YEAH AND THEN SOME...

so the holidayz have come and gone and now there may finally be some peace and quite. i spent yesterday lazing about the house and watched movies all day. today i may go and do some golfing, i just re-upped my super mini membership at this place which gets me into several other resorts as well. 

i know what your thinking... "inner voices likes to golf?"

yup...

four years ago when i stopped golfing i was just getting my score under 100... "wow, impressive!!" you say... no, not really. I'm usually so drunk by the end of the course finding my ball becomes more time consuming than a five hundred piece puzzle in the dark... but i have fun...

or i might cut down some trees and ready my wood pile for the rest of winter...

i could also put the second story on the tree house deck that i completed last weekend...

or i could spend the day cleaning the house or drinking or watching more movies or go on another dirt bike delivery excursion.

i don't know...

after this mornings round of anal bleeding i think I'll hold off on the drinking for a day or two (that's gonna fuck up my back nine if i decide to golf) an perhaps opt out for another day of relaxation...

cheeses dad want me to come down to the south coast and fix cars at his shop this week while I'm not at my current job. I'll call him tomorrow and let him know if he wants to double the price of what he has offered me i might think about it. other wise i can go to my normal work place and make the same amount i normally do but a fraction of the actual work!!!

*puts hands out on either side of body to simulate a scale and weighs his options*

hmmm, go to work? cut trees down and only have a few beers? go to town for some outdoor sports? hang around the house? so many choices...

oh and I've sent off the next invitation to Megan for her chance to guest post... she was next in line with her hand up. after careful consideration and some great prodding from nations i am going to allow a few others a chance to get their voices out and once Megan has replied and posted i will be sending out more invitations at a time... i have not quite figured out how to have a guest poster without making them a temporary author so that's why the tool bar in the right changes when someone else has the ability to post...

have a great day folks!!!!

gatecrasher

i was dying for the chance to post here, a place to slag off the boss, badmouth the beloved and say all the stuff that would have my mother curling her toes at my place. unfortunately though, i'm on holidays. the boss isn't annoying me, the dearly beloved hasn't torn strips off me for at least a month and i'm all chirpy and full of sweetness and light.
so i dont get to say "i wouldn't piss on 'im if 'e was on fire"
i don't get to talk about silly bloody wankers or stupid effing dickheads

what am i doing here?

fuck me dead !!






please ??

the time is now...

so only two of you have expressed more than limp interest in guest posting, so i have sent out one invitation to do such a thing and requested an email address from the other! so if you are still interested in gracing the voices with your version of profanity lemme know!!! there is only one more spot open... otherwise sit back and continue to enjoy the show!

HAPPY MERRY FUCKING AND ALL THAT!!!

yeah, cheese and i wish you all a happy holidayz!!!!

its pounding rain and we are hoping for the very odd chance at some snow!!!

just back from a dinner for five at our friends restaurant that cost us over six hundred bucks!!!

fuck it, its just money eh?

be safe this night and the next day!!!

bulf....

a little too hung over to post anything today... please all make yerself at home and talk amongst yerselves... thanks for stopping in!

ALLRIGHT!!! its new reader appreciation day...

here we have another one of my personal friends who has de-lurked herself from the dark side and decided to share her blog with us, i would like a large round of applause for lu-lu-bell!!! she does photography professionally and is currently working her way through a year of being single. not celibate (although it does sound like masturbate) but single none the less. she is currently delurking under her photo blog, so kids ramble on over there and give her some love. she doesn't post all that regularly so pimping her is a real bitch, cause i know my little group of addicts likes to see something new every day, but perhaps you all can nudge her into reliability!!

another new reader is denim, he has been reading/commenting here for years and has finally de-lurked his blog. sneaky bastard! he is running a road rage blog. sometimes its helpful to write things down to alleviate the frustrations of life! way to go denim. he is also currently looking for wood, so if anyone can help out denim finding his wood "that would be great."

brandy rose... has also reared her dark haired head and has been commenting for several weeks and runs a very proper blog of her own! today post is about pet peeves and asks you comment on some of your own... her profile photos shows her being quite happy so go check her out for a little cheery disposition. i seem to remember she is also a video game addict as well... much love brandy and welcome officially to the voices!

I've pimped some of the rest of you before and it seems to have worked out so I'll give these three newest members to the voices squad of death a shot at it... i have also noticed there are some new followers in the box to the right who have never commented! come on out of the voices closet and present yourselves for proper inspection, turn your head to the right and cough and lets see what you got in your pockets!!!


if any one else would like some pimping lemme know and I'll get you on the program... of course i get first dibs and will need to have you send a picture of your naked ass to mj for her approval before i can go ahead with said pimpage... have a great fucking Monday all!!!

a new item

as you all can see there is a new item in the tool bar.. to the right here titled "500 pics from the past". its the first five hundred pics from the voices archive that it started saving when Picasa got involved with blogger. please feel free to peruse them and comment, positive or negatively if yer bored. i have favorites and would love to use some again....

hope alls well in blogger world...

YEAH BITCHES!!!

OHHH.... I FORGOT TO MENTION IVE RECEIVED AN AWARD!!!!

*notices all readers are drooling and shmeckling over it*

thats right, my man over at sausage mechanic bestowed this upon me... so quit yer pawing and panting and git on over to his blog and beg for one of yer own!!! thanks sausage man!

hahahahahhaaa.... happy fucking holidayz kids and hope yer all being bad and need spankings!

update:

oh yeah bitches AND i received this one on the same day from leni!!! go visit her as well, her writing kicks some major ass!!! thanks to both and i will be updating soon!!!

