HERES IS WHATS FUCKED ME LAST NIGHT

9:45 P.M. the Safeway grocery store...

"that will be $528.37 sir." the cashier says after twenty minutes of small talk while she tags and bags my items. i asked that there be no glass in the same bag as other glass items and to double bag in plastic. i live far from the comforts of paved roads and the shit spills out hells bells and breaks if its not bagged securely.

i slide my check card through the machine and tune out thinking of the ice cold beer I'll be drinking momentarily on my way home....

"sir,it was declined.. do you wanna try again?" she wakes me from my day dream.

"uh, what... funny, perhaps it didn't read it." i rerun the card. at this point there are people in line unloading their groceries behind me.

"still didn't go through.." she says, shes not annoyed just wondering what the fuck I'm going to do next.

"can you hold the tag open for a few minutes? I'll be right back!" i step outside and reach into my pocket to look at my bank statement i just received after depositing a paycheck, well over two thousand dollars with seventeen hundred immediately available.... WTF? is going on. i run across the street and hit the b.of a. atm machine and check my balance. its says the same, i dial the "24 hour" customer service number and talk to a representative who tells me that she will transfer me. its now 9:50 ish...

i hold...

and hold...

and hold...

i go back into Safeway and use their phone to call the number back on another line... i now hear an automated machine tell me my checkcard has been turned off due to "suspicious activity".

um, what?

then it proceeds to tell me that their business hours are from seven a.m. to ten p.m. i look at the wall clock in the store, it 10:11 p.m. and my cell phone tells me to "keep holding... a customer service representative will be with me shortly."

click. and my cell phone dies, its been beeping at me for half the day... several phone calls to cheese (who is at home in bed) from the safeway courtesy phone and I've convinced her to drive my check book half way to town. i fly back to big sur and retrieve my check book and cell phone charger and jam back to town...

they have to re-ring everything, that means un-bag and ring up and re-bag five hundred dollars worth of groceries...

"I'm sorry, our system wont let us take your check!" we both laugh at my good fortune. at this point I'm falling down. "I'll call the manager" she says. at this point I've attracted the attention of several other store employees I've seen for the last ten years of shopping there.

"you have never written a check this large here before.." the manager says as she looks me up and down. I'm fresh from work with a quick stop at the bar for a drink with friends.

my eyes start to redden and I'm looking for something to hit my self in the head with...

"but i know you and we will allow your check."

"thank you very much, is it possible to write it for twenty dollars over? my fuel light came on when i was on the way to pick up my check book and the chevron across the street doesn't take checks..."

"no."she turns and walks away... so after they re bag and pack up my cart the three women who are left standing there empty their pockets and give me all the money they have...

eight bucks...

i wouldn't have made it home with out it... i have three crispy fifty dollar bills in envolopes waiting to leave with them next time i go shopping. it was finally past 1 a.m. in the morning when i unloaded the stuff from my truck into my kitchen....

i drove to work on a gallon and a half of chainsaw mix this morning... needless to say it was smoking real good by the time i pulled into the office after four hours of sleep. I'm mid way through a sixteen hour day today...

I'm switching banks on Monday... their reply this morning was it was part of my security service plan, that no they couldn't turn it off and its a "favor", a mother fucking "favor" to me that they have these security measures in place...

fuck bank of America.... this is the third time this has happened to me with this bank....its no wonder they lost thirty three billion dollars last quarter.

nice

go here and read this... someone saying nice things about me... im beaming and it has made my day!!!

WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT?

kids, sorry about having the same post up for five days now, but I'm cranking busy... "yeah yeah" , you say... "whats new about that?" this is the week of the beginning of the crane tear down... I've got cheeses dad, aka "the big cheese" coming in on Thursday and need to have everything ready for the transmission removal...

and just in case you thought you were productive this weekend I'll remind you that i hauled eight hundred pounds of dirt five hundred yards up a mountainside by hand, cut and bucked seventeen trees, saved our ailing male turkey, entertained friends and cooked omelettes, drove children to and from, got drunk several times, took cheese on a motorcycle ride, cut a nice slice into my calf with a broken madrone branch, and saved the planet...

so yeah...

