NOT THE ONLY SLACKER

havent touched a computer since last week, until last night. but here i am on my day off up early, drinking coffee, posting for you and me! lurked over at a few of my favorite places and found out im not the only one not posting. so not feeling to bad! here we go!
the skeet shoot went great, loads of people showed up, went through over twelve hundred rounds! damn clay pidgeons never knew what hit them. finally managed to piss off some neighbors! i was so excited about that!
"fuck you too, merry chistmas!!!"
what else do you yell from across the canyon as guns blast behind you?!? we had dads showing kids how to shoot and boys showing girls, so fun! bbqed up a ton of food and passed around a bottle of sailor jerry. quad rides and motorcycles, beer never ending and then dinner. buddy brought up a huge vat of venison stew, buns and homegrown veggies. people spent the night and lost memory capibilities about 10pm.
christmas was sweet, mountains of gifts and games and puzzles. the dirt bike went over great. i left it outside and when all was said and done, i exclaimed!
"holy shit, i think santa left something outside!"
i rolled it in the house and all the other "gear" gifts made a little more sense. suited her up (she was very nervous) and off she went! right over the handle bars! got back on, a few cautious laps up and down the road, then dump in to side hill.
"i need a break." she says.
"get back on that thing and drive it back over here!" i replied.
she did and off we were to the neighbors. where they were burying people in a mountain of spent wrapping paper.
down the coast we drove to cheeses grandmas, she "wasnt feeling well" and we took over cooking and cleaning for her. her grouchy uncle and his girlfriend thing and son came up. they bitched and complained the whole afternoon. (i hate that shit, fuckers, go home if youre not happy.) when they left, her grandma came out feeling "much better" and we partied and drank the night away. made "one for the road" and stopped at a friends house. he was on his way to work(night shift at the hospital) and we had a couple beers with his wife.(also a good friend) cheese was looking a little green around the gills so we split.
pulled over imediately and cheese left some christmas cheer on the side of the highway. and her car. and her sweater... o harm, no foul. got her home and to bed before she woke again. dont remember what i did. but i did find a few more empty cans strewn about the house in the morning.
spent yesterday, doing shit. slept in,(oh, btw, i got one of those eye pillows you strap to your head, get one!!! they are awesome for sleeping in!!!) played about seven hours of a video game i beat ten years ago, and spent the evening snuggled up on the couch with cheese watching movies on her new t.v. (grandma hooked her up!!)
gifts went over well, food went over well, days are going by great. got an email from an ex, lame.
no picture today, im on the mac. no speel check either, same problem as the lack of picture. i'll try to sqweeze some more time in to post more in detail, between scratching my.... and watching movies....
sushi! congrats on the whole edumacation thing!
kay! its me! i can see through the fog of hangover land. i think that will hit tomorrow, as i have been drunk for almost a week!
chubby! congrats on getting marred, er married! your pics are great! love yer hair!
manuel! thanks for checkking in! hope yours were great as well.
b.egg! nice to see a new post! thanks for the kudos and hpe youre doing as well as it sounds!

i know ive forgotten some of you but my back hurts and the coffee has worked its magic! be weel to you all!!!!!

IMHERE CAUSE I SAID I WOULD BE!!!

THATS RIGHT! MY BIG ONE!!!!

ALL RIGHT I'M HERE, i should be working AND i have cheeses daughters in the office... i skipped out for a long lunch and watched cheeses daughters do the holiday sing song, her older one plays clarinet and is in the class chorus as well and even the preschool kids got to sing and dance... fun to watch and listen to.

today we are having a little Christmas end of week thing at work as well. all the guys are to come back early and hang out and drink beer/soda and have some snacks. everyone is wondering where the burgers/hot dogs/tri-tip steaks are... to tell you the truth most of these guys would rather work then get off two hours early for chips and dip. hmm... make an extra fifty or eat stale chips.... guess whats going to happen.

i haven't put any of cheeses gifts under the tree yet, she is better than a blind man when it comes to figuring out whats in the boxes... last year as she opened things, she told me exactly what everything was before she even opened it... punk... so i think this year she thinks she is not getting much... as i said before there will be some finery for her but i was going to take her shopping. not a gift card, but actually be that boyfriend in the store, helping her try stuff on. that is until she gets tooo frustrated with me and gives me the boot, at that time I'll just give her the card and be off on my merry way!! JUST KIDDING, I WILL BE THERE UNTIL WE HAVE DEPLETED ALL THE RESERVES...

other news??? we are going through with the Christmas skeet shooting plans, bout six or seven people and do a mild BBQ. ill have the fire pit set up and spend the early afternoon shooting at anything that resembles a flying clay disc....

dropped the minibike up at the neighbors house until Christmas morning to hide it. i think cheeses girls are equally as good at finding shit and figuring out what they have as cheese is. as soon as i unload it, some of the neighbors friends come out and looky lou.

"dude, uh huh huh, can i ride it?"

"no, its for kids and i don't want you to break it."

"what ever dude, I'll just wait till your gone."

"it has a key, and see that house down the hill there?"

"uh, huh, yeah man."

"that's me, I'll break every finger that touches this thing."

"uh, what? whatever dude, is it a gift or something?"

"yeah for a girl."

"girls don't like that sort of shit."

just as i was getting excited about finger breaking and face pushing in, out comes the ever so cool neighbor. and homie decides to retreat to his dark shadow....

everything else seems to being going well. so i really fucking need to get these last projects done.... happy fucking weekend!!!

funny things that come in a mcdonalds happy meal....

HEY, ILL BE BACK

For those of you who check in here in the mornings, not to worry! didnt drink too much last night and got some decent sleep! this morning is slammed here and ill be back soon to post!!! have a great morning... until then, here is a comic that i thought would get some chuckles for you!!!

TOO TIRED...

HERE IS A COMIC I THOUGHT WAS FUNNY! THANKS FOR STOPPING BY, IM BEAT...

