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the sterility of our local clinic

fuck... doctors have no idea what they are doing. local hometown family doctors are not doctors at all. they are health care professionals. if i need my bloody nose wiped or my tummy rubbed i will go to my local family doctor.
the first one of our local physicians stated to me that she thinks i might have kidney stones, sounds good, explains a lot of things and sounds like its gonna hurt but i can deal with that... you might say its the male form of giving birth pain... bring it on right. cheese and i discussed last night and that i would do it with out pain meds...
i go to the ct scan place this morning, (today's pain has increased) and everyone there is nice and "empty yer pockets here" and "lay down here" and "hold yer breath when the machine instructs you to do so", "please wait here" and "the radiologist with be right with you." and so on...
I'm sitting there waiting to talk with the radiologist and this women comes over and says i have a phone call?

its some doctor lady that works in the sur.

"well, i don't think you have kidney problems."
"no? whys that"
"well your ct scan show that you have a large amount of stool in your large intestine, i think you have diverticulitis."
"then why does my testicle hurt?"
"i don't know, i don't think its related."
"what? why is there blood in my urine."
"i don't know, that's not conducive with diverticulitis. besides there wasn't enough in your sample to worry about."
"um, there was blood in my urine, my kidney hurts and I'm supposed to be worried about having a bowel movement?"
"yes, there seems to be a large amount of stool present."
"yeah, i haven't gone yet today and no one told me i was supposed to go before i got the scan. i don't have any problems with that either, its like clock work, happens right after my first cup of coffee."
"well of course you were supposed to. I'm prescribing you some anti-biotics and some codeine."
"don't those give me constipation? why would you prescribe me something that does that when i supposedly have a problem with backed up stool."
"well you should also take a laxative, and ground up flax seeds and cilium husks or something."
"uhhh, correct me if I'm wrong but if i were to have diverticulitis wouldn't i want to give my colon a break and not have a lot of fiber and laxatives so that the antibiotics can stop the infection? and let my body heal instead of flushing out all the things that my body produces naturally to fight of these things. wouldn't i also want to give it a break instead of making it overwork?!?! what kind of antibiotics are you wanting to put me on?"
"amoxicillan and a pain killer codeine. you said you don't like vicoden."
"yeah i have some t3's left at home, i don't like taking pain medications. i still don't understand why my testicle hurts and my my lower back aches and my lower abdomen has sharp spikes of blunt pain. when i do anything other that sit."
"so shall we make an appointment for tomorrow afternoon then? say around four?"
"why, where is the other doctor and why not today or first thing in the morning. and do you think it could be a virus or bacteria, i drank some contaminated water recently. we had some rats floating in our water tank a few weeks ago. i also heavily over medicated my self last week with some over the counter drugs to fight off the flu and so i could go to work."
"so see you tomorrow at four then, thank you...."

click.

WTF is that! i could give her fifty other possible things it might be and i feel like i might be in a better position to diagnose wtf is wrong with me than this women, who has never seen me, touched me or looked at my chart before today!!! guess what folks, not every doctors got every answer right on their exams... and not every doctor know what the fuck they are talking about either.

so according to this lady I'm supposed to jack my ass up with chemicals to plug it solid and then nuke my system with different chemicals to loosen it up and take some pain meds so i can lay down and not mind all the other problems I'm suffering through?

and this is modern medicine?

I'll pass.. i opted not to buy the over-priced broad spectrum antibiotic and the mega overpriced super-Tylenol and bought a bottle of wild turkey instead... (i did buy a bottle of wild turkey, but not to drink tonight... its for cheese... she loves the stuff!) hahahahaaaa...

i tried going into my family doctor's office today when i got into big sur, but they closed for early lunch and the doctor i spoke with was unavailable after lunch due to the fact that "she left after eating." she wont be available until tomorrow at our appointment. the only person there to help was the nurse practitioner. who knows even less about the situation than anyone else.

i fucking hate doctors. i need to see someone who will listen, grope me a bit and tell me what the fuck all this goddamn pain is about!! if it gets any worse I'm going to go mental.... anybody wanna feel me up and perhaps shove a camera somewhere into me and maybe tell me I'm not having any of those pains at all! that my real problems are that the paint is chipped on my truck and i have a tail light out, or that my long lost twin brother has been stabbed in the side and is bleeding to death in a Taiwanese whore house. perhaps its god making me pay for all my bad deeds with his evil voo doo doll of torture!!! may be i should go home and drink some chicken blood and sacrifice a virgin or two and pray to allah!!! i do feel like strapping a bo---

I'll stop, I'm getting even more pissed off right now...