I'll try to be back later this afternoon, until then lets hear what you did this weekend!!

whats with that?

recently there seems to have been a surge of idiots and posts about idiots in bloggger world... for instance iksodas wrote a post about commenter's who would not get the fucking point... its a good post, better than this one will be so go and read it. several times in "the voices" lifetime there have been some commenters who just piss me the fuck off. there is a right way and a wrong to conduct yourself here. on every blog for that matter. the world of anonymity is not your licence to act like a fucking child.

when i have found a new blog i like, i lurk. i come out of the closet and make comment that pertain to the postings... i don't try to fit in right away and definitely don't take liberties not given to me. i wouldn't walk into the barbershop in l.a. and say "yo, wot up nigger?!?! lay me some skin and hook up the fade.." that would seem a bit out of place, no? but if it were a place id been going to for a long time and perhaps spoke/saw/interacted with the owners of said barber shop outside of that environment i might feel a little better about busting out some lingo like that...

chubby little yipster wrote a great post about it not too long ago as well. "Don't Act Like A Dick" is what she said. why is that so hard to understand...

the Internet is a powerful tool as well as a nice way to relieve stress/meet people/sell shit/look at funny pictures, etc...etc... so don't fuck with me or anyone i know... i can find out more information about you, where you work, who you aren't fucking, what you drive, why you got fired from your last job, your social security number (I'm not shitting you, if you have ever signed a government paper before 1989, there is a copy of it online with your information available in an archive and i can find it for under $5.99) where you park your piece of shit car at night and who your neighbors are before you can read far enough into my archives and find out that i live in big sur, california.

so people out there who think they are acting cool, chances are your being shallow and lame... cut it out, stop pretending and if you cant do that, get a my space account, that's the place for folks like you....

PHONE PHOTOS

Okay so i know I've already beaten the pictures of me and cheese and the fucking bay to breakers race to death but i spent like two fucking hours the other night trying to get some photos off my lame blackberry. here you go...

this is a look up hill into some park were i was looking for some blue haired friends...can you spot any blue haired people?? it was nice that they had those costumes on, it made it super easy to find people in "the blue group".
so these are in no order apparently, but this is cheese in the taxi on the way to the hotel after sixteen hours of drinking. that's about how i saw it as well, damn that camera is good eh? there must be a drunk guy mode i inadvertently switched on.
in this picture we are prepping to yank/saw down this massive and rotting bay tree.
now its gone and we are bucking it up. this is a picture in the yard at my work... they got the saws stuck in the tree when they were cutting it down. although the tree was about four feet or so at the base, it only had about five inches of viable wood holding it up. it was a couple hundred feet tall!!
average emotion in the day of the life at the voices complex... enjoy...

shit, so we are back at the bay to breakers thing... this is a shot down one of the streets we walked on... i think there is about two miles you can visually see there... tens of thousands of people drinking and walking and pissing and drinking....
cheese with two young fellas who had stopped to make a phone call. this is near one of cheeses many pee spots... that's a little bit of information you couldn't live without eh?
this is a picture of some monkey business, i think he found a place for his banana... and that is Shelagh from get her a beer. a good friend of cheeses, they did some growing up together. she was our inspiration for going to this whole event! thanks sheshe!!!
this is she and me or is it me and she or zee and she, as long as she doesn't touch my wee wee, cheese and me will be free to pee pee.... what?
um, yeah one of the many ways to disguise a load of beer... lots of kegs in floats... yah so...

this is where we get our water for our property. yep just a solar motor belted to an Italian dual piston pump... its good water... they say when your water starts tasting sweet, you have a dead animal in your storage tank. isn't there a band called sweetwater... huh...
another average day here at the voices office...
cheese please!
fucking enough pictures already!!! sheeeshhh...
yeah anyway... that was that and it sure was a monumental moment when i got the stupid pictures off my phone, but now that i see them in all there shining glory I'm not so impressed... huh... anyway... hopefully in the future i can post some actual artwork of mine up here and not lame phone pictures... enjoy the day, we are that much closer to Friday and the long weekend!!!

wow...

i was checking this guys website out the other day and i really liked this photo above... but its digital! its black and white, why not shoot film??? i try not to buy digital. color photos are one exception, or if i really like the image/artist/model etc... but why waste a great shot on digital??? photographers, please bring your film cameras to the job, when you capture that special moment on your "chimp camera" please remember to use your "real camera "to capture the moment again!!! sorry if its an insult to your art but i really would rather have a platinum or silver print on the wall... i know that this is becoming the preferred way to shoot these days and it gets the shots that are desired and manipulation is easier and lighting is easier and everything is easier... but it doesn't make it worth as much if everything is easier.. thank you... this has been a message from one concerned collector...




jacked here in the office today... every body wants my attention. I'm having to decide if I'm going to remove the transmission from our crane and deliver it to the repair shop myself or have another company do it. the difference is about four thousand dollars... four days of my life and two trips to beautiful gilroy... anybody wanna help out and remove a twelve hundred pound transmission with me??? it looks just like this one...

catch up!?!?

a boy can dream....

so the meet and greet as some one called it seems to have worked really fucking good! i see members of the voices in places I've never encountered them before (... umm...never mind) and i see some of the new comers like mark and Kylie checking people out. awesome. its going to take just a little bit to update my blog roll.

mark has a shit load of blogs to check out and is a quite the writer...kylie was worried that she wasn't as pretty as lela and that's why she didn't get an official welcome. not the case, being a twelve year old Asian boy with red hair myself, I'm not that pretty and don't discriminate at all. things just get overwhelming here at the voices. shit happens so fast....