HAHAHAHAHAA.... 699th post baby!!!!! i'm fuckin rockin the casbah!!!!

anyway...

lydia has tagged me with a crappy gift give a way for sick people sort of thing... it started over at the blue yak shack aka, mr zibbs and here is how it works:

1.Pick a crappy gift for the That Blue Yak Crappy Gifts For Sick People Stockpile and post it on your site.
2. Pick 5 bloggers that you think might want to open their hearts and pick a crappy gift.
3. Link back to this post.
4. And if you really want to get into , write, "I POSTED A CRAPPY GIFT" in the comments section of this post so we can see the crappy gifts you picked.

so i tag anyone who finds it fun and has crappy gift ideas for sick people!!! have a great weekend folks i will be putting the decking in on my new tree hose floor ive been building!!!!

and at some point i must do some christmas shopping.... meh.

whadda ya do...

this year little cheese wants a lap top. she is ten. two weeks ago i got her one from my work, but she cant put itunes on it. it hooks up to the Internet just fine and many programs (email, penguin whatever the fuck it is, IM, etc.) all work on it. its just not the "cool one".
agreed it doesn't do all the bitchin shit that her friends new mac top does, but it is portable and she can sit on the couch to use it.
i don't have a lap top, cheese has one for her nursing program and for school. she is 28. i am thirty five and would also like a lap top...
cheese called the girls' dad last night and she was informed that he was told that "we were buying her a laptop for Christmas", (did that make sense?) we'd like to, but i don't believe that is gonna happen. i told little cheese if she wants to sell the dirt bike i bought for her last Christmas we might be able to arrange something. we also told her if she saves a hundred bucks, we each might be persuaded to pitch in a hundred bucks towards the purchase of a new laptop. she hasn't been real motivated on the saving/working for money this year so WTF?
i remember wanting things so badly for Christmas as a kid and not getting them. its normal isn't it? are kids supposed to get everything they want just because they ask for them?
I'd love to buy her a new computer, shit I'd love to buy me a new computer!!
after deciding not to get her the computer, we spoke at length about when the "right time" would be to purchase such a tool. (see that? i said "tool" not "toy") little cheese starts middle school next fall and that is perhaps a better time for that.
i know its tough when you see your friends with all their cool shit, that feeling never goes away mind you, but just because they have one doesn't mean everyone gets one. (i used to fucking HATE, HATE, HATE, hearing that and am starting to sound like my father).

*smacks self in face with rubber hose to snap out of it*

i don't know how the hell I'm doing with this parenting bit, but it seems to be going well enough. i just wish she'd be more into dirt biking, shooting guns, staying up and partying all night, driving trucks in the mud while trespassing, etc.. you know more like me... (JUST KIDDING, I LOVE HER FOR BEING HER!!! LITTLE CHEESE IS THE BOMB!!!) so all jokes aside, do your ten year old children have laptops that they take to the fifth grade and to friends houses and shit?!?!? or are we not alone in this shit about the computer... i had planned on a new surround stereo system and t.v.d.v.d. set up for her room as her last one broke and i stole the t.v. back for the shop since the d.v.d part was fucking up all the time and they broke the remote....

oooh and another thing, do we/i break the news now about the no laptop and cope with the moping and doping around for the next week or wait for Christmas to see that look of surprise on her face...

...and one other funny twist, mini cheese who is six, only wants a slinky or maybe some new clothes?!?!?

here is something different!

people recently have been posting their favorite recipes for the holidayz. here is one i have found over the years to be a wonderful version of cookies that im sure everyone in your family will simply fall in love with...

oh and sorry about the lack of quality posts. i am still taking applications for those who think they may want to do a guest post!!! but for now enjoy the holiday recipe!!

The Best Tequila Christmas Cookies Ever: 1 cup of water 1 tsp. baking soda 1 cup of sugar 1 tsp. salt 1 cup of brown sugar 1 tbsp. lemon juice 4 large eggs 1 cup nuts 2 cups of dried fruit 1 bottle tequila Sample the tequila in a large glass to check quality. Take a large bowl, and check the tequila again, to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it's best to make sure the tequila is still OK, so, try another cup. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit and the damn cup off the floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Check the tequila. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Put the bowl through the window, finish off the booze and make sure to put the dirty stove in the dishwasher. CHERRY MISTMAS TO ALL!

HACKED!!!!!!

Yes folks, even the voices can be hacked... (helps when you tell your best bud all your passwords in case of an emergency... what was that like two years ago?!?!?) alas, it has happened and our perpetrator is none other than this guy!

whilst i had indeed started a bit of an inner voices guest posting contest, i had not chosen a winner, but in true "fucking zavk" style he went ahead and ghost posted on his own accord. cheers denim, you road raging warrior... and three cheers for keeping a straight face during drinks tonight bitch... hahahahaa....

as you can see, the picture he posted is nothing like you've seen here at the voices and its still up... so i have not gone back on my word...

*stomach turns as he has yet to come up with a plot of revenge*

there is a bit of a funny story bout how genuinely surprised i was to hear/see this new post.

when cheese and i got home from work this evening we did our normal chores and duties... phone messages, dogs out/in and fed, fire stoked and roaring, cold beers in hand, check email, etc...

we take a peak at the recent news and top dead center is this story of how Internet Explorer has been hacked and hacker people have all your passwords.. mostly gaming shit but if your an idiot (like my self) a lot of your passwords are similar and easy to figure out once a password has been obtained.... i jump up to light a smoke and clamp down the fire place when cheese takes over the key board.

"anything good?" i ask knowing she is perusing our normal favorites.

"nice picture you posted of the overflowing toilet." she replies.

"what?" i didn't have any idea of what the fuck she was going on about and thought she was half crazy.

"yeah, that's gross..." she is truly disgusted as to how low i have gone with the photo.

"i didn't post any toilet picture, the kid is sitting on a chair and has a dunce hat on." i say as i walk to the screen, mind churning and a wave of cold realization of the fact that i have been hacked blankets me.

i walk over and cheese has the screen prompted to the inner voices blog and "holy what the muh fuck is that!?!?!" took me a few moments to burn through the post, access the proper memory banks and grin ear to ear...

"OOOOOHhhhhhhh!!! you fucker..."

