"

"I'd kick his ass, but I heard he kills people..."

"He doesn't have to do shit, he gets everything!"

Who knows how it really goes down, I don't travel in those circles... And sadly its my friends who hear it most and stick up for me... They try to understand where it all comes from.. Its hard for them, I imagine, to be my friend, to be friends on both ends... I really try not to be a part of it... Some times I get caught musing, but I don't want to get involved... If i do, these people become a part of my life... Which they are not...

So, sorry to my friends who constantly have to either choose sides, deal with uncomfortable situations or are no longer my friends because of my selfish actions... I mean it... I would never wish for anyone to have to deal with all the shit I've put them through... You are the best a friend could have!

To everyone else... Don't like me? Don't talk to me... Hate my guts? Stop reading my posts and looking at my lame my space page... Don't want me on your daddies land? Have your well respected father come and talk to me and explain why I'm no longer welcome... And if you simply cannot be around me? Stay the fuck out of my way!! I live here too!!!

Hey, I put up with your shit... When you people come to my parties I deal with it... When I hear you talking shit at the end of the bar, I ignore you. And for the most part, I really don't give a shit... Except for a little venting here and there, you don't even exist in my world... Have a nice day!

BACK AND TO BE POSTING SOON!!

LAST NIGHT

Bummer, last night id written a great post! blogger erased it... Well blogger took a big shit when I went to publish and lost it... Couldn't have been that I was rip roaring drunk and screwed up... No way, Couldn't be that... I'm much happier thinking it was some one else's fault... I'm omnipotent! Ha!

It would have been interesting to see what I had written... I was pretty wasted.. I bet it was funny... I remember writing that I gave dj buddy a chunk of hash and he dropped it right away... So I had to give him some more...It was his birthday... Anyway...

Sitting at work, preparing to get ready to goto Hawaii tomorrow... You know checking flights, do we want to rent a jeep, that sort of shit... The airports have been closed because of the earthquake and roads are all fucked up... Pussies, a little earth movement and their panties are wedged up their asses... Road closed, there is dirt on it... Lame.. I hope they have jeeps to rent... "extra insurance" is ringing in the back of my head...

"I don't know how the jeep ended upside down... It wasn't my fault" hahaha...

Not much happening here... Brain is pounding and third cup of coffee makes my morning a little bit of a struggle...

D just called and wants to do lunch... My face is doing this weird twitching thing... My whole chin and bottom lip is contorting on their own... Tim is behind me talking to a customer...Here are some things he is saying..

"I've never blown up a main power breaker before"

"I've never seen something like that happen"

"Oh no, I'm sure its not my fault! I was just doing a calibration test"

Sound familiar? Not my fault! hahaha, what an asshole... I wonder how much money people pay for things he has fixed. what can you do... You cant fix it, you didn't even know it was broken in the first place... Why was he even there doing a " calibration test"? I just heard him say...

"Well I'm not sure how much that's going to cost, but you should get someone out there to fix your broken breaker... Oh, no I don't know how to do that..."

"Its going to need to be recalibrated, I turned it off..."

What the fuck was he doing there... The people are worse off than they were before he tried to fix it... it wasn't even broken! He was there to do a test! Now its broken and he is trying to get out of being responsible for breaking it by saying he cant fix the problem... Again it wasn't broken, moron and now it is! Now it needs to be fixed!

Maybe they should have gotten the extra insurance!!!

What do you say?

Just a short one.. Nothing about things that have happened to me, or glorified stories about events here in the Sur... Nothing about the evils of life here either... Shit happens, deal with it... What do you say to so many people who have so many questions to be answered... I don't have the answers, just my opinion... I am often wrong... But I have love for my friends and I want to help. I love the gift of opportunity... Thank you!!!

But how do I represent my self? Someone who has his shit together? Someone who is respectable? Who knows his shit? If you knew me you might think otherwise... I am who I am... But you might love me anyways...

So I'm trying to be professional at work, and in all honesty I kick ass!! This week I saved my company thousands... From being taken advantage of, in lost revenue, in unnecessary labor costs, in wasted time and money... I think they were very happy with my performance all around..

