Friday, May 09, 2008

WHATTHEFUCKJUSTHAPPENED

3:45 p.m. Thursday...

the office phone rings.

office manager picks it up. (she has been on the phone all day back and forth with a mutual friend of ours. her best friend. her husband has been fired from his job this morning due to problems associated with his alcoholism. his third job in five years.)

"hello..." she shrieks and starts sobbing uncontrollably.
"oh, god, oh god... have you called 911?"lets out a scream of shear terror.
"I'm coming, I'm coming... okay? call 911!" she collapses in her chair and instantly springs back up.
"whats going on?" says the uber boss.

i jump up from my desk and grab our office manager and say lets go. that conversation to me meant one thing only...

"he's hung himself! oh my god, oh my god... i have to go, oh my god, what the...." her speech trails off and her legs almost give out from underneath her. "oh my god..." these are her very best of friends.

we walk out in each others arms and i help her to her car. we are a three minute drive from where we need to be.

"I'll take care of it, can you shut off my computer?" i say as i close the passenger door to the uber boss who is still standing in the office doorway.
"i cant close the office we have a meeting in ten minutes. i cant go with you! is that all right?" he replies with a cracked tone.
"everything will be handled, I'll call shortly." still in motion towards the other side of the lexus.

i jump in the car and she is wringing her hands and has entered the first stages of shock. seconds later we are turning onto the highway and the suv is being pushed to do things its never been asked to do before. i put my hand on her knee and say nothing...

"that coward! why would he do something like this. she was getting him help! he was supposed to leave tonight....she was helping him..." she trailed off and her anger turns to fear.
"oh my god, what is she going to do?!? oh my god, what is..." her eyes well up and she turns angry again.
"fucking coward, this isn't how its done.... she was going to get his job back....everything was going to work out!"

we turn into the park and blow the stop sign at the kiosk. two very unaware park aids don't even notice. we triple the allowed speed limit into the employees only area of the park. this is where there is housing for some of the parks staff. drive around the family enjoying their casual stroll and give them a polite but alarming series of honks.
left turn into the housing area and pull up behind the first ranger to get on the scene. she was just getting out of her patrol vehicle. we jump out of the car and start towrads the house. we hear a muffled shriek and our friend comes running out of the garage...

she was not screaming, not crying, just wide eyed and shaking... shaking like I've never seen anyone do before. this woman, our friend had lost the ability to control anything...
"oh god, oh god... what... oh god, i need, oh..." she repeated for over an hour... we made a series of quick phone calls and got some more of her friends on their way.
the ranger went in and out once... got on her radio and our volunteer fire dept. chief assistant, showed up. i believe these two woman cut him down. two more rangers came to the area and exhibited the worst of human behavior possible. I'll be writing a letter. but that's not the point.
as we were outside trying to "just be there" for the woman and get her back into the planetary world, they chief ranger walks past with the defibrillator machine...
"ladies, lets get into the house. we don't want to hear this."
"no, i don't want to go in... yes i, oh god... oh Jesus..."
"yes, ladies" i turn and nod the the woman who i drove here. "we will be going inside through the side door now."
she understands this means we are at least moving from ear shot of the machine.. as we go inside i hear the beginning of the automated instructions from the machine.
"place paddles on sides of chest area.... waiting, charging... when ready depress triggers..." in its most polite and calm auto-mechanical female voice...
once inside i found some cups in a glass fronted cabinet. my idea was to get her to focus on one thing, give her something to concentrate on, bring her back into the now, anything other then reliving the last moments. keep her moving forward.
another one of her friends arrived, the ranger denied her entry into the home. i saw this through the window and went out to bring her in.

"excuse me, we will be keeping this area clear!" the young blond ranger stated.
"that's great, we will be going inside now. thanks." i looked him straight in the eye and moved him back with out touching him...
"no you wont, this area is closed." he puts his hand out to stop our forward progress. another ranger walks up motioning his hand towards his bat belt.
"i just came out of the house and I'm bringing this woman in, WE ARE GOING INSIDE." i put my arm out to move him aside.
"this area is remain clear and you will not..."

i interrupt him.

"we are not going in the garage, we are going into the home and you will move."

the friend speaks through her tears and says... "we are going in to the house now get out of the way!" she is now losing it as well.
the officer who had his hand on his belt puts a hand on the other rangers shoulder and moves him out of the way.
he politely says, "yes, you may go into the residence."
"no shit? thanks."
"whats your name, whats your name? where do you live, i need your information..." i close the door behind us and fetch a third glass of water.....



in the short hours that i stuck around doing what i could, i went across the parking lot to a friends house and told them what was happening. its close quarters here and lots of people are like family. we made lots of phone calls and told some of the people who needed to be in the know. other folks were asking what was happening and about all i could muster was.... "they are having some family problems right now and the rangers are acting like dicks... i wouldn't try to bother them." the laws of three were not fulfilled like i had hoped. this was our second death this week and oddly enough they have the same first names.....

17 comments:

Leah said...

I know you weren't thinking of yourself, and you're a totally awesome friend, but still, that must have been really hard on you...

denim said...

and like an asshole, i still show up. didn't get the 'bbq canceled' text.

fuck.

neighbor was mentioning the ranger being a dick. what's with that guy? he's supposed to be setting the example, isn't he?

way to be the man, though. you're good with that shit. send my best to office manager.

oakland heidi said...