OOOOOHhhhhhhh!!!

just wanted to check my fucking memory, and it seems to be pretty damn functional. not really a guest post, but since you put it out there (not very far, mind you), thought i'd see if i can get into your goody bag. ooooh, what's this i see... 

sneak-attack by denim

ITS BEEN A LONG TIME COMING!!!

so folks, I've been slammed the fuck up a wall with duct tape and glue and cant get a fucking break to do any screwing off at work... so I'm proposing a some one do a guest post here at the voices... i know all of you have been secretly desiring to do exactly that! on most of your blogs i rarely see the words fuck, shit, piss, cock, pussy, anal penetration, etc... etc... so here is you chance to do such a thing. in my comment box lemme know if your interested and why i should choose you instead of another person! i wouldn't edit or delete any of your work and i know there are some readers out there who would love to post a naked picture of a dude or some chic with big giant hairy





armpit or something...


so please help a brotha out and do a guest post for me eh? i hope you guys are doing great and staying out of trouble, satan is watching, err... santa. hey if you jumble the letters up, well.... you.... know....

edit: i guess i didnt mention or have enough time to say i will give out a guest post password open winning.

*flips off denim*

YOUVE ALL BEEN WAITING

sorry kids, im swamped this morning and dont really have any time as of yet! but this weekend was a whirlwind of parties and staying in hotels, singing christmas songs, white elephants, over eating and power shitting... crazy! feel free to tell us all here at the voices something you did this weekend and have people ridicule/comment on your festivities!!!!

i will be back!

TRY THIS....

THIS MADE MY FUCKING DAY... yes its a video. enjoy.

a friend in arms...

there is a gal in the office who is not particularly enthused about the bullshit coming down the pipe here at my work as well. i was talking to her about the "fuel issues" I'm having with our book keeper, err "CHIEF EXECUTIVE FINANCIAL OFFICER" (otherwise referred to as "miss-managed-ment"). i have been submitting my truck rental payment request forms on time and in duplicate (WTF?) ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT THEY ARE TO BE PAID EVERY SIX WEEKS!!!

insert choice words here...

our C.E.F.O. has also deemed my math incorrect and has re-run my numbers and made adjustment to her liking. fucking bitch...

well our other gal here who does the books and data entry has been quietly listening and paying attention to what has been going on with the inter-office politics and doesn't like what she sees. so we re-typed up the month of truck charges CORRECTLY and she has run them through the system. everyone elses truck payments go through every two weeks and now mine do as well.
she showed me "the secret Zack files" and how long my actions have been "under investigation". we had a laugh as we were looking at the minutes from the senior management meetings and how Zack was touted to have been spending well over four hundred dollars a month in gas and compared them to the notations from our gas receipts. ahhhh... $276.86 for the last month i was charging, $301.93 for the month before and a whopping $213.55 for the first month she started compiling the information... does any one see a four hundred dollar charge there? yes?, well you can get a job here, perhaps in management.

so after we tabulated this months hours spent using my truck as a work vehicle we found out that after my many trips for parts, mobile fix-it operations and driver deliveries to and from job sites i used my truck a total of forty two hours this month. not unusually high numbers but a bit more driving than i normally do. so, at fifteen dollars an hour that i supposedly get paid for my truck that works out to....

$720.00

hows that work out better for the company?
i also now have to pay fucking taxes on this shit....
i wonder if this little experiment is working out for them?!?!?!

have a nice day all and enjoy the afternoon!!!

THERES A PARTY UP IN HERE!!!

until i can return there is a party at mjs... feel free to cruise over and invite yourselves in!!! its clothing optional and beware if some one offers you bananas!


i'll be back.

as opposed to?

dont get me wrong here, but is there any other kind?!?!

a post will follow shortly, right now i am going to buy an over priced lunch.... and stone lifter had a funny thing he wrote here...

THIS IS HOW WE DO IT!!!

In lieu of a post or answering comments today you can all oggle my cheese i'm too hung over. click on pics to fully enjoy!!!



edit: photos are courtesy of Evynn levalley.

THINGS YOU DIDNT REALLY NEED TO KNOW!

MEGAN ASKS:

.5. You mean I have to think again?
afraid so...
1. How tall are you? Are you happy with your height or do you wish you were taller or shorter?
YES, very happy with my height. I'm 5'11" tall. cheese thinks I'm exaggerating by an inch but that's what it says at the doctors office. i wish i were just as tall as me.
2. If you could give my 14 year old son one piece of advice, what would it be?
i would tell him to stay at home as long as possible. as much as you want to become a man and do things for yourself, don't. be a boy, a child and enjoy the things that your parents have given you and will continue to give to you while under their roof. stay in school if that's what you want to do. it has many opportunities that you will not find without it...

DR. ZIBBS ASKS:

Do you have any nude pics of old girlfriends you can post?
I have several pictures of ex-girlfriends of them naked. will i post them? no. can you see them online on one of their photography web sites?YES. will i give you their addresses? no... sorry, that's not how i roll.

SUZANNE ASKS:

1) I know your age, but your photos always depict women of a certain age. Is that your comfort zone? Do you ever think outside the box? Yes, I'm aware that's a two part question, but prepare yourself, this is only question #1.
I find that photography of women is more available at a certain age. yes its more appealing to me than photos of very young women or very old women. i think in and outside of their boxes and have a love of photography in general so nude women is only a natural thing for me to enjoy.
2) You drink an awful lot. Why?
you are in a long line of people who wonder the same thing. sometimes i drink to be happy, sometimes i drink to be sad, sometimes i drink to remember and sometimes i drink to forget... but i always drink. is it bad for me? time will tell, is it good for me? I'm still here to talk about it...
3) You're a hard-ass, but also a soft, squishy, kind-hearted fellow. Do you see yourself more as a hard-ass or soft and squishy?
I'm a hard ass. a tough guy. don't fuck with me.... kind? yes, soft and squishy, yes, cheese reminds me of that daily.
4) If you could have any size you wanted, how many inches?
I'm quite happy with what my father and mother bestowed upon me. although i don't have my fathers monstrous balls, i have yet to have a complaint about my package other than "ouch".
5) Who would you rather hang out with? Guys or women?
doesn't matter. i hang out with three women most of the time these days and when i do hang out with men, its usually fairly competitive. so its a win win situation for me there.
6) You're idea breast size?
if the women is comfortable with her own boobs, than so am i!
7) Sunny or cloudy day?
either, the weather doesn't often affect me or my mood. i will wear shorts in the snow.
8) Roses or Cactus? (Or is that Cacti?)
we have a mean garden (as you all know) and flowers abound. i have killed many a cactus, but never a rose.
9) Meat or shrimp with pasta?
meat, every time. I'm not that into seafood unless i catch it myself.
10) If you could turn back the hands of time, what would you change?
nothing really, i wouldn't be here without everything that has happened.