As a "heavy equipment mechanic" I'm finding out that I often spend quite a bit of time at the computer, locating better deals, the right part the first time, researching more reliable suppliers and the getting the right solutions to our specific problems... I enjoy my hours spent on my back getting filthy fixing shit mind you, but I have more pride in my ability of troubleshooting, (not tooting my own horn here, I promise) I would just like to believe that is where my true skills lay...

I would buy a huge ware house where people, (friends) could bring their; equipment, trucks, cars, boats, whatever, for me to look at and assess problems... I could tell them what might be their troubles and guide them into the right direction... Show them how to do it themselves..I don't acually want to get dirty anymore, breath the D.N.A. killing chemicals or do any of the mundane bullshit that comes along with being a mechanic... But how would I charge friends? Presently I charge beer and dinner, or whatever they can afford, granted I do it after work for friends... But how do you charge the people that you love? The people that make you who you are?

Why do I worry? I see a need...

Friends call me and ask. " Dude, where do I take my car? What do I do? My car/truck is running like shit."

Most of the time I say "Fuck dude, I dunno... I don't trust a single mechanic I know... Sorry... Well...What are you doing later? Lemme take a look, I'll help you out if I can."

Some times I simply don't have time or energy...

Its not like I'm holding out or I want to keep something from them.. But on occasion I genuinely don't have the fucking time...

At my work I do every thing, (mostly) and what I send out doesn't apply to consumer vehicles.. Only tractors and backhoes, big rigs and the like... Problems that envolve specific tools and machines that we don't own... Projects I would need someone elses confidence and experiance to guide me... I wish I could do everything!

Sometimes I say "good luck."

This was just something that came up today... Talking at the bar with a couple of buddies..I help those who want to help themselves and I do nothing for those who rely on others doing everything for them...

Fuck sorry... Sounds like I'm wanting to sound awesome post... Its not.. Id like to help more people but what do you say?

ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT...

Yeah ill start out by bitching, I'm fucking tired... Half drunk and I'm on water now... Just got home and I don't feel like starting a fire to warm up the house... I might be more motivated if the fire would warm up the upstairs.. But it doesn't... Weird...And its cold as frozen shit..

So even though I said I would post later, this is all you get... Sorry once again... Its late and I'm lame... I even have water in my eyes from yawning so big.. And I'm dirty, needing a shower bad.. Last nights five hour sleep is really hooking me up on the late night energy.. (Um, sure)

Yeah I'm ending this with bitching too... I don't want to bore you and don't want to be vertical anymore either, perhaps ill get six hours of sleep tonight... Just in time for Friday... Guess what happens next... Weekend bender time! Lets get some drinking done... Ha ha ha... Whats going to happen now? There is another wedding on saturday, band on suday, favorite bartender working tomorrow at another bar...

Maybe I should turn off the phone, plant some winter peas and make myself some healthy food... nah, plenty of time to squeeze in some fun in three days... Ill let you know more tommorrow... if I dont flake and write some lame shit like this...

WARNING!!!

Okay im cheating, but I stole this off a buddies web page posting.. I was in tears... you may not find it as funny but I think it was worth putting here since my theme has been about drinking lately... Enjoy...

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer." The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.

After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific
looking women whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage."

Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females. Please! Forward this warning to every man you know. If you fall victim to this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.

Yeah i know, lame, posting some one elses jokes... Ill have my own posting later...

WEDDING BLISS... ERR, DRUNKINESS

Its hard to go back and write about stuff that just happened this weekend with as much enthusiasm as I had for it as it was going down... And I'm at work and I have been having good times since that, and I want to post about those as well... There just isn't enough time... When all I wrote about was how shitty I felt and how crappy life was I seemed to have more time and less to write about.. I digress..

Seths wedding was awesome... We showed up right before they finished! (supposed to be there by five, we showed up at 5:08 and missed the big entrance!) saw them exchange rings, kiss, walk down the aisle and prepare for pictures. I swear Seth laughed during his vows... I asked him about that later..

He said " The hardest part was having everybody there watching.."

