Wednesday, May 28, 2008

HERES IS WHATS FUCKED ME LAST NIGHT


9:45 P.M. the Safeway grocery store...


"that will be $528.37 sir." the cashier says after twenty minutes of small talk while she tags and bags my items. i asked that there be no glass in the same bag as other glass items and to double bag in plastic. i live far from the comforts of paved roads and the shit spills out hells bells and breaks if its not bagged securely.

i slide my check card through the machine and tune out thinking of the ice cold beer I'll be drinking momentarily on my way home....


"sir,it was declined.. do you wanna try again?" she wakes me from my day dream.

"uh, what... funny, perhaps it didn't read it." i rerun the card. at this point there are people in line unloading their groceries behind me.

"still didn't go through.." she says, shes not annoyed just wondering what the fuck I'm going to do next.

"can you hold the tag open for a few minutes? I'll be right back!" i step outside and reach into my pocket to look at my bank statement i just received after depositing a paycheck, well over two thousand dollars with seventeen hundred immediately available.... WTF? is going on. i run across the street and hit the b.of a. atm machine and check my balance. its says the same, i dial the "24 hour" customer service number and talk to a representative who tells me that she will transfer me. its now 9:50 ish...


i hold...

and hold...

and hold...


i go back into Safeway and use their phone to call the number back on another line... i now hear an automated machine tell me my checkcard has been turned off due to "suspicious activity".



um, what?



then it proceeds to tell me that their business hours are from seven a.m. to ten p.m. i look at the wall clock in the store, it 10:11 p.m. and my cell phone tells me to "keep holding... a customer service representative will be with me shortly."


click. and my cell phone dies, its been beeping at me for half the day... several phone calls to cheese (who is at home in bed) from the safeway courtesy phone and I've convinced her to drive my check book half way to town. i fly back to big sur and retrieve my check book and cell phone charger and jam back to town...

they have to re-ring everything, that means un-bag and ring up and re-bag five hundred dollars worth of groceries...

"I'm sorry, our system wont let us take your check!" we both laugh at my good fortune. at this point I'm falling down. "I'll call the manager" she says. at this point I've attracted the attention of several other store employees I've seen for the last ten years of shopping there.

"you have never written a check this large here before.." the manager says as she looks me up and down. I'm fresh from work with a quick stop at the bar for a drink with friends.


my eyes start to redden and I'm looking for something to hit my self in the head with...


"but i know you and we will allow your check."

"thank you very much, is it possible to write it for twenty dollars over? my fuel light came on when i was on the way to pick up my check book and the chevron across the street doesn't take checks..."

"no."she turns and walks away... so after they re bag and pack up my cart the three women who are left standing there empty their pockets and give me all the money they have...


eight bucks...


i wouldn't have made it home with out it... i have three crispy fifty dollar bills in envolopes waiting to leave with them next time i go shopping. it was finally past 1 a.m. in the morning when i unloaded the stuff from my truck into my kitchen....


i drove to work on a gallon and a half of chainsaw mix this morning... needless to say it was smoking real good by the time i pulled into the office after four hours of sleep. I'm mid way through a sixteen hour day today...



I'm switching banks on Monday... their reply this morning was it was part of my security service plan, that no they couldn't turn it off and its a "favor", a mother fucking "favor" to me that they have these security measures in place...


fuck bank of America.... this is the third time this has happened to me with this bank....its no wonder they lost thirty three billion dollars last quarter.

12 comments:

denim said...

i thought that sounded a bit like deja vu. that blows homes, don't know if wells will be any better for you though i haven't really had any major problems yet (knock on wood).

damn dude. that is quite the story though.

MJ said...

*takes note of flavour choice*

INNER VOICES said...

W.A.M.U. baby... free everything... im there... good to chat last night!

INNER VOICES said...

got to love the flavored soup mix eh!

Random Chick said...

I hate banks. They suck. That's why I just go to ATMs and try to never deal with "banks."

Hope you get it worked out.

Just Bob said...

When my bank was acquired by B of A, I immediately moved my money elsewhere. I'd heard too many nightmare stories about them. That's a lot of work for groceries.

Just wondering if that's a creamy soup mix???

Mr. Shife said...

Holy shit. That is some bull shit. Man oh man I don't know how you remained that calm. I think I might have punched someone in the neck a few times. Hope things have improved for you this week. I will be sure to give B of A a nice salute on my way home in your honor.

Random Chick said...

Where the F*ck are you???

hnter1018 said...

I do believe IV is currently at B of A bringing them to their knees. Once there he will head to safeway and discuss their inability to give him an extra $20 when he needed it.

I like the line.."you've never written a check this big before" seems to me any time you spend more than you did before then they could deny your check. Nice policy.

Good Karma for the ladies who helped yuo out. There is still good int he world

shelaghayan said...

This has nothing to do with banks but still mildly disturbing, and as my neural firings are spastic at the moment, I couldn't get my shit together and find your email address, so... right. No idea where I'm going with that. Gene Simmons and Condi Rice? Scary.

http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/Gene-Simmons-Stockholm2C-Sweden/photo//080530/482/a31bff7e35814370a197b75937f3d6fc//s:/ap/20080530/ap_on_en_mu/people_rice_kiss;_ylt=AvIYVD7FxfX3B3BpvnrToSYnHL8C

Old Knudsen said...

All that and you dress funny, I feel yer pain lad.

MJ said...

When is Zack coming back?