LEAH ASKS/WANTS TO KNOW:

1. Tell us about a special talent of yours.
there isn't a person on the planet who can argue as well as i can. i can turn things around and use your own information against you or for my my side of the debate. I'm smart, witty and a devious fucker, so debating/arguing with me is not going to work for you.
2. Have you ever been to NYC? If so, what was your favorite thing you saw; if not, what's one thing you'd like to do there? And don't say, "I'd never set foot in that shithole!" even if you think it.
i was in new york as a kid and wanted to live there immediately after setting foot off the plane. the favorite thing i saw was when some people got married at the church just before the ceremony of my uncles wedding they came out an saw a limo parked out front and got in. it wasn't for them and the driver had to explain that. when they finally did get out of the car they tried to lock themselves in front of it and "steal it" that was pretty funny.
Okay, if you don't like that one,
3. What was your favorite subject in high school.
i fucking hated anything to do with authority, still do and don't really have any fond memories of high school. i really in enjoyed torturing teachers. i once was suspended for throwing my books at my English teacher and knocking her over. old bag.

SAUSAGE MECHANIC ASKS:

You have been elected to the state legislature. What is the first bill you would author?
do you really have to ask? hahahaa.... stupid people will be given re-training on how not to be so stupid. if after retaining they are still deemed un-employable they will be taken out to sea to look for immigrants who are paddling home made boats ashore and their seats will be swapped with them. if they can make it ashore on their own, then they will be eligible for another attempt at de-stupidifacation.

DAISY ASKS:

spit or swallow?
what ever the mood requires, sometimes there is too much to swallow and spitting is necessary.
do you kiss afterwards?
why not, its mine and on cheeses lips anything tastes good!
why? why not?
see answer above...

KYLIE DOESN'T REALLY WANT TO ASK BUT DOES:

aren't tits your fascination every week?
NO, sometimes i post cartoons. heh heh.
are you a bum or a tit man?
ass man, i love me a nice round bottom!
sweet or savoury?
savoury, I'm not much for sweets at all. i like vanilla ice cream and nestles chocolate chips.
your favourite colour?
black or blue.
where do you live really?
i live in that place in between realities. yours and mine, somewhere in the middle is where i spend my time.
so what do you really think of Suzanne?
when suz first came on to the inner voices scene i wondered why she tortured herself so much by coming here everyday. her experiences here seemed painful, disturbing and new.although... i once told cheese that if i ever needed a thousand dollars i bet i could ask suz for it and she would give it to me. i bet that still stands true even though i have never met the woman. over time she has come and gone and i generally offend her, (not menacingly but honestly and never on purpose) and she tends to get her feelings hurt. honesty is not always the easiest thing to hear for some i assume. i think she is a kind person. i joke with her about being off her meds or needing some and even though it might not be the most sensitive of things to say, its just something i say as a habit. i feel it may strike closer to home than she might let on. so, i think she is a true to her heart kind of lady and for the right man, she is a keeper!
tell me about a moment of joy you have or had in your everyday life?
even the smallest of accomplishments are of great importance for me. when i finish a project or a portion of a project is going well, then yeah, very joyous!

Cece asks:

Does it burn when you pee?
no, not since Jr.high.
Cats or dogs or both?
i like both, but I'm a dog person, you cant throw the stick into the ocean and expect to see your cat retrieve it!
What is your biggest fear?
tough one. i guess it would be something happening to those i love in front of me and me being powerless to help.
If you were stranded on a deserted island and could only have 5 musical CD's with you, which 5 musicians would you choose?
sheesh... hmmm... some techno rave music for sure, i never tire of that shit. something really heavy and hateful, there is always a time and place for that shit too... it seems I'm finding more of a genre thing here. so I'll differ to that, something from each...
Do you like girl on girl porn, guy on guy porn, or girl on guy porn the best?
i like girl on dude porn. girl on girl porn is kind of lame. "oh suck my pussy and ram me with that dildo!" yeah, doesn't do that much for me. i prefer porn where the woman really looks like shes into it as well. not just letting her self get slammed away upon by johnny big dick. if she throws out a hand or two in painful protest every now and then that's a big bonus. dude on dude porn, nah, not for me....

csi and wife want to know:

1) The skies the limit. No cost restrictions here. If you could go out and buy one material item, what would it be?
a local bar. i need to feel like i have a home away from home. it could be something that grows and gets bigger or not. something rowdy for the after work club and it also would need to cater to the family food scene as well. good food, not shit pub fry-er-lator food.
2) Do you have a plan for your life mapped out, or are you living day to day?
life plan? are you two off your meds or something? I'm looking forward to next Saturday! yeah there is a bit of a plan. "save money, go on a trip, buy a house, blah, blah, blah..." none of it seems realistic when you are indeed out there living your life. if i were to change that, i wouldn't be me and wouldn't have all the shit i do today. remember the Garfield t-shirts that said "he who has the most toys wins"? yeah that's me. I'm a toys-r-us kid.
3) Your house is on fire, and it's going to the ground. Excluding pets and family, what one item are you going to grab before you run out?
one item? what do i live on the tenth floor or something? asides from pictures and my mothers clock, id grab the guns. when one has nothing material left in life there is a huge instinct to protect ones self. after having just dealt with several months of high alert fire watching, we know all too well that it is indeed family and pets first.
4) Excluding marathon power sex and animal magnetism, what is your greatest talent or ability?
cheese will laugh at me if i agree with the marathon power sex bit! hahahaa... asides from being a master debater, (heh heh, see what that sounds like there) i have a knack for making those around me happy. "oh you want to do some gardening?" blam here is a full fledged garden to do as you please. etc.etc. i have a talent for motivation when i want to . i have to want to do it though... if i don't want to do it, guess what, yer fucked.