I said "No shit, there are a lot of people here!"

Seth replies "I have no problem looking into her eyes, I just knew everyone was out there watching, I just kept smiling. What a great day!

I can relate... Nothing like a hundred people staring at you... Don't fuck it up, this only happens once! Any way, after what was left of the ceremony we were herded over to a nice courtyard area for champagne... (I hadn't eaten in twenty something hours and was still hung over so thankfully a few glasses went a long way!) Our group powered down the bubbly and rubbed shoulders with friends and strangers alike... All commenting on how good each other looked and how well the bride and groom fit together... blah, blah, blah... Wedding speak... Its what your supposed to do...

The coordinator then herded us into shuttles and up to the main lodge, oh yeah the wedding was held at the Carmel Valley Ranch. (it was really nice.) More champagne and then I got to eat... I think I was the first person to notice that the appetizers were already out in the main ball room... Ooohhhh yeah! I had a full plate and set the pace for every one else... Finally feeling a little better.. Food was great and the staff was well trained... Funny thing the bartenders kept calling people doctor... The men anyway... And I got a few strange looks in the beginning before everyone else caught on...

"He's a doctor?" some dingbat said pointing to me.

"I don't think so, he is one of seths friends..." Second space cadet remarked.

"Yeah he couldn't really be a doctor" retorted dingbat number one.

No shit, sherlock... couple of bright ones there...

It worked on a couple of friends too.. Some questioning why they were calling me that. Anyway, I think I met about .6 of a person from liz's side of the family... I mean, not one person I didn't already know was even remotely friendly towards me... Who cares, I am not missing out on that one...

So we all eat and get drunk and the dance floor fills up... Tristan was doing a great job with the dj material... True to form Ira had his shirt off and was dancing it up with EVERYONE... It was great to see the looks of shock and disbelief on the faces of the brides immediate family... There was some drama with a few of the girls talking shit about a friend of ours... No surprise there, she always gets copious amounts of attention, good and bad... Drinking, dancing, drinking and more dancing... The party went on like that until twelve o'clock... Well, throw in a couple of trips outside for some pot smoking and such.. (of course there were a few trips to the restrooms for nose powdering and the like...) but it was, all in all, a great event!!

The late night crowd found themselves going to the running iron... Where between knocking over glasses and loud laughing, some of the ladies kissed each other and had some big sur style fun!!! I think the carmel valley boyz were enjoying the show for sure... There were no fights and all went well... That's when we left, right at closing...

"You don't have to go home but you cant stay here" resonated through the bar...

The core group went back to the lodge, where the best man had a suite.. They partied to the wee hours of the morning.. Ordering room service and running up quite a tab... What a show that must have been...

Got to sleep in the following morning, breakfast at IL Forniao, (kendra had a fat gift certificate) and then down the coast for more drinking at river inn.. Watch a great band and tried to rally the girls into more partying to no avail.. Went home watched TV till twelve and finally the weekend was over... Liver got a sixteen hour break...

OKAY 5 MIN...

Speed typing. Sorry for any mistakes...Ill come back and spell check and shit later... I'm on my way to town... German buddy's birthday! Baja cantina for drinks and food and then on to the running iron out in the valley.. Yeah I know, more drinking and fun... When does it all slow down? I had to take an advance out from work today because of all the fucking money I wasted this weekend.. That and I spent almost three hundred buck on groceries on Thursday..

I wonder if German buddy would mind if I use his name? Ill ask him tonight, anyway... He is super groovy! I mean he even says words like groovy! I do to so I think its f-ing rad...

(how the hell do songs I've burned on I tunes skip? Is that possible?)

he is way generous and always throws down, he gave me a computer for my thirty second birthday and this year, leaves a magnum of epic champagne in my fridge...(well may be he gave it to me but I don't really remember...Just woke up in the afternoon and it was in there!)

fucking cheers buddy!! I wish I could return such cool favors... Ill try to hook you up with some one tonight if your not pimpin someone already, at least for some sweaty dancing and grinding...

shit its been like six minutes!!! I promise to write about the wedding I went to this weekend and all that has happened since! Its been real! goto shower and make it to town by 5:30ish... I love that bit of big sur normanclature..(sp?) yeah ill be there on time... Its always within a few minutes...