I'm hoping you all understand. i try to keep it mixed up and sometimes find myself spending weeks just bitching about my day to day life. i don't know why you guys put up with that shit. but it does seem some of you have moved around and found more kindred spirits out there and I'm juiced by that. seeing Cher over on mj's, seeing suz there too! wtf? suz couldn't even look at my blog with out blinders on and now shes at mjs? wow! random chick is everywhere! love it. i had to stalk her for weeks before she even acknowledged my existed. bob sprung out of no where and now has his own new following. mark and Kylie and some of the other folks from suz's place came over when i had hit the ceiling of reality and had some very kind words and prayers. i believe more in angles than god but to each his own and they were indeed part of the good vibes flowing that day...

beast is everywhere and is enjoyed by many... Cecile pops in and out. she has her hands full with twins and graces my blog with her presence, thank you... Cher you wacky Canadian lass, you do have some sweet action! iksodas, if i had the money id fly you out to take some pics of cheese. she nervous about getting naked for strangers (we have friends who would love to take some professional shots, but no naked cheese.) i know im missing a lot of you who are very important and i dont mean too, i need to go and milk the blood from my finger...

all right and I'm getting weepy from all this as well, alls i have to say is you fuckers rock! with out my readers it would just be html script and lame photos i think are funny!!!

thanks again....

edit:i did forget quite a few people who went looking around at other blogs, I'm sorry!!!

Leah, went over to first nations blog after finding her comments "intriguingly charismatic". she seemed to like her descriptions and writing... Leah came over here to the voices on the first wave from Suzanne's blog and has been a loyal commenter ever since. she like to summer by the lake and has an amazing list of wordy words over on her blog. so if anyone looking to seem smart, go to Leah and pilfer some lingo...

hntr also went around to quite a few of my links and lurked. he seemed to only comment on Suzie's blog but he is a very busy man with two kids and rescue animals galore and lots of things to skin and calls to make from their bones! cheers hntr for going along with the fun!!

Mr.shife said that he required a few cocktails before checking anybody out and has yet to return. perhaps Cher's fake bastard love child is taking up some of his time, or he is still out drinking?!? (good man Mr.shife if that's the case!!)

Cecile found wide lawns and narrow minds to be funny and left her a comment about her "catscan"! very funny indeed!

Shelagh thinks you all are snarky and witty and due to her number of hangovers was unable to respond to the request!

on Friday you guys filled my comment box with spray paint and booze, i believe beast was trying to light things on fire... *takes matches away from beast and gives him a blow torch* and Suzanne started freaking out that she was being monitored... just cause your not paranoid doesn't mean they are not watching!

anyway, if I've missed you at this point please speak up! like Leah did, sorry bout that!

YOU WISH YOU WERE AS COOL AS ME!!

Within moments of exploding my fingertip between the concrete wall and the five ton jack yesterday afternoon i took some phone type photos... i wish it still looked this good, yeah someone needs to kick me in the shin with steel toed boots on so i can forget this particular pain.... i'll take some more pics tomorrow... right now it is the size of my thumb and throbs like bad techno beat...have a pleasant evening folks at home...

not a real post!

work has been really moody with me this morning and have been busting my ass since the second i got here... here are some photos i stole from sheshes picasa album.

not in any order but they are of me and cheese and she she, and her friends... for those not in the know we went to the bay to breakers in san fransisco this weekend and got really drunk... i mean participated in a community event.
i have not figured out how my fucking ghetto blackberry blue tooth shit works yet... i have many photos on it as well and when i can sneak into the office to get some more photos for you as well....

i want to congratulate everyone for going out into the abyss of the voices blog roll and meeting one another formally. after some lurking around I've noticed that some of you are becoming friends and really get along! you guys fucking rock!!!!
I'll try and catch up with some posts that I've promised to put up... yeah right you say... no shit... but if the week keeps up like this I'm gonna be toast come Friday. we are planning on sobering up this week again. it felt real nice not being hung over every morning last week... we are going to try it again.
there were over ten thousand people participating on Sunday, it was incredible! the radio is blaring away with someone looking for me right now, got to go!! enjoy the photos, if you haven't peeked at them from sheshes link already!!!
me and cheese!!! look at those legs! woo hoo!!!
this last one is for mj...