And from Mrs. CSI

5) Your television debut has arrived! Which would you pick? Survivor, The Amazing Race, The Apprentice, American Gladiators, or The Price is Right.
gahhh, i hate television... but lets see here... I've never seen the amazing race but i understand they run around with the partner and find clues and beat everyone else to the final destination without fucking up their relationships too bad... yeah, that's me. bring it on!!!

nations wants to know:
what is your favorite recreational drug and why?????
um, alcohol!!! I've tried everything save for heroin and had some successful addictions to cocaine and meth. spent a summer leaving brain cells behind in a wake of Ecstasy pills and after putting acid into my eyes and over dosing on mescalin i think alcohol and i do just fine! i have a life partner with that one...

mj asks:

How long is it going to take you to get off your ass and send me a photo of your butt?
I've got the go ahead from cheese so its when ever i find the right one! only the best for mj!!

hntr wants to know my biggest fear:

asides from shit happening to my family i would have to say swimming in the dark. ocean swimming is generally fearful for me. scuba diving on the other hand is no problem. love it! i love the three dimensionality it has when you are under water... but swimming on the surface where you look and sound like an injured seal, fuck that!!!

whats seems to be my facination this week.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

there will be a post here shortly, but for now...

somethings just go well together eh?

it seems some of you noticed a post i had up for about six minutes or so the other day and were asking about it. well you were asking/talking about the photo. does anyone remember what the post may have been about? no, i didn't think so! hah! doesn't matter. it sucked ass anyways.
blogging from work has been increasingly difficult these past two weeks and y'all know why. so i will leave up the ta-tas for a little while and then when i get home I'll put up something here y'all can relate to... but until then, witch one of these ferocious hunters do you most relate to? that guy, i think you might be the one on the end... kind of dosing off... i dunno. anybody else?

IM NOT SURE IF THE MEDS I TOOK WERE THE RIGHT ONES

well i took peoples advice and went ahead and got some medicine at our local herbalist here for my eye. it was weeping, oozing, scratching and generally fucking up my day more than it already was and needed to be. it seems to be better after a nice shower and a couple of cold beers. after dinner i popped two or three of these odd gelatinous tabs and am feeling fine. i read the side of the orange carton and it reads "Lysergic acid diethylamide". 

PROOF OF LIFE

I've been gone from here for so long I've even lost a follower. just when posts were cranking up some serious traffic, i stop commenting back, get really rude, and stop posting.... yep, crazy shit. the exact opposite of what most bloggers do... fuck it. 

holidayz went by, I'm sure I'll talk about that later..

work is driving me to that special place i hate so fucking much, that place where i ended up not working for them for six months. id rather lick an elephants anal seepage than go to wok tomorrow.

in other news...

i am building a 170 square foot deck, seven feet up into some madrone trees on the eastern side of our yard and i managed to fill my right eye and socket with wood shavings. even with glasses on. drilling holes while holding the tool directly over your head and looking straight up is only for people like me. looks like i have a black eye. all swollen and puss-y. itchy, scratchy, fuck just plain bothersome.

i know i need some more time on the computer these days and will eventually get around to everyones comments and blogs, but I've been fairly disagreeable as of late and not had much of anything fucking positive to blog about. 

the fucking twat at work decided to try and tell me what my job description entails and how we all would like "that", but we don't all get that now do we you fucking semen incubator?!?!

so no more excuses, i do miss all of you and long to be blogging again real soon... otherwise I'll be back tomorrow and have some serious work related shit to spout off on...

quick: ive had to hit the ground running this morning... broken truck stuck on a mountain top and needs parts. (had to take my personal truck to town, heh heh.) jammed to town and back to the shop for some extra tools and off "to save the day"!!

anyway, how was everyones weekend?!?!? anybody wipe out on a dirt bike? shoot a couple hundred clay pidgeons? build a set of shelves in their shop? have a little too much to drink on saturday? watch the movie wall-e three times? play some rummy? no? well i did!!! hahahahhahaa




i'll try to come back later.

dream jobs

my job is sucking as of late and the upper managers, who in their infinite wisdom are trying to repeal one of the perks i have enjoyed with out question for the last seven years, three years prior to that i enjoyed that perk but from a different pump. anyway, its made me quite pissy and moody this week and an all around pleasure to be working with. i was hoping to catch the one manager that isn't on vacation again today, but even this one has "left the building" early...

not that I'm looking for a new job, but i do dream of a new job from time to time. what might your dream job/s be? any body?


have a great weekend all!!!

im on the new truck look out again

stopped at the dodge dealer yesterday... and there it was... my truck. pearl silver... in all its glory, right in the middle of the lot... many different colors of the one i want but this one was smack in the middle...

picture it...

2008, dodge ram 2500 diesel...

big horn edition.

six speed manual.

factory eight inch lift...

thirty six inch tires, over sized breaks, running boards, sun roof...

pearl silver...

fifty eight thousand dollars.





so i talked with the first sales shark, err... sales associate to come out of the building.

"is this price right?" i ask.
"yeah, its right." he said.
"i don't want to pay 10,000 for this lift kit and tires, that's bullshit. whats your best deal?"
"well we have a deal right now on these trucks. dodge is giving an 18,000 rebate."
"nice, but i want more. i was talking with a dude here several months ago and he said you guys are trying to get rid of these. he was fighting Toyota for my business. he offered me 600 dollars below invoice. can you compete with that?"
"yeah, i can. i can prolly knock off up to 23,000 dollars. the owner is coming in later this afternoon."

we go into the building and i get his card, blah, blah, blah... and he said he was going to call me back. he didn't. must not like money. but with my truck as a trade in and some serious down payment money, i should be rolling in a new truck within the month... wish me luck again... on the dream truck.

pimpage

i've been reading this guys blog... he just started it and it could prove to be quite funny... i dunno, if your bored check it out. oh yeah and picture above is his avatar.... looks like he might have been quite the troublemaker we are used to around here.

