I've been thinking of an old friend of mine for a few dayz and and on my to town this evening I gave her a quick text. You know one of those texts where your just fishing to see what people are up to...
"Whats up, how's life?"
The phone rings before I can get it back into my pocket. Oh shit.. I think to myself... An instant return is never good... I answer the phone cautiously...
"Hey, what's up?" I ask
"Hi, its me. Its good to hear from you." she replies
"How's things?, you don't sound right." my teeth are clenching
"My dad died last week, we just left the..." She paused. Then, "I'm at the wake now."
"Shit, was it expected." My heart skips a beat.
"No, he committed suicide... That's why I called you back, I know you went through this with your mom."
I pulled the truck over. It wacked me right in the chest... I'm all choked up and tears streaming.. All those feelings I had when I got the news about my mom slammed me. I know how she feels for sure... I posted about it a lot here, this year... Anyway, we both can't breath and finally I say,
"Its going to get worse before it gets better trust me..."
Not "I'm sorry" or "He was a great man". None of that shit... That's what everyone else is telling her...All that crap that comes with losing a loved one... I told her I'd always be honest with her and she should call me when ever she wants... We tried to have a bit of a normal conversation after that... We talked about her husband and how they are waiting to have kids and how I'm in San Francisco on occasion. So ill be calling her soon when I'm up there next...
Whew...
It knocked me back a few steps... I continued on to town and wished my angels to be with her and her family... Her parents were still married... I don't know what he did for work or whatever (doctor, lawyer, financial guy?) or if that had anything to do with it but I hope they had a note or something.. Its going to be hard for her... And I am sorry for them, no one should have to deal with that... But she knows that, I don't even have to say it...
When in doubt, rub it out...
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2 comments:
I'm so sorry...this is super hard. Sometimes time doesn't heal all wounds.
hzazdjaoTHANX ALOT! yeah, life is not a cliche... it does get easier dealing with that shit... i guess a person gets used to it? anyway... thank you again... death has always been a part of my life... thats kind of how i started this blog... as an outlet for ill feelings... now i get to write about happy horse shit and drinking... well lots of stuff posted here but its more fun now and life is viewed in a brighter light! have a great halloween!
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