OH BOY....

I FEEL LIKE OVER MICRO-WAVED DOG SHIT....



i just got home from san francisco... we did the bay to breakers run/walk and spent sixteen hours drimking like a professional... ive taken the day off to sober up!!!

SORRY KIDS! IM HAVING TO EXTEND THE "MEET AND GREET" FOR AT LEAST ONE MORE DAY! WORK AND PLAY ARE GETTING IN THE WAY OF POSTING... PLEASE GO AND MEET SOME OF MY BLOGGING FRIENDS! i think cher has found a new friend in mj and i know bob is enjoying her as well! so peruse and carouse!!!

WAIT WHAT HAPPENED....

super busy this morning and also trying to crunch some of the funny things you all had to say about each other... I'll give some more time for the stragglers to comment and check each other out... hopefully you all get it in under the wire... anyway while your waiting for a post from me with some substance, I'll give you this link to check out and let you know i am the exact opposite of this guy. how do these people live with all that information stored up there????

ATTENTION SPAN

its come to my attention that i have not properly welcomed some of my other readers... readers that comment here on a regular to semi regular basis... I'm working on a post that will hopefully rectify that situation.

i think it will be like something that mj did on her blog where she had invited everyone who reads her blog to visit someone else on her blog roll and come back to the comment box to tell of what they learned there...

(yeah mj, I'm stealing your infomaniac ideas, what?)

so for the next two days id like it if you good folks of the voices would visit around and introduce yourselves either via the people in my comment boxes or my blog roll and come back and tell me what you have learned about one another, I'll do a best of post and list the highlights of what you found out... see while you are all doing that i can actually go outside and get some shit done while pretending to be working on a post.... hope it works out, and if anybody is planning on checking out mj, Fridays are good days for special surprises for people walking by your desk and happen to look at your screen... good luck!!!

birthday?

so today is screaming baby's first birthday. weeks of wasting time...err... planning have gone into today's activities... buying of plastic john deere tractor ride on toy and helmets and shit. then the receiving of said gifts, then yesterday was spent putting them all together, ordering cake and balloons and arranging for people to stop by the office! and this isn't even the official party! that's on Saturday, this is just the office birthday party... oh man...

first thing they do is fire up a monstrous piece of this block of sugar... errr... cake and heave it over towards the smiling child, that was at nine this morning... this kid has burned through all the sugar now and is cranked out like I've never seen before. my idea of boosting him back up with another six inch square piece of cake was shot down and not well received...

"I AM TRYING TO PUT HIM DOWN FOR A NAP!!!"

yeah right, put it down for a nap... oh and wanna know why hes been crapping like mad for the hour? its a cake from a grocery store. i had a piece, its whipped sugar with a sugar frosting and compressed sugar bits on it... good luck.

i'll be back later all, after the birthday boy takes a nap.

ANOTHER READER DE-LURKED!!!

Lela has come out of hiding and spoken of her existence on the voices... two in one week. awesome! she writes poetry and is into music and photography. oddly enough i was just emailing back and forth with one of of the photographers i really enjoy about some photos i might be interested in of her... the story behind them gives them more personal value to me than the money spent. (its one of the ways i choose which photos to purchase for my collection!)

anyway... she seems like a nice young gal and is the same age as cheese. we spent some time on her blog and enjoyed it. you might as well. anyways thank you all for welcoming my new readers and remember there was a time when you were all new too!!!

PS. shes married, so no dice for all you single people out there...

oh and i snuck this photo off her site, so don't fucking steal it, use it, borrow it, nada, zip, zero....and Lela, if you want me to take any of this down, that is always the first option...

everyone welcome bob!!!

everyone welcome bob! he popped up from skulkdom and said hello just about ten minutes ago! i thought id get straight to pimping him out. he might decide to back out and jump back into anonymity! anyway new readers are always welcome and hopefully he might find something here to take home and share with whomever...

looks like hes a sports fan and has something to do with coaching perhaps? dunno, I'll have to read into him a little bit and get some more juicy details...

i think he has a lot to do with hockey... anybody a hockey fan???