WHAT A LONG STRANGE TRIP ITS BEEN...

whew... after a well needed relaxing weekend we decided to have an un-versary by jumping on the motorcycle and heading down to the cliff side restaurant at the end of our road for a bottle of champagne on the rocks to watch the sunset... after the champagne we had a couple of Sapphire and tonics with some of their famous cheese bread.
jumped on the bike and headed up the canyon and stopped at a friends house.
she wasn't home and we headed even further up the canyon.
stopped at another friends house.
he wasn't home either but his father was.
so we hung out with him and he made us some of the most glorious margaritas I've ever experienced. yes, experienced, not drank or imbibed but experienced... we sat around and talked with him for several hours about all kinds of things. he has Parkinson's and is pretty easy going about it. the guy works on his property non stop and was electrifyingly animated that evening. a real good time. we said good night and put our helmets on for the ride home. yes we do have some sense of safety.
we arrive home and parked the bike, had a cigarette and i went in to feed the dogs. some how while i was inside cheese had managed to pull the parked motorcycle over on top of her self onto the pile of lumber. no screaming, no crying, more of a "what just happened?" look on her face.
we came inside and watched the beginning of a movie before we both started to pass out. went upstairs to bed and did just that.
woke up several hours later and cheese is rocking back and forth saying, "owww, ouch, oww, owww, ouchie, oooo.... owwwhh."
i feel her head, shes got a huge turkey egg on it lumping forth and throbbing, she also cant move her shoulder....
yep, onto the hospital we go!!!
down the mountain at a speed that a snail could have over taken us and into town we go...

i wont rub it in with too much of the story but all the nurses and doctors at the near empty emergency room thought it funny that they usually get "these kinds of accidents on a Friday night, not a Sunday night." after several hours and multiple denials for shots of pain meds we head home and go back to sleep on the couch.

cheese ended up with a mild concussion and a separated shoulder, apparently she ripped all the ligaments that hold her shoulder in place apart and asides from a sling there isn't much she can do about it...

i got an extra day off work and helped cheese through the worst of the first day. yeah me!

she is wicked embarrassed and will likely be out of commission for two or more weeks. what might make her feel a little better is if everyone gives us a story of how they have fucked themselves up on accident or a ridiculous story about some one else... have a great week everyone!!!

redirection

todays post is over here.... at the wild onion cafe...  

i'll have you all know...

anybody notice my posts suck as of this week?
anybody notice my comments have been offensive and rude.
I'm sure you have noticed me picking on people that take themselves a bit tooo seriously.
there is a reason for this and i have no qualms about being this way when I'm on my period.
yes, some of you readers may not believe this but I'm sick. head cold, body aches, nasal drips like a surfer on a cold day. and yes I'm fucking grouchy about it. i don't care either...
but i don't like bitching about it non stop and my normal "power through the cold with copious amounts of caffeine and alcohol" isn't working either...

so this will be the only apology i issue for my behavior for the past week and following few days.

now on with the show shall we...


several weeks ago cheese purchased a crock-pot. and yesterday morning she got up early and harvested some fresh veggies and herbs from the garden to add to the whole chicken she had been planning to cook that day in the new device. added all the ingredients, sprinkled it with love and set that fucker on low and left for work.
i found out about it at lunch when i was eating at her place of work. i believe both of us had dreams of that wonderfully potent smell of crockpottery cooked chicken on our arrival home. all those delicious and tender veggies, spices and meat that have been permeating the air throughout the entire day! personally i could hardly wait to get home...
we finished our days work and arrived home at about the same time... i was bringing in a load of firewood when cheese and company arrived home and both of us walked in the house at the same time... noses up and ready for the aromatic pleasures of home cooked goodness...
the girls go in first and exclaim:

"whats that smell?"
"is that diner?"
"is that chicken!? what else smells in here?"

cheese is next to roll into the house with expectations of herby delight and says:

"mmmm, that smells go---ood."

her voice falters as i enter the house with an armload of wood. my nose perks up and i am indeed overcome with the joyous aromas as well, but there is something else that is mixed in and the further into the house i go the more over powering it becomes.

"aaahhh fuck..."

we say almost in unison...

i unload the wood into the iron holder and begin to make my way upstairs where we usually find the evidence of the second smell when cheese says.... "found it! eeewww, oh god..." i return to the lower level of the house and there it is, i should say, there they were, several flattened piles of runny, doggy ass sickness...

yep folks, dog shit... a sick dogs shit... spackling the Italian tile floor. stepped in and tracked about the dining room. all green and snotty and sandy... our normal routine for this event is to play a single round of "rock, paper, scissors" to see who gets the honors of cleaning it up. but this was going to require two of us, due to the nature and consistency of the poo...

i'd go into it about the cleaning portion of the evening if you would like but there is more to the story... of a different nature...

dinner was completed with some brown rice and i cooked up some french bread and homemade garlic butter (no one makes better garlic bread than me folks, sorry. but no, no you don't... not even close, not even your great, great gandmammies recipe is better than mine...). we eat and little cheese clears off the table while cheese cleans the kitchen.

moments later i have a movie qued up for the girls and I'm passed the fuck out on the couch with a beer in hand... I'm woken up with some child squabbling and groggily make my way to the bedroom... cheese joins me seemingly moments later, but I'm sure she has gotten them to wash up, brush their teeth and into bed, complete with stories and smoochies. both of us are off to slumber land by 9:30.

"WHAT THE FUCK!!!! NO!! NO!! NO!!! NO!!!!!