TIME TO GO

yeah, asides from being soaked to the bone, nothing else to do at work today... we have some guys installing tires on the crane now and they are not happy. the "helper" he brought is now grouchy and bent out of shape. they too are soaked to the bone and are having major trouble getting the tires off. the one that they do have on, they cant seem to get any air into... hee hee, i knew those were going to be quite the uber pain in the ass. i told them to bring some tubes to throw in there and inflate to spread the tire open enough to take some air, did they listen to me? what do you think?

enjoy your evening!!!

WOW!!!

i don't know if all of you read my comments. but i recently had a commenter do something completely unexpected. fucking awesome to boot. he has written a poetic version of a post that i wrote this week. and since i love posting stuff about my self I'll post what he wrote as well....

twas the night before the morn
and i was asleep in my bed
yotes in the chicken coop
is what the inner voices said
fumbling for clothes awaken from where I slept
grabbed the trusty shotgun
from the corner where its kept
running out the door to the chicken pen
i went screaming
you fucking yotes better not eat my egg laying hen
dying light in one hand
shotgun ready to report
where are the yotes?
I bellowed and snort
I listened in the night oh what do i hear?
2 dogs talking
one far and one near
I went back to the house
to the awaiting slumber I drift
cheese is giggling
while wrapping the last gift.

Merry Xmas IV. Holler when you can

right the fuck on hntr1018!!! that is so fucking sweet. I'll start writing a post on who you are and how "we" came about!!! it wont be up right away, as i will have to get yer permission to write about you... of course no names... but it will be there soon enough!!! fucking rad man... damn...

just for chaucer's bitch!!!

i was commenting over at chubbys and ran into chaucer's bitch and we were talking about some home made products and cursing. well first nations proved herself to have the largest fucking potty mouth, (and some porn of men on today's post, if anyone is interested...) anyways, Chaucer's was talking about some home made gin and i wanted to know about it! then i tried to post a link in a comment. i suck, it didn't work so i thought id come over here and do it... here ya go! the moment you were waiting for....

WHAT A WHIRLWIND WEEKEND!

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? the weekend blasted by with a fierce quickness, if we weren't in a hurry to do anything this weekend, we weren't doing it. i cant even remember what we did on Friday.... lets see, i went to work... cheeses daughter rolled up after school.... drove home, blank....

so i guess I'll start with Saturday... woke up grouchy as fuck, toilet started leaking from the base... all ways a pleasant surprise. fixed the turkey pen, again. i swear I'm gonna kill something! clean house a little, and blasted off to the white elephant party. arrived and was instantly greeted with cold beer, baked brie, shrimp and oyster stuffed mushrooms, homemade pate and bread crisps, a slew of other home made appies and the smell of smoked BBQ chicken and tri-tip! kids running around everywhere and a house filled with gifts and surprises for all! ate a huge meal, and settled into a round of elephant madness!

at first it seemed to be going bad, gifts no one wanted to steal and one really annoying/ungrateful person. (i was sitting behind her and wanted to whack her upside the head, if i wouldn't have thought she could kick my ass i would of!) then things started heating up! one of the gifts i brought stated to become very popular! and every time some one stole it, it was thinned out a little. (fucking people kept pinching out of the bag!) and the other gift i brought (which was initially thought as lame, a can of fix a flat.) started being traded/stolen regularly! someone brought a "i love my penis!" car air freshener. (cheese ended up with that!) but the most unexpected popular gift was an oldish fire hydrant from San Francisco. it kept going round and round. i wanted it bad! cheese was helping to steal back and forth with two other couples who wanted it bad! half an hour of back and forth with the hydrant, people claiming final victory, only to be stolen once again by another unbelievable player in the game.

the man who ended up with it, is moving to Wyoming to build a western saloon. it will be a fixture there he claims. unfortunately in my half-drunken, food coma stage; i bartered with the man who brought it to give me one as well. it sounded like a good idea at the time, but now I've shook hands for an identical hydrant at way above its playful value...

*banging self in forehead*

"stupid, stupid, stupid.....

drove home, close to midnight and passed the fuck out!

next morning was all about pancakes and home grown eggs, cups of coffee and another day spent grouchy. what a jack ass. picked up cheeses older daughter, who spent the night at the party with friends, and drove up to Santa Cruz.

tried to be very subversive while picking out motor-cycling stuff for me and get sizes for helmet and boots for her young one.

"here try this helmet on."

"why"

"well, you need to wear one when you are on the back of my quad..."

"oh, okay..."

she was blitzed, too many Hansen's sodas and cookies the night before. so, we might have pulled off the ruse. we will see. I'm nervous about it all.

drove back to town and bought a Christmas's tree. its perfect, not big, not tiny, but just right. did i mention i fucking hate holidayz? all this stress and fuss, before you know it, its over, your broke and the dog has pissed on the tree for the tenth time and is chewing on your new slippers...

bah fucking hum bug to you too!!!

put the girls down early and passed the fuck out. cheese stayed awake and wrapped Christmas gifts, just before she hits the sack i spring from my coma and leapt from our bed and freaked the fuck out. our dogs are barking like mad and i think i hear coyotes barking up at our chicken coops! throw on some shorts and a jacket, sneakers with no socks, grab the shot gun and run out into the beginning of the rainstorm. up to the chicken coops and look around with a dying flashlight...

"fuck!"

its the neighbors dog barking at another neighbor dog from across the canyon, half a fucking mile away!!! from a dead sleep, i sprang from my bed and into the sprinkling night for this shit?!?!? i wanted to shoot those dogs anyway....

sorry kids must cut this short... got to get to work! back in a while!

I LOVE ANSWERING THE PHONE AT WORK!

A FEW OF THE NOTABLE THINGS IVE SAID TO PEOPLE ON THE COMPANY PHONE RECENTLY....