WHO, WHAT, WHERE, HOW...

AND WHY... all easy to answer... except why... because that seems to be the question that has no response...

lame.. tomorrow ill do better... busy day but ill have time..

WAIT WHAT HAPPENED?

Yep happened again... I was at the bar with friends... Err, I should start earlier then that... I was at this other bar with friends... A pre wedding party I guess.. Taking shots and pounding beers... Having a good time, it's suddenly announced that some one else will be driving my truck to town, apparently I had already had to much to drink... fuck it, ill go along with it...

No body drives my truck but me, mind you... I don't get into someone else's car very often either with out demanding to drive... I just don't like it... Blinded drunk I'm a better driver than most of the people I know... I get car sick.. yep, that's it...

So we make it to town... Two car loads of people going to Rachs... We get there and there is a taxi showing up... Not enough room for all of us... So we call another taxi and three of us go at a time... My g.f. opts to take the next taxi... Okay, whatever... Didn't want to ride with me in the car either, whatever...

We make it over to the London Bridge pub... Nice place.. I've been there before, but that's another story.. We are there to watch a friends band.. They are good, and immediately they start to rock the fucking house... I buy drinks for friends and shooters for the band... We step out side at some point and smoke a little hash... Smart move... Back into the bar for more drinks, dancing and more shooters... This is where it gets hazy, more drinks... I remember paying for my tab thinking it was going to be about a hundred bucks... I don't remember what it was though... I tipped huge! I recall that...More haze setting in..

I'm outside smoking a cigarette and something happened... What the fuck was it? Was I arguing with Rach again? I wonder what it was that set me off? I start walking away and decide to walk to Carmel... Not an easy task for those of you not familiar with the area... Its not that its a terribly long way, its that there is no real way to get there from downtown with out getting on the highway... So I'm having fun walking and being pissed about something... Wishing I had a fucking beer... I made some calls (to whom? Id have to check my cell phone... Oops..)

I stumble upon this chic sleeping on a bus stop bench... I tried to ask her where the fuck I was and she jumps up as if struck by lightning!! Screaming!!! At the top of her lungs... I guess she didn't know how the hell she got to where she was either... Maybe i scared her... Cause she starts running up the street, then across the street and then back the other way! Right by me on the other side of the street... Sees me again and screams an octave higher... Funny shit...

It was a nice neighborhood, I was able to see Monterey down the hill with all its city lights on... So I call a cab..

"Yeah, uh, I'm on Franklin and cedar, I need a pick up.."

"Sorry sir, there is no Franklin and cedar." she hissed

"Well I'm fucking standing on the corner here and that's what it says!"

Click, she hangs up...Understandably.. How many drunk fuckers does she deal with in a night?? Who knows which cab company 411 gave me anyway.. So I try again, but now I'm walking back towards town... Apparently I got tired of walking up hill...

"Yellow cab..."

"Yeah, I'm walking down Franklin to Monterey, I was on cedar and now I'm on..."

I started to run to the end of the block to get another cross street... When she says...

"Well sir, it sounds like you should keep walking"

"What did you say? I need a fucking taxi... I'm on Franklin, doesn't anybody want to make some goddamn money tonight?"

You guessed it...Click... At that point I was thinking.. what a fucking bitch! in retrospect, I would have hung up as well.. What an ass hole... So I flag down a cab driving by and make it back to carmel!!

I wake up several hours later to everyone coming back to rachs... What the fuck, D sounds pissed and has something edgy in her voice...

Blip.. (see previous post for answer to your "what the fuck does blip mean?" question...)

For some reason I get up and storm out of the house... The haze was coming in and out like coastal fog... Jump in my truck and drive down the coast and up the mountain to my house... What the fuck? My alarm goes off this morning at seven and I shut it off... Completely forgetting that I'm supposed to be in a movie today... Just helping out a friend and being an extra... Now I really feel bad as I wake up around noon... Crack a beer and sit here...