I wake up who knows how much later but its bright out side with the full moon and cheese is bolting down the stairs at mach 8.

"reeetch, cough, choke, reettcchhh, blauthch, cough, choke, purge..." one of the dogs is going for it full blast at the bottom of the stairs...

"NO! NO!! NO!!! NO!!!!, AHHH, FUCK.... OUT! OUT!! OUT!!! OUT!!!! OUTSIDE YOU FUCKING DOG!!!" I hear cheese open and close the front door with a slam...
for the rest of the early morning we fight over pillows and sleeping space (i have a Cali-king mattress with ten pillows so i have no idea how this happens) blankets and alarm clock action...
so folks that was my evening yestarday...

I'm not sure how it happened but that dog got me sick cause our "ins and outs" look about the same... can you picture that???

you have been outed...

from Chester County Pennsylvania!

what do you have?

anybody seen any funny comics or funny pictures lately? im in need of some material for the voices archives. lemme know what you got that i dont.. heh heh...

hello anon commenter!

SO, I HAVE AFTER TWO SOME ODD YEARS OF BLOGGING RECEIVED MY FIRST SEMI-NEGATIVE ANONYMOUS RESPONSE!!!
here it is in all its glory:

Anonymous said...

I guess I'm the odd man out because if you believe what you wrote, then you're an idiot and so are the rest of the hoo-yahs egging you on. But, God bless America and everyone who comprises her.

11:08 AM

and can be found in this post here.

i fucking love it!!!! I'm an idiot!!! can you imagine all the things a person can/will say while anonymous and alls i get is "idiot".. well at least I'm not a "hoo-yah" like the rest of you all...



hahahahahaaaa.....

hey anon! picture below is how i feel about your anon comment....

what woulda happened

Friday i took the day off and got my truck smogged and registered.. i did my town run and went to get my windshield replaced... two hundred bucks, no problem. "I'll be back after lunch." i said. while shopping around i got a call from a buddy who was headed down to my house to help me with a bit of a project. so i called and scheduled the windshield replacement for Monday(today).
as i was driving to work this morning the jackass/idiot/tourist driving in front of me left the road and veered into one of the many dirt turn outs on our highway, throwing up a veritable rooster tail of mud and rocks into the highway. wouldn't you fucking know it but one of these rocks smacked the drivers side of the windshield and left a nice nick in it and brought over even further into my view the existing crack from the passenger side..
now, if i would have replaced the windshield on Friday like i had planned, i would have been fucking pissed. but i didn't, so i don't give a shit. but this is one of the reasons why i haven't replaced my broken windshield. its been five or more years since denims girlfriends head went smacking into it and four Bloody Marys went onto the dashboard... so many moons ago...
sooo... does anybody have a damned if you do story of their own?!?!?

MEGANS CHALLENGE

Megan doesn't know it yet, but this challenge is for her... here is a picture i dug up the other day and sent to denim... i liked it so much i thought id save it and post it some time... well that time is now folks... here is the deal-e-o...

Megan is bored at work and has been quoted as saying " waiting breathlessly for anyone you know to post something new...". so here you go Megan, i charge you with writing the best story about this photo. than everyone else can either write one better or add on to it or concede that you are the best story teller! whatever they please, but yours has to be undoubtedly the best!!

so this is your challenge and since you are truly bored at work you should have lots of time to be creative with this one!! good luck!

"i dropped my pencil...."

"....gimme something to write on!!"

two kudos to the first person who can tell me what song the title and picture caption comes from....


anyway, ill be back. going to lunch early. ummmm.... yeah. just thought y'all might be getting tired of my neo-political views and beliefs...

so... kudos anyone?!?1

im not gonna make any friends with this one either...

first off I'm quite happy for everyone who was a part of history and change... if you believe something long enough it becomes true... here is a list of things i believe in and don't believe in. some of which if implemented into our society would bring on some positive changes... some of them are not reality and therefor could never come true, unless you believe.

i don't believe in a two party system.
i cant believe people registered as independents voted republican or democrat, why would you do that?.
i believe in peoples own choice and freedoms, not what is allowed by government.
i believe all people are created equal, its what they do with their lives that makes them great or a piece of shit. that's what makes us different. if you make yourself a good person, you are a good person and so on...
i believe that systems like welfare and government monies for poor are flawed.
i believe if you are getting money from the government that they should take away your cable/satellite television. go out and get a job, better yourself and be a part of the answer not the problem.
i believe that people deserve a chance to better themselves and their situation and sitting at home is not that path. starting everyday out with the simplest of things gets you on your way. read a newspaper, go out in your towns, talk to people, volunteer your time, learn some new skills while the tax payer is giving your money and food and health care, etc..
i believe that unemployed people need to spend every waking hour looking for a job, asides from eating and shitting. maybe have some time for fucking. but employment and taxes make this country work. not Oprah and monster garage..
i think rich people should pay more.
i think poor people deserve a way to get some training to better their circumstances.
i think an eight hour day is a poor excuse for saying that you work hard. (for most jobs) look at china, japan, Switzerland, Germany, south Africa... many a nation work up to sixty hours in a week to live the lives they desire. other countries work less to have what they desire. its all up to the individual situation... so saying you work forty hour weeks and you deserve something better than someone else doesn't fly in my book.
i believe if you aren't happy with what you have than you need to go out and get what it is you need to be happy, motivate, inspire, dream, work smarter not harder.
i believe everybody has it within themselves to pull themselves up with their bootstraps and become better people.
i believe in the death penalty.
i don't believe our current prison system is a great enough threat to quell the violence in this country
i think any crime gang related should have stiffer penalties across the board. perhaps start by cutting off a hand, then a foot, perhaps cutting off someones tongue may stop them from talking so much shit.
i think if you find something that does not obviously belong to someone else you should be able to keep it.
i think property prices in the state of California are inflated.
i believe that the state of California is the fifth largest economy in the world. we should succeed.
i don't believe this current president will change very much in the next four years other than give people the hope for change that he was talking about.
i believe at there will be several assassination attempts. i don't not want that. but i do believe it will happen.
i believe most Americans are fooling themselves about their liberties and freedoms.
i believe they should teach the constitution in elementary school through high school. not just touch on it.
i believe we are breeding increasingly more and more lazy and ignorant people. not only in this country but on this planet. part of that is due to overpopulation.
i believe a global economy will work.
i believe that shortly the united states of America will unknowingly start the next world war.
i believe we will lose.
i do not believe in god or the bible, i cant. if he does exist my mother burns in hell for eternity and i cant have that.
i believe in less government.
i believe in socialized health care, i think we should be able to get a second opinion.
i believe in the barter system.
i believe that people vote passionately and not necessarily know exactly what they are voting on. this is how i think that prop eight passed. people didn't quite read the prop and what they were voting on. i think they should vote that one again.
i believe in good and evil.
i don't believe that drug use and possession of drugs should be illegal for adults. if you want to fuck up your own life be my guest. this of course does not apply to children and operating a car or machinery. i think that the under the influence laws should apply.
i believe that at some point we will have to grant illegal immigrants some sort of citizenship. make them pay taxes and give them some sort of health care and schooling that they pay for.
i believe we should tax monies and wire transfers to other countries to start paying for this.
i believe no one should be able to tell you if you can get married or not. forty years ago it was illegal to marry a person of another color. now its against the law for gay folks to get married. WTF?
i don't believe in our voting process, i believe a popular voting system better represents our countries needs.
i believe i was born two hundred years to early or two late.
i don't believe in equal rights for everyone. some people (criminals, pedophiles, rapists, etc.) don't deserve those rights. they betrayed them and the rest of the people who fight for them.
i don't believe in fighting other peoples wars. how many Iraqis are going to come to our rescue when Venezuela invades? (hypothetically speaking, i don't necessarily believe Venezuela will invade. but who knows?)
i don't believe I'm the smartest person i know, but I'm smarter than some.
i believe in a zero unemployment America. people used to walk across this country on foot to find food, water, jobs, a better life... its possible even for the poorest, hungriest least educated people to move and find a place to live according to their means. we are a wealthy country.