"hello, this is Zack."
"um, yes I'm expecting a package delivered there from ups."
*silence...* i didn't reply.
"yes, hello."
"i heard you. what do you want me to do about it."
"well, i am supposed to have a package delivered there."
"you said that."
"well is it there?"
"did anybody call you?"
"ah, no."
"well, what does that tell you?"

*click*

"yeah this is Zack."

"I'm looking for Debbie."

"she is on the other line, would you like to hold or leave a message?"

"I NEED TO TALK TO DEBBIE."

"what do you want me to do about it?" one of my favorite lines.

"how long is she going to be."

*silence*

"HELLO?"

"yes. would you like to hold or leave a message?"

"i would like to talk to Debbie."

*puts angry bitch on hold* forgets to tell Debbie she has a call. ten minutes later:

"this is Zack, how can i help you?"

"i was wanting to talk to Debbie!!!"

"oh, well, she just left to go to town."

*click*

"hello, this is Zack."

"I'm looking for, hal-muutht." in very broken English.

"okay, please hold, it may take awhile." helmuth is our beloved, deceased boss. this was a fucking telemarketer. this guy holds for ten fucking minutes before i pick it up and say...

"oh, hi still there?"

"e-yes.. looking for... halmucks."

"hes dead. would you like to continue holding?"

"yes." dumb fucker holds for a few more minutes then gives up.

and today's favorite, another telemarketer...

"this is Zack."

"yes hello there! I'm looking for the person in charge of book keeping or perhaps who ever is in charge of the phone bills." another fucking telemarketer.

"sure, please hold." they stayed on for a good ten minutes...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FUCKERS!

fowarded this link from my dad.

is this shit real? hard to tell, looks like genuine article from cnn.com but its hard to tell. anybody care to comment?

MUCH BETTER MOOD!

checks printed, bonuses included and i feel better. need to get some work done now. yeah right. hoping to leave work a little early today. well don't need to, but want to. feels like it should be Friday.

this Saturday we have a white elephant party to go to. last years was fun, and this year i think they are having more people show up. almost ended up with the "flavored lube" gift set last year, we were looking at each other with squished faces. praying that someone would steal it.

We don't really ever use lube, perhaps I'm not old enough yet. and flavored? i guess if you have a partner that tastes like shit it would be handy. "how about some strawberry flavor with your fishing expedition?" ugh. did i gross you out? not yet.

well how about this, the couple that ended up with the lube was so excited! they couldn't wait to steal it from me! older, married, young kids.... just thinking about them later on that night made me gag.

"hey babe, why don't break into that chocolate musk flavored lube tonight?"

"oohh, honey, that's sounds great! i wanna smear that all over your hot, throbbing... hey where did you put it?"

only to find out little Tommy found it in his moms drawer earlier in the evening and woofed it all down!!!

aaaahahahhhahahahahahaa, i knew i could gross you all out! eeewwhhh...

that was just hypothetical. but you know the odds are that's happened somewhere in the world. well i do have to get some "work" done today! hope you all are well.

Cheese, please, oh, please!!!

say cheese!

as much as i bitch and whine about how fucking stressful and hard my life always is, how much time i never have to do the things i want and the fact that I'm always so busy, there is is someone in my life that does so much more.

cheese, you are the fucking bomb!!! not only do you mother two wonderful children, you manage to go to school to further your education. where you maintain a more then perfect g.p.a. (WTF? how the hell do you have a 105 in anything, where the maximum allowable is 100!)

you also go to a job where they don't pay you enough or appreciate you as much as you should be.

then you come home to me. fat, old, half-drunk boring me. top it off you keep that incredible M.I.L.F. body in shape and ready to um, err, well let me have my way with you when ever the hell i want!

i don't know how you do it, but id suck your blood if i thought it would give me the power and energy you have. well id suck your blood anyway! you rock!

more funny shit!

i must have read this book as a child

thank you Cher for the Christmas gift ideas! i was a little Leary of passing out some personal information, but i do remember i posted my email address on here a few months back. so no harm, no foul. and whatever, its fucking email right. and i do appreciate good jokes! this particular book strikes me a familiar! i swear i paralleled my life with this fine childhood example of "what not to do" Paddington. thanks again!

SHIT MIGHT BE HITTING THE FAN.

as i sit here and type this, they are printing out our bonuses. well she is entering them into the computer. I'm nervous. I'm pissed. and we will see whats going to happen. don't get me wrong. its a bonus, not a right, not something i should expect. and i get a heap of bonuses through this job. things at work here have been quite iffy and weird as of late. I've been kicking and kissing some major ass recently. I'm about over it. ooooooh. I'm not giving you all alot of information am i? well, too bad. I'm not actually sure how i feel about all that is going down right now and don't know what to say about it. "that's all i have to say about that!"

brain drain.

I've checked everything i can online and made all my phone calls that are work related and now i must go out side to work. rather i think I'm going to go out for breakfast instead. we didn't get back to our house until almost two this morning. the show was great! loudest one one yet! cheese did her best to hang tough, but had to break during the show. her ears were pounding. we got to San Fransisco and found a parking spot, argued with a security guard who was in charge of watching the bathroom in a burger-king. this little fucking man took his job way too seriously.

"this bathroom is for paying customers only."

"yeah, my friends are in line getting me something."

*i wave to my imaginary friend in line and give him the whats up nod*

"well, you must stand behind the cone,"

"oh, i didn't see any sign. my bad."

"well I'm telling you about it now, stand behind the cone."

*standing behind the cone with about four other people*

"now, i don't want you people trashing this bathroom. no toilet paper all over the place and trash. YOU GOT IT?"

"what no spray paint? i was planning to write shit all over the walls. damn."

"grrrrr...."

this funny little black man walks over and gets another cone for me to stand behind. i kick his present cone up a few inches as i bounce from one foot to the other.