So what really happened... It probably goes like this... I got drunk, turned into an asshole and left the bar, left the house, drove home and missed the movie... I could have simply written that, but then you wouldn't know what I thought of the evening... Well I guess I should show up at my friends wedding today, maybe I wont get so drunk and be such an ass hole... Maybe not...

AH YES...

The familiar buzzing in my head.. Almost a complete five hours of sleep last night... Bright eyed(red) and bushy tailed (teeth) and ready to start my day... Don't forget the hang over and mild nausea... Ok ok, I also have this weird retardation going on from the hash I was smoking last night as well... But I made it to work on time and really have nothing else to complain about... Except my busy schedule this week end... Boo hoo, poor me..

Yep after work I must change, race to the hair farmers house, get his keys, go to the post office, check his mail, pay his bills and make sure his house is the way he left it prior to his leaving for vacation... No problem..

When I'm finished with that I drive to buddies pre wedding bar-b-q at river inn... Food, drinks, danceing, mayhem..Hopefully don't get too drunk so I can drive to town and watch other buddies band play at a cool English pub... I'm sure there will be more drinking there as well... Drunk in town, going to need a taxi!!!

Try to get to bed somewhat early so I can wake up at seven and fetch the car we left down town, then drive to big sur so I can be an extra in a friends movie... Its a film for her senior thesis... She has been working on a masters in film...I guess I'm with a bunch of other people being white supremacists... Yeah I know... Anyway,

Hopefully all that goes well and ends on time because after that I have to fire up to my house and shower off the days movie filth and rocket to carmel valley... Remember buddies pre wedding bar-b-q? Well now he's getting married... Enter music in background... "everybody must get stoned..." Drinking, dancing and fornication... wait, what? I mean more partying!!!

Probably be a good sized group of people going out after that... "uh, more debauchery anyone?" down town Monterey, Mucky duck!!! Vivas!!! Drunks and drugs, whoopee!!! More taxis!!

So hurry up and squeeze in some sleep so I can go back down town, pick up the car we leave there and drive down the coast and up the mountain to my house... Fix my generator, clean, do some laundry and prepare for my landlords arrival on Monday...

But thats not all!! There is half a day left... Wouldn't want to spend it recovering, No way!! Some time in the early afternoon... Blast back into Big Sur where a cool Blue Grass band, Crooked Still, is playing at river inn... Can you say "more drinking" anyone ?? On the way there I must pick up the template that I left with my home builder friends, so I can start on their metal project Monday morning... Early, I've been slacking...

So where on this schedule did I leave some time for rest and a nap? Ah yes, in between all the alcohol... Must sober up at some point, no? hmm... Maybe not... Maybe I'll sleep through the ceremony? Ha, kidding.. Well I better get started with something here today and not get behind... All though a little behind would be nice...

Its not what you think...

Pretty upset with my self... Shit... Its nothing to any of you......

Fuck writing for you all...

Here is something for me to vent...

One of my new photos is fucked up!!! Mostly its the envelope, it was so well packed for shipping that what ever I spilled on it barely touched the picture... Yeah, its an original, from 1978... Sixth print of an image that only five rolls of film were used for the whole shoot... This guy numbers his prints so strange... The number of the print is how many he developed from that shot... With how many rolls he used during that session... Which is partly why I'm so upset... And I also don't remember how it got that way... man am I bent...

Fuck!!!

I'm letting it go... Right now...

So much else going wrong and I'm worrying about a fucking picture...

Here is a little note... Stay away from me... Bad shit happens to people who are near me... m.d.k. Its all around me... People are suffering, dieing and not happy... Run away, run as fast as you can... Don't answer my calls, don't search me out and don't feel for me... Things will inevitably start to go poorly for you...

(Listen to yourself... Pushing people away... Without them there would be no one to know how things are not the way they seem to you... No body to set you straight... All bull shit...)

Sorry... I'm in a bad mood... And its not about this stupid picture... (all though its a new itch in my side...) its life... Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people... That's the balance I was talking about before... I don't like it and unfortunately its a fact of life... I hope my friends dad gets better, I hope that "bell" beats her brain disorder, friends find love again and everything works out for the best.. (more shit I cant talk about...)