Mike Mahoney died this week too. Of cancer. My momma called to tell me today. Breaks my heart.

Three.

I'm so glad you were there. You really do have a gift for such moments.

Love you so much. Love Cheese and her pretty little ones.

The poor families. I just want to hug everyone and never let them go.

INNER VOICES said...

leah, wow, thank you... yeah i dont factor myself into the equation here. ive got the iron skin on today. i'll process this all sometime next week when ive got a moment alone. saturday im going to the memorial of our other friend who died monday from a stroke... sunday is a very important day at our house and will be treated accordingly... then monday back to work, like a machine...

denim... dang, yeah he didnt send out the "no bbq" text as he should of... i bet you walked into quite a scene, when we left they were establishing time of death and all that.... that ranger was the epitome of rangerdom... a fucking twig-pig weilding his mighty branch of thorns... thanks for the kudos man, it means alot to me coming from you dude...

oakland, with all this weeks hub-bub i had forgotten about mike mahoney... thats fucked, im an ass... i think his memorial is this week sometime no? but that is an eerie thing, three mikes, all in big sur... *secretly glad my name is not the same.* i pass along the love and cheese will read your comment soon im sure. and thank you too for your appriciation, i remember talking with your family not too long ago.... love you back...

Suzanne said...

Zack,

I just want you to know I'm so sorry for all of you. I'm truly, truly sorry. You're a wonderful friend to those who love you.

I'll ask Kylie and her dad to say a prayer for all of you. You know I'm not religious, but I'll say a prayer too, and it will be that you all find peace.

Much love,
Suze

kylie said...

you handled it like a pro, zack....
you can be proud
as suze said, she asked me to write a prayer for you...i hope you're comfortable with that
take it easy
xxx

Suzanne said...

Thanks Kylie.

XO

bindhiya said...

Dear Zack,

Suze send me to say a prayer for you..
I'll be praying for you and all the families involved...

bindi

CSI Seattle said...

Hand shake/half hug to you.

What a stressful situation. I am sorry that you had to deal with the hassles you did, but I am glad that you were there for your friends. There are no easy solutions to such a tough situation.

Enough said.

Robyn said...

Oh dearest Inner Voices!
My god! I am so very sorry! You were a wonderful man to someone very much in need. My heart aches for her and you...well hell all of you! You are in my thoughts and I am sending you lots of hugs and warm thoughts your way! Take care friend....
Hugs,
Robyn

Mark said...

G'day Zack,
You don't know me but your friend Suzanne told me to get on over here and give you some support. I thought that you handled the whole thing very well. You truly are a wonderful man. You were confronted with a very uncompromising situation and yet you stayed around to help your friend and make sure that she was okay.
I totally understand your frustration towards the rangers - but heck I bet they didn't exactly enjoy it either.
Not sure if you are in any way religious; but I will be praying for you and all involved at this sad time. Stay cool, man.
Remember we are all here to support you in any way we can.

Cecile said...

Zack,
My heart goes out to you and your friends. I wish there were magic words that could be said to take some of the pain away, but unfortunately the only thing I can do is offer you my friendship to help comfort you through this time. Please take comfort that we all love you and anytime you need a smile or a laugh, we will be here.
With love,
Cecile

Gig said...

Zack,
I am so sorry for everything that you have had to go through this past week. Like everyone else I wish I could ease your pain and grief by waving a magic wand. Just know that we all are here for you. I will continue to keep you all in my thoughts and prayers...take care...your friend
Gig

Suzanne said...

Thinking of you and your friends this Sunday. We're all here for you.

Happy Mother's Day Cheese.

XO

cher said...

oh zack, that is just awful. how horrible.
i love how you handle yourself. i really do.
you are a great man. and an amazing friend. You've shown that over and over.

i have way too much catching up to do on your blog. and i can't really right now. but you will be happy to know that you are the only other blog i've looked at today besides my fake baby's daddy's, of course.

INNER VOICES said...

SUZ, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, TWAS A VERY LONG DAY AND WEEKEND... (arrrgh caps!)anyway thanks for the words.

kylie, thanks for the thoughts and prayers. no it doesnt bother me at all, just dont get any on me... ahahahahaaa....

bindi, thank you very much for stopping by. i know that some of the family members are of the religious nature and appreciate all your thoughts and prayers...

csi, thank you too for stoppping by and your kind words... you are right there are no easy solutions, just buck up and keep going. when people are intoxicated and commit suicide there is no reason to it...

mark, welcome to the voices and thank you very much. i wish i could forward this comment box to my friends families. you all have had such positive things to say... thanks again!

cecile, very thoughtful words, thank you and i know that if it were ever to be me i know that i could count on the lot of you to be there....

giggles, let me knoe if you ever find a magic wand, i'd love to wave it around as well! thank you for your thoughts and i'll do my best to pass on everyones prayers and words...

cher, welcome back and thank you too! its an interesting world here in the bloggosphere. you guys are all awesome....

INNER VOICES said...

ROBYN, i didnt forget you! thank you too for thinkingt of me and my friends and taking the time to check in and say something nice and encouraging!!! you too are very thoughtful and understanding!!!