"don't move these cones..." he growls at me.

after we leave the comfortable piss/puke/shit smelling joys of that burger king we find a half full bar and try to get a drink. the bartender there was not in the mood to make any money. apparently they were beyond capacity. (remember i said it was half full?)

found another one with happy hour drinks and planted our asses. drank and waited for denims brothers to show up.

went to the show, drank some more, crazy fun people watching and drove home... yeah sorry. end of this post is a let down. i do have to go out and get some breakfast, err. i mean get some work done out in the yard.

going to the tool show tonight!

in case you all don't quite know what or who that is... here ya go. been a few times before and this time I'm taking cheese!!! should be fun! leaving work early today to go home check the chickens, change, eat, whatever and then meeting up with some friends to hopefully carpool there and get either some good seats or prime standing space. its at the bill graham civic auditorium. its a fun venue... smallish, so the normally wicked loud band should at least make our ears bleed, if not blow them out. we saw tenacious d last time i was there. another fun ass show that i highly recommend! anyway, i hope yalls week is great and haven't offended too many people so far, and if i haven't I'll try better next time!!!

THIS IS WHATS WRONG WITH OUR COUNTRY

wtf?

Imagine what this fucking tender vittle's mom looks like. how the fuck do goddamn pets get this big. and why is it popular news! want a happy animal? leave him a tad bit hungry. happy to see you when you get home from work! happy to see you in the morning! happy to get fed. do you think this slobbering excuse for a mouser get up to feed or do they feed it like a goose getting prepped for liver removal? I'd like to smack this cat owner up side his/her head!!!

i know a woman whose last dog died of obesity. i really like this woman, but her pet feeding skills suck. her two other dogs are suffering from the same shit.... makes me sick just to see these poor animals dieing from the inside out....

people, do not over feed your pets, if it doesn't like a particular food, it will learn to like it.

"fluffy only likes wild salmon..."

bull shit! it licks its own ass! it will eat what ever you put in front of it. just wait. it'll get hungry. cat doesn't like dry food, trust me. it will find something it likes to eat behind the house in the field... stop over feeding your pets because you feel guilty about leaving it home for 12 hours a day... aarrgghh...

WHAT A WEEKEND!

I DREAM OF THIS KIND OF HOME SECURITY!!

SUPER QUICK... came home early on Friday, only to find some animal had breached the security of the new turkey pen! both turkeys were not in the cage and feathers were everywhere. the damage done to both the turkey pen and the chicken pen were violent! it ripped 1/8 inch galvanized wire apart like nothing! shredded the aviary wire that was doubled up and hammer stapled into two by fours like plastic wrap on a DVD! it was amazing, it tore into a doubled layered tarp that i had put up as a wind break and roof and left what was left of it in tattered pieces....

my buddy and i started looking around for bodies and saw the bleeding tom (that's turkey for the male.) on my back deck. it saw us and took the fuck off up the hill to the neighbors house. by the time i got up there, their wolf/husky was taking its angst out on it and was in even worse shape. the neighbor quickly caught it and through it into the pen with her Bunny's and pig. feathers, blood and shit everywhere. two freaked out adults and a dog with that special look in its eyes.

back down at the shredded pens, we found white and grey hair, saliva still lingering on pinched portions of wire and tracks leading in every direction. loaded the shotgun and set out...

this is the portion of the story where you are hoping i found the culprit and splayed him open right?!?!?! i wish!

next day was our Christmas party for work. we attended and had some mediocre food and followed up by going to one of our privately sponsored community events. candle dipping, yes we all get together as a town and dip our wicks!!! bring food and drinks and walk in endless circles around boiling hot vats of wax. dip, drink, eat, drink some more, then dip again. kids like it alot its fun to poke fun of ex girlfriends and their new men of the year... one in particular got a little testy. fucking punks eh?

Sunday we got up and fixed the chicken pen back to bullet proof status and retrieved out beaten tom. looking like shit and scared to death. we put him in with the chickens. then the chickens started beating the shit out of him, fucking guy cant get a break right?

buddy came up and we fixed the turkey pen, rigged up a spring loaded door and booby trapped the pen. what was now meant to keep him out will be used to hopefully keep him in. its been reinforced and baited. he seems to come when we are not at home. hoping to catch that fucker when i get home.

I'm a nice guy, if this animal has a collar, I'm going to take his picture of him in the pen. unload 1000 rounds out of my paintball gun on it. (that's 325 feet per second, at five feet! five rounds a second! yeah fuck with me! )i hope this fucking thing gets the picture. then ill let it go, follow him home and politely ask for some restitution and let them know if i catch it back in my pen I'll be wearing it as a hat and enjoying some doggy stew.
if i catch this fucking thing in my pen again i will kill it, slowly.... its got a taste for chicken/turkey and its been back three days in a row. if hes a digger and not in the pen, I'll get him next time.

part of my problem is that cheeses girls enjoy going up to the coops, we don't let them take our dogs for obvious reasons and don't want them being scared to go out into our yard alone... so, wanna get in my pens do yeah, click, click, boom!!!!

hhrruummfffff..

not much to say, shopping for shit on line. i think I'm going to go home early today. don't feel like writing much today either. so you guys are screwed. sorry. i wish lunch would hurry the fuck up. I'm outta here.

nothing new today

i fucking hate plastic holidays! buy this, buy that... sale today! one day only!! if i had television id throw shit at it every time a commercial came on. what the fuck does a religious holiday have to do with buying a bunch of shit for people. when did that all start. who the fuck is Santa Claus anyway?

yah, bah humbug to me too right? its nice to have the week off, its nice to make all those phone calls and go to cool parties, but why do we feel the need to spend money we don't have? i dunno... its troubling.

I'm ranting here trying to get to a point and I'm not getting there. I'll try another avenue.