KEEPING IT LIGHT THIS WEEK.

every now and then in the blog world we like to tell others how people found us, I've done it before and to continue on with the "keeping things light" week, I'll tell you all how folks came to visit the voices and where they are from. in no order other than what stat counter spits them out to me... here ya go...

some one from Calcutta, west Bengal India spent ten minutes looking into the voices by googling "fulking photography". interesting, spell check must not have been working for me that day and missed the proper spelling for fuck. hello person from Calcutta, perhaps try looking over at mjs blog. she might have more of what you are looking for. this was the post they spent their time trying to interpret...

an individual from Brooklyn googled "pictures of complete assholes" and happened to spend two minutes plus, checking through my archives... alls they had to do is look in just about any dictionary and there my picture would be... i wonder if they were looking for anything particular?!?!

"wicked busy" was what one person yahoo searched to come by here. they only spent fifty seven seconds here, but I'm sure it was worth their while. i do remember a post titled that. they were from hessperia California. i wonder if they were from the east coast or trying to translate something from the the east coast... huh...

one person spent over an hour in my 2006 archives. they hailed from Spain(that's all it said) and searched out "mean huh". I'm not sure at all what the hell they might have been looking for, but if they want mean they found it huh?!?!?

I'll bet that the person from Greensboro north Carolina was a girl. she spent hours on the 11th of may googling things like "so fucking over it", "I'm fucking over it", "I'm like over it" etc. i had thirteen hits from her in one day! apparently she wasn't that over it. spent half the day researching "it".

this one i think is the funniest one yet and i hadn't even noticed it when it came through... "CAN I EAT POPCORN AFTER I TAKE A LAXATIVE" was Google searched by some one in the Bronx. they ended up at this post and read for five minutes... i wonder if the laxatives took effect and they had to stop reading the voices!!! good luck with that person from the Bronx, but i would have to say no, don't eat any popcorn after taking a laxative. it might end up feeling a little strange... like a muddy shot gun blast!

brevard north Carolina was wondering "how do i build a temporary green house" and stayed here for a mere ten seconds. this is not a how to site, its a what not to do site. thanks for stopping by though brevard.

another individual from Santiago Region Metropolitana Chile blog searched "crass buscar blogs" and ended up looking at this post for under a minute as well. i wonder if there is a translation key for blogs and if I'm buscar? i guess not enough for that reader....

and you from Toronto, who blog searched "blogs.com pussy", you dirty little porn searching pervert! how dare you only spend five minutes reading this post doing who knows what to your self while reading... please remember to wipe off the screen so the next person doesn't get any on them... sheesh.... and spend a little more time when you are here eh? perhaps comment. or go over to mjs on a Friday...

well that's all folks, of course there are the ones where it tells it me it was you or him reading and lots of "no link available"s but i thought these were some funny ones. i only have the free version of stat counter which i think gives me five hundred views!!! have a good Tuesday and if you care, lets hear some of the ways people have found you!

YEAH MONDAY

its Monday. typical Monday.

"this truck wont start."

"where are the keys for this?"

"what am i doing today?"

"this truck is making some crazy noise in the front end!"

"que pasa?"

"who took my truck?"

"the baby is coming in today..."

"what kind of oil does this take?"

"what happened to the chainsaw?

"are there no more waters?"

"dude, I'm so hung over... I'm still drunk."

"what did you do this weekend."

"i don't even want to fucking be here..."

"como estas?"

"this coffee tastes like shit."

what are some typical Monday morning things you all might hear, in your office, home, on your highway drive?

p.s. i'll be getting to the commentsie backsies hopefully later. thank you all.

WHATTHEFUCKJUSTHAPPENED

3:45 p.m. Thursday...

the office phone rings.

office manager picks it up. (she has been on the phone all day back and forth with a mutual friend of ours. her best friend. her husband has been fired from his job this morning due to problems associated with his alcoholism. his third job in five years.)

"hello..." she shrieks and starts sobbing uncontrollably.
"oh, god, oh god... have you called 911?"lets out a scream of shear terror.
"I'm coming, I'm coming... okay? call 911!" she collapses in her chair and instantly springs back up.
"whats going on?" says the uber boss.

i jump up from my desk and grab our office manager and say lets go. that conversation to me meant one thing only...

"he's hung himself! oh my god, oh my god... i have to go, oh my god, what the...." her speech trails off and her legs almost give out from underneath her. "oh my god..." these are her very best of friends.

we walk out in each others arms and i help her to her car. we are a three minute drive from where we need to be.

"I'll take care of it, can you shut off my computer?" i say as i close the passenger door to the uber boss who is still standing in the office doorway.
"i cant close the office we have a meeting in ten minutes. i cant go with you! is that all right?" he replies with a cracked tone.
"everything will be handled, I'll call shortly." still in motion towards the other side of the lexus.

i jump in the car and she is wringing her hands and has entered the first stages of shock. seconds later we are turning onto the highway and the suv is being pushed to do things its never been asked to do before. i put my hand on her knee and say nothing...