So stay away... If I don't know you, I cant hurt you... I cant help you etheir, but its for you to take the risk, not for me to lure you in...

sorry I'm not a better friend and cant fix things for you... I cant fix things for my self...

SOUNDS LIKE

I've been going back over the last few posts... I've asked a lot of questions, tried to be philosophical, avoided some of my major issues and basically said a whole lot of nothing... Trying to avoid what happening I guess... Be something I'm not, not write about my self... Mostly just trying not to bitch and whine... I felt that's what was happening here a lot... Me dumping my poor me shit on to here and inevitably on to you... Who fucking cares that my little feelings were hurt... No shit..

Any way, what am going to do you ask, what kind of things will I write about if I'm not going to be complaining about the problems in my life? Or searching for the the ultimate answer? Well I will tell you... I'm going to write jack shit, like I always do... Nothing of any importance and definitely nothing with any substance!!! So get ready for more ado about the rest of what happens in my days..

Some people has asked that I do not write about them... Fair enough.. Its hard to convey some of the things that happen without talking about these folks, so you all will miss out on a lot of things... Lame I know... But perhaps you didn't want to hear about it at all... No loss there...

But I cant help feel that I'm not following through with why I started this thing.. It was to get it all out.. A release, something positive to me.. Not who ever may be reading this... Cause really, I don't care... It doesn't bother me if no one were to read it... I want to do this.. Be here with the pain and anguish of my inner self... Turmoil... ooooh.. Sounds good..

I have to remember I write for me and not for the entertainment of others.. Sorry... Maybe it will all be boring and people will stop reading... I'm fine with that.(all though I do enjoy comments and feedback) but its not necessary...Love me, hate me, what ever... I don't give a fuck...

But I will still be here, pounding away at these keys... Worst case scenario? I become a better writer about nothing... I will feel better and will have stayed true to myself and to the people out there... Friends and strangers alike...

BLIP... get it?

So I took a few bong rips and cracked open one of my last beers in the house, sat down and read some of my favorite haunts... I even left a comment or two... its a new thing.. Bold I know.. Letting people know im out there.. Funny, out there, sounds well, haha, out there... Anyway... Now im just sitting here hanging around other peoples sites wondering what they might really be like?

pause... Station break...

I have to quickly remind you of a moment in a movie called K-Pax... Where Kevin spacey was showing the astronomers how to travel at the speed of light... Seen the movie? Epic! Its a good one... Crazy people and all... So, in this one scene he demonstrates some of his abilities ... By traveling across the galaxy and back, before they know he is even gone he has left the planet and returned... There was some witty comment about him "pulling the wool over their eyes" or whatever, blah blah blah... Any way, here is another demonstration of that... I need to go downstairs and let the dog out and grab a couple more beers out of the fridge... im out of adult drinks in my home office... So from now on I will simply write "blip" when this is happening... Be it bathroom break or beer run, I will only write blip... Expect me to have been gone for several minutes or so for each interruption... And blip you don't even know im gone! I now return you to your regular scheduled program...

(for your information... I said it three times just there... Three different trips...I put wood on the fire, I let the dog out, so both of us could pee and... Got some more beer from the fridge... Three trips... Remember I took bong rips tonight... Are you getting the picture?)

So... I wonder what these faces in the darkness must be really like... Are they the people they portray themselves to be or are they good at being someone else? I guess im good at being someone else but really i try to be as candid as I can here.. I promise.. I have only recently let people know im there, reading and laughing... Crying and giving support... Just enjoying a new form of reading... Thanks to all who entertain for fun and share with all!!! Tremendous writers!!!

Today was a good day and I don't feel too bad about staying up late and bullshiting here... I let the higher ups know im coming in late tomorrow... I have a small project to finish in the "morning" and get to sleep in... woah i might get six hours of sleep... Its a metal project for some one I don't want to let down, good friends of mine... Cool shit with copper and iron, ive been slacking... (see im honest) well, I'd like to give it to them... They chose to spend their money with me and I want to give them exactly what they desire...