I'm trying to decide what gifts to get for the girls. i don't want to buy plastic crap, dolls, toys, bullshit. I'm getting her older daughter the minnie bike and all the gear you can imagine. one down. her younger daughter I'm having trouble with. open a catalog and she will point to everything on every page. her little eyes lite up at the possibility of getting even a few gifts. i want to get her a gift/gifts that motivate her, stimulate her. not a bunch of crap she sees other kids having on t.v. or sees in a spamming catalog....

question: what do you get an uber-smart 4 1/2 year old girl who shares a room with her sister? that doesn't have a million small parts for dogs to chew on and get lost.

now cheese... hi cheese! what do you want for plastic revolution day? I'm getting you something nice and refined, but is there anything else. something I've missed?

shit i have to cut this post short. people are breathing down my neck for my attention here. our office manager is out sick and I'm filling in till lunch.

what an asshole, huh, doesn't like buying gifts... its not that. i buy stuff for the girls all the time. trust me, you would want to be my girlfriend with your kids, anyways... we exchange things with each other all the time and i try really hard to keep/make the girls happy and comfortable. so that's my real dilemma, what to get that goes above and beyond all the other things we do. is it about how much we spend? how nice the gifts are? fuck we all know its never about that but wtf? I'm faltering at this post... I'll try again later.

off to drink some beer!!!

going to get out of werk in like ten fucking minutes! going over to buddys house to work on the minnie bike, you know what? I'm leaving right now! i hope yalls day was bearable and evening will be filled with sex and salutations!!! (i hope mine will as well.)

YET ANOTHER BUZY FUCKING WEEK

YEAH SORRY, i know y'all are sick of hearing that shit, but its true... i can give you some fun quick news though. i got a mini dirt bike for cheeses girls, the older one can ride it now and the little one will be more than happy to learn! its a newer Honda 50, so sweet. going to put new chain and sprockets on it today, polish it up and blamo.. actually I'm buying it for me and buying the girls all the necessary gear for it. that way the bike stays at our house and doesn't disappear to their dads never to be seen again! so that's exciting.

in other news I'm shopping for tires. ever since the fucking gas and oil prices have gone up so has the price of everything petrol related. so I'm buying these ones here. I've got a good contact at a particular store and am getting them for $650.50. so fucking cheap for a 32 inch tire. i shopped around locally and was quoted as much as twelve hundred dollars!! assholes. but my Buddy's shop is almost two hours from here. time versus money versus gas.... hmmm... anyway, my stomach hurts, had the old bloody bowel problem again this week. damn portable alcohol processing plant is acting up again, heart burn, nausea, you know when the body says take a break its time to really punish it and show it whose boss!!! hahahahahaaaa. got to go to town and gets some parts, wish me luck!!

where does the time go?

as i have been complaining about all week, its been a tough one. and as chubby little yipster pointed out, i should just "buck up". i know, i get it and as i said thank you.

well i haven't posted shit of any substance for awhile. I'll give it a whack, (not on myself, I'm at work. although thats been done on the clock before...) anyways, here we go.

after Wednesdays feast we had some guys come up and shoot skeet, five hundred rounds, four hundred clay pigeons, seventy some odd Coors lites later, we roll back up to the house and eat some pork sausage stuffed mushrooms that cheese whipped up. enjoy some snacks and head out on a bitchin moto-ride.

fire up a neighboring road that I've never been on to quite an amazing view. wow! on the way up i put my foot down to "help myself" around a corner. smart if i was on a dirt bike, stupid since i was on a quad. a quad with no plastic covers on it. (it looked quite like a mad max mobile!) so i drove up and onto my leg, which peeled me off the quad and pulled off some skin and left me with a nasty bruise! woe is me right? shut the fuck up! quit yer whining!

on our way down we see this dude walking with his herd of goats!

he says, "you know this is private property?"

i say, "yeah, there is lots of that around here.... is it yours?"

"well no, wait.. how did you get up here, through green ridge?"

"yeah!"

at this point bells are going off in my head! i can get up here through green ridge?!?! that adds like eight more miles to this ride!! hell the fuck yeah!!

"well, i thought i heard you guys down there." he points towards the bottom of the canyon.

"we were down there, now we are up here. nice view what?"

"yeah, well, wait. who are you?"

"I'm Zack, who are you?"

"I'm charlie, what are you doing up here? this is private property."

"i thought what we were doing up here is obvious, and this isn't your property either, so whats your problem? hows your holiday?"

"my holiday is fine."

at this point i can tell this guy is going to start being a dick, i run him through the who the hell am i spiel again and give him some vague directions of where, how and who... his goats start trailing away and we wait for him to shepperd them up again before we fire up the machines and rocket down the hill. goat shepperds are assholes in my opinion now.

i get home and I'm in trouble. my "I'll be right back. no, no.. its only a twenty five minute ride." speech before i left hours ago, didn't help to smooth things over for when i got back. i'm an asshole.

after that, we busted out "thanks for letting us steal your country day" dinner. complete with deer steaks, garnet yams, potatoes, carrots, salads, a twenty four pound turkey, pies, chocolate cheese cakes, home made cream puffs, home buns and breads.... lots more alcohol and beer.

i think our final tally for that two days of partying was: eight bottles of wine, three bottles of champagne, six thirty six packs of Coors lite, a bottle of vodka, a bottle of Cointreau, half a hefty size bottle of Yeager...umm.. probably some of this and that smoked and toked but who can remember?

the weekend went by nice and slow, i built an eight foot by five foot coop for our new turkeys, bucked up several trees and split the wood for a friend, yanked out some old black oak stumps and split that wood. tried not to drink too much and sat by the fire alot and watched plenty of movies!

since then the week has been full of shit. had to drive up to Stockton to get parts, bout a four hour drive each way. drive here and there to fix equipment and be the delivery bitch, broke an "easy out" off in an axle bolt. that sucks major ass, actually id rather suck on some majors ass than break an "easy out" off in a drilled bolt.

fighting with the cheese is hopefully coming to an end. we seemed to make nice a little this morning... we will see how it goes, everything is kind of up to her at this point. i think we both just want to get along. I've got to get some food in my belly, and some more coffee, i didn't sleep for shit the last three nights and have been drained out as a result. so i hope all is well and thank you for checking in, I'll be "bucking up" this weekend and have an old friend coming to town, hopefully will get to meet up with her an introduce her to the cheese company.. (heh heh, i just made that up, cheese and her two little daughters... the cheese company.)

note: just as i wrote, get some food in my belly, a buddy rolled into my office and hooked me up with a burrito! sweet!

note #2: im going to try and provide links to the photos i use from now on. not sure how to do that but iguess thats a nice thing to do.

this week is fucked.

sorry people, no posts so far, no news on how much fun it was shooting off almost five hundred rounds of shot gun shells, or how bitchin my motorcycling rides were, or that i met a real life goat herder, no cool stories about our new royal palm turkeys, no funny anything about drunkin driving or stoned walks in the dark.