"that coward! why would he do something like this. she was getting him help! he was supposed to leave tonight....she was helping him..." she trailed off and her anger turns to fear.
"oh my god, what is she going to do?!? oh my god, what is..." her eyes well up and she turns angry again.
"fucking coward, this isn't how its done.... she was going to get his job back....everything was going to work out!"

we turn into the park and blow the stop sign at the kiosk. two very unaware park aids don't even notice. we triple the allowed speed limit into the employees only area of the park. this is where there is housing for some of the parks staff. drive around the family enjoying their casual stroll and give them a polite but alarming series of honks.
left turn into the housing area and pull up behind the first ranger to get on the scene. she was just getting out of her patrol vehicle. we jump out of the car and start towrads the house. we hear a muffled shriek and our friend comes running out of the garage...

she was not screaming, not crying, just wide eyed and shaking... shaking like I've never seen anyone do before. this woman, our friend had lost the ability to control anything...
"oh god, oh god... what... oh god, i need, oh..." she repeated for over an hour... we made a series of quick phone calls and got some more of her friends on their way.
the ranger went in and out once... got on her radio and our volunteer fire dept. chief assistant, showed up. i believe these two woman cut him down. two more rangers came to the area and exhibited the worst of human behavior possible. I'll be writing a letter. but that's not the point.
as we were outside trying to "just be there" for the woman and get her back into the planetary world, they chief ranger walks past with the defibrillator machine...
"ladies, lets get into the house. we don't want to hear this."
"no, i don't want to go in... yes i, oh god... oh Jesus..."
"yes, ladies" i turn and nod the the woman who i drove here. "we will be going inside through the side door now."
she understands this means we are at least moving from ear shot of the machine.. as we go inside i hear the beginning of the automated instructions from the machine.
"place paddles on sides of chest area.... waiting, charging... when ready depress triggers..." in its most polite and calm auto-mechanical female voice...
once inside i found some cups in a glass fronted cabinet. my idea was to get her to focus on one thing, give her something to concentrate on, bring her back into the now, anything other then reliving the last moments. keep her moving forward.
another one of her friends arrived, the ranger denied her entry into the home. i saw this through the window and went out to bring her in.

"excuse me, we will be keeping this area clear!" the young blond ranger stated.
"that's great, we will be going inside now. thanks." i looked him straight in the eye and moved him back with out touching him...
"no you wont, this area is closed." he puts his hand out to stop our forward progress. another ranger walks up motioning his hand towards his bat belt.
"i just came out of the house and I'm bringing this woman in, WE ARE GOING INSIDE." i put my arm out to move him aside.
"this area is remain clear and you will not..."

i interrupt him.

"we are not going in the garage, we are going into the home and you will move."

the friend speaks through her tears and says... "we are going in to the house now get out of the way!" she is now losing it as well.
the officer who had his hand on his belt puts a hand on the other rangers shoulder and moves him out of the way.
he politely says, "yes, you may go into the residence."
"no shit? thanks."
"whats your name, whats your name? where do you live, i need your information..." i close the door behind us and fetch a third glass of water.....



in the short hours that i stuck around doing what i could, i went across the parking lot to a friends house and told them what was happening. its close quarters here and lots of people are like family. we made lots of phone calls and told some of the people who needed to be in the know. other folks were asking what was happening and about all i could muster was.... "they are having some family problems right now and the rangers are acting like dicks... i wouldn't try to bother them." the laws of three were not fulfilled like i had hoped. this was our second death this week and oddly enough they have the same first names.....

oh.... and im wicked fucking hung over

So after my long lunch at my buddy's house i came back to work and managed to get a few more things done. then went back up to his place. it was his birthday. he pretty much wanted to be alone so i invited myself back up there to drink the rest of his beer. we hung out and watched his lady play guitar hero. cheese showed up with a back-up case of Coors light and we drank that too. we then opened a bottle of Yeager (i think we almost finished it!) and started taking some shots.... denim didn't want any, (something about having to go to work the next day), so i put his shot onto a big spoon and fed it to him like medicine... it was damn funny watching him being fed these "shots" of Yeager. after cheese knocked over several shots onto the floor someone decided it was a good idea to jump in the pool.