i believe in a lot of things. i don't know how to achieve them all or how to put them into effect. but i know that anything is possible if you believe.... oh and i didn't vote. remember i don't believe in this government, so voting for the "lesser of two weevils" is not going to work for me... do i care if things change? not really. no matter what happens in this country for the next four years i will survive. i always have. our government will do as it pleases and enact laws to make that happen, regardless of what the people think they have just voted for.



i also don't take myself too seriously with the things i think i believe in. what i truly believe in is much simpler. i believe i am the only one who can make myself happy and that no one is going to do that for for me. i know I'm not perfect and sometimes need help. I'm not here to change the world and the way people think either. i make and change my own history, I'm a leader not a follower, so getting on any band wagon and believing I've done something for the greater good doesn't happen in my life. i affect people around me and in my community by being a positive force. so yeah, love it or leave it.

WHEN TUESDAYS BECOME MONDAYS

photo courtesy of first nations back yard.

the list:
one transmission smoked
one crab steering valve not worky worky
one engine over filled with oil
powers is out
one transformer on fire south of here
no water at work yard
landlord wants help putting his dog down this week
voting is nearly at an end
one day of sobriety (soon to be ending)
one busy fucking Zack



sorry kids, i had this great post planned for today. as it is my six hundredth and sixty sixth post and all. that's right!! 666 posts of inner voices!! but I'm so fucking busy i barely have time to crap out this excuse for a post... but there it is and here i go back to work... have a great Monday!!!

oh and i have some pics of the front yard with all the mud and debris...

what the?

at some point last night we decided it would be more fun to play our game of dice naked. do you know the term party naked? yep, that was us. all four of us sitting around my glass dining room table playing a drinking game naked...

sheesh...

it doesn't happen often, but sometimes when I've had too much to drink too fast I'll force yattle. last night was one of those nights... after drinking an entire thirty pack we drank the better part of a handle of vodka, then we switched to jeager, and finally poached a twelve pack from the neighbor who wasn't home and pounded those down as well. at some point i realized i wasn't going to last much longer with all that alcohol in my stomach so i purged it. i feel like i could go with out booze for a week now.

except...

tonight is a friends surprise birthday party at a bar in town. no food, just drinks... i hate flaking on friends and flaked on them several weeks ago, so tonight is not an option. sitting around at a bar doesn't even remotely sound like fun to me right now... but who knows, after a few cold beers i might be back in action once again...

other news...

a friend from work had her home flooded with mud and debrison Saturday night. she was sitting on the couch watching television during the storm and thought she heard someone knocking at her door. when she opened it to see who was there a torrent of mud and water came flooding in. she grabbed her one dog that could walk through it and hiked up the mountain to safety. one of our boys drove a backhoe through the three foot deep mud flow and scooped her older yellow lab up in the bucket and drove him back through the onslaught of shit to safety...
i drove down there a few minutes ago and we have a team of guys mucking out her house and porch. nothing like shoveling a foot of mud off the carpet eh? two feet of mud on the porch and her yard and forty years worth of rose bushes is three feet under mud, rocks, tree limbs, etc...
we've been preparing for this for weeks and her property was/is scheduled to receive government k-rails this week. (k-rails are those concrete barriers you see on highways.) they are all stacked uselessly at the top of her road... damn....
she is taking it pretty good and even tried to sleep in her home last night. the bedroom door was closed and received less damage. insurance people are on the way and we are working as fast as we can to get it cleanable and ready for the next storm... wish her luck and hopefully the worst is behind her...
so folks other than that little story, i haven't got much for you. we Halloweened it in town at a friends and stayed in the hotel. the highlight was that i got to watch some television till early in the morning. Saturday sat around working and watching movies in front of the wood burning stove. Sunday some friends came up and we went for a hike down to the creek to check on our water system. then engaged in some serious and heavy drinking...
after tonight i think ill take another stab at a week of sobriety! have a great week all!!!