When I do what I want, I get what I want... hmmm. Simple concept, why don't I get it... I even get fringe benefits: sleep in, coffee at home, nurse the hangover and go to "work" fresh and reliable!!

All that said... Im beat and have had a good night.. Don't want to ruin it by spilling beer all over the keyboard again... What an ass... But that's another story..

Finding it hard

Whats normal anyways... I'm trying to figure that out! Its hard to know when to say enough is enough... And what I want... But is that normal? Is this normal... Its not what I want... Is what I want abnormal... Weird? Yes, yes, cryptic... Sorry I cant say exactly what I mean... But ill get there... Need some more time to think about what's happening and how to deal with it all... Im just flying through the air by the seat of my pants!!!

Sure enough

Front page of today's local section is finally some good news... carmel is coming out with a dog calendar... Pathetic... Our good news is a fucking dog calendar... Exactly what I was talking about... Tomorrow they will have a bubble blowing contest...I am sure of it...

What dont you care about?

What makes something profound in our lives? How does it become that way? Why do those things affect us the way they do... Is it faith? (I don't know what that means but ill get there...) I mean, if you believe in something or someone, and it changes you, is it something you don't have control over and that's why it has such an impact? You simply take it as truth and fact... You take it as real, it " changes your life"...Why? Can you control it? Avoid it? Is who we are, our destiny? Or are we in charge... Ok, ok, lame... Destiny? Sorry...

Why do people hurt themselves? Why do some people laugh when some one else gets hurt??? Why do we ignore others in need? Why do some people leave the scene of an accident? Run away instead of help? If they would have chosen different, things may have impacted their lives for better...Oh, well or for worse, I guess. How ever you want to look at it! What is it that "guides?" us through life? Are we so unsuspecting and that's why things have impact on us? Shit I dunno... What am I talking about? Try again...

If you are in control of your life and it goes the way you want it, with hard work and diligence, you succeed.. What makes what you have done profound? Save the world? Help the children? Free the oppressed? And even then does that do anything for you... And do I want to save the world? Fuck no... People have to suffer for there to be people who succeed... Wait. Do I believe that horse shit? No! Well, not really... If I did I would have to believe in "good" and "evil"... Heaven and hell... God and the devil... But I think that they might be all the same thing...

Example, its someone's birthday, a close friend of yours... You go shopping, all day to find just the right thing... You buy it, they receive it, love it and everything is bliss... Why do I see the other side of that coin... The gift they love was made in a small town in another country... The factory there, pumps deadly crap into the water, everyone is little weird because of it... The people that ship said gift out of the country also deal in some other nasty shit... Stuff people get killed over... Now that it is here in this country our government has their sticky fingers on it and is part of the corruption and scandal... You spend all day driving around wasting gas (more corruption and killing the environmental, more death), finally wrapping it in some nice paper which ends up in the trash, polluting the earth some more... All so that some ones child feels special on their birthday... Is all that murder, death, scandal and cover ups worth it? Enjoy your gift important one...

But that's the part of life which impacts me most... Without these undesirable facts of life... We wouldn't have the things we do now... The things we expect... Enjoy... With out some one else feeling the bite..Is it our understanding that we have things better because of how we have worked so hard to get here or we deserve it? How many people have died for me to have the things I do now... Weird I know..Sorry.. I digress..

Back to point, if I ever had one... Is it our resolute faith in our system, our lifestyle, that makes all the evil okay? Lets nothing really affect us? Have any real impact? Life goes on, people die, things change? Life is always expected to get better... Why? Because we change it? Change ourselves? Put the will for life and longevity first and foremost? Work our way to the top, get everything we could want and need, leave something for our kids and have faith? Faith in what?I dunno... What do you believe in.. Why is it so profound in your life?

See... Its not.. Its a fact of life.. We are the way we are... In part because of where we were born, how we grew up and what we choose to do... Here in this country we are Americans, yes an ugly word but American none the less... And we have the things we do because we fought for it, and were told we deserved it... So none of the bad shit worries us... We don't even know that we don't care about it, because its not in our lives...