I'm beat. work is kicking my ass and fighting with the cheese this week makes me not so happy to post fun things on the blog. so thanks yet again for checking in and perhaps tomorrow will be an easier day!

MONDAY MADNESS

SORRY NO TIME TODAY FOLKS!!! Monday is fucking crazy here right now! just waiting for a fax to come in... hope everyone is well and fat. I'll be back tomorrow.

FUCK KANCER!

HAVE I SAID THAT IN A WHILE????

THATS FOR OKAYS KANCER.

WELL, THATS FOR EVRYONES KANCER.

SO,THATS ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT...

whats on the menu?

I've got some friends who love killing shit. only if they can harvest the meat, that is important to them. the other day i did some work on a buddy's truck and when he broke out his wallet to pay, i said...

"bring me some good meat."

so yesterday he comes in with an eight pound antelope roast.

"soak it in milk overnight and it'll be ready to eat!"

"oh, hell yeah!"

cheeses family is coming over for the first time for most of them... and I'll be cooking some dinner. she doesn't get out of class until seven, then a forty minute drive home.. so when i get home its going to be hectic... ready? here we go...

pull into yard, let out dogs, crack open beer, stoke fire, water chickens, collect eggs, water and feed turkeys, (if you haven't been paying attention we now have two live turkeys in a new pen, royal palms, anyways...) bring eggs into house, have a smoke, pull some carrots from the garden, and some early potatoes?, collect a few of the last good tomatoes, get some garden herbs, bring into house, open new beer, brown roast, cut veggies and throw in with roast, take a shot of Yeager, put roast and shit into oven, make salad, clean table and kitchen, let dogs in, feed and water dogs, do the "wipe and clean house" for awhile, get another beer, answer phone messages, set table and make cheese plate for snacks, welcome the first guests, mix drinks/pour wine, drink rest of beer and get another one, bring some more wood into the house, have a smoke, take quickie shower, put on nice shirt, check meat, slice up some zucchini, prep veggies for frying, shell garlic, slice and sear, add butter and salt and perhaps some honey, slice some bread and prep garlic bread for later, drink a beer, chat with guests and kick the fucking dogs out again. pull meat out of freezer for tomorrow, give "the tour" to all the new guests that have never been there before, suggest a round of shots, "no?", take a shot my self and have a beer, welcome cheese home and pass it all on to her, go out side to have a smoke and help people park.

by then it'll eight pm and i can relax... so most of these folks will hopefully spend the night. its a damn far drive to anywhere from our house and its a drinking and driving nightmare holiday! which means breakfast! i picked up two great bottles of champagne to have with orange juice with breakfast. homegrown eggs and bacon. bagels, English muffins or toast. i might be inspired to do some of my famous omelets instead, we will see. and some coffee!! oh hell yeah. then the clean up will happen and the cooking will start all over again! I've invited some folks up to do some skeet shooting round noon, so that should be fun! for lunch i still have some Alaskan crab legs in the freezer and got some wild smoked salmon as well, could be good? no? with some crunchy bread?

then for dinner the neighbors are bringing a turkey, some baked brie, and a pie i believe. cheese got some killer apples at work yesterday and will be baking pie as well. she mentioned something about cream puffs and i liked her sausage stuffed mushrooms idea as well. ill throw down and make smoked wild boar sausage orderves(sp?) and whats left of the salmon with ye another cheese and fruit plate.

i think I'm making deer steaks to sit alongside of the turkey and buddy is bringing some homemade rolls. another monster salad and some purple potatoes. finally some Costco cheese cake and ice cream and pie and fruit.

Costco makes "the best" fucking cheese cake. think we are topping with some wild black berries.

well i smell like shit and can barely sit next to myself at this point. (i spilt several gallons of gear oil in my truck and managed to get it all over my sweat shirt as well... if cancer had a smell, this would be it.) so I'm going to go outside and pretend to do some work! have a happy one and I'll be checking in on everybody this weekend. so don't be fucking lazy and post something!!! I'll try to get some pics together if you do!!

i feel better

yeah, temper tantrum there... my bad! i guess i was hungry. had some killer sushi last night and was having some gas too... so i guess the moral of the story is; if I'm hungry and gassy, don't fucking piss me off. now i have to find those tools that i chucked into the shop... enjoy your Tuesday!

id kill you if i knew you were one of them...

I'm so fucking pissed at the news right now.... what the fuck is with people that kill their own kids? i fucking hate you people!!!!!!!!! aaaargggggggggg... i just read this article and its not the only one CNN has published recently... what the fuck is wrong with you? why is our court system not taking you out back and double tapping you in the head. why don't we have a box at the jail where we throw these shitbags into with fifty crackheads in the bottom and say...

"hey first one to rip his heart out gets a twenty sack!!!"

they lock these fuckers in solitary confinement because they know they wouldn't last a week in general pop. even hardened criminals don't like pedos and baby killers...

i don't have kids, my girlfriend does. but you look like a pedo or a fucking baby killer around me and I'm going push face into the back of your head. we've got enough sick people in our jail system already, we don't need to be spending two million dollars to house these people for a life time! that's if the derelict judge manages to get his head out of his ass and give them life without parole. most don't even serve their whole sentences... good behavior? you fucking killed your own kids you wacksack, and now you are a better person because you spent ten years doing hard time?!?! WTF?!?!? fuck you!!!