they have a bitchin pool. deep enough to use a small diving platform at one end and shallow enough for kids to play in on the other. we hiked over to it in the dark and all huddled behind a tiny flashlight. stripped down naked in the cold mountain air and all jumped in. it was cold!!! brrr.... well we almost all jumped in. denims girlfriend need some extra coaching and was ratted out that it was indeed her idea to do it! so she shed her clothes and made the plunge with a little extra help from me shoving her in! (later she fessed up to needing to be shoved in...) cheese jumped in and out several times and was last to get dressed!

back at the house we could tell it was coming close to blow job time and we needed to leave. cheese swore she was able to drive down the hill and then promptly passed the fuck out. denim and company helped me with driving cheeses car down the mountain and getting her into my truck. drove home and did all my chores in the dark...

got almost all the way to her car this morning and realized i left her keys in my jacket pocket hanging on the coat rack at home! so i fashioned a custom made "break into cheeses car rod" and in seconds flat was in and she had her spare set sitting on the seat...

I've been at work for over two hours today and have not done jack shit. everyone has been out of the office and I'm on my third cup of coffee trying not to barf it up... fucking Yeager....

oh yeah happy birthday yo...

HUH...

i saw this on this guys blog and took the test. our household scored 60 points on the "greendex" scale. its funny cause it didn't ask all the questions it could have.... our house is completely solar, and heated with wood not gas. our water comes from the creek, not from a city pipe... still we got a perfect score...fucking national geographic... huh...

two things...

go over to randoms chicks blog... she had a wonderful post about her boobs... awesome. SHE HAS A WAY WITH POETRY! it sounded very familiar to something i had read about a year ago. after a few minutes of wishing i had another beer, errr, looking around on Craig's list i found it. you must also go here for a mans side of his problem.

and the other thing... do know how hard it is to come back to work after taking a long lunch involved with having "just one more beer"? well i had like three "one more beers" and now its just barely two o'clock and I'm not feeling the work groove any more... huh, wonder why?

the laws of three

i thought this picture would be a nice compliment to yesterdays... none of you ladies really jumped up and raised your hands to extol the virtues of "back door bedroom business". i had really hoped that as i got older it would be more common place and all married women would acquiesce. you know...bend over backwards at the chance to try an old favorite...
anyways... all of this was in good fun. i was trying for a themed week of crass and sass, but the events that have happened make it really difficult to bounce around all cheerily queerly....
shit happens in threes. i think every one agrees. with the death of one of our community members here everyone seems to relate to "the laws of three".

"well shit, i wondered who was going to be the third, my buddy had a friend die and my great uncle passed away on Friday..." said a co-worker yesterday.

"yeah man, my grandmother died last week and my dads friend died this weekend. so Mr. Mike makes three... that's crazy." said a buddy who grew up with the man.

"yeah, freah's friend died and we had another friend die the week before, now this..." said a gal in the office this morning.

we had our two little chicks die yesterday, so that's our three.. we come home and the turkeys pen was quite rank. upon inspection they had broken open several of their spent eggs. they were disgustingly rotten. we emptied the coop and put in fresh litter, then noticed only one chic... the other had been squashed in between some of the other left over eggs... we pulled the one chic out and decided to keep it inside and under closer watch. instantly cheese noticed this chic was not doing so hot.
we warmed it and goaded to drink lots of fluids and to try and eat. put it in a warmed towel and checked on it later in the evening... it basically took its last breaths in our hands... i would say it died from a combination of bad parenting and bad husbandry... if the turkey hens would have kicked out the bunk eggs we could have collected them before they rotted. and if we would have been a bit more knowledgeable and attentive we would have cleaned the pens out earlier.... the results were that the rotten eggs were allowed to accumulate bugs and the bugs ate the chic alive in a matter of hours... hours.... very sad...
with life there is death, and with that, there is a curve for learning. learn how to live and prevent death for as long as possible.. learn to love life and appreciate the process of dieing, which is living...

must go to work now....

does anyone else believe in the "laws of three"?

oh and i read this article here this morning... seems to be pertinent to today's post... huh.

damn...

we have all lost another big sur legend... mr. mike... fuck...

since ive been so crass this week!!!