I'm so fucking pissed right now, I'm gonna go throw some shit around my shop.

WAITING FOR THE DAY TO END

i fucking love canada!!!!

yeah, end all ready. its been a long day. the higher ups are in a meeting, where they are finally going to discuss buying some new trucks for the fleet. but it isn't really as good as that sounds. because instead of buying some basic, entry level, rubber floored work trucks, they have asked me to price out some brand new trucks for management. now i really don't give two flying fucks what they do, but does management need any more perks? three weeks paid vacation, one week holiday pay, spring bonus, Christmas bonus...aaarrrgggghhhh...

"hey lets buy ourselves some new trucks."

out of the trucks i priced out with the options specified, only one came in under fifty thousand dollars.

"mines got to have satellite radio."

its a supposed to be a work truck, not an image mobile.

"the company i work for makes tons of money! so don't feel bad when i bend you over and don't use any lube, cause daddy need some leather seats! hah!"

but they have their ways and do work alot, with out them this company would have disappeared and poof!!! gone.

in other news....

I'm so sick of being hung over. felt like assapoopoo all damn day. hey! perhaps i shouldn't drink so fucking much everyday. but tomorrow is oaklandgirls sisters 21st birthday. Wednesday we are having lots of cheeses family over, Thursday is eat too much food, and drink too much wine day, then there is... well, Friday.we all know what happens on Friday right, oh and Saturday. probably have to drink on Sunday just so i don't have any withdrawals... so in theory, i have to drink continuously for the next week before i can get a break. uugghhh.. my stomach just turned over and a small Yeager burp worked its lovely way out. enjoy that little bit of imagery.

when i am asleep

sometimes when I'm asleep, I'm an ass. i can be rude and a jerk. especially when i passed out on the couch with a beer in my hand earlier in the evening and spilt it in my lap. oops. last night i guess i was particularly jackasshole-ish. sorry cheese. when i woke up on my side of the bed and nobody was there curled up next to me, i figured id fucked up somehow... jerk. I've been grouchy more often in my sleep. perhaps I'm going through my m.m.s. cycle. maybe i shouldn't drink so much before bedtime... hmmm...

can you tell im bored at work today?

oh yeah, when i die....

i think this is awesome... the only thing i found anywhere was that the mans wife had this commissioned for him when he died.. his wife did it! so cool.

there has been so much death lately, that this is a nice way to see how things might be done. have a great weekend people! and give the ones you love a call and tell them something sweet!
such as:

"i cant wait to get you in the sack, all tied up and ball gagged!" or

"can you bring home some more of that nacho cheese and relish, so i can smear it all over you?" or perhaps this gem...

"i fucking love you woman!" <---- my personal favorite!

seriously have a safe and happy weekend.

MORE ON RICH FUCKERS

so after a week of sitting around with sick people everywhere, not doing chores or cleaning up after ourselves much, i get a phone call when i get home from work.
"there will realtor's at our house in the morning." yeah i bitch about it all the time, but it really was the last thing i wanted to do when i got home last night... clean up the house. douche it. so we did and now it looks like this...

not bad, cheese cleans like a mad woman. on, under, next to, below, she gets it all, throw down the usual "sweep, mop, counter top, vvrroom, vvrroom, vacuum and we were done. watched a movie, took a late night shower, got into bed, ahem, ahem, and passed out. cheese studied into the wee hours of the morning... so today there are people wandering through my house, looking in my closets and peeking into my pantry. opening all my kitchen drawers and cabinets and judging me. yeah, you know they are... so i try and leave them a few misleading articles for them to say "WTF?" to themselves... you can't see in the picture but we have a coat rack by the front door. i have an LAPD hat that i stole from some kwik-mart in Santa Barbara years ago. i hung that hat on top of a holstered .45 with extra clips. (the kind that tucks ever so neatly under your armpits when worn. in the shop i have an air soft machine gun.(i bought it to scare off the neighbor dogs.) and i leave that out in plain site. hahahahhaaaa (i hide the orange tip on it of course.) but i can imagine what people might think after driving twenty minutes up a private road, then two more miles strait up a dirt road, only to end up at some ex-cops glory days ranch house.... hahahahhaaaa.. welcome to hicksville USA rich fuckers...what does one think when they drive to the middle of bumsmack, California? is this your shangrala? 1.2 million dollars of what? any ideas? what would you think if you rolled up to this house and saw it was loaded with guns and dogs and a whiskey still?

UPDATED PIC:thought i should put put one of the bedroom up as well... you know "to inspire the men..." hahahha no, not really. figured i'd put it up anyway.

FUCKING MY SPACE

i accidentaly fucked you bro. i pissed off your girlfriend on myspace. oops. i was just kidding around and got her all fired up. didnt know it was so serious.... aaahhhhahahhahahahahahaha... fucking myspace.

more to come.... i'm leaving work right now.

this is how my head ache feels right now.

leaving work now. have a great day all!!!

SICK...

YEAH, and what of it? i feel like shit. but you hear that alot from me, so whats new and/or different about this time? nothing. except my stomach is running out the back side of me and i have a nasty cough. so imagine a runny stomach coupled with a nasty cough.... ha ha on me.

todays post is here!

well today's post is over here at pink dramas comment box, so id give you a direct link but she doesn't have her blog set up that way. so go there and click on her comment box and I've left a decent size post over there... (I'm so wacky) it was a response to a comment i left.... that and I'm wicked busy today so i thought id at least find a way for you all to read something!

sorry kids not feeling it today

kind of bored, tired, lazy today. got up went to town, drove over to Salinas to pick up some parts. i fucking hate parts people sometimes...

"yeah, that ain't gonna work." he says.

"but, its what i want. so can i have it?" i reply.

"sure but it ain't gonna work."

"you said that already. how much?"

"i dunno why you want it, you need to have a Parker crimping machine for these fittings."

"no i don't, i have the collets for these fittings that work on my machine, i can do it just fine. i need six of these one here."

i show him a sample of a busted fitting.

"six?"

"uh, yeah. i said i need six.....please."

"well, they ain't gonna work. but, I'll sell them to you. you need the Parker crimping machine."

"yes, you said that as well. now i need some of this hose here."

i show him a piece of hose that i brought in off our broken excavator.

"we don't sell that hose, that's Aeroquip, we sell Parker."

"no shit?"

"yea- wait what?"

"yes i need some of this hose here, i understand you sell a different brand, i need something with the same P.S.I. rating, i don't care what the bend values are, i just need fifty feet of it. I'll retrofit it all in the field."

"yeah but, we sell Parker, i cant look up Aeroquip numbers."

"you can't cross reference the numbers?"

"no."

"why not?"

"that's in a different book, it's a pain in the ass. why don't you go to delta rubber, they sell Aeroquip."

"because I'm here, not at delta rubber."

"well i suppose i could just guess."

"what? no, i don't need you to guess, i need you to get me something comparable to this hose here and that will fit with your Parker fittings... please."

"uh..."

wanders out back for a while... comes back to the front counter.

"yeah, i dunno why you want me to look for this stuff, it ain't gonna work."

"are you kidding?"

i call delta rubber, give him the numbers and they say they have 45 feet.

"okay, so delta has the hose, can i get a tag for these fittings please?"

"why don't you just get them over there?" he replies.

"i work for blaze, B.L.A.Z.E E.N.G.I.N.E.E.R.I.N.G. in Big Sur. thanks."

i didn't wait for a tag, i took the shit off the counter, stuck it in my sweatshirt front pocket and walked out. WTF?

i roll over to delta rubber, and buddy at the counter says,

"hey Zack, wassup? you really pissed off those guys at CSC. what happened?"

"idiots, they don't want to make any money."

"they are pissed, they called. they want you to go back over there and sign the tag."

"never mind that, do you have these fittings?"

"yep."

"how about that hose i called you for?"

"ready to go."

"sweet, can you call those fuckers over there and tell them they can come and pick up their fittings. I'll leave them here on your counter. is that cool?"

"sure man, whatever. I've never even been in their store."

so i finish my town run and get back to the office and i have a note from George at CSC.

"sorry about the confusion. we would love the opportunity to serve you better in the future. George CSC vice president."

gal in my office, "what did you do?" looks at me with those questioning eyes that only a mother could have. felt like i stepped on her flower garden or something.

"i fucking hate Salinas..."

p.s. thanks to my dad for todays picture.

IDIOT

"I'll take two ass poundings a day with my jail sentence please!"

YEAH BURN BITCH. ya just couldn't stop being a retard, could you. just fade away into obscurity... yah had to go and do some other stupid shit, while being recorded, with a bunch of shit lips who aren't gonna take the fall for you... yep, dumb as you look. you deserve it!

funny review

reading some reviews of restaurants here in big sur i stumbled upon one for nepenthe that made me laugh... and fuck if i can find again to give you all the exact link but he called the staff there "hippy-redneck hybrids".

i have to tell you i love it! that's what the majority of the people that live here are. concerned about recycling, yet hunt for their own meat. like watching the sunset while shooting off guns and drinking shit beer. solar powered home, complete with underground bomb shelter... what more could you ask for, the combination of all that is good about America!

it took a fucking tourist from whothefuckknowswhere to coin the phrase, well at least that's the first time I've heard it. three cheers for the hippy-redneck hybrid in us all!!!

p.s. blogger doesn't recognize the word, hippy. but it does know redneck. hmmm...

a few more thoughts

just had a few moments before i head home for the evening and i thought id leave you all with a little something. we recently had a member of the community try and kill himself. its the anniversary of his fathers death and its been hard for him. not to mention that any time he drives to town he can see where his fathers last moments where, right there on that turn in the highway.

this friend, cheese's cousin took a gun to his head. the squeezing of the trigger must have changed the angle ever so slightly and the bullet went through the roof of his mouth and out his eye.

hes stable and in the critical care center in San Jose. where and what he does after this only he knows...

but here is my thought. I've been there, been suicidal and been around suicidal people before. its hard to tell and hard to know whats going on the minds of the uber depressed. but if there is ever anything you see or think you can see, let them know that's really not an option. yeah it sucks ass when you are wrong, but id rather be proven wrong than have thought about it, done nothing and then be proven right.

just let them know they are "not alone". that's where a lot of that anguish goes, they/we feel alone...

that's all i would ask for anyone to do for me, so i would ask that you take the chance of looking like a fool and reach out to those who might be at risk....

i'll be fixing the four wheel drive solenoid while you look for something new here to read.

ha, longest title to a post on here yet, see something new. yeah got to get to up the hill to 'fix' the jd310e. have a great morning!

IM A WORTHLESS AMERICAN CONSUMER!

YEAH I WANT THIS TRUCK!

Yeah, worthless, you can find it here. i know you want one!!! i can almost afford it! yeah, i know... its a first year model, and its got some high miles on it. those tires would be real expensive to replace, but wtf is the difference between this and a Yukon Denali or Suburban or Chevy Tahoe? it is a chevyfuckingtahoehummer2! yeah, fifteen miles a gallon when it was new.... where the fuck are the diesel ones... i would be so trashy in this truck. the first thing i would do is hit it with a hammer, hahahahaaaa "my hummer would be hammered"

i also think that would be a great t-shirt... "hummer, you know you want one..." (dual meaning sort of a joke you know? get it? get it?)

man! it even comes factory lifted! not like this asshole seen below.

either way i look like a complete jerk... but how much fun would that be to roll up in some ridiculous hummer? wet dreamy I'm sure you feel the same way!