Was just trying to make the people at work blow coffee from their noses with this picture!!!!

and a boy can dream cant he.....

mountain pussy!!!

this is my kind of humor

so the mountain lions are back in our neck of the woods... i guess two nights ago a goat was taken at the bottom of our road. that's almost two miles from us but they will generally be taking their "cubs" out of their own territory this time of year to show them how to hunt. which means they will be comming up the ridge for the next couple of weeks. they are huge and will grab a child like its a nice late afternoon snack.

one of my good friends who used to live up where we do used to bring along a small goat where ever he went when he was a child. his father "thought it was a good idea" for him to do so... wondering why? why would a man ask his son to travel around with a goat? BAIT!

ideally the mountain lion would look at the two and decide... "hmmm, the pink one smells funny and makes a lot of noise, but that hairy looking thing looks like one i ate last year and that shit was good!!!"

so the neighborhood is all up in arms again this year about the fucking mountain lions... you figure that we live on their land and have been in contact with them ever since, we'd have figured out a few ways to either eradicate them or live with them... such as , putting animals in at night. boarding up old barns and shit so they have no where to hide during the day on your ranch. not leaving small children out at night, or dogs, or cats, chickens, horses, cows, old people in wheel chairs, deer carcasses, ugly chicks, etc...

ummm, here is another bright idea... don't march around the town saying you are going to shoot one of these fucking things!!! people will notice and complain about you. and you quite possibly could go to jail! if you see it, shoot it, skin it and shut the fuck up about it... you could get a permit for it, when they are threatening your livestock or family, but then you have the fucking government all up on your property and um... ours!!!

so people, if have predatory animal problems.... please deal with your particular situation with some common sense and tact.... don't yammer on about how your going to be killing this animal, just do it and shut up. thanks for posting the sign at the bottom of the hill telling us about your experience though. and don't be setting no fucking traps around you place to kill it either, we all got dogs that love the smell of something rotting, just like mountain lions do... and if you kill my dog i might accidentally pretend to be a mountain lion and eat your goats, horses,chickens and perhaps your small children too!!!

anyway, that's what i got for you this morning... hope its enough....

"WHERE THE HELL IS THAT COPY I ASKED FOR!!!"

Just a minute to post... i blasted back down the coast once i had the parts in hand and fixed the 1968 gorman rupp water pump. while people were watching! i love that shit, when people are all standing around...

"you are never going to fix it..." was the first comment.

"i don't know why we don't buy a new pump?!?" someone said.

"why didn't you just get a new pump?" said another.

"how much would a new one cost? this is a waste of time!"

was the last comment i heard before i hit the remote start switch and spayed two of the three that were standing behind it with GALLONS of water!!!

"watch out! when this thing fires up its gonna spray some serious water!" i yelled over the twin cylinder air, cooled, straight pipe exhaust, Onan engine... heh heh.. doubt me, fuckers....

mechanic one, team "you cant do it" zero!!!

i'll be back

does this guy have a guilty look on his face to you???

yeah bitches!!! another knock down drag out party on weekend for you to all be jealous over! not only did cheese say " i think this is the best dinner we have made yet!" but she also said "damn that thing is huge!" oh yeah i made that last one up but it feels good when i do hear something like that though, even if i say it to my self when using a public urinal and other men are around! got to drive to town this minute and pick up a set of points and a condenser! fucking stoked i figured out what the problem was! (thanks to Keith for the over the phone help) we got to go camping down on our point, with the neighbors, drank almost all the beer on the whole mountain, drove the girls around on the quad and spent some time in the garden! i think that the two turkey chicks might be the only ones we get... the hens are starting to push out the other eggs... (geese will do that to the bad ones, so i think turkeys do it too!) I'll try to come back later and have a good fucking day!!!

you wish you were me...

taking the day off today, as we speak im sitting at the bar between my kitchen and dining room.... ahhhh.... so quiet in the house i can hear the wall clock tick and the dogs snore... i can hear the neighbors rooster crow away and bugs buzz against the outside of the windows.... fucking bliss i tell you... second cup of coffee and about ready for a leisurely number two... (i know you came here to read about that! i could post a photo!) so while the rest of you lot toils away for the man, i will enjoy a red bull in the garden later and yell at the dogs to stop trampling the flowers... sweet action... thanks to mj for outing beast and i on her blog, if anyone is feeling the itch to get themselves riled up, read one of ch0as's new posts and if you didnt bring your kids to work this week cruise on over to random chicks and comiserate!(sp?)
im looking forward to a productive weekend and will check back in later....


question for the weekend: what are you planning on doing for yourselves this next two days?

not normaly me

im not one for posting you tubes or video links. ive posted a couple in the past and im not proud of it... but this shit is fucking great! i dont have speakers on this computer so i dont know what they are saying about it, and all the videos i look at run in fast forward spped. but they are throwing babies off a building and it looks fucking hilarious!!! enjoy!!

UUUGGGHHHH....

i read this woman every day, her life has been crazy and she is now going back through her life and perhaps working through why she is the way she is today... recently when i read it, I've started to become increasingly pissed off at the world... how can people fall into these kinds of lives... i feel so bad for what this woman was going through at the time, but have to remind myself that is what